Is Legal Separation the only solution?

If both parties are ready then divorce is faster because of mutual consent. Yes alimony issues will be there but there are judicial pronouncements for it which can become a guideline.

usha manohar wrote:

@ Kalyani , the lady is now unwilling because she has suffered a lot in the past and their daughter too supports her mother and feels that they all could be happy by being independent. I guess the lady has reached a point of no return now and her in laws are quite feudal in their thinking although the husband is quite broad minded ! She is hesitating to take the step because she knows that even legally she will be the loser !

@ Rambabu,,,it is always the petty issues that become  major issues in a marriage ! Just out of curiosity, why don't you get you fix your breakfast yourself and let your wife chat to her hearts content ?

The lady seems to have reached the breaking point now and there is no use going back. I think if her daughter understands and supports her decision, she should just get out of the wedlock and start her life anew. NO point in sticking around if she has suffered the brunt of her husband's egotistical and unyielding attitude.

vijay wrote:

If both parties are ready then divorce is faster because of mutual consent. Yes alimony issues will be there but there are judicial pronouncements for it which can become a guideline.

True. Divorces can be made fast if both the parties agree. But, if both are particular in sticking to their points, the case prolongs for an indefinite period.

 But about alimony, there are different aspects , the court takes into consideration. In certain cases spouses often fail to come to any understanding regarding Alimony. In such cases the court takes up the task of making a decision on the amount of Alimony to be paid.Here too there is a necessity to have mutual understanding to make the things fast.

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

@ Kalyani , the lady is now unwilling because she has suffered a lot in the past and their daughter too supports her mother and feels that they all could be happy by being independent. I guess the lady has reached a point of no return now and her in laws are quite feudal in their thinking although the husband is quite broad minded ! She is hesitating to take the step because she knows that even legally she will be the loser !

@ Rambabu,,,it is always the petty issues that become  major issues in a marriage ! Just out of curiosity, why don't you get you fix your breakfast yourself and let your wife chat to her hearts content ?

The lady seems to have reached the breaking point now and there is no use going back. I think if her daughter understands and supports her decision, she should just get out of the wedlock and start her life anew. NO point in sticking around if she has suffered the brunt of her husband's egotistical and unyielding attitude.

I guess they have hurt each other to a point of no return...The husband's stand is unclear but form her side when she consulted a divorce lawyer, a lady , she did not give her much hope if she were to file for a divorce, because there are so many minute angles and how the judge views them especially after the other side presents the case can never be predicted !

Dear Usha, (ji)

I forgot to ask you, was this a love marriage or arranged marriage?

I have personally seen in the cases of two of my friends, their arranged marriaged ended in legal separation citing ego clashes and differences, just not even more than 3 months after wedlock 

my cousins's status is divorcee at the age of 32 which were unheard of years ago especially in India, that too the cousin is a lawyer by profession!!!

I donot know if this is a new trend catching up! (of getting separated at young ages between 28- 35)

@ Swetha , I agree , there are many more marriages breaking up these days and one of the reason may be because ladies have become financially independent and are not ready to compromise like before which may or may not be good , taking everything into account ! But change is an essential part of life so...At the same time, if one has made a bad choice, it is better to cut off right at the beginning rather than after having children , making them go through unhappiness and misery when the couple fight !

The couple I was talking about had an arranged marriage and are cousins like most matches here..Such a marriage always comes with complications and problems !

rambabu wrote:

Divorce cases  last for years. The lawyers who charge astronomical amounts are the real beneficiaries. Additionally adjournment after adjournment cause mental depression.And there will be threatening and warnings by the other party. All these factors together makes the one who seeks divorce a mental wreck.

you are right, if they don't want to live together, it is OK, live separate, but what is the need of divorce.

 

If I recall correctly divorce is granted only on seven grounds in India. Mutual consent can help in dissolving the marriage very fast. Yes the girls becoming financially independent is one contributory reason for increased divorces as they can now live independently. But they cannot be blamed because now it is a level playing field.

see after reading this i got one point which is if they are unhappy with themselves and they want a mutual divorce, they should do that but coming in anger and wants to do something in anger is not the solution of their problem. If they want the divorce they can do but they should think of their daughter who is innocent and who is getting involved in pain unknowingly. And one thing if the couple can survive 25 years, i am very much sure that they both are very understanding and they are doing these just in anger to prove themselves right, i think they both are egotist. keeping the ego aside they should give themselves a chance to prove that they are worthy for each other.

@ vijay Mutual consent is the best and easiest way of getting a divorce because the couple would have already discussed the financial angle and anything else there is, which is actually what takes time when it comes before the court. But in this case the husband is not applying for a divorce nor ready for any discussions so it will be a complicated process if the wife files for a divorce because there may be prejudice against her.

@bhuyali What you say makes a lot of sense, one needs to have a clear head before going in for any major change or taking any step that can change the course of your life. 

@usha manohar Yes, every decision has its pros and cons. Well, I know it is very easy to say than done but I am dead against them who depends upon compensation. If there is no relationship between each other then I believe transaction of money should not be there. Living will be tough but still one should refuse to take money because it enhances self respect and that helps one to fight against every odd.

I believe in exploring the ways to reduce dependency  on others. In this case, the woman is qualified. And she's living  with her father. Even if her father iis very rich and even if the job fetches very little, the woman earns respect because of her independent earning capacity, till the problems are sorted out

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

@usha manohar Yes, every decision has its pros and cons. Well, I know it is very easy to say than done but I am dead against them who depends upon compensation. If there is no relationship between each other then I believe transaction of money should not be there. Living will be tough but still one should refuse to take money because it enhances self respect and that helps one to fight against every odd.

It is easier said than done, when a person has sacrificed her career in preference to bringing up her family and left penny-less because of this one act of hers, is there anything wrong if she is given some compensation to lead her life.In our country, as it is divorced wives get a pittance even if the husband is rolling in money ! Everybody wants to be independent but she is over 50 years of age and what kind of career can she hope to have at this stage ? The stress has also made her very weak ,, Respect is fine when things are going well but when you have no means and are unable to look after yourself it is only fair that she gets something for all that she has been through and done for the family .

Like divorce, compensation also will become easy and less time consuming on mutual  consent. In this present situation, the woman should have a dialogue through non partisan mediators and settle the issue.

I have already mentioned that it is always easy to say and I agree that in your friend's case it is definitely tough to live without compensation. This case signifies need and where the husband was responsible for her quitting the job then as punishment he should pay not on the grounds of compensation or maintenance. The ladies who can manage herself well and thereafter they apply for maintenance is very shameful.  

rambabu wrote:

Like divorce, compensation also will become easy and less time consuming on mutual  consent. In this present situation, the woman should have a dialogue through non partisan mediators and settle the issue.

Yes mutual consent is better than court case. If they both are agreed at some point it is good for both of them. They never try for divorce. If they live alone without legal separation than a window will  remains open for compromise in future.

 

anil wrote:

rambabu wrote:

Like divorce, compensation also will become easy and less time consuming on mutual  consent. In this present situation, the woman should have a dialogue through non partisan mediators and settle the issue.

Yes mutual consent is better than court case. If they both are agreed at some point it is good for both of them. They never try for divorce. If they live alone without legal separation than a window will  remains open for compromise in future.

Court cases take long time. May be years. instead if both of them should come to a mutual consent, divorce can be easily obtained.

 

 

To arrive at a mutual consent is what is  most difficult . It may happen after a long time when things have cooled down and both realise that they have a long battle ahead in the court, until then both will not take the first step towards any mutual reconciliatory measures ..

If the couple fail to arrive at a decision that is mutually agreed upon, then the best thing to do is to remain separated and wait. Who knows, they may realize and repent and continue their married life. Many couples after waiting for some time realized and reconciled.

rambabu wrote:

If the couple fail to arrive at a decision that is mutually agreed upon, then the best thing to do is to remain separated and wait. Who knows, they may realize and repent and continue their married life. Many couples after waiting for some time realized and reconciled.

Thanks Rambabu, you write which I like. No one is good or bad, it time which is good or bad. Divorce is end of marriage life with no or very little scope of compromise. Never think for separation, think only and only for bonding. Couple who got divorce will always repentant in future.