THE ToP 5 bollywood actresses who are missing something.
1.Kareena Kapoor~She looks more like a FLAT TV than a GIRL,maybe she's flatter than it.
2.Karishma Kapoor~She can act no doubt,but i think somewhere the figure and the looks
are missing...
3.Katrina Kaif~People dont beat me up,she got everything but the talent of acting
....c'mon u gotta admit it
4.Preity Zinta~Aur kitna sataugi hume??Aisi umar mein mat karo ITEM songz....ur not fit
for em
5.Rani Mukherjee~Bikinis and showerdancing won't REDUCE ur AGE.........
5 things to take Care when doing an ENGINEERING DRAWING
1) No Messy/Missy
2) Should be Smooth and with Sharp Tips
3) Scales and Angles at proper Positions
4) Galti ki koi ghunjaish nahi
5) Last but not least, Universal Length is 12inch........ for Border
5 Similar things between Doctor & Engineer
1) Dr. operates Humans, but Er. operates Machinery's
2) Dr. Works on Communicables, but Er. Works on Non-communicables
3) Dr. plays with Blood, but Er. plays with Fuels, Gases, etc
4) Dr. main tools are scissors,knifes,foresips,etc , that to Er. main tools are Spanners,Hammers,etc
5) Last, Dr. will ensure that a person having problem should visit every now and then, he cant fix in 1 or 2 times. But that to Er. will finish it in One shot, if so any problem ll be after few months or years.
5 things not to do in a public loo :))))
1. Do not spit on the wall, on the door, on the tap in front of you.
2. Do not make designs with your waste (aeeeeewwwwwwww)
3. Do not write your friend's cell number on the door.
(e.g. For puncher repair call jose: 9899999999)
4. Do not sit relax on the seat as the door bolt is not there.
( Pakda gya)
5. Do not do some Chigey Weegey(Masterb*****) in loo after watching some hot girl.
(On airports, Bus stands, Railway Stations)
5 things not to ask to a Marchant Navy Sailor...
1. Why are you waiving your body..... :| ?
( As they are on sail for 6 months.)
2. Hows the women on the ship?
3. Did you like the land on the Ship ?
4. Do you play Cricket on your Ship ?
5. Have you seen any recent movie ?
5 reasons why africa is selected for road7ies
1) Money tasks : Last time a money task was of over 6 lakh rupees, this time it might be of 100 crore . Don’t worry the reserve bank of Zimbabwe has published a note of 10 crore. Roadies will tell their parents that “I have won a 100 crore”!
2) Lost and found : Everyone knows that it would be wild ride with deserts all over and many African animals ready to unleash. And just in case any of the roadie is injured or found missing, they will build a pyramid in his/her name
3) Poison content : We all know that Africa has poisonous animals, trees, plants, snakes etc. So now there is acid test for the African creatures to face the dangerous and hazardous roadies as it will prove who is more poisonous >:)
4) Offering the “light” : As Africa is a dark continent, more than 50% of the shooting won’t be even seen as there won’t be much light. Mostly everything would be black so less torture for the editor. And in case if it’s too dark they may term it as a documentary. Smart asses
5) Wild african safari : With tasks like driving in deserts and swimming in river nile, who can complete these tasks? Money will remain in roadies account. Plus they can also make an accuse that African tribals stole their money
5 celebs who should show themselves in roa7ies
1) Pritam – This guy literally steals music from interior parts of different countries. Also he has a good experience when it comes to Malaysia and Thailand. Africa won’t be a bad option
2) Jaya Sawant – She comes as a part of reservation quota. She shows up in each of the shows where her daughter has appeared so why not roa7ies? Plus all critics who say roa7ies is just for youth will shut their mouth Book her quickly because she has to go for auditions of “Pati patni aur who”
3) Munna bhai – He’s traveling all over the world. Munna bhai chale America, munna bhai chale parliament, munna bhai chale JAIL so to add to the tally munna bhai chale Africa. Promotion ka promotion and shooting ki shooting and who knows he might have chemical locha in form of Nelson Mandela?
4) Gary Kirsten – This south african player knows a lot about Africa so he can be a good guide. Moreover he stunned Indian cricket team by his famous tips regarding sex, who knows roadies would die to hear something like that?
5) Kangana Ranaut : Her screams and ghostly looks not to mention somewhat side roles make her ideal for Africa. Who knows she might be a hit there. Moreover we have heard people saying she is like “an animal”
5 places which could be next destination for roa7ies
1) China – That is just another way to send extra population outside india. Moreover they dared to attack Arunachal Pradesh, we will attack them with something more fierce and dangerous which they will plead to forgiveness. Plus in case the show would be a failure then it can be called “Made in China”
2) Moon – The way places and continents are being used, soon they would switch to moon when they run out of options. Plus Recently water has been found on the surface which will reduce the drinking problems
3) Pakistan : Getting a visa itself is a big task. Moreover they will find tones of tasks like blowing up a building, finding a person who is non-terrorist, walking 10 steps without being shot dead, searching a tag “made in Pakistan” etc. And meanwhile if they rename it “roadies 8 – where Pakistan declares war” then also it won’t be much wrong
4) Big Boss’s house – With Viacom 18 network as big baap both shows can be combined in a unique way to gather more audience. Plus it will save a lot of money and roadies can be given cycle to travel several kms inside the house
5) Disneyland – The way roadies are performing their tasks, this would be ideal location for our cute sensitive roadies. Plus most of them dream to be a vj and Hollywood is not far away
Five reasons to go and watch movie London dreams.
1. This is not the sequel of rock on.
2. If u have free psychiatrists appointment vouchers. go for it.
3. Rannvijay....watch the hottest dude getting mad with his guitar.
4. They are no 'golmaal' n "all the best jokes" from ajay devgan
5. Want to sleep and DREAM in theater.
Five most romantic ways to propose a girl
1. Near the Eifel tower, poster
2. Between the sea, in a boat, wherein she can only accept, else you can drown her :D
3. Going to her house at 3 am in the night and loudly screaming and showing your love for her
4. Putting the engagement ring in the glass of water which she drinks and that gulps down her throat :)
5. Catching hold the girl’s hand and taking her to a temple for the marriage. Chat mangni pat byah.
5 things why the SHIP is called "SHE"
1) Take cares of onboard all crew.
2) Gives them a Ride
3) Can sleep on Top of it
4) Get Wrinkles when she is old enough
5) The Bottom of her always remains "WET"
Five M’s a must want by a pretty woman
1. Mein
2. Mercedes
3. Mansion
4. Money
5. MTV
Five mobile handsets you may find carried by persons:
1. No Kea
2. Sam Sung
3. So Ni
4. China made 6 months warranty
5. Black Berry
Five things never to be asked to Kareena Kapoor
1. What does size Zero mean?
2. Why did Shahid leave you?
3. How much did it cost to buy the Kareena Tatoo for Saif?
4. You shall leave saif also, isn’t it?
5. What do u feel about Shahid and Priyanka Chopra dating?
Five sayings suggest that you are hungry
1. Mummy bhook lagi hai.
2. When will the lunch break bell ring?
3. Chalo doston khaana khaata hai
4. Kuch nahi banaya aaj? Kal ke daal chawal hai?
5. When you order for food.
Five ways to know that your computer is effected with Virus
1. Messengers automatically send messages to friends in the list.
2. When the anit-virus detects virus while scanning
3. When the system reboots by itself again and again
4. Programs don’t start up
5. When you insert a virus infected pen drive into the system, and there is no antivirus installed in your system to detect and clean the same.
Five reasons to suggest that the profile is a fake one
1. Lesser friends or No friends
2. Only MTV Community related and other gaming communities
3. Out of the Box DP
4. First day in the Community, but knows that Webbie handles the show
5. Irrelevant details in the profile
Five things one can expect from Yashraj films
1. Shahrukh plays the lead
2. Uday chopra is given some character
3. Movie has a good opening collection wise
4. Good foreign locations
5. Songs, songs and songs.
Five ideas that can change life
1. Getting up early and seeing the sunrise and pretty girls jogging
2. Buying an Idea Connection
3. The idea of trying to win the MTV Mishmash
4. Bank Robbery
5. Marrying daughter of the richest businessman
5 things Vishal cant stop writing about.
1) Gals and their lameness
2) Virus which infected him badly about the Funky Five
3) Webbie ki Tariff ......Vishal bhai koi plan hai kya Webbie Sir ko impress karne ka
4) Bebo and Priyanka, yaar tere liye kuch bhi karne ko tyaar yeh do ladkiya....just abhi bhi hi baat hui....
5) Last but not least, Vellapanthi ki JAI HO!!!!!
Five things to be ready for, while watching ekta kapoor’s soap:
1. Story shall have atleast 20 characters
2. Re-births and Re-Marriages come up when there is no story to continue
3. Advertising bro Tushaar kapoor’s movie songs
4. Everyone shall turn older, except dearest Baa
5. Finally the name shall start with “K”
5 things you'll see while traveling Economy Class of a Plane (with 1st time fliers)
1. Praying:
Before the plane takes off ,sab uparwaley ko pray karna shuru kar detay hai, k kahin woh upar na pahunch jaien.
PS: Dont forget to thank god for a safe landing
2. Heart-Break
All the cheesy and sexy images of air hostesses that u've earlier fantasized about will vanish in thin air. Scary aunties draped in saris will be the reality
3.Loo parade
Sab loo ki taraf aise bhagtey hain,jaise ki kabhi kisi ne loo dekha na ho. (Actually most of them are 1st time fliers).
4.Take it while u can
Grab all the refreshment and food provided to u on the plane. Free ka hai, isliye haq se maango and dabaa k khaao. And dont forget the mini water bottles and plastic cutlery. ye nahin liya toh kya plane mein kya safar kiya
5.Hit-the buttons
Push all the buttons in the vicinity of ur seat. Aur kuch baje na baje air-hostess se thappad hi bhajj jayega
5 things one should avoid when he/she is angry...
1.listening to himesh reshammiya songs..
2.meeting his/her gf/bf..or it might turn nightmare for him...
3.hitting a stray dog..
4.smashing your cell on da floor
5.talking to krk..
Five things to do while caught by a traffic police
1. Sir, I’m running late for my tuitions.
2. Sir, I’ve all the papers, but I gave this bike today for servicing so unfortunately they are at home.
3. Sir, I’m a student, I only get 20 rupees per day and petrol. 300 rupees kahan se bharunga :(
4. Sir, if I wear the helmet, hairs are getting spoilt, sorry sir, next time, pucca.
5. Jo lena hai lelona boss, itne hi hai, kyu khali peeli time waste kar rahe, apna bhi aur mera bhi. Jaana hai, late ho raha hai bhai.
Five things often said while conversing to a girl on messenger first time
1. Hi, asl pls?
2. Where in India :) ? :O
3. Your dp looks sexy or I ve a sight problem? You look the same in real life?
4. You really single? I was seeing someone months ago, currently I’m Also Single :)
5. Do you have an orkut / facebook?
5 things not to do while copying in exams ...
1 . Not to look suspicious or have a guilty look on your face .
( the supervisor without doubt will keep an eye on you if you do this )
2 . In case you are having chits and holding them in hand ....and the supervisor is nearing towards you ........make sure your hand ( or in some cases the whole body )
dose not shake ..... KEEP YOUR COOL
3 . Learn the art of lip reading .....dont let the slightest of whisper be heard
( you'll be able to grasp things even from people sitting far from you in this case)
4. If the supervisor catches you whispering or talking to someone ......PLEASE FOR GOD's SAKE dont say i was just borrowing a pen or something ......thats the most obvious hint that you were actually copying .....
5. Whenever the supervisor goes out of the classroom ....FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE dont jump at the chance and start copying , discussing carelesly .......it just an old trick from the supervisor to catch you at it .........
5 Truths of Life...
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it
3. And discover that The first truth is a lie
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot
5. There's still a stupid smile on your face
5 things a chain smoker will always say..
1.i hate smoking
2.smoking kills
3.i love "no smoking"movie....
4.arey, i don't smoke that much bas 2 or 3 packets daily...
5.i am a man...so, i smoke...
5 Things u shud not say to webbie
a) I m better looking than u
b) Sue You ! Btw, Vibha se akhri baar baat kab hui ?
c) Have a nice "Mid-Day"
d) Sir mujhey ek aur mauka de do Roadies k liye
e) Why MTV logo is not changed on Breast cancer awareness day ? :P
5 questions one shouldn't ask to your gf..
1.Are you good looking?
2.Are Yew are not one of those angry man-hating lesbos ?
3.Would you rather die or cheat on me??
4.How often do you think about your ex's ?
5.do you like watching porn?
5 steps to Become a ROCKSTAR!!!!
1) Should be MAD
2) Should never take Shower, Only DEO
3) Should know nothing except shouting as if being RAPED
4) Should have a stinking MOUTH
5) Should be like MY FRIEND _____________
5 things to Teach KID when you think he/she is OLD enough [Like 10years old]
1) Tell him/her about the Holes & Poles
2) Teach him/her about the Laws of Attraction & Repulsion [Towards another boy/gal]
3) Teach him/her various Positions of Uses
4) Show him/her Safety Videos
5) Give him/her proper Knowledge about PPE [Personnel Protective Equipment]
5 steps to SCORE with Lady Teacher
1) Take Private Tution
2) If she has a child play with it !!!! She will start liking
3) Be early and Leave late
4) Praise her on her beauty and telling her that I m Impressed...!!!
5) Last but not least, Shift to evening classes, tell her that u r actually a Monkey and that Your have better BANANAANANA !!!!!!!
Five reasons to Kill a man!!
.
1) Just for fun
.
2) I love killing kids
.
3) Because of his loud mouth
.
4) Shakal pasand nahi, jo aaj tak dekhi bhi nahi
.
5) Last but not least, because of his this post
5 things to do when u r in class attending lectures
1) Teacher should think that u r understanding everything even though u r thinkg about SEX
2) When teacher asks a Question, u should ask her 2 more Questions
3) When yoy feel the Lecture is getting interesting just go to sleep. Education Ruins us.
4) You suddenly wake up and see whole class laughing, So you join them and laugh even though dont know the reason
5) On a Second Hell with the Lectures , Who wants to attend them anyways?
5 things to do to Break Up with an Overly Senti-Girl
1) Take her to the moost expensive Restaurant again & again and forget your wallet at home. She will have to pay.
2) Meet her parents and make funny comments about her father's Belly in front of everyone.
3) Piss on the Roadside when u r with Her.
4) Fall to the lowest grade of dressing sense [Cap, a Full-shirt, Short pants & shoes]
To meet her group of friends.
5) Finally, always keep talking about some hot & beautiful Chick in u r College when u r with her
5 questions\comments normally asked\given by neighbours when they see their neighbourhood boy or gal....
* ques asked when they c a boy\gal wid a skul bag boardin the skul bus...
" beta r u goin to skul...???? "
* ques asked when they see a boy wid a football in his hand...
"Are u playing footbaal son..??? "
* ques asked when they see a gal comin out frm a beauty parlour...
" beti were you gone to parlor..??? "
* comment passed when they meet the boy\gal after a long tym...
" bete ,how old r u?
* ques asked even when they know tat the boy\gal has not got his\her
joining date for the company...
" bete when will be your joining date ?
5 steps which benefitts from ONE SIDE LOVE
1) Having feeling, but not expressing [ Saving our ass from her Broda or from a tight Slap of sandal]
2) No spending of extra money on person u have feelings, cause its just one side love
3) U r free to Flirt any type of girl
4) Their is no Do's & Dont's . Can live happily ever after.
5) Apna Haath Jagannath
5 Simple Steps to learn MALAY [Malaysian Language]
1) Samosa-Kali ----Everyone
2) Bagus --- Ok
3) Alamak --- Oh!!! my GOD.....
4) Pagi Lah Mampos --- Go to HELL !!!!
5) Last but not least,
"TERI MAA KASIH" ---- Thank You.
5 things to become a great Politican !!!!
1) Tell Lies
2) Be a Parasite
3) Be a Criminal and sentenced of minimum 7 years in Jail
4) Must be a Good Ass Licker
5) UNEDUCATED !!!!
5 reasons why chat room has reached 3lac mark:|
1. guys are desperate to prove their mettle in flirting:|
2. girls are desperate for useless compliments:|
3. their pc/laptop is never desperate to burst(it works well everytime):|
4. they don't have a life and are searching for one in CR..duh:|
5. their parents are very lenient :|
Five things so you should not say in Singapore
Are you ''Made in China"?
Tell some girl that you doubt her to be a shemale.
I miss peeing on the roadside.
Do we get fined for farting in public?
Want some chewing-gum?
Enjoy!!!
Things to Do at Airpot.
* Start asking Everyone Toilet kaha hain.?Food COurt Kaha hain.?
* Start Shouting Yeh FLight delay ho gaye (saare flights ko Delay karwa do :P )
* Start SHouting yeh Flight Hijack ho gaya haawww Start Crying Laudlyy nahiiiii!!!!!!
* Go to Ticket counter n UNhe jaake k pakao Koi 100rupee ka ticket hain.? acha chaloo 100 rs aap bhi rakh lo ,,chaloo na aapka na mera 50 aur le lo
* Go to security room n bolo mumbai se aaya mera dost sharukh khan ghum ho gaya announcement karoo ,dan 5min baad dubara jaake bolo abh salman khan ghum ho gaya :D =/
Things to Do to get admission in Girls school.(only for boys)
* You Need To Dress Up Like GIrl Fig. Ek dum waise mast !
* take training from karan johar or rohit bhoot for chaal dhal of Girll :P
* Drink karele ka juice taki apki waaz bane sweet sweet komall(yummy kerela ka hi)
* wax your legs properly !!
* always go in girls toilet .!
Things to do If you are stuck In heavy Traffic..
* Start singing songs & let other Listen to your sweet voice.
* Traffic Police wale Ko bulaoo n Sunaoo CHal terii #$%#$%#$%#$%!!!!!
* Bar bar horn dabao jabh tak agay wala pareshan hoke ladne na aa gaye do fyt tympass ho jayega n traffic bhi theek ho jaiga
* Aas-paas ke larko ko unconscious feel karaounhe ghur ghur keeee tympaasss.!
*call your frand n awae taiz taiz bakwas karoo hain bhai Bomb lag gaya main 20min main ak-47 bheja raha hoon !
Five reasons to watch the movie Blue.
1,First of all its not a Blue film....
aapko lagega lara dutta ko dekh ka. phir katrina ko dekhtey hi aapko samaj aajayega.kya samaj aayega woh mujhe nahi maloom..chee chee gandi sonch kahiki
2.Its a Full on family entertainer.
haan is mein akshay kumar ke water mein swimming se . zyada time zayed khan aur sanjay dutt gale milne lagayenge..water mein action..woh kya hai mujhe nahi maalom
3.Its not a dostana 2.
aapko shuru mein jab akshay ka koi bhi nahi hota. sirf ek boy freind woh sanjay dutt..but its not like dat. woh bahut achey dost hotey hai..ekdum pakka dostana.
4.This movie is not directed by sanjay leela bhansali.
iske director ne pehle copyrights s.bhansali kharid kar hi banai.
5.Isme sharks ke saath fighting nahi hai.
aapne pehle sochliya hoga. ke movie mein akshay shark ke mooh ko cheer ke niklenge. par nahi. animal rights. akshay kumar ko sharks hurt nahi karni chahiye na....haan kya bola?..yeh animal rights sharks ke liye hai..jo bhi ho..
Things to do at Library except Studying.!
*Start Disturbing Studious Children Like Bhai is Word ka meaning bata na !bata toh bta re kya hua bta naaaaaaaa!
*Jumble the books Ek jageh se uthao dusri jageh Rakh do!
*Start SHouting! jabh koi phuche kya hua say Cocoo Choccoo Cocooroachh ! :(!
*Start Creating fart Sound with your Mouth Purr Putter pooh!! =))
*Ask Librarian That yaha par Meri Saheli ya Gharaye shoba milegi.?
Things Not to Say to Bouncer In Disco.
*Bhai yeh Body asalii hain.? kisi ko padegi toh lagigi kya.?
*How much you get to stand here whole day =/
*tight clothes.? garmi nahi lagti kya.??
*humesha gusse main kyun rahte ho.?
*ABey body guard kam kar apna jaada chaura mat ho mere agay ankhe neeche kar bey!
Five dangerous stunts peformed in blue.
1.Lara dutta seducing Sanjay dutt.
lara dutta ka psychatrist ko milna padega.. ya unhe iske bahut paise mile hai.
2. Akshay kumar biting the bike tire and takin out air.
jab yeh stunt ho raha ta. sab sharks waha se bahg gahe..OMG complexion.
3.katrina Kaif flirting with Zayed khan.
stunt katrina ney nahi kiya..toda compromise kiya..but real stunt zayed khan ne kiya..bina salman se dare hue. ek toh kaam ata hai tumhe.
4.Zayed khan wearing a Helmet.
hats off to you. aapne uska wieght utaya. apke mom dad bahut proud honge.
5.All stars byacting in a blue film
yeh toh sabse bada strunt hai
Five persons who should sent to Andaman Jail.
1.Kamal Rashid khan.
Ek ladki /ladke pe atyacharr karke bottle phekne ki wajayse.
2.Anyperson who says Monkey to anyone.
this is crime according to ICC 000.
3.Madhur bandharkar.
Jail Movie ke baad woh wahi pe jaakar. reality pe movie nikalenge..actor hogi champa. the debutant from andaman
4.Roadies.
agar Visa pe kharcha kam karna hai toh africa kyu andaman lekar jaoon. aur batado yeh africa hai. kisiko pata nahi chalega.
5.Anti Mohit Kochar.
itne abuses ke baad inhe. Andaman nahi. ek din HoeZaay ke saath room bandh kar dena chaiye. kaafi hai.
Five things not to say to Rakhi Sawant:-
1.Which is your favourite? 1> Strawberry shake. 2> Chocolate Shake. 3> Abhishake
2.Your Mom teaches you acting, Or you teach her?
3.Lets talk in English :D ( She will shut her mouth and sit)
4.Wheres the medias?
5.Your skirt doesn’t’t have an Elesh-tic? :O
5 things not to say to an Emo:-
1.Smile Please
2.Oh that’s an Emo-mazing shirt!
3.Which is your favourite movie, Black?
4.How many hundred paper napkins do you require a month?
5.Err, what is the meaning of emo?
5 best/wackiest ways to get dumped by your BF
1)Tell him that you are pregnant
2)Tell him that you are in love with his sister
3)Everytime you meet him...greet hm with a Pooja ki thaali,perform an Aarti and then "phodo a naariyal" on his head.
4)If he tries to get close to you or kiss you...simply ask him"Can i see your credentials in this field?Your poor efficiency makes me doubtful".
5)Start spying on him and make sure that he knows about it
Five confirm things to say you are a South Indian:-
1.When you have a surname insanely bigger than your name.
2.When you add ‘aai’ in your sentences ( What is your name-aai? )
3.When you say Vokay, instead of Okay.
4.When you say ‘aiyo’ more than ‘shit’.
5.When you are slected for the ad of Happy Dent White
5 things 2 show that u r a metalhead...
->buy metal bands tshirts from palika bazar even if u dnt knw abc abt dem
->keep headbanging while listening songs on ur headphones even if u r listening 2 manoj tiwari
->jitne pearcings kara sakte ho karao irrespective of d places
->keep onli and onli english songs in ur mobile nd as ur ringtone
->join as many as u can ,rock bands communities u can find on orkut
5 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE COMING TO NEW DELHI :
1. IF YOU ARE ARRIVING AT NEW DELHI RAILWAY STATION THEN ITS 80% SURE THAT YOUR BELONGINGS WILL BE STOLEN OR LUCKY IF MISPLACED !
2. YOU ARE VERY FREE TO BE A PART OF PUBLIC URINATION PROGRAMME AND YOU CAN PEE NEAR ANY SHOPPING MALL, BUS STANDS AND MARKETS. . ITS ALL YOUR CHOICE WHERE YOU WANT TO PEE.
3. DON'T SEARCH FOR BLUELINE BY LOOKING DOWN ON THE ROAD, IT AIN'T A LINE MAN UPAR DEKH WARNA YEH LINE KUCHAL DEGI.
4. IF SOMEBODY SAYS YOU SAALE OR BHENC**D THEN PLEASE DON'T BREAK INTO A FIGHT , HE IS NOT ABUSING. THESE ARE THE SWEARING WORDS FOR DELHITES.
5. GK IS NOT A SUBJECT ITS A PLACE IN SOUTH DELHI WHERE HOTTEST GIRL OF THE TOWN COMES IN SHORTEST OF CLOTHES .
five things not to do while having sex
* asking ur partner to remove cloths
*running for condom
*hesitating in changing ur sex pose
*taking care of bed sheet and pillow more than ur sex partner
* Run for tissue paper while u ejaculates
5 Romantic Things you can do to your love interst
1. Buy her favourite flowers and hide a love note in them.
2. Hold her hand and look into her eyes continuously with all the love you can show.
3. Buy a key. And get one wooden box, decorate it. Give the key and wooden box to her with a note reading " Key to my heart"
4. Keep on saying i love you to her. Every 1 minute. Dont worry that wont irritate her.
5. Last but not the least. "Love her"
5 things not to do on a date
1. Ask her about if her X-boyfriend or her best friend has a better orkut, FB profile than you have..
2. Check out other dates, or waitress.. 8) 8) 8)..
3. 1. Tweet your friends an every second detail about it..
- She just turned left.. wow her side view is awesome.
- I just asked her to have a sip from my coffee.. let's see woh mera jootha peeti hai kya..
- Tell me friends what do I ask her now..??
4. Tell her that you are really looking forward to meet her mom..
-Agar shaadi karna hai toh bhi nahi.. Mom ko patao formula is no longer valid these days..
5. Ask her 5 things you don't like about me :D
5 things a BF should not say to his GF
1.I think U will not fit in this dress !
2.your friend so perfect in everything..
3.I think u will not be able to do this.....!
4.The girl standing there is so beautiful...
5.ur cooking is nice but my mom can cook better than U
also....
6.U are lucky to have me.....I was having options
7.Can u pay the bill
5 wishes whose fulfillment is nxt to impossible
1.Harman Baweja's wish to get atleast 1 hit film
2.A women's wish to get a perfect husband
3.Salman Khan's fans wish to see him married
4.Adwani's wish to be the PM
5.A common man's wish to see clean roads and also clean politicians.....!
also....
my wish to live atleast 1 day widout doing a pagalpanti....
5 answers given by the girls whn sm1 propose them
* NO
* M sory
* R u mad
* i alwaz thot dat v r gud frndZ
* lekin mein to ANKUR se pyar karti hu
Five things not to do on Yahoo
1. Send pesky audibles.. "Bhoooooooooooooooooooot" "Bhooooooooooooooot" "Arre dil pe mat le yaar... "
2. Buzz every other minute.. mat karo na bhai.. mujhe pata hai tu online hai...
3. Go to Yahoo Chat rooms.. cos you are only gonno find SPAM SPAM SPAM and a lot of SPAM or otherwise regional abuses and over the head DJ's.. :-L
4. Change your status message every other minute.. "I am listening to music" "Now I am not listening to music" "Here" "Not here"
5. Signing in and signing out every 10 mintues to see whether you got a new IM or not.. :-L
5 Things Not to Say to a Dog Owner :
1. Aapke Kutte ka color Black kyu hai ? Fair n Lovley lagao ispe.
2. Ghar mei kutte ki Shit kaun saaf karta hai ?
3. Ye Sirf Bhonkta hai yan Kaat bhi sakta hai ?
4. Kitna bada ho gaya . Bachpan mei dekha tha, lollipop khata tha, badi shararat karta tha
5. Kaunsi Breed hai n Kitne ka liya ?? Dekhne mei toh Street Dog lagta hai Ganda sa :|
Imagine Ekta ka Swayamvar???
i would love to see these Dulhas
1)KRK-- bolte se hi moh me bottle phenk ke daal dega
2)Bobby Darling(yeah,he is till a man)-- Movies me break diya,abb apni life bhi issi ke sath break kare
3)Aftab Shivdasani--bechare ko movies hi mil jayengi kam se kam
4)Yuvraj Singh--"chhakke" chhuda dega
5)Mayawati "Behenji"--she is no less than a Man...dono milke duniya hila dengi
5 things gal likes
1) Beach side walk
2) Candlelite dinner
3) In the Air
4) Middle of the Sea
5) Last, U and Me No one else will Disturb "Gravyard"
5 things Not to Write the Exams
1) Forget the Hall Ticket
2) Start borrowing things from others during the examination
3) Try to peep into others Papers
4) Chit-Chat
5) Arguing with Invegilator
5 Quotes to Sucess
1) Success often comes to those who dare to act. Rarely for those who afraid of consequences
2) Success is never ending, failure is never final
3) Remove failure as an option and keep trying
4) Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars atleast sumthing is getting
5) You just can't beat the person who never gives up.....
5 things to get Kicked from any Institution
1) Break the Rules
2) Agrue
3) Flirting with Female Lecturers
4) Doing Nasty Things
5) Try to be Smarter, showing the Ego
5 organisations you will never find on this planet
1. AGB : Association for a Gang Bang.
2. PETC : People for Ethical Treatment to Condoms.
3. TRPO : Train Riot Prevention Organization.
4. OEOWI : Organisation for the Exposure of Webbie's Identity.
5. ISRO : Indian rakhi Sawant Family Research Organisation.
5 Steps to make Chicken Salad
1) Boneless Chicken Breasts
2) 1 Bowtie Pasta
3) Peeled Avocados and Onion
4) Tomatoes
5) Last dressing with Blue Cheese
[Ready Yummu Yummy hmmmmmmm]
5 things to get Kicked from any Institution
1) Break the Rules
2) Agrue
3) Flirting with Female Lecturers
4) Doing Nasty Things
5) Try to be Smarter, showing the Ego
5 things why I am following MTV daily
1) It is crazy like me...Craziness and Livewire Personified
2) Rhea and Bani! I see my future girlfriends in them
3) Addictive ! With Programs like Roadies and Splitsvilla.. : Face of youngistaan
4) Lameness! All lames are part of that channel.. ..I learn lame factor from MTV
5) MTV -> I see me in YOU!
When Ticker gets SwineFlu
1) It coughs out Jose name always ..."Jose suxx" "Jose is preganant" "Jose seems to be a gay!" .."Save ME"
2) It vomits a digestive mixed vegetable lotion which contains creative contents from so many sambhar brains with a mix of H2O...\yo!/
3) It's not able to breath properly. Ask bani to give it oxygen using her mouth! "Baani starts her gaali's " Ticker cries ..asks for water
4) Due to the sore throat. Ticker started talking only about Rakhi Sawant and her modesty in the reality shows. Where Rakhi goes..Ticker follows with the sore throat..
5) Due to Fatigue ..Ticker Turned lazy! Ticker Ticks only when rhea has her magical touch over it
5 things that happened to me on The day I told "I love you"
1) My left cheek turned red . Not because I was shy. It was because I got a slap
2) I lost all the three girlfriends whom I was maintaining. Not because I introduced each other. Because they introduced me to each other .
3) I was marked failed for exams. Because I told I love you to the professor's daughter
4) I was termed loser. Not because I was dumped. Because I couldn't have sex with any..:| Still a Virgin
5) I wrote a sad poem. That poem was used by my friend to vow another girl. Damn he clicked!
5 things tht makes a female go "uggghhhh":
1. ur sabjiwala " madam ji when did u enjoying buying soft bananas from samne wala bhaiya"
2.ur cable guy " i hope the reception of your late night channels is clear....errr. sorry i guess it was husband who complained"
3.ur date " jeez the goo from my nose matches the color of ur tee"
4. ur boyfriend's ex "did he try tht move with u too?? i mean isnt he awesome ?? ":|:|:|
5. ur parlour wali aunty while waxing ur legs " plz spread ur legs '( its creepy)
5 things I love in my bestie..
1) When she is adamant she looks so cute.. ..But I love her for this
2) Her cute smile..
3) Her talkativeness..Never stops .Has always topic as backup (love it )
4) She rocks..! Loves to see other get appreciation in front of her...
5) She is a sweetheart and i love u for that
P.S : just a lame attempt
5 times when you feel that u did not have a x-gf
1) While in bed with your current gf. When u also come to know ur current girl is a virgin and ur not ..
2) When u have to introduce ur ex to the current one
3) When ur current gf asks you "Bataana who is more beautiful or cute..." etc
4) When ur parents shouts at you when u go with your current gf's proposal.. saying "Damn few months back its was the other girl..now a new one..how many days will keep her " :|
5) When ur friends ask .."Acha bataana..Who is better in bed! who knows more movies :|"
5 things to take care while wearing underwear!
1) Tight fitting and centered properly
2) Should have a tommy or Jockey signed strip in the top . So that i can be shown out while wearing low waist jeans
3) Should wear multi colored underwears . So that u have a superman feel inside you.
4) Use easy removable and easily can be torn pieces..Emergency ..should be able to easily remove one
5) Use underwears made of plastics.. ..can be used as pockets or covers also...when needed
5 'must' do things before you die!
Now this is something serious:
1. Spend a full night on a footpath someday : you may get to experience some harsh realities as to how poor people survive.
2. Donate your precious organs : although your body is completely recycleable, it could contribute to somebody's precious life.
3. Present a flower to your enemy and give him a last chance for settlement, if he doesn't accept....fight hard!!
4. Visit either your local city slum or Mumbai's dharavi slum : You will find even their life is colourful despite being deprived of daily necessities.
5. Donot worry about the consequences, just run for the house of that one girl or boy you have always loved the most.....and donot just sit there, propose!
5 things to keep in Mind if somebody eating our Favourite Food in front of us....
1) Keep looking and Concentrate
2) Swallow the Saliva, by looking at it
3) Keep Making lips wet, by pulling the Tongue outside
4) Look at the person who is eating and food, such a way that your eating now [Imagination]
5) Last but not least, if the Person having eye on you what the crap does this guy doing, believe me definitely, the Person buy the food for you.
5 Fun--Taash-Tic Lines Used by Proff in MU..
1)Keep Silent...
2)Keep your Voice Down..
3)It will Better..
4)Everybody is Understood...??
5)Don't Talk in front of ma back... =)) =))
5 things to keep in Mind Before Going on UMS[Unmanned Machinery Space]
1) Tank the Sounding
2) Proper Rounds taken
3) Transferring the Tanks with High Level
4) Topping up the Tanks Needed
5) Testing the Alarms
Bored of your boyfriend????
5 best/wackiest ways to get dumped by your BF
1)Tell him that you are pregnant
2)Tell him that you are in love with his sister
3)Everytime you meet him...greet hm with a Pooja ki thaali,perform an Aarti and then "phodo a naariyal" on his head.
4)If he tries to get close to you or kiss you...simply ask him"Can i see your credentials in this field?Your poor efficiency makes me doubtful".
5)Start spying on him and make sure that he knows about it
5 Fun--Taash--Tic Things common to all Engg Clgs..
1)The Teachers dont Teach...The students dont listen..The onl guy who benifits is the Uncle who owns a Dhaba outside the College..
2)Deadlines are made to be Extended...
3)KT's are found in Whole-Sale...
4)The Princi iz the person most abused and Insulted at the back...
5)There is always a Proff. in the clg who cant speak proper English...
5 things to be keep in mind while playing NFS[Need For Speed]
1) Blacklist 5
2) Blacklist 4
3) Blacklist 3
4) Blacklist 2
5) Blacklist 1
5 Fun--Taash--Tic Tools to ACE in your semester Exams..
1)Make Frenships wids geeks jus 1 month before the semester xam....
2)Night Out is the second most Important Tool to ace xams...
3)Front,Back,Left,Right Benches waalon se Accha Rapo bana lo..
4)If you jus cannot Convince the Examinor,Then Better Confuse them..Go Round and Round..And then Comeback to the same Point..Hence Proved...
5)The Brahmastra being our Veri own Chits..In which the words can only be Understood by the Person who wrote dem...
5 things to do when you are alone at house
1.Call friends for a party
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2.bring blue movie and start watching (blue )
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3.go try your hand in kitchen.
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4.taste some hot drinks (if you dont drink)
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5.last but not the least,have a gf best chance to do chiggy wiggy..
.
P.S: i am alone right now so done few of the above.
Five ways to get kicked out of a movie hall..
1.BE COOL,dump popcorn on an old man's head
2.Steal people's pepsi and drink it..
3.Stand in front of the projector and start laughing..
4.BE CLEVER,pretend to work at movie ticket counter and steal peeps money..
5.hold a girl hand and say i love you...
Things to Do at road to Seek Attention
*Start shouting BOMB BOMB BOMB !! :P When sumone ask you Where is Bomb Bol dena dat Girl is Sex Bomb :P
*Drink 2-3Ltr Viagra =))! Fir apne aap Kamal dhekhna ;)!
*Start Stripping n Start Dancing Like Rakhi Sawant :D
*Road K beech main jaake khade ho Jao jaise hi koi Car se Nikale Bhag jao =))!
*Wear A T-Shirt jisper Likha ho "I AM SWINE FLU VICTIM"!
Things Not To Do in ClassRoom
* Don't LOok at your Teachers Private Area :D :P
* Don't Study :P Never!!!!!!
* Never Stop Talking to Your Frnds.. :D
* Never Play Any Silent Game Always Shout laudly!
* Do Not Seat at your Desk Sit at Desk's Table :D
Five things to expect in the community whenever a contest is announced on MTV
1. "Thanks Webbie....you rock..:P"
2. " What about the prizes "
3. Webbie : " Mods not doing a good job this time..where are they ???"
4. General opinion : " Thank god...atleast no videos required here"
5. " Kaun jeeta ????"
1) Take a novel or newspaper with you and start reading it and ignore her.. 2) Start narrating her your re-incarnation and incident with ghosts story. 3) Complete your dinner with in 10 minutes and gargling with your wine. Don't forget to lick the plate afterward. 4) Ask her to dance with you on the dinner table despite of having a separate dance floor for the same purpose.. 5) Last but not least, go to washroom and instead of going there book another table and order the same menu that you ordered first. And when your date sees you and comes towards you, ask her, 'what took you so long in washroom?' 1)Essay Writer 1. Dil boley haddipa : To know how n where, hair from Anupam Kher's head were used 1. Roop gaya, yauwan gaya, gayi hootho ki lali 1. Aaj ki taza khabar.... aaj ki taza khabar... KRK k jaatey hi ghar mein kauwwo ka pravesh 1. Mountain Dew will b renamed as "Moon Dew".... Earth k aagey moon hai 1) World- Sara Duniya Chakkar Lagate Raho 1) Wearing Torn Clothes
Five good reasons to be a man !! 1) You never ever have to change your surname. It stays intact 1) Manager of swiss bank – He has the art of converting black money into white money 1) Apne manpasand kapde pehenane ki azaadi. Undie kaisa bhi ho, par chalega 1. When somebody asks you to come out of the loo quickly so instead he could go in, you say : Janta ki adalat mein aapka swagat hai.Five ways to get rid of your date !!
Five names which Venus hate to be called as
2)Mars
3)Jhandu Bam
4)Hitler
5)Last but not least..Tharki
PS:Just 4 fun.
These points r from JELO. She is in office right now n is not able to come here so she just asked me to post them for her:5 movies u must watch:
2. Whats ur Rashi: By doing this movie Harman proved that "To err is Human but to err repeatedly is Harman"
3. Kaminye : Thif if awfome, ferioufly.... facchi
4. Wanted : United Nations marked this movie to b of Historial Importance. Its UN-Wanted
5. Wake Up Sid : Thx to Kaun-Kaun (In)Sane Sharma, it turned out to b a good movie to watch before u go to bedTop 5 Quotes written at back side of truck
aab to picha chod de mein ho gayi bache wali
2. If U r reading this...U r still BEHIND
3. Make way ... for the lorry
4. babuji jaa rahi hoon apna khayaal rakhna,lout kar aaungi maal fir se taiyaar rakhna
5. wahi bachega jo bhole ko jachega
P.S: bhole is the name of DRIVER5 Ways to know that u r watching Doordarshan
2. Aayiye ab hum apko seedhey Haridwar le chaltey hain hamarey samvaad-data Moksha paratp singh k paas
3. Sarkar ne beedi k daam pachas paisey bada diye hain, aapki rai ?
4. Kya news channels ko SMS k dwara darshako ki rai janani chahiye ?
Agar apka jawab hai haan to type karein "yes", agar jawab hai na to type karein "No" aur bhej dein 6969 pe
5. Chheni Chheni.. chain se maza lo ... Chheni Chheni
1. When u see the face of a character in peices all over the screen
2. When the channel shows its own name during breaks
3. When u see tidal waves on the screen starting from top of screen n going down
4. When the channel shows only one Tickr n that is "Rukawat k liye khed hai"
5. When u see a multicoloured wallpaper atleast 12 hrs a day5 Impacts of finding of water on moon:
2. Scinetists r now trying to find that if Moon leaked, wil it rain on Earth ?
3. Pakistan wants ICC to shift its World Cup quota matches on Moon
4. Baba Ramdev says that people shud not go on moon for water during lunar eclipse as they might lose their way
5. Isha, Ahana n Hema Malini refused to drink Moon's water coz wo hamesha Kent purifier ka hi paani peetey hain5 things to be a Seafarer
2) Wealth- Ek Sailing Kar Liya Toh Mil Gaye Bag full of it
3) Women- Experiences
4) Water- Jitna Chayiye Usse Zyada Hai
5) Weight- New Items Try Karte Rahega toh, Easily Baad Jayega 5 things why to watch Ekta Kapoor Serials
2) Jeans not on Hip + Jockey or CK should be seen
3) Colouring the Hair
4) Shoes 1 leg different and other leg someother
5) Piercing near eyes, on tongue, etc5 things u shud not say while reading news on TV
1) Inspiration
2) Installation of politics in it,into real life
3) How to screw the Bahu's?
4) How to Act Smart with everybody?
5) Last but not least,"Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi"
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2) People talk to you seeing your face rather then anything else
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3) Eat as much you want, as dieting is not an issue.
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4) You don't have to waste time in doing stupid things
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5) Last but not least, your ass is not the factor when you will get a job5 people who should be given nobel peace prize
2) MTV – After all it “changes” it’s look quite often, why not give it a try?
3) Any local thief – After nobel prize of ravindranath tagore was stolen, it’s better to give directly to them rather than dealing with 3rd party
4) Sunny Deol – Just 1 less movie on zee cinema and crores of Pakistani would be saved
5) Amit verma – After his behaviour in big boss-3 we thought it was a no ball peace prize
No matter whom they give the prize to, they will definitely regret it like in gandhiji’s case
5) Amit verma – After his behaviour in big boss-3 we thought it was a no ball peace prizeFive reasons to be single !!
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2)Khood pakaao, khood khaao, aur gaaliyon se mukti paao
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3) Apne office ki receptionist se yeh nahi kehna hoga ki, If someone calls me, then say I am busy in meeting
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4) Kissi bhi hotel mein kamra apne naam se book kara sakte hian
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5) Last but not least. It saves Money5 things which can prove you are from IndiaTV
2. When you see an electrician approaching, you shout : Wo dekho bijli wale baba!
3. When your mom shouts at you to help find her bangles, you say : Wo to sita ka tha, aur wo ayodhya ki pahadiyo ke pechhe ek rahasyamayi seher mein hi mil paega!
4. When somebody asks you when will china attack india again, you say : khabar hai ki 2012 mein ek aisa sehlab ayega ki kya china aur kya india!
5. When somebody says, Hey Wassup?, you say : door kahin dusre grah mein ek alien hai...ji haan ek alien jo ki Salman Khan jaisa dikhta hai....wo shahrukh ko apna kutta batata h......*the latter faints*Five lines to be kept in mind while writing 'fantastic five' lines.
1)Use words not smileys.[its not your Yahoo chatboard]
2)Don't write abusive or hyper kinda words for anyone.
3)Don't used unecessary words in every line like LOL,Hahaha..
4)Make it simple and clear.5)Don't write more than five lines.
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