Funny jokes

Santa: Why are you heating the knife.

Banta: To do suicide.

Santa: But why are you heating it?

Banta: To prevent infection.

Museum Watchman: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.

Funny Sharma: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A Funny man & his wife go to a coffee house. Funny man buys 2 cups of coffee.

Funny Man: Drink quickly... drink quickly... before it gets cold.

Wife: But why...

Funny Man: They charge Rs. 50 for hot coffee and Rs 100 for cold coffee.

Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car?

Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.

A French husband was returning home after cremating his wife.

He sees heavy lightning and thunderstorm in the sky.

Husband thinks: She must have reached there.

Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."

Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?

Santa: My wife’s first husband.

A funny accountant visits a museum with a Sardar Ji.

Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.

Sardar: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?

Accountant: I was here 20 days ago. The guide told me that the painting was 500 years old.

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School Teacher: What is common between Buddha, Jesus, Mahavir and Guru Nanak Dev Ji?

Student: All of them were born on Indian centre govt holidays!

Laloo rang labor room of hospital to to know about his pregnant wife Rabri. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.

Laloo: How's it going?

Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

Laloo rang labor room of hospital to to know about his pregnant wife Rabri. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.

Laloo: How's it going?

Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

Laloo rang labor room of hospital to to know about his pregnant wife Rabri. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.

Laloo: How's it going?

Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

Laloo rang labor room of hospital to to know about his pregnant wife Rabri. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.

Laloo: How's it going?

Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.

Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.

Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.

Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.

Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat.

Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.

Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.

Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.

Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.

Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

Laloo applied for the post of a detective in Patna. In the interview he was asked a question:

Who killed Mahatma Gandhi?

Laloo: I will tell you tomorrow.

Laloo come home and tells his wife: I got the job and my first work is to investigate who killed Gandhi.

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhi was four years old.