Funny jokes

Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat.

Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.

Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.

Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.

Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

Laloo applied for the post of a detective in Patna. In the interview he was asked a question:

Who killed Mahatma Gandhi?

Laloo: I will tell you tomorrow.

Laloo come home and tells his wife: I got the job and my first work is to investigate who killed Gandhi.

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhi was four years old.

Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

Sardarji saw two Pakistani workers in Karachi. One of them dig a hole, and the other guy immediately fill it with soil again. They repeated the work again and again.

Sardarji couldn’t understand their job. He asked the Pakistanis about it.

Paki Worker replied: The third guy who plants the trees in holes is on leave today, & we are doing our duty.

Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

Funny Husband: I know all that.

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

Laloo: Doctor, I don't remember anything, sometimes on road I even forget if I am going to office from home or going back to home from office.

Psychiatrist: In such a condition, you should check your tiffin. If it is empty then you are going to home, if it is full, you are going to office.

An Indian Sardar ji & a Pakistani were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking.

Pakistani: How much the earth is far from here?

Indian Sardar Ji: 2 kilo meter.

The Pakistani jumped into the sea and asked again: ...to which direction?

Indian Sardar Ji: Downwards.

Santa to Banta: I and my girlfriend are getting married.

Banta: Oh great, but when is the marriage?

Santa: I am marrying on on 13th Jan and my girlfriend on 20th.

Little boy: Aunty, what is inside your stomach?

Pregnant Lady: It's a cute little baby.

Little Boy: If it is cute, why did u eat it?

Santa: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender gives him a drink.

Santa again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender again gives him a drink.

Santa again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.

Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?

Naughty Santa: When you will ask for money.

A Drunk man points towards sky and asks another drunk: Is it sun or moon?

Second Drunk: I can't say what it is, because I am also new in the town.

Musharraf joined Pakistani army and was given a gun.

Musharraf asked his Officer: Sir, to what side should I point its nozzle, towards myself or to the opposite side.

Officer: Stupid, keep it anyway, in both the cases it will benefit the nation.

A Pakistani army soldier walks into his officer's room.

To impress him, the army office picks the phone, dials a number and said "Yes sir, I understand sir. I will tell the Prime Minister. Goodbye."

Looking at the soldier he barked "What do you want?"
"Nothing sir." he replied. "I just came to install your telephone."

Girlfriend: I can't marry you. I am one year elder to you.

Boyfriend: Very Good, I love you so much that I can wait for you for one year.

A Haryanvi Tau buys a ticket for Rs 100 and wins the lottery of 1 crore. He goes to claim it.

Haryanvi Tau: I want Rs 1 crore.

Lottery Agent: We give you 10 lakh today. The rest amount will be paid in next 6 months.

Haryanvi Tau: Oh, no! I want all my money right now. If you don't do it today, then I want my Rs 100 back.

Laloo and his wife Rabri were angry with each other and were not talking to each other.

Laloo left a note on Rabri's bedside table, that said: "Dear Wife! Awake me at 5 am tomorrow."

Next morning, Laloo awoke at 8 am and saw a note on his bedside table: "Dear Husband It's 5 O' Clock, get up.

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Blonde Wife: Why three?

Annoyed Husband: For you and your parents.