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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."
What do you call an angry monster?
Sir!

Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!

Why did the skeleton go the party?
For a rattling good time!

Who has webbed feet and fangs?
Count Quackula!
What runs around a cemetery but doesn't move?
A fence!

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!

What does a witch ask for when she goes to a hotel?
Broom service!

Where do ghosts pick up their mail?
At the ghost office!

What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock ?
He got ticks !

Why are graveyards so noisy ?
Because of all the coffin !

Why did the witch travel on a broom?
She couldn't afford a Vacuum Cleaner.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
Buckle your sheet belt!

What did one vampire say to the other?
Fangs aren’t what they used to be!

When do werewolves go trick or treating?
Howl-oween!

What should a short-sighted ghost have?
Spooktacles!

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in people?
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!
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“Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.”
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“Is your Dad home?”
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