Funny jokes

LOVE
L=loss of money.
o=out of mind.
v=vaste of time.
e=end of life.
So don?t LOVE.
Only line maro?.

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"
"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."
"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.
"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.
The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of a HMO."
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven... but only for 2 days."

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express
my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs...
I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........

Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

SANTA comes to school with 1 black and 1 white shoe.
Teacher - Go home and change.
SANTA- sir, ghar me bhi ek black aur white hi hai.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A woman goes to a police station.
Woman: My husband went to the market yesterday to bring potatoes.
He has not returned home yet.
Inspector: Why don’t you cook something else then?

Two men visited a sports stadium.
First man: Why are all these people running?
Second man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
First man: If only the winner gets the cup, why are the other people running?

Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."

Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards !

"An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."
Ambrose Bierce

"An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."
Ambrose Bierce

The Internal Revenue Code is about 10 times the size of the Bible and, unlike the Bible, contains no good news.
- Don Rickles

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Robert McCloskey

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"
"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."
"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.
"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.
The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of a HMO."
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven... but only for 2 days."

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express
my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs...
I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........

Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

SANTA comes to school with 1 black and 1 white shoe.
Teacher - Go home and change.
SANTA- sir, ghar meSANTA comes to school with 1 black and 1 white shoe.
Teacher - Go home and change.
SANTA- sir, ghar me bhi ek black aur white hi hai. bhi ek black aur white hi hai.