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Sex outside marriage. Is it OK?

I just happened to have a discussion with one of my friends. I just don’t want to reveal who it is, maybe he or she. The person says, now the world has changed a lot……In a married relationship, it’s not necessary that a person should keep sexual relationship with spouse only, if he/she never kills the married relationship. He/she can have it outside too, without the knowledge of spouse as long as it never affects their relationship. If it’s for an entertainment or enjoyment it’s OK. It’s no problem even if it is with his/her colleague for an instant moment, situation or due to circumstances. But he/she should never carry it forward. After 1, 2 or 5 years, it’s not at all significant that he/she had sex with some unknown person or someone who doesn’t affect their life today.







I am still a traditional Indian woman who still believes in the old principles of one man- one woman relationship throughout the life. But when my friend says it’s Ok, my mind wanders in thoughts. Now social life has changed a lot. Only a few give value for relations and still believe in the traditional Indian principles of married life. Now men and women get more opportunities to mingle each other; mail, mobiles, sms, networking sites, corporate world etc. If it’s freely available outside, I don’t think any person will find significance with a sexual relationship with his spouse. I believe so; I am not sure now if I am right. What’s your opinion?



Sandhya Rani
Category: Family & Relationships

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The entire foundation of marriage is based on mutual trust , care and love ! However, in our country we see a lot of men having affairs and even mistresses openly with their wives putting up with it.If the wife were to do the same the entire society including the women folk would turn against her. Now probably the educated women are giving tit for tat by having affairs with their colleagues etc...I will not even question the moral issue or what the society says since society has doubke standards and the less you listen the bettter!But, on the whole I personally tend to think that extra marital affairs are definitely not healthy for a marriage in any society either here,in a western society or anywhere else !
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Kalyani Nandurkar Exactly..sex before marriage is a matter of personal choice and circumstances play a major role around it, but once a person gets married should be expected to be fully committed to his or her spouse and not indulge in extramarital affairs. But expecting virginity of a girl at her marriage is only a matter of double standards and should not be associated with chastity or character, is what I feel. - Kalyani Nandurkar - 11 years ago
usha manohar I agree with that, what happens before marriage should not be an issue at all...In fact it is but natural for teenagers to become friendly with the opposite sex and may even get intimate at some stage and things may not work out since they are not mature or responsible to handle things at that stage.So it is all the more reason for girls to choose their own spouses broad minded enough not make an issue of it later in life! - usha manohar - 11 years ago
Sandhya Rani yes, i agree to you both. That's what I believe too. We can't dig something from one's past as long as it never affects the future. yes, full commitment after marriage, i sincerely believe in this fact. Mutual trust and feeling of security are of course, two essential facts of a healthy marriage - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Kalyani Nandurkar Extra marital affair after getting married is strictly a no-no and it amounts to infidelity and cheating, if your friend feels that it is ok if the spouse is ignorant, then it is totally wrong. Even in western society, we have quite a wrong notion about them that they welcome free sex openly, but the married couples in those societies are also as committed to each other as we are, at least until their marriages are working. Once you get separated or divorced, you are free to do what you want, but as long as you are married, you should be committed and faithful. - Kalyani Nandurkar - 11 years ago

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usha manohar

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We cannot generally say that it is right or wrong, it actually depends from person to person. Like so many things, what is right for one person may be wrong for another. We also have to consider the biological and hormonal changes occurring in our bodies. Earlier, marriages happened at very early ages when hormonal and physical changes started occurring in the body, ie, immediately after puberty. Therefore the sexual urges that people faced were satisfied immediately and at home itself. But now the marriageable age has been pushed very further to past 25s and early 30s due to more focus on higher studies, career etc. Therefore young people in order to satisfy their physical needs among themselves, ie, among best friends, casual dating or a little more serious relationships. Wanting or needing to have physical gratification is a natural and biological instinct and holding them up needs great reserves of self-restraint and self-control which is possible only for view. For some in long term it comes out explosively resulting in date rapes, violence against unknown women etc. So we should not look at this issue with a frown but consider the factors that are involved. I too am traditional in my outlook to an extent, but we have to consider other factors also!
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Sandhya Rani It's really a nice and intellectual reply. But my question is not about life before marriage. Focus is on life after marriage when a boy and girl take 7 vows and promises each other that they are made for each other only(???) and never to break the other person's beliefs. Now no one really cares about the life before marriage, time has changed a lot. Only a few boys are still there who may insist on a virgin bride. If the question is about life after marriage only, what's your answer? - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Kalyani Nandurkar Sandhya, I am not really sure what you mean by life after marriage exactly, sex life is an integral part of life after marriage and a healthy sex life is good for the health of marital life and ensures good, loving relationship between the couple. Is that what you mean to ask? Is your question is related to virginity, it plays no significant role in a marriage, except for the fact that it has been given too much unnecessary importance in the society. Virginity or non-virginity of a bride is of much less consequence than the bride's commitment and fulfilment of responsibilities to her husband and her family. And the same rule applies or rather, SHOULD apply to the groom! - Kalyani Nandurkar - 11 years ago
Sandhya Rani yes, the question is about 'after marriage' only. That's what I had a discussion with my friend. We talked about after marriage only and that person feels, it is not at all an issue or wrong thing if a married person have sex with someone else, if it's for enjoyment only...as long as he never carries that relationship forward. He/she should never end the married life in sake of that extra-marital relationship. As long as spouse is ignorant of this, it's OK. I just wanted to know if this person's opinion was right or not... nothing to deal with life before marriage. - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Kalyani Nandurkar

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Extra marital relation as a rule is not good. But this is personal issue and if couples are comfortable with such relation, this is okay. If some body is too possessive iof the spouse, such extra marital relation will cause trouble. One must not annoy the spouse by indulging in such relation in such condition. Also if somebody indulges in such relation, he must not deny this to the spouse as well.
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Sandhya Rani It's a nice reply sir. It's the best answer quoted till now. Yes, it depends on other person's nature and principles too. If it's Ok, then no problem. Otherwise it's better to avoid such troubles. Are we not hearing 'exchange of spouses' in our Indian societies now???? Yes, such things also happens nowadays. It happens only if both the persons are OK and believe the same way. - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Gulshan Kumar Ajmani

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Extramarital relationship can never be good. Being modern in my outlook does not entail me in being promiscuous. Either spouse should not indulge in it and try to revive the lost love in their marriage first. But I know few people who do indulge in extramarital relationships and then vouch about their marriage to showoff, when in reality the truth is something else. Even in ultra modern societies like US or UK..extramarital relationships are not accepted, this is one of the reason why divorce rates are high.Some people are of the opinion that until you keep the both the people happy as your spouse and the other person and you spouse doesn't come to know about the other person it is okay. But I think this is a breach of trust in a marriage. Trust once broken can never be mend.
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Mousumi Ghosh

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Extra marital sexual relation is against the society though many of us do this. I wonder if its OK then why people hide it from his/her partner. Certainly it depends on person to person may be for enjoyment they do it but in my opinion actually they cheat their partner.
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Sandhya Rani yes Sanjeev, i too believe the same way. In our society, if 10 persons commit the same mistake, then it becomes a right thing. Then it becomes a trend and some more people may follow the same steps. Yes, you told is right. If there is nothing wrong, then why should they hide it from partner???? Why should we hide something that's absolutely right? The person with whom I had discussion also told the same thing, though he/she tried to prove it right...."Spouse should never know about it. If so, he/she will break the relationship.." haha - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Gulshan Kumar Ajmani The extra marital affair will amount to cheating if the spouse is opposed to such relation which is hidden. - Gulshan Kumar Ajmani - 11 years ago
Sanjeev Gupta

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I agree with Sanjeev. It will be like cheating with the partner to do like that.. This is surely like breaking trust of other one.
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Sandhya Rani Yes, trust is most important. It doesn't mean, we should be good and right in our partner's eyes. It also mean that we should be right in our own eyes too. Last week I happened to watch one Malayalam movie. The lesson it gives is ...A husband thinks about other woman only if he doesn't respect his wife or their relationship. Definitely it's true! - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
AKP Yes .. if there is something wrong in the relationship and both are not think it as proper then it might possible with their own choice. - AKP - 11 years ago
AKP

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Keeping relation with other person other than husband after marriage is not our culture.Being as a indian they should follow the Indian tradition and culture.

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Keeping relation with other in the presence of a spouse. It is not good for our society. Such kind of tradition is not part of our culture. Our country is known for relationship. Such activities in back of your spouse may fall you in front of spouse and other country.
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Sandhya Rani Nice answer, thank you - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
DIPU S KUMAR

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IN our country extra marital affairs are not good. Marriage means trusting on our partners and our partner also expects the same from us. So in my opinion extra affairs are not good.

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Manoj Kumar Lamba

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As a tradition it is the best to stay with your partner because it saves you from different problems that can occur on social and medical grounds. Although you cannot deny it exists in every society but no society approves it, however developed. The results are always bad and reminds us of pre-civilized era. No way.
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suni51

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In some special cases we need to follow our tradition. In the marriage bond it is highly related with love, affection, trust, unity, truthful. If the trust is break down then the relation which may also cut. We don't allow these type of culture. This is not a modern thought and it does not  be a modern society. They are culprits. Thief who does not like a thief. 

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M.Thamarai Selvi

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Going by the Indian tradition and my principles, Sex outside of marriage is not acceptable to me.

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Sheetal Kumar N

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Still out country is not developed as like usa or uk. These kind of trend might follow in other countries but not in our country.
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Sandhya Rani does it mean extramarital relations are symbols of being a developed country and India is not developed at all???

As far as I know, even western countries are astonished seeing Indian married relations staying for 50+ years or still the end of life! Truly Indians keep and maintain relationships, though nowadays they have started aping west. - Sandhya Rani - 11 years ago
Bol Bachchan
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