Are we leading to Empty Nester Syndrome?

Personally I feel that we need to understand and slowly wean our children to be independent rather than do it forcefully.We should also remember that we have a few years of total togetherness with our children and the more we enjoy it the better because you have those memories to look back on..I used to spoil my children but also have long discussions with them when we went walking and on holidays. I also used to get lot of advise from friends and close relatives on how to bring up my children but I felt that I have to bring up my children the way I wanted and depending on my own intuition as to what is right and good for them rather than listen to advise that may not be suitable for us !

Each moment has its own life. It may be a Happy moment or a sad moment. With time happiness and sad moment wane away. Neither happiness or unhappiness remain forever. So are the happy moments spent with our children and family and the melancholic moments of separations. Wisdom lies in adopting to the ever changing conditions.

We should generate positive memories of happy association when together for these remain with us forever.

@usha manohar In my previous comment I have used the word 'harsh' which I sometimes apply on my son. Here, harsh means just refusing to do his work which I know he can do it easily if he tries a bit and secondly he has got enough time to do so but it's not that I force him to become independent. Sometimes I make him understand nicely but when he becomes stubborn or simply starts nagging me then I need to become strict and being strict is always a bit harsh but obviously not too harsh. There are times when I get very strict then my son too understands that he must have committed some great mistake. 

I absolutely second your thought that if I have a right intention while bringing up my child then there is no need to follow others' advice. I do discuss about my son with my sisters but basically I follow my instinct in nurturing him because with time everything varies. It's different when mothers act selfishly but when a mother knows that she is selfless then it's her choice how to bring up her child but yes too much of love or too much of strictness will definitely spoil the child. 

Parents should strike a balance strict parenting and liberal parenting. Too much of either of these two would prove counter productive.

 There is a saying, praise your child openly  and reprimand in privacy. This says all about ideal parenting.

I was at Delhi airport to see off my daughter and her 4 years old son who was under the impression that I will travel with them. I said I will bring my passport but he thought I can use his passport and if police caught me for traveling without a passport his papa will hit the police and rescue Nanu. I am guilty of using my mobile while driving back to home for the first time because I had to answer him repeatedly that I will join him soon (my wife was not with me). 

Just tell me how can one avoid such situations?

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

@usha manohar In my previous comment I have used the word 'harsh' which I sometimes apply on my son. Here, harsh means just refusing to do his work which I know he can do it easily if he tries a bit and secondly he has got enough time to do so but it's not that I force him to become independent. Sometimes I make him understand nicely but when he becomes stubborn or simply starts nagging me then I need to become strict and being strict is always a bit harsh but obviously not too harsh. There are times when I get very strict then my son too understands that he must have committed some great mistake. 

I absolutely second your thought that if I have a right intention while bringing up my child then there is no need to follow others' advice. I do discuss about my son with my sisters but basically I follow my instinct in nurturing him because with time everything varies. It's different when mothers act selfishly but when a mother knows that she is selfless then it's her choice how to bring up her child but yes too much of love or too much of strictness will definitely spoil the child. 

Shampa we are afterall human and have only limited patience at our disposal especially while bringing up kids, dealing with household chores etc etc...One can easily lose temper and boys can really drive you crazy at times.It would happen with me and with three kids with very little age gap between them and all bundle of energy and mischief ,was enough to drive me crazy twenty times a day LOL...One thing I promised myself was that I would never use physical punishment, no spanking ever and I stuck by it !

I agree that only parents know their kids well and no matter how much others may advise you, at the end of the day, it is only you that should be taking decisions as to what is right for your child.

suni51 wrote:

I was at Delhi airport to see off my daughter and her 4 years old son who was under the impression that I will travel with them. I said I will bring my passport but he thought I can use his passport and if police caught me for traveling without a passport his papa will hit the police and rescue Nanu. I am guilty of using my mobile while driving back to home for the first time because I had to answer him repeatedly that I will join him soon (my wife was not with me). 

Just tell me how can one avoid such situations?

No need for concern. Innocence in that age is quite common. These children feel that their Papa is the strongest of all. Once they gain age, this innocence disappears

rambabu wrote:

suni51 wrote:

I was at Delhi airport to see off my daughter and her 4 years old son who was under the impression that I will travel with them. I said I will bring my passport but he thought I can use his passport and if police caught me for traveling without a passport his papa will hit the police and rescue Nanu. I am guilty of using my mobile while driving back to home for the first time because I had to answer him repeatedly that I will join him soon (my wife was not with me). 

Just tell me how can one avoid such situations?

No need for concern. Innocence in that age is quite common. These children feel that their Papa is the strongest of all. Once they gain age, this innocence disappears

 

That was not the point, but I wanted to say how a father or grandfather feels when he sees his loved ones going off temporarily or permanently. The 'empty-nester' feeling is not limited to mothers only. Just tell me how can one avoid such situations when one has to face situation like one I faced yesterday while seeing them off and came back home alone?

suni51 wrote:

rambabu wrote:

suni51 wrote:

I was at Delhi airport to see off my daughter and her 4 years old son who was under the impression that I will travel with them. I said I will bring my passport but he thought I can use his passport and if police caught me for traveling without a passport his papa will hit the police and rescue Nanu. I am guilty of using my mobile while driving back to home for the first time because I had to answer him repeatedly that I will join him soon (my wife was not with me). 

Just tell me how can one avoid such situations?

No need for concern. Innocence in that age is quite common. These children feel that their Papa is the strongest of all. Once they gain age, this innocence disappears

 

That was not the point, but I wanted to say how a father or grandfather feels when he sees his loved ones going off temporarily or permanently. The 'empty-nester' feeling is not limited to mothers only. Just tell me how can one avoid such situations when one has to face situation like one I faced yesterday while seeing them off and came back home alone?

As usual and as every parent or grand parent would be in the same situation. That's the reason i said above that there is no need for concern. That emptiness is bound to be there. Yes such feeling is not limited to mothers only. You are an example who felt this in the Delhi airport. So that proves that empty nest feeling is not limited to mothers alone.

 

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

i too agree with you, now a days communication facilities make a little comfort for the children who have gone to abroad or far from their houses. These communication facilities like phone call, online video call, online chatting through internet etc make the parents a little relief from their worrying about their child. 

Communicating tools brought a revolutionary change in the human lives. With these tools at the disposal of those parents who are pained by the separation of their children, make their life easy and do not feel loneliness.

bhuyali saroj wrote:

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

i too agree with you, now a days communication facilities make a little comfort for the children who have gone to abroad or far from their houses. These communication facilities like phone call, online video call, online chatting through internet etc make the parents a little relief from their worrying about their child. 

 

I agree but communication facilities do not allow you to eat together, hug your kids or go shopping like we do in company of each other.

 

That's the difference between a real world and the technological world. Life cannot be the same when your loved ones are not in close proximity but we must be thankful that the technological advancement has brought people much closer than the earlier days. We may not touch or hug each other but from far away we can see each other and it's such a pleasing experience. 

suni51 wrote:

bhuyali saroj wrote:

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

Separation from children at some stage is unavoidable but also painful.  After some time, parents get accustomed to the change. Moreover, these days separation is not so painful in view of communication facilities. 

i too agree with you, now a days communication facilities make a little comfort for the children who have gone to abroad or far from their houses. These communication facilities like phone call, online video call, online chatting through internet etc make the parents a little relief from their worrying about their child. 

 

I agree but communication facilities do not allow you to eat together, hug your kids or go shopping like we do in company of each other.

It's said a squint eye is better than a blind eye. It's highly essential to use the existing facilities especially for those parents who are pained and tormented by separation. . Old aged parents cannot go all the way to a distant place every time. So, it's better to be content with what is available at their disposal.

 

 

I agree with @rambabu that we need to be contented. It is not feasible to make a trip to a distant place whenever we wish to so it's good to take the advantage of the technology. At least something is better than nothing.

True. Health of parents  at a particular age deteriorates. At this stage, parents will be rejuvenated even with a phone call. These limitations have to be taken into consideration

Parents in old age whose health condition is bad, they will be overjoyed even just hearing the voice of their children

Actually, it is our age old practice that we always want our children near us and so it becomes difficult to adjust to the situation when our children are not nearby. Though we want our children to succeed, we fail to cope up with their schedule. This we need to learn and many problems can be controlled very easily.   

I agree parents always want to see their children before them, even after they become adults. Its their parental love that makes them think in those lines.

But just think, is it possible ?