1)Washing powder NIRMA ,Washing powder nirma Doodh si safedi NIRMA se aaye, Why are too much Black? NIRMA Powder use karna

2)You copied the concept of COFFEE WITH KARAN. Are you both by any chance, of same orientation?

3)^^^^ Reading above came a big scream from SRK, "Nahi karan mera hai ".
Neer's reaction :- Keep him with you now, mera kaam to ho gaya.

4)Sachi mein tumhe Angels kiss kiya hain?ya sirf phek rahe ho?

5)Are you still in the phase of Len-den?

6)You started making threads just to get notice, right? Wannabe Abhinav

7)Tere naam kya hain?Kissed ya Angels??

8)^^^ Oops, I got it. It's N+HEER+MALYA( vijay malya )= Neermalya

9)When you came first on this planet, was there any blackout?

10)You love your Priyanka Sis, right?

11)Lift mein itna aandhera kyun hain?

12)Are you by any chance a watchman of this lift?

13)Accept it, that in your case(mainly display name) angels are of the same sex which you hold.

14)Are you fan of Kilwish from Shaktimaan?( Andhera Kaayam rahe  )

15)I saw you in a rally against the bulbs and tubelights, why so??

16)Were you standing behind the black curtain in your mishmash videos? or is it by default?
17)Isn't it true that, you just flirt with the girls because you think it's the only way to fullfill your real motto behind your display name?

18)Are you a brand embassodor of a candle making factory?

19)Is it true that, you made a community club named as HAPPY CLUB inspired from film APKGK but you yourself were denied of its membership?

20)Stop drooling and fix the lift please. :|

P.S: No offence meant!

Here comes some jokes based on stories which i have heard or i have experienced. This stories might be not that money  lets see others laugh or not.

1.Once a college professor had gone to a marriage . The marriage got over by 11 30 in night and Professor was returning home with his friend and his friend's wife. They had reached the platform and were waiting for train to come Comedy happened when the friend's wife asked funny questions like Are you going home? Will you go and sleep at home? such kind of funny questions were asked by the friend's wife .i think her friend's wife was confused what to talk so she asked anything that came in her mind.

2. Once it so happened that a company director had went as a guest judge to some function it so happened that there a person told him i know him very well. He got confused he thought how he knows him he had never been there. Than after some time another person with some sort of similar name also came to become the guest judge . Then the director realised it was all due to mistake due to similar name's . This shows that how funny things happens due to similar type of name.

3. There was a teacher of college who used to cough a lot. The students seeing this started giving teacher halls to eat. In every lecture of that teacher they carried halls and gave him. Whenever their was no lecture of teacher was there in their class they used to go to meet him in staff room and give halls. This became a regular habit for the students and teacher also. After that students finished their studies from college whenever they used to come to meet the teacher they carried halls.

These are some of the jokes mostly based on college Sir. I will be trying to come out with more jokes that i remember or have heard.

PJs

Santa: Do you have any idea about the shop?

Banta: Hey, I do not have an Idea, I have Airtel.

**Santa: Can you take pictures from your mobile?

Banta: Oh! no, I can take only the battery and SIM card from my mobile

**Banta's freind: Do you have a prepaid or post paid connection for your cell phone  

Banta: I do not have any connection. It is a cordless phone.

**Santa goes to a mobile store with his newly-bought cell phone-

     Sales person: “Any problem, Sir?”

     Santa: “Yes, It keeps showing me only one message from yesterday.”

     Sales person: “What is the message, Sir?”

     Santa: “1 message received”

**Teacher: “What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?”

Santa: “Simple. A fly flies while a mosquito cannot mosquito.”

**Teacher: “Where can you find pink buildings?”

Banta: “At MG Road, where I stay. Yesterday, we painted our house and garage pink.”

**Santa goes for an interview for the post of an electrical engineer:

Interviewer: “So, how does the phone ring?”

Santa: “Tring.. Tring..”

Interviewer (puzzled): “In which state does River Krishna flow?”

Santa: “In liquid state!”

Interviewer: (perplexed): What do you get when you take 4 from 14?”

Santa: “One, Sir.”

Interviewer: (exasperated) “Ok, you may leave now”

Santa: “Yes Sir, What should I leave?”

Funny definitions and quips:

##What is an e-mail?

It is a cross between an express and a mail

##What is a blackberry?

It is a type of berry used for sending mails.

##What is love and divorce?

Love is the past tense of marriage and divorce is the future tense of marriage

##What is the full form of ISDN and ATM?

ISDN is short for “It still does nothing” and ATM for “Addictive to Men”

##Who is a doctor?

One who makes us cut our pockets so that he can stitch a new one.

##What is an atlas?

It is a book you use if you want to go round the world in 10 minutes.

##When do you buy a reliance mobile?

When you want on rely on a matchless alliance.

##When does the rain come?

When the rain God wants to kiss the Earth!

##What is an apple?

A round object which you see in the western sky at evening time.

##Why do people prefer glass?

As they get 3 things for free--gas, lass and an ass.

5 Special things of Chinese

1) No Shower

2) Mouth stinks worst then, that of shit

3) Cant speak Hinglish

4) Thinks that all the places can get Chop-sticks

5) Can do the Tidious problem in a Shortcut Manner

FIVE TP TO DO WHEN YOU ARE IN THE LOO

1.listen to himesh reshammiya song[EK BAAR AAJA AJA AAJA]

2.DRINK MILK..

3.PLAY PSP

4.PLAY WITH WATER

5.TAKE A LONG NAP..

5 places 2 visit b4 u die...

->egypt::::awesomeeee pyramids and mummiessss
->bahamas:::watch blue 4 reason
->brazil:::the sex ratio is 9women to 1 men dere
->bermuda triangle:akhir hai kya wahan
->antartica:::india is very hot

Five best ways to create differences between bollywood actors:

1. Not inviting SRK, Aamir, and Salman Khan to the most awaited wedding
2. Going to any party hosted by Salman Khan
3. Katrina going to SRK’s party
4. Aamir writing about his dog at his farm house
5. Tell Karan johar, that SRK is in RGV's next

five most beautiful women in india


1.rakhi sawant

2.rakhi sawant

3.rakhi sawant

4.rakhi sawant

5.rakhi sawant

Five quizzes you must have really played on facebook:

1. How well do you know me?
2. Who Is Your Soulmate?:
3. IQ Test (Advanced Level)
4. Attitude test
5. What Kind of Smile Do You Have?

Five must have messages on your T-shirt

1. You need Sugar? Drink tea while seeing me.
2. If you are single, I’m ready to mingle
3. I’m Webbie :P
4. Meri T-shirt Visibility
5. If you think you pretty, show me your smile.


five best way to avoid a fight with your gf..


1.give her a soft toy

2.never show her krk pic's

3.keep listening to her even if you don't understand what she is saying..

4.never say that you are fat

5.and last but not the least..be a good dog..never say no to her or else

Five irritating things which girls usually speak in common room

1:aye!tera boyfriend kab aayega...................tune toh kaha tha ki tu mujhe usse milwaayegi
2:u know aaj mummy ne mujhe apne boyfriend se baat karte dekh liya
3:hawwwww she's acting like a lesbi
4:tere boyfriend ne tujhe ring gift kiya...mere boyfriend ne toh mujhe doggy gift kiya apne jagah pe
5:yesterday i watched porn.......the boy is too good yaar

five things to say when ur neighbour caught u with ur boyfriend

1:uncle meet my cousin
2:uncle...where r u going at this time
3:uncle do u need any help
4:uncle kya aap abhi ghar jaa rahe ho.............thn take me also with u
5:ok bro see u 2morrow[ummmmmmmmmhhhhhh]

five deadly things that a girl doesn't want in her boyfriend

1:the boy shouldn't look at any other girl
2:the boy shouldn't talk a lot
{sirf ladkiyon ka demand suno}
3:shouldn't have a bad dress sense
4:taking u to shopping mall but only doing window shopping
5:khali bank account

five things never to say when u r with ur girlfriend when both r in a bedroom

1.why r u smeeling so much
2.howcome smell of boy's deodrant is coming frm ur body
3.boy must nt do a lot of shero shayari rather to make love with her
4.not to say the girl dat u r too heavy
5.boy must not say to his girl that u dont know how to make love

five things which have to be common in serials

1.lead actor must be a girl
2.there have to be a love triangle or even a square
3.main tumhare bacche ki maa banne waali hun
4.maa aur bete ki chemistry
5.apne pyaar ko khush dekhne ke liye qurbaan ho jaana

5 reasons to go to work naked....

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 9:00!"

2. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

3. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

4. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

5. No one steals your chair.

5 kinds of breasts.....

1. (o)(o) perfect breasts

2. ( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

3. (oYo) wonder bra breasts

4. (o)(O) lopsided breasts

5. (Q)(Q) pierced breasts

Top 5 changes on MTV:

1. The logo has been shifted to the Top Left corner of the screen. It means that the MTV logo lost its RIGHTful place from the screen

2. The logo is white now n changes in to blue slowly depending upon how much show has been aired n how much is left.
We r not amused by the logo turnining into white, anyone can faint with those multiple repeat telecasts of MTV shows

3. The length of Tickr has been reduced from both ends. It looks like kisi ne Tickr k pankh kutar diye. Aur udd hawa mein

4. The colour of Tickr is often changed now. We r expecting Tickr to enter into Politics now

5. A new VJ has been introduced on MTV - Rhea. We blv, it was done after another MTV VJ Rannvijay lost the TOSS

5 things to do when ur nose is leaking.

1. Use straws in nose. It will work as pipelines

2. Naak mein rumaal thoos do

3. Use fevicol / tape to close all exit doors. Dono nostrils ko chipka do

4. Ask someone to hit u on ur nose n make it chinose ...err...chinese

5. Try to breath in strongly n learn how to pull back things n spit them out

5 MUST ELIGIBLE POINTS TO BE ON BIG BOSS 3

1. YOU SHOULD LIE UNDER BIG TIME WAILA PANTI PERIOD TO GET INTO BIG BOSS.

2. YOU SHOULD HAVE A NAME WHICH IS EASY TO PRONOUN TO GET MORE UGLY FAME LIKE KRK- KABADI RAHEGA KABADI.

3. YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO THROW KEPT ASIDE THINGS ON OTHERS REST THAN MALE AND FEMALE

4. YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF THE TACTICS LIKE HOW TO FLIRT WITH A FIRANGI IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR OWN WIFE.

5. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOOD ENHANCED ASSETS. JUST FLAUNT THEM ON BIG BOSS AND GET PAID BY BIG BOSS.

5 LINES TO END THE COMMPETITION

1.jaago rey.....

2.wait and watch this thread.

3.khel khatam dukhan bandh.

4.abhinav and arjit has noe power losses

5.wait for resultz

5 things not to do in a Haryana Roadways Buses...

1. Not to take Panga with COnductor
2. Never sit on a Women seat
3. Not to Share your seat with anyone
4. Not to wear your Fav Jeans/top
5. Not to purchase any damn thing from " 10 rupaye mein 10 item" vale Bahiya..

5 Idiotic/Irritating Things Girls do to Guys

1. They Flirt to inspire Jealousy
2. They Dont pick up ur calls
3. Emotioanlly manipulates Men's
4. They dont disclose their relationship status
5. They withhold Sex..

5 ways to prove that you are Attention Seeker

1.jump into a discussion without knowing what the discussion is about!
.
2.go on pasting the same thing continously in different colors
.
3.start a team of some other TV show and present that it in some other channel community
P.S: as revivers did..
.
4.start a topic why is MTV is not celebrating good friday!
.
5.Last but not that least wear a T-shirt with quote as " I AM ATTENTION SEEKER"

celebrities who dont need a halloween costume

kangana ranaut - her hair does the trick for her
rakhi sawant - the moment she opens her mouth she is scary
sourav ganguly - when dada removes his t-shirt he looks really scary
Zayed Khan - his acting skills in blue is scaring every1 everyday
anil kapoor - his million HAIR scare all the barbers of india

5 ways to know that someone is jobless!
1.24hrs online in social networking sites
.
2.Is there any vacany?Can I forward you my resume?
.
3.tell me best job portals!
.
4.(If someone gets a job of 2000rs pm) wow congrats!Can you try for me?
.
5.who uses word "Boring" a lot!
P.S: lame lame lame...

Five things to be taken care while handling a pen drive:

1. Insert it only in the PC / Laptop
2. Always protect it with a password, no one should know about what all have you stored.
3. Don’t use it like a keychain
4. Keep it in a safe place, free from hackers
5. Always backup your storage

Five things you would do when you see a cockroach

1. Jump and shout, “CockkkRoooooach, Mummy, Papa, Baju wali Auntyyy”
2. Call your friend and tell him, that you might be attacked
3. Look for Baygon Spray
4. Start Chanting Hanuman Chalisa
5. Catch hold of it with your hands and throw it outside.

5 things which disturb us in day to day life

1) Stress

2) Strain

3) Motion

4) Torque

5) Friction

5 things one\ should\ never ask his gf

1 on date hey where is ur room mate shes hot

2 u got money i forgot my purse

3 so u will kiss me after dinner or should i eat onions

4 ur place or mine

5 i forgot ur gift

5 things one should not say to a girl after break up

1 thank you

2 yes yes yes u did it after all

3 break up kiss ???

4 so do i have any chance in hell to flirt with ur cousin now

5 so now do i have to return all ur gifts back??

5 things people ask venus always

1 are u from venus

2 y u write ERR in all ur posts

3 don't write essays again

4 how u manage so much of lame time

5 are u vibha abd bhuvan related ........considering length of ur posts I guessed that

CHeers !!!