Funny jokes

A rich Sardarji needed blood for his heart surgery.

He got it from a poor Bania.

Sardarji gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the Sardar needed blood for surgery.

Bania was more than happy to donated blood again. This time, Sardar just gave him a Cadburies Chocolate. Bania asked the reason.

Sardar: Now I also have Bania blood in my body.

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

First Sardar Ji: What are the fastest means of communication ?

Second Sardar Ji: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

Sardar Ji to Laloo: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.

Laloo rushed home angrily.

After half an hour, he came back and slapped the Sardarji.

Laloo said: You fool, he is not my friend.

A Nigger sent an SMS to his pregnant wife.

A couple of seconds later the Nigger received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: "Delivered".

Black Husband: If I die, will you remarry?

Black Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?

Black Husband: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

There were two desi lovers: Lalu & Rabri. They loved each other so much that they planned to do Suicide.

Lalu jumped first.

Now it was Rabri's turn.

Rabri closed her eyes, and returned back saying Love is Blind.

Lalu, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.

A Nigger & Sardar Ji visit Gandhi Indian Stadium.

Nigger: Why are all these people running?

Sardarji: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Nigger: If only winner will get the cup, why are others running?

A young man was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor.

A Sardar Ji came running.

Sardar Ji shouted: "Laloo, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident".

Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window in panic to go as-early-as-possible.

While coming down when he was near tenth floor, he remembered he had no daughter named Sweety.

When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Laloo.

A Russian wife goes to police station.

Russian Wife: My husband went to the market yesterday to bring potatoes. He has not returned home yet.

Russian Inspector: Why don't you cook something else?

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give
5 to Priya,
3 to Sonia and
2 to Neha
then what will u get????

....

.....


......


......

Kid: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!

Laloo and Rabri apply for divorce.

Judge: You have 9 children, how will you divide them equally.

Laloo thinks for a moment and tells Rabri: Dear, let's move home, we will apply for divorce after 9 months.

A Gujarati decides to study English. He learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.

He replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:

I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.

Q) Why did the Gujju go to Rome ?
A) The Guju wanted to listen to POPE music!.

Two Sweet Gujaratis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

First Gujarati: What's big in going to the moon, anybody can go there. We are Gujaratis. We will go direct to the sun.

Second Gujrati: But sun is too hot, it will melt us.

First Gujarati: So what, we will go at night.

Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?

Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!

Hi students !

Today, we will let you know the shortcut to success:

"Behind every successful Man, there is a WOMAN...

So, don't waste time in your studies...
just find a woman..."

A Pakistani army soldier walks into his officer's room.

To impress him, the army office picks the phone, dials a number and said "Yes sir, I understand sir. I will tell the Prime Minister. Goodbye."

Looking at the soldier he barked "What do you want?"
"Nothing sir." he replied. "I just came to install your telephone."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.