It's a different story in the family living opposite to my Flat.. Mother decides everything be it the dress during the off hours of the School or food the children should eat. . Father is a Business man who leaves the house before the family wakes up and returns home late in the night when the entire family sleeps. Eldest child is a Boy. Both the Boy and the girl leave the home in the early hours to go to school. Interference of the mother in the children's affairs create a scene on every Sunday. Both the Boy and the girl are not allowed to wear a dress of their choice even on Vacations. Mother dictates and the children are expected to abide by her diktats.

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

There are both positive and negative aspects when there is change. But with time and experience it becomes easier to adapt to the change in relationship s

Yes, it does become easier with time and experience, but like I said in some other instance, there has to be willingness to adapt too, without which things become very difficult and unpleasant for all parties involved. I have seen how parents have refused to accept modern dress codes in their children and their insistence to make them stick to the parents' own notion of what is fashionable resulted in estrangement between parents and children. Here, it was only a trivial issue such as clothes, and modern outfits do not necessarily mean skimpy clothing, but the parents closed all lines of communication and now are left all alone as children refuse to have anything to do with them.

I agree Kalyani, dress preference always leads to a tug of war between the parents and daughters, boys are lucky that way ! Now here in my city all colleges have uniforms on week days and only n Saturday being half working days ,the students are allowed to wear any other dress and the girls and boys are waiting to dress up on those days. But even that has to be within the dress code that a college follows, so no short tops or short dresses above knees etc..One of my neighbors daughter is in college and she loves to dress up in dresses and it looks nice on her because she is a pretty girl with a trim figure. But her mother would have none of it , so the poor girl wears a salwar kameez and change into a dress at her friends place and change back before coming home..I know this and I am sure so do many others ! I wonder what would happen when the mother comes to know ..

Yes Usha, the example you gave I have seen in my own friends, and when the truth comes out all hell breaks loose. Instead the parents should sit down with their kids and talk about what is appropriate dress and what is not, explain their reasons for choosing a particular or not allowing a specific pattern etc with respect to consequences of wearing such dresses, their social bearing etc. Just putting the foot down and say 'such and such a dress will not be tolerated " will only make the kids rebel more. OF course, dressing is just one example. There are so many others if we see for clashes between parents and children.

The more a child is subjected to pressure, the more the child becomes stubborn. A stubborn child cannot be handled easily. It may be related to dress or food, it's advisable for the Parents to deal with the child in an amicable atmosphere. For this, a constant interaction between the child and the parents is needed.

Children  can be moulded in to any shape, provided they are treated tenderly with love and care. My own son, who was kept with my parents was subjected to harsh treatment in his tender age. Because I was serving in another state.  Consequently he has become stubborn and revolted. It took many years for me to make him normal. Because of my patience, today he is well settled as a Software programmer, drawing a handsome salary

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

There are both positive and negative aspects when there is change. But with time and experience it becomes easier to adapt to the change in relationship s

Yes, it does become easier with time and experience, but like I said in some other instance, there has to be willingness to adapt too, without which things become very difficult and unpleasant for all parties involved. I have seen how parents have refused to accept modern dress codes in their children and their insistence to make them stick to the parents' own notion of what is fashionable resulted in estrangement between parents and children. Here, it was only a trivial issue such as clothes, and modern outfits do not necessarily mean skimpy clothing, but the parents closed all lines of communication and now are left all alone as children refuse to have anything to do with them.

I agree Kalyani, dress preference always leads to a tug of war between the parents and daughters, boys are lucky that way ! Now here in my city all colleges have uniforms on week days and only n Saturday being half working days ,the students are allowed to wear any other dress and the girls and boys are waiting to dress up on those days. But even that has to be within the dress code that a college follows, so no short tops or short dresses above knees etc..One of my neighbors daughter is in college and she loves to dress up in dresses and it looks nice on her because she is a pretty girl with a trim figure. But her mother would have none of it , so the poor girl wears a salwar kameez and change into a dress at her friends place and change back before coming home..I know this and I am sure so do many others ! I wonder what would happen when the mother comes to know ..

Yes Usha, the example you gave I have seen in my own friends, and when the truth comes out all hell breaks loose. Instead the parents should sit down with their kids and talk about what is appropriate dress and what is not, explain their reasons for choosing a particular or not allowing a specific pattern etc with respect to consequences of wearing such dresses, their social bearing etc. Just putting the foot down and say 'such and such a dress will not be tolerated " will only make the kids rebel more. OF course, dressing is just one example. There are so many others if we see for clashes between parents and children.

Just today I was looking at the local news channels and there was a news item about a middle aged couple committing suicide because their daughter had gone off with the by she was in love with and the boy had called and told the parents that they would get married. I find this step by the parents very immature because once a child is a major one should let them make their own decisions, at the most parents can guide them or advise them , that is if they are ready to listen or else at least be part of their decisions, that way you can at least have some say when you see things not working out well..

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

There are both positive and negative aspects when there is change. But with time and experience it becomes easier to adapt to the change in relationship s

Yes, it does become easier with time and experience, but like I said in some other instance, there has to be willingness to adapt too, without which things become very difficult and unpleasant for all parties involved. I have seen how parents have refused to accept modern dress codes in their children and their insistence to make them stick to the parents' own notion of what is fashionable resulted in estrangement between parents and children. Here, it was only a trivial issue such as clothes, and modern outfits do not necessarily mean skimpy clothing, but the parents closed all lines of communication and now are left all alone as children refuse to have anything to do with them.

I agree Kalyani, dress preference always leads to a tug of war between the parents and daughters, boys are lucky that way ! Now here in my city all colleges have uniforms on week days and only n Saturday being half working days ,the students are allowed to wear any other dress and the girls and boys are waiting to dress up on those days. But even that has to be within the dress code that a college follows, so no short tops or short dresses above knees etc..One of my neighbors daughter is in college and she loves to dress up in dresses and it looks nice on her because she is a pretty girl with a trim figure. But her mother would have none of it , so the poor girl wears a salwar kameez and change into a dress at her friends place and change back before coming home..I know this and I am sure so do many others ! I wonder what would happen when the mother comes to know ..

Yes Usha, the example you gave I have seen in my own friends, and when the truth comes out all hell breaks loose. Instead the parents should sit down with their kids and talk about what is appropriate dress and what is not, explain their reasons for choosing a particular or not allowing a specific pattern etc with respect to consequences of wearing such dresses, their social bearing etc. Just putting the foot down and say 'such and such a dress will not be tolerated " will only make the kids rebel more. OF course, dressing is just one example. There are so many others if we see for clashes between parents and children.

Just today I was looking at the local news channels and there was a news item about a middle aged couple committing suicide because their daughter had gone off with the by she was in love with and the boy had called and told the parents that they would get married. I find this step by the parents very immature because once a child is a major one should let them make their own decisions, at the most parents can guide them or advise them , that is if they are ready to listen or else at least be part of their decisions, that way you can at least have some say when you see things not working out well..

That is the tragic tale of modern times. People expect their children to be all educated, well rounded and talented, go-getters, globetrotters and yet, do not allow kids to take their own decisions with respect to food choices, clothing and future life partners! A hotch potch of fairy tales with tragic ending.

Such things happen when there is an authoritarianism exists in the parents. I know several parents who are dogmatic and stick to their own time worn beliefs. Such parents think that their children remain as children forever. Parents with emancipated treat their children as friends.  

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

There are both positive and negative aspects when there is change. But with time and experience it becomes easier to adapt to the change in relationship s

Yes, it does become easier with time and experience, but like I said in some other instance, there has to be willingness to adapt too, without which things become very difficult and unpleasant for all parties involved. I have seen how parents have refused to accept modern dress codes in their children and their insistence to make them stick to the parents' own notion of what is fashionable resulted in estrangement between parents and children. Here, it was only a trivial issue such as clothes, and modern outfits do not necessarily mean skimpy clothing, but the parents closed all lines of communication and now are left all alone as children refuse to have anything to do with them.

I agree Kalyani, dress preference always leads to a tug of war between the parents and daughters, boys are lucky that way ! Now here in my city all colleges have uniforms on week days and only n Saturday being half working days ,the students are allowed to wear any other dress and the girls and boys are waiting to dress up on those days. But even that has to be within the dress code that a college follows, so no short tops or short dresses above knees etc..One of my neighbors daughter is in college and she loves to dress up in dresses and it looks nice on her because she is a pretty girl with a trim figure. But her mother would have none of it , so the poor girl wears a salwar kameez and change into a dress at her friends place and change back before coming home..I know this and I am sure so do many others ! I wonder what would happen when the mother comes to know ..

Yes Usha, the example you gave I have seen in my own friends, and when the truth comes out all hell breaks loose. Instead the parents should sit down with their kids and talk about what is appropriate dress and what is not, explain their reasons for choosing a particular or not allowing a specific pattern etc with respect to consequences of wearing such dresses, their social bearing etc. Just putting the foot down and say 'such and such a dress will not be tolerated " will only make the kids rebel more. OF course, dressing is just one example. There are so many others if we see for clashes between parents and children.

Just today I was looking at the local news channels and there was a news item about a middle aged couple committing suicide because their daughter had gone off with the by she was in love with and the boy had called and told the parents that they would get married. I find this step by the parents very immature because once a child is a major one should let them make their own decisions, at the most parents can guide them or advise them , that is if they are ready to listen or else at least be part of their decisions, that way you can at least have some say when you see things not working out well..

That is the tragic tale of modern times. People expect their children to be all educated, well rounded and talented, go-getters, globetrotters and yet, do not allow kids to take their own decisions with respect to food choices, clothing and future life partners! A hotch potch of fairy tales with tragic ending.

I feel that many parents fail to distinguish between discipline and authority. After a certain age children tend to become more independent in their thoughts and peer pressure too is anther factor that make them revolt. Earlier this was not an issue because our joint family system acted as everything to an individual - Cousins and neighbors were friends which meant not much newer ideas seeping in ..

now a day children from their small age itself wants to have their own privacy which i think makes a vast change in the relationship between parents and their child because they feel uneasy to share their personal differences which they are facing now