@ Kalyani , the lady is now unwilling because she has suffered a lot in the past and their daughter too supports her mother and feels that they all could be happy by being independent. I guess the lady has reached a point of no return now and her in laws are quite feudal in their thinking although the husband is quite broad minded ! She is hesitating to take the step because she knows that even legally she will be the loser !

@ Rambabu,,,it is always the petty issues that become  major issues in a marriage ! Just out of curiosity, why don't you get you fix your breakfast yourself and let your wife chat to her hearts content ?

Yes. I agree, I could have prepared my breakfast. I wait because I cannot prepare breakfast. Which is why I come to terms with her without creating an ugly scene. I adjust with her and she adjusts with me. Whatever that leads to arguments and heated exchanges are momentary. And believe me  i feel ashamed after every such incidents take place and apologize her openly. She also understands and accepts my apologies wholeheartedly/

Of course mutual adjustment is a way of life everywhere ...Not just you but I find most Indian men never learn to cook and look after themselves , so I feel that it is imperative for mothers to make sure that their sons know some basic knowledge of cooking ..

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

So sad and tragic! I can imagine how the daughter must be feeling, I think that as a mature and intelligent couple, they must talk it out and try to give it one more chance, after all it is not so easy to end a marriage that lasted for 26 whole years. But on the other side, if they are both control freaks as claimed by each spouse, then it must be very difficult to adjust with each other. They should probably seek counseller for therapy to keep their controlling nature in control. Otherwise, legal separation is the only option.

Yes Kalyani, they are both strong personalities and that is probably the flash point and there are any number of minor issues that come out now. The husband has the full support of his family members because they all blame the wife although the couple has not divulged too many details to them. However , the lady in question has no mother and her father and her only brother are both  neutral because they feel that being negative may spoil things more and they genuinely like her husband.So, it looks all the more that it is the fault of the wife which is not the case ! I also feel that his family has been the cause to some extent but I may be going only by her own account ..

I am not in favor of legal separation. If they are interested in another marriage than legal separation is necessary, other wise what is purpose of divorce. Remember every husband and wife have soft corner for each other. If they don't like to live together than can live separate without divorce. Gulzar and Rakhi is example of it, they are living separate for 40 years without legal separation. No one knows when we feel that we need each other. All doors will closed after legal separation.

usha manohar wrote:

Of course mutual adjustment is a way of life everywhere ...Not just you but I find most Indian men never learn to cook and look after themselves , so I feel that it is imperative for mothers to make sure that their sons know some basic knowledge of cooking ..

Fortunately, All my children are very good cooks. When they are with us, we together go for a movie or for a a visit her old friends or my friends. We utilize their visit to the fullest extent.

If they intend to remarry after divorce, legal separation/ divorce is necessary. If on the other hand they inrend to live singe after separation, formal divorce or judicial separation is not necessary. They may live separate even without announcement. 

@ anil, I too would agree with that because a divorce proceeding is long drawn and very expensive and as is the case here in India, normally it is the wife who gets a raw deal, I have seen many such cases ..It is better to live separately and have their freedom!

@ Gulshan , As of now they want to live separately , in fact the wife is already living with her father and may continue to be with him.Divorce is definitely not a practical solution here in India since it is still very much one sided !

Staying together for 26 years with full of dissatisfaction is not healthy living. I may sound very harsh but I would consider myself as practical because there is no reason to stay together in one house when both have drifted apart emotionally and mentally. Formal or informal divorce cannot be a joyous and fun filled choice but it will definitely be a less taxing and would offer mental peace.     

Divorce cases  last for years. The lawyers who charge astronomical amounts are the real beneficiaries. Additionally adjournment after adjournment cause mental depression.And there will be threatening and warnings by the other party. All these factors together makes the one who seeks divorce a mental wreck.

@ Shampa, when there is constant friction and bickering it creates a very unhealthy atmosphere so much so that even close relatives and friends hesitate to visit the couple , lest they get caught up in the middle of one of their fights.Now that they have been living separately, there will be the issue of compensation without which she becomes dependent because she has quit her job or rather made to quit her job by the husband.Even a separation has its own set of problems ..