Open Means Open Means

Funny jokes

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Humor & Jokes
Wife says to husband: "I had a dream yesterday night that you gifted me with a diamond ring. Now, what does that mean"?

Husband says: "Am not sure, dear, Will let your know tonight"
Wife waits eagerly for her husband to return. The husband comes and gives her a pocket book- "The Meaning of dreams"!

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Man (seeking to lodge a complaint at the police station):
"I have lost my dog
Police Inspector: "Why dont you place an advertisement in the newspaper?"
Man: "Don't be silly, inspector! My dog can't read!"
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A police man stops a lady and asks for her licence. He says,
"Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The Women answered, I have contacts."
The police man replied, "I don't care whom you know! I'm still giving you challan(Fine ticket)!"
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?"
She answered, "If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose."
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There are three rules for writing a novel.
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
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Copying an idea from an author is plagiarism.
Copying many ideas from many authors is research.
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Writer: Did you like my novel?
Publisher: I really liked the last two words.
Writer: (very excitedly) And which are those?
Publisher: 'The End'
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Publisher: "Have you written this poem all by yourself?"
Young Poet: "Ofcourse, every word of it."
Publisher: "Well i am very glad to meet you, Mr.Edgar Allan Poe. I was afraid you were dead a long time ago."
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Man went to the book shop and asked the saleswomen, "Where is the self-help section?"
Saleswomen: "If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose."
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A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office. "Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly. "So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."
"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
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Q: How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. "You don't need a new light bulb - you need to upgrade your socket to the newest version."
A2: Just one, but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left behind.
A3: Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him.
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What's the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?
Only the used car salesemen knows when he lying.
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How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
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How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
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Salesman calling up prospective client: : "Is the boss in?"
New office assistant: "Are you a salesman, bill collector or a friend of his?"
Salesman, thinking quickly: " All Three!"
Office boy, smelling the ploy: " In that case, he's in a business conference. He's out of town. Step in and see him!:
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Salesman: " This computer will cut your workload by 50%."
Office manager: "That's great, I'll take two of them!"
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How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
His lips are moving
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Two random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.
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Why did the statistician take Viagra?
Since his sample was large, he did not want to be rejected with a small p-value and be declared practically nonsignificant!!
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I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.
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Why are you moving? You have arrived to this lovely neighborhood just a few weeks ago."
"Yes, but I read in the local paper a bit of statistics that said, 'most auto accidents happen within eight miles of your home'."
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Topic Author

S

Sridevi

@hello123

Topic Stats

Created Sunday, 16 May 2010 06:45
Last Updated Tuesday, 30 November -0001 00:00
Replies 0
Views 10.2K
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Humor & Jokes

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