Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give
5 to Priya,
3 to Sonia and
2 to Neha
then what will u get????

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Kid: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!

Laloo and Rabri apply for divorce.

Judge: You have 9 children, how will you divide them equally.

Laloo thinks for a moment and tells Rabri: Dear, let's move home, we will apply for divorce after 9 months.

A Gujarati decides to study English. He learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.

He replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:

I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.

Q) Why did the Gujju go to Rome ?
A) The Guju wanted to listen to POPE music!.

Two Sweet Gujaratis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

First Gujarati: What's big in going to the moon, anybody can go there. We are Gujaratis. We will go direct to the sun.

Second Gujrati: But sun is too hot, it will melt us.

First Gujarati: So what, we will go at night.

Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?

Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!

Hi students !

Today, we will let you know the shortcut to success:

"Behind every successful Man, there is a WOMAN...

So, don't waste time in your studies...
just find a woman..."

A Pakistani army soldier walks into his officer's room.

To impress him, the army office picks the phone, dials a number and said "Yes sir, I understand sir. I will tell the Prime Minister. Goodbye."

Looking at the soldier he barked "What do you want?"
"Nothing sir." he replied. "I just came to install your telephone."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.