Earlier in olden days before the invention of telephones and other means of communication people, people would travel miles and miles to see their friends, relatives and even their loved ones. The conversations were more lively involving more love, affection, and happiness. People back then were much more friendly and treat even strangers with a loving and welcoming face. In India and many other countries especially in villages, it is still a traditional practice to invite strangers into their homes and give some water when they come in search of address or looking for someone. Life back then was much more peaceful and people were a lot healthier with having to eat only natural organic fresh fruits and vegetables. This was the scenario in the early 1900's or so. But slowly with the advancement in technology and improving the standard of living, people started to become more and more selfish and reserved.

To talk about the younger generation of today they are reducing their time spent for their family. As a fact, they are willing to spend hours and hours of their time with their friends on Facebook and twitter rather than for their family. This has been creating many problems like misunderstandings, heartbreaks. These problems can be solved if they think about all the good things that their parents have done for them. Moreover, the biggest problem is using social media sites to share their photographs which if gets in the hands of wrong people, it will create additional mental tension and in the extreme case, death. So spending time on social media sites is not  a bad thing but we should not forget our limit and should also think about the ill effects it causes. Therefore, the best way to lead a social life is that engaging with people, actively participating in campaigns and activities related to creating awareness about a depressing issue, motivating people about how to overcome struggles in their life by sharing our own experiences, helping people in terms of both knowledge and money as much as possible. So, stay happy and healthier and lead a better social life than the many others. 

 "Triple Talaq is here to go"- this made the headlines of majority of news channels in country.

When the judgement against Triple Talaq was being welcomed by Muslim women across the nation, there came another judgement which shook women like me across the nation. 

"Hindu son can file for divorce if his wife tries to separate him from his parents"

An striking irony that the two judgement came parallel in time. While one supported the rights of women as an equal gender, the other one brought total disgrace to women. 

 I did not find it making headlines of newspapers or the news channels. I might have missed it or failed to notice it. And I did not find any channel debating it either. I got this news from one of the social  platform and ignored it. It did not appear to be true in today's progressive society and I  misunderstood it as thousand of misguiding rumors going viral on social platform. After a couple of days, I had to take it as a reality with a pinch of salt. There were petitions and forum discussions on various platforms about this law.

It did not get so much of limelight like the triple talaq ban. Maybe because it was not fighting against a draconian practice as in case of triple talaq. However, I felt that it also needs the similar limelight as it also involves the right of equality of a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law and above all a mother-in-law.

I read about this law on Internet and from the information that I collected ( pardon me! if I missed anything), I could come to a conclusion with surety that this judgement was a sexist and retrogressive judgement.

As a woman, I felt disgraced. 

Disgraced as a duaghter.  My parents can do their best to give me the best childhood and best education. But after my marriage, they lose their rights over me. I will be lawfully owned by a new set of parents. I don't owe the responsibility of taking care of my old parents. as I do not enjoy the right to seek divorce if my spouse stops me from doing that. From a loving custody of my parents I will be handed over to the lawful custody of my spouse and his parents.  

Disgraced as a sister.  My brother can enjoy living with my old parents without any obligation from his wife. But I can enjoy having my parents with me only if permitted by my spouse and in-laws. Traditions always allowed parents to stay with sons. Daughter were always seen as "paraya dhan" and now this patriarchal mindset has got a boost by a legal stamping.

Disgraced as a wife:  In the institution of marriage, I do not stand equal to him in my rights. He has got a legal upper hand. So the institution of marriage is not a relationship between equals anymore. The female has been dwarfed by this sexist judgement. While taking the vows of marriage, we talked about sharing our life and responsibilities together. While I am entitled to share his responsibility of taking care of his parents, he can escape his vow. He can only do it if he desires to do so. But I have to do it under the legal threat to my marriage.

Disgraced as a mother:  Being a mother of daughter, I do not enjoy the same social status as that of the mother of a son. I am at the mercy of my son-in-law's wish to take care of me. But if I have a son, my daughter-in-law is lawfully bounded to serve me. Think deep. Are we not promoting the want of son, sex determination and killing of female wombs??  

Disgraced as a daughter-in-law:  I love to take care of my spouse's parents because I get so much of love and support from them not because the law threatens me to do so.

Disgraced as a Mother-in-law: Well, this law seemingly supports me. But on deeper introspection, it disgraces me. My daughter-in-law is lawfully bonded to take care of me and not because of the strong bonding we share as two women in a relationship. I own her because of my status and not out of the respect that I earned in return of my love for her.

I felt disgraced and so did many Hindu women across the nation. Not only women, even the progressive males felt the same.

Many argued that the judgement is in line with our age old traditions. I feel we have witnessed reforms in traditions earlier for a better society. Traditions have to be reformed for betterment.

I would have embraced the judgement with open arms if it was not sexist and would have not demeaned our old tradition but rather glorified it by saying-

"The institution of Marriage is a beautiful relationship between two people who are equals and share the responsibility equally for taking care of both sets of parents"

Photo of Mustang by me

Oil changed the lifestyle of Dubai and overnight it was transformed into a vibrant city. Money from oil fueled an upsurge in the development and when the British left, they left behind a state that was on the threshold of a gigantic lift-off.

Petro dollars flowed in and Dubai became a metropolis that rivals the best cities in the world. Much of the development of Dubai was powered by expatriates from the sub-Continent. Many of the expatriates were blue collar and qualified workers and managers who drew very high salaries.

This abundance of cash brought in an auto revolution in Dubai. The locals sheikhs flush with money picked up the biggest and fanciest cars. Dubai became a sellers markets for  luxury automobiles. It became the biggest market for the Rolls-Royce, the epitome of luxury as far as automobiles are concerned. One can gauge its value as the Rolls Royce Phantom is marketed in India at a cost of Rs 4.53 crores. At one time it was the most sought after car by Indian royalty and the Maharajah of Patiala  reportedly had a fleet of 36 Rolls. One of these was even used to carry garbage.

The maharajah has gone with the wind and their place is taken by the Sheikh from Dubai. It is reported that over a 100 Rills Royce cars are sold every year in Dubai, making it the biggest market for rolls Royce, more than the UK itself. A drive around Dubai will reveal a dozen Rolls cruising along the roads at any given time. 

The expatriates also joined the car splurge and with high salaries and easy finance  cars like the Ford Mustang, Mercedes, BMW, Porsches and other luxury brands were sold in Dubai like hot cakes. The city shows affluence and it's no wonder that it, along with the UAE has one of the highest per capita incomes in the world.

There was a moment of alarm in 2008 when the construction boom tapered off and recession had set in. At that time many expatriates who could not pay for their car loans having lost their jobs just ran away from Dubai, leaving the hypothecated cars at the airport. This was the big flight and at one time it was estimated that nearly 3000 cars were left at Dubai airport, with the keys in the ignition slot. 

This was just an aberration as the ruler of Abu Dhabi bailed out Dubai and very soon Dubai was back on its feet. The old swerve has come back and once again the cars and the expatriate force has returned. Dubai is also aided by the finest road network in the world and one can cruise at 200 km an hour without batting an eyelid. One cannot dream of driving at these speeds in India even on the so-called freeway between Pune and Mumbai.

Dubai is home to the biggest brands in the auto industry and despite Dubai having no oil unlike Abu Dhabi which has billions of barrels in reserves, the economy of Dubai is diversified as a tourist and business centre and its is healthy and ticking. Not many know that Dubai rivals London as a business centre and even the ICC( International Cricket Conference) has its headquarters here.

The cars in Dubai are sold with minimal taxes and are cheap. Unfortunately, the Maruti, the staple diet of Indians is never seen in Dubai as it is felt to be a low-grade car, unfit for the super roads of Dubai. The luxury S-Class Mercedes and high-end Volvo, Toyota, Impala, Maybach, Ford Mustang, Porsche and Bentleys are great sellers here. The Rolls-Royce has a special niche for itself and most Sheikhs will drive this as a symbol of status.

Along with the cars, there are also repair centres which service these cars. Most of them are staffed by mechanics from India, mostly from the state of Kerala. They do a good job and its to the credit of India. What surprises me is that Indians when they go abroad work so hard and yet when in India, the Indian worker looks for ways to shirk work. What a contrast! I wonder who can explain this?

Dubai is the modern El Dorado, the proverbial city of gold. No wonder many Indians want to work here. It's much better than Saudi Arabia, which is more like a closed world and you may have money but life is bleak. The automobile has revolutionized Dubai and the camel, the old ship of the desert is now a relic, for tourists to sit atop and ride it for an experience. So far so good, but there is always a sense of unease as what happened in 2008 is not revisited again.

Before we discuss this topic, its worthwhile to dwell on an aspect of human relationship between sexes. Do men feel that there is a need for multiple sex partners? Do men naturally desire additional partners for sexual release in a life span ?. 

Many research studies have been carried out and it can be confirmed here that man by nature thinks more of sex than a woman. Studies also point out that there is a latent desire by a man for a sexual relationship outside marriage. Men are more likely to be profligate in this matter than women. Why this should happen, cannot be quantified. Perhaps it is because of the physiological  and mental make up of the male.  Even in animal societies the majority are polygamous and have more than one partner.

In human society there was no marriage when prehistoric man lived, but gradually a need was felt to identify children and set up a family . This was regulated by bringing in the concept of marriage for easy identification of the family. But from history we learn, that man always had more than one partner and this continued for centuries. In Hindu society the concept of more than one  sexual partner was accepted as a fact of life. Monogamy was almost unknown in Hindu society for close to 4000 years. The fact that most Hindu men did not practice polygamy was only because of economic constraints. The wealthy and the rich led by the Nawabs and Maharajas  never practiced monogamy as they built up a Harem like in Islam, with tens of wives and concubines. The doyen of the Sikhs and a much respected ruler Maharajah Bhupinder Singh of Patiala  had 10 official wives and over a 100 concubines( I am not sure of this figure and most likely it was much higher). 

The only religion that brought in the concept of a single wife( monogamy) is Christianity.  But it is a religion riddled by contradictions and though  the Catholic faith does not recognise divorce or polygamy, yet in Catholic nations extramarital sex is most common. A look at society in Italy is an eye opener as almost every second man has a mistress. The novels of that famous novelist Alberto Moravia, bring out this dichotomy of married life in Italy. Moravia has pictured Italian society  with all its nuances and extramarital sex with aplomb.

Most psychologists have concluded that man by his very nature tends to be polygamous. Yet man himself brought in the concept of polygamy in marriage.  But polygamy has not brought about a suppression of the latent desire of man  for another partner. This has resulted in secret liaisons, trysts and extramarital affairs. Another outlet given to a man and a woman  is divorce. This is a recognition of the nature of man. society also accepts this desire for another partner in the form of various key clubs where wives are interchanged in a random manner by a game or a lottery. Again , as I have pointed out this is among the well to do and like polygamy being earlier practiced by the rich, such events are again a preserve of  people above the economic threshold.  

Despite all that I have written, man by his very nature desires  variety.  He may live with a suppression of this desire for decades, conditioned by religion and mores, but there is no doubt given a degree of latitude most men dream of another partner.

One Religion has recognised this physiological need for another partner  and that is Islam. The reasons for polygamy in Islam and its acceptance by the clergy are different, but the net effect is that it caters for a sexual release of a man with another partner in the ambit of marriage. Islam permits upto 4 wives and divorce is much simpler. This does not mean that all Muslim men are polygamous and have more than one wife. Economic reasons will again dominate and in India despite all talk by vested interests the average Muslim has one wife. However the rich do exercise their prerogative and will have more than one wife. This privilege is only for the male and women are excluded.

One can say that in theory a man by being allowed to have 4 wives has an outlet for a relationship with another woman and this is sanctified by canonical law. In a way it is an acceptance of  a basic urge of man for sex with another partner. 

Polygamy is an outdated concept, but it served a purpose. With advancement in life in all spheres, one can say that polygamy has gone, but the desire of man for another sexual partner has not gone. This goes on and is a facet of everyday life all over the world.

One aspect that needs mention is the de facto presence of polygamy in the CHristian nations. In 1862 the US Congress passed a law banning polygamy. The worst affected was the Mormon Church, which believed in polygamy. Over the decades the men in the west have however got around the law passed by Congress. Men like Donald Trump and Larry king, divorce older women and marry younger woman.  They thus extend the fertility period of their lives, something which polygamy would have done. It should also be noted that there is very little reverse traffic and all circumnavigation of the law of monogamy is  mostly by men.

Psychologists and research scholars have opined that man is polygamous by nature and this recognition is perhaps only in Islam. But in essence even in other societies ways are available for a man to satisfy his urge for sexual partner other than the woman he has married.

One last fact worth highlighting is that right from historic ancient times men always aspired for multiple wives( albeit a small percentage), but in contrast hardly any woman aspired  for polyandry.  In real terms most women accepted the restrictions of society in  terms of polygamy. The same continues now, except the parameters have changed with quick divorces. In contrast Islam is more forthright in this matter and having multiple partners for sex under the ambit of marriage is a recognition that man is by nature polygamous.