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Funny jokes

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Humor & Jokes
Wife says to husband: "I had a dream yesterday night that you gifted me with a diamond ring. Now, what does that mean"?

Husband says: "Am not sure, dear, Will let your know tonight"
Wife waits eagerly for her husband to return. The husband comes and gives her a pocket book- "The Meaning of dreams"!

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A man telephoned an airline office in New Delhi and asked, How long does it take to fly to Australia?
The Clerk said, "Just a minute...." "Thank you!" the man said and hung up.
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Passenger asked a flight attendant, "How high is this plane, Miss?"
The flight attendant replied, "About thirty-two thousand feet."

The passenger's jaw dropped in amazement. "Who'd have belive it? And could you tell me how wide it is?"
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A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies So, when he was approaching a field during the nighttime, instead of making any official request to the tower, he said, "Guess Who?"
The Controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess Where!"
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Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts!
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Barber: "Your hair is turning grey, sir."
Customer, irritated by the long delay: " I'm not surprised hurry up, will you?"
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First friend: "My barber is a specialist in road-map shaves."
Second friend: "How come?"
First friend: "When he's finished, your face is full of short cuts!"
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A man tells the barber. "Don't put any sweet stuff on me. My wife'll think I've been to a whore house."
Another customer in a nearby chair says, "You can put as much as you want on me. My wife has never been to a whore house!"
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One barbershop in town put up a sign attacking the fancy salon down the block.
The sign said, "Why pay twenty dollars? We give haircuts for two dollars."
The salon got even by putting up a sign of its own stating, "We repair two-dollar haircuts!"
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I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son.
Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
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Customer: "How mach for haircut?"
Barber: "20 Rupees."
Cutomer: "How much for a Shave?"
Barber: "Ten rupees."
Cutomer: "Great-shave my head, please!"
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Barber: "How old are you little man?"
Rohit: "Eight."
Barber: Do you want a haircut?"
Rohit: "well, I certainly didnt came in for a shave!"
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A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, “Are we safe here? Aren’t there cannibals around here?”
And the tourist guide says, “Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa.”
And the tourist says, “But there may be still some cannibals.”
And the tourist guide says, “No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday.”
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A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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A tourist was being led through a river in Corbett National Park. "Is it true," he asked, "that a crocodile won't attack you if you carry a torch?"
"That depends, "replied the guide, on how fast you carry the torch!"
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Frightened tourist: "Are ther any bats in this cave?
Guide: "There were, but dont worry, the snakes ate all of them."
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Tourist to guide: "Can you tell me why so many famous ancient battles were fought on tourister sites?
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Tourist: "Look Guide, Here are some LION tracks."
Guide : "Good. You see where they go and i will find out where they came from!".
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Customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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Topic Author

S

Sridevi

@hello123

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Created Sunday, 16 May 2010 06:45
Last Updated Tuesday, 30 November -0001 00:00
Replies 0
Views 10.2K
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Humor & Jokes

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