Who is great? It's u
Who is smart? It's u
Who is sweetest? It's u
Who is jolly? It's u
Who is lying? Of course, it's me.

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery . .."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The mother answered; "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered; "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says; "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Dad says we developed from monkeys?"
The mother answers, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

interviewer:- "If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen...?
Candidate:- "We will get our salary everyday!!!"
.
Think wisely..
Act Confidently.. =)

Teacher:-
behind every successful men there is a women...
what do we learn from this?
student :-
we should stop wasting time in studies and find that woman... :P

A little Indian Boy wanted Rs50, so he prayed 4 weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided 2 write a letter 2 God requesting Rs50.

When post office staff received a letter addressed 2 God, they forwarded it 2 the President.

... ... President was so amused, she instructed her secretary 2 send the little boy Rs 20.
As she thought Rs50 would be a lot of
money for him.

The little boy was delighted with Rs20 & decided 2 write a thank u note 2 God.


'Dear God, Thank u very much 4 sending d money. However,
I noticed dat u ev sent it through 'Rashtrapati Bhavan' (Through Government Building) & those corrupt donkeys ate my 30 rupees! :D'

A Sardarji (substitute appropriate tribe if required) is lying across the railway tracks with a bottle of whisky and a tandoori chicken within reach. A passerby asks why he is doing so when a train might come across at any moment. Because I want to commit suicide, replies the Sardar. The passerby then asks about the food and drink nearby. ``Why not? You can't rely on trains running on time any more. You don't expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?''

Newton Friendship law:

for every idoit there is an equal & opposite idiot...!!

They are called FRIENDS...