Funny jokes

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
- It's not that good help is hard to find, it's just that bad help is so hard to get rid of.
- They say you need a can-do attitude to get ahead in life. I disagree -- many people obviously got to be Vice-Presidents of major corporations just by snapping a few pictures of their respective CEO's and his secretary.

A manager is known by three measures:
The thickness of the carpet in his office.
The area of his desk.
The volume of his car's engine.

Personnel manager: "What made you leave your last job?"
Applicant: "Sickness."
Personnel manager: "And what was the problem?"
Applicant: "My boss was sick of me!"

Personal Manager to New job applicant: "Why did your manager fire you?"

"Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? " the young appicant replied.

"Yes, but why did he fire you?"

"He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!"

Personnel Manager interviewing prospective employee: "Your application states you were at your last place for 25 years. Then what made you leave the place?"

Hoperful applicant: "I was forced to-they granted me parole!"

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

What's a guy that hangs out with musicians called?
A drummer.

Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.

What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch.
"Madam," he announced, "I m the piano tuner."
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."
The man replied, I know you didn't, but your neighbours did.

A guy who played trombone in the opera had a fantastic gig on the day he had to play in the opera. He tried to find a replacement but without success. Finally, he went to his housekeeper and convinced him to do the replacement. "I will give you my other trombone. You just look and see what the guy next to you is doing and it will be okay."
Next morning, he asked the housekeeper how it was.
Catastrophe! your colleague also sent his housekeeper to replace him.

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain.
Yes, replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I'm an undercover dectective," the cop answers.
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off!"

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."