In just under twenty years, churidar, a very common dress worn by most Indian women has simply taken the entire South India by storm.  No woman, young or old, or middle-aged, can escape this dress  -- sari sales is coming down day after day.

Why should this happen? The counter question should be: why not?

It is now becoming increasingly clear that we need to accept fashions as they come.  Simply resisting them, nor not allowing our children to adapt to such cultures can be very dangerous.  It can ruin the entire motivation and morale of those concerned.

Along with fashions, we also need to be aware that cultures are changing too.  For instance, it is now a culture, in most urban families to talk increasingly about the latest "sale" offers currently on in some place or the other.  The older generation do not like this talk.  They try to discourage the younger generation from spending too much time on these things.

This does not go down well with the younger generation.  There is a big difference between culture and habits.  When regular habits get repeated over and over again, as a regular behavioral pattern, the entire scenario changes, and the habits become culture of a particular class or group of people.

For instance, in the case of the old people ( a safe definition: anyone over 65 years of age) in urban areas, is wedding to television and to the horrible serials that are regularly shown, for well over twelve hours every day.  

Any attempt to wean them away from such a cultural practice is just futile  -- yes, they have nothing else to do, as their mobility becomes restricted because of age, and health problems.

So, if one particular point in culture is fine with them, why not accept something some common as a culture with the younger generation?  The fact that the younger generation, even in semi-urban and rural areas where the reach of the internet is very wide,(and  very good), are tech-savvy is a very good point of culture, that we should rather encourage.  We cannot be slaves to something to the olden times.

Only if someone were to stick to some point of culture that he or she likes in particular, should that be respected.  For instance, in certain Tamil Brahmin families, where the women are fairly orthodox, the women still wear the nine yards sari, and the men wear earrings, not only when they do pooja, but even outside.  This is not considered odd, even today, but accepted as such.  This needs to be respected, and such people can be allowed to stay the way they are.

The simplest way of accepting the change in culture and fashions is to allow the same to be accepted, as if it were just normal, so normal, as any other thing -- for example, we all accept increase in road traffic, as a given. It should be so natural.

However, there are limits to this.  For instance, in traditional vegetarian families, anyone taking to non-vegetarianism, is not welcomed.  This is just in order.  The family heritage and culture should be preserved.  We also need to appreciate the economics involved.  If everyone where to become non-vegetarian, the cost of meat products, which is already very high, will simply go over the roof. The fact that over eighty per cent of Tamil Nadu and Telangana and Seemandhra is non-vegetarian, is a case in point.  So is Kerala, with a similar percentage of non-vegetarians.

Parents have a vital role to play in trying to strike a balance.  For instance, across castes and communities, it is a very common practice among young girls, who are unmarried,to wear some jewels, but also wear glass bangles during every marriage.  This is just not on, among most girls, who simply refuse to obey their parents, saying that the so-called culture is "old-fashioned".  This author was witness to a particular case, where the mother spent an entire hour, finally convincing the girl to wear some glass bangles.

The wearing of glass bangles is more than symbolic.  It is supposed to confirm to an ancient practice.  It is very common for someone from  either of the parties to the marriage, to inquire about the girl, who would then get married to some boy from such families, after observing all the formalities.

So, we need to have a clear distinction between what is right and what is wrong, having due respect for individual sentiments, based on some ancient practice, or when the particular way of dressing is connected to anything that is religious.

This author is very much aware that India is becoming very much westernized.  KFC and Domino pizza joints, for instance, dot the landscape of several small towns and big cities, throughout India.  These businesses were never thought to be feasible just a few years back.  Today, they are symbols of bold consumerism, and accepted as a big fashion.

While this is okay to some extent, too much of it, is already disturbing peace in many upper middle-class homes, where permissiveness is now the norm, not the exception.  In fact, any attempt by the elders to interfere or advise the younger generation, is not welcomed and at all, and they are repeatedly mocked at, for their so-called "out-dated views'.

So where do we draw the line?  The parents need to be big role models, and having a view that 'freedom' of any kind is welcome, is very dangerous indeed.  Such "freedom" is often misused by children, who tend to go the wrong way, mostly under pear pressure.

Particularly very disturbing is the big trend towards use of drugs among college boys and even girls.  Once they become addicted, the children are never ever able to come back to normalcy.  This is neither a fashion or culture.  It is outright bad, and the very strict action needs to be taken to tackle this menace.

In future, the spread of fashion, or evolution of new cultures will positively take place, as for instance, going back to some sort of spiritualism, among some sections of the IT crowd, who are worn out rather early, when they are just forty years old.  

Drawing the line in matters of fashion and culture, is best left to the children and the parents involved.  Having an open mind helps.  Reasoning and patient counseling can be of big help too, particularly when the parents feel that the children are crossing the line, in a big way.

Let's face it: change in cultures and fashions are here to stay, forever. Coping with it, is a challenge, and a very interesting one at that.

From time immemorial, India has been an ancient land of philosophers.  It has been a land that has nurtured philosophy in no small way.  It has also been a land that has always taught people to have a very high degree of tolerance.  This is perhaps reflected in the manner in which Indians brave droughts, floods, earthquakes, terrorist attacks and so on.

Be that as it may, India has also time and again sought to emphasize the negative side of excessive consumerism.  An increasing amount of evidence is now available from the West that the people out there, are themselves a little or more fed up with the rat race.  Evidence of this can be found in the increasingly good acceptance of Indian Spiritual tribes who have not only made a big name there, but have also been able to convince people out there to donate to good causes in India.

Death is inevitable.  So, we all need to do something before we die.  If everyone were to do only good, the world will be a lot more better place to live in, the poor of many countries will have enough to eat, and less of defense expenditure will mean more resources that will be available to educate the poor, make the Government hospitals be far better than what they are, make the public utilities function far better and so on.  The list is endless.

Of course, that the world is also full of dirty politicians in each country, who literally hijack the developmental agenda for their personal gain, is a big fact of life.  Everyone in India knows, for example, that the politicians make huge money from all Government deals.  No one bothers to ever correct them or even question them.

It is these circumstances, perhaps, our ancient forefathers saw coming.  So, they started coining messages that had a huge base in philosophy.

In Tamil Nadu, there is one that is very powerful, and says it all.  It simply reads "nee ulagathathi vittu pogum pothu, ethaiyumae  kondu poga mudiyathu", which literally translates into this: when you are gone from this world on death, you cannot carry anything on your head, and with you. 

It should be noted that something as much, or more, is already there in the great Indian epic Mahabharat.  

It is only a matter of convenience that in Tamil Nadu, people are made to understand very powerful messages with very simple and common Tamil words.  The literary Tamil is very difficult to understand indeed.

The aforesaid saying is a very powerful one.  Yes, we all know that death is the final blow.  We get reduced to a small urn of ashes in no time.

This is the essence of life.  This is what life is all about.  So, what?

Yes, there are many many things that we need to do, to justify our existence in this birth.  

Like being kind to others.  Like, living a life of values, and not doing anything against the law of the land.  Like, being selfless, when it comes to family comforts, and then showing the way, though good values.  

Like making our own children understand that when we do good, are truthful, respect the law, play according to rules of the land.  Donate to social causes, lead a simple life, give respect to elders, take part in all temple activities and do everything to maintain peace in society.

If and when most people do the same, the society as a whole will be a lot more peaceful.  The results of such dinning into the ears of several thousands of people, has had its own effects, most of which are very positive indeed.

For instance, thanks to some employment or the other, even those who are more than sixty years old, go for some employment, particularly in farm lands, where the wages have gone up.  They somehow manage to send their children, at least to Government schools, and Government colleges, and in Tamil Nadu, we have the second most literate State in India.  

Tamil Nadu tops in terms of road infrastructure, and the roads in most parts of the State are fairly good.  The bus network is the best in the country.  No economist worth his salt has studied and reported the massive surge of employment in the service sector, where people buy and sell goods and services of different kinds.  For instance, there are ready made goods sold on installment basis.  Saris, inner garments of all kinds, ready made shirts and pants, you can buy them all at relatively less prices, in several thousands of villages in Tamil Nadu.  The buses ply to the remotest villages and the economy revolves around a huge amount of cash transactions. 

All this is possible, only because the people are generally peace loving and wish to maintain peace at any cost.  Most, that is, barring a mere two percent, believe in God and one will simply loose count of the very big festivals that are held in various parts of Tamil Nadu, in some festival or the other, and there is a huge amount of free food that is given to all devotees, throughout the year.

So, in a place that is wedded to philosophy, dinning in the core message, that death will close all, has had a good and positive impact.  Development is there, but not at the cost of ecology.  For instance, there is a huge resistance to allow oil extraction in areas that are very fertile, and rain fed.

In spite of drought, thanks to employment of different kinds and surge in self-employment of the new age kind ( Tamil Nadu would possibly have the maximum number of cell phone shops in the country ),  there is all around development, and there is actually underemployment, and not total unemployment.  For instance, the rich farmers have sons who want to become engineers.  They become engineers but are not able to get the same jobs as their city counterparts, because they do not read and speak English to the extent that the city boys and girls would. 

The philosophy of life should now be explained on a massive scale.  It is not that such philosophies do not exist in other parts of India.  They do. But the politicians manage to hijack the developmental agenda, and keep the poor as poor for very long periods of time, as development does not reach the masses.

The Tamil Nadu model can be copied to make philosophies work.  Simply said, we need to do only good things in life.  Numerous films in Tamil Nadu, where cinema is a very powerful medium of expression, even in politics, also convey the same message that death closes all.  There is a deep sense of moral responsibility, particularly in villages.  

In general, we all need to understand the wider purpose of life.  Endless fighting, office politics, quarrels at home over property, issues like extra-marital affairs and so on, only destroy our peace of mind, and make us so much of the inevitable rat race.  When we lose control of what we do, we become hard headed and numb.  We do not think that we need to help the poor, or help anyone at all.

When we understand the real meaning of death, we will be far better human beings.  Let us all start a new chapter in our lives, by understanding the futility of short-term gains, or cutting corners or behaving in ways that send wrong messages to society. The time to act is now.  

Being spiritual or becoming spiritual is a way of life in India.  We have thousands of temples and thousands of festivals.  We have so many languages and there are mantras in just about any language. There are religious practices that enable the people to become religious or have some peace of mind.

In fact, the reach of spiritualism is always part of us.  It literally envelops our collective consciousness and makes us humble human beings.  It makes us realize that there is a much larger purpose to our lives, than just making money.  There is a big realization that we need to do much more than what we are doing, for social causes.  It helps to keep negative thoughts out of our minds, and also makes us to seek peace in whatever we do.

Spiritualism opens up many doors, most of them new.  For instance, there are instances of people giving generous donations to rebuild a temple in their own native place.  Such people are normally non-resident Indians.  Their act of generosity immediately makes others follow suit, and the temple becomes a brand new one, and then there is what is called the "Kumbabhisekhgam" that takes place, particularly in Tamil Nadu.  This is a big function, which is supervised by hundreds of priests, who recite all Sanskrit mantras, and make people take part in the religious festivities.  Such functions are sponsored by the very rich people, and thousands are fed with the best of dishes.  The entire function makes thousands of people rejoice and soak in the festival atmosphere. 

It does not mean that spiritualism comes from visiting temples and also taking part in as many religious festivals as possible.  In fact, this author does know so many people who do all that and then get back to their corrupt ways, cheating others and so on. Such spiritualism does not help anyone at all.  However, there are others who follow up the spiritualism with excellent social work, making a significant impact on so many people.

What really matters in the ultimate analysis is that spiritualism brings to us humility, respect for elders, respect for the poor, empathy in terms of understanding the suffering of others, makes us realize the futility of doing anything wrong and so on.  When this happens, we are much better human beings.

Somewhere down the line, in Tamil Nadu, elders remind young people " you do not carry anything on your head, when you are gone from this world".  This philosophical line of thought, which has a generous tinge of spiritualism, is meant to tone down the destructive tendencies in people.  It is meant to make people more realistic in terms of achieving whatever they want to achieve.  In other words, the means to an end are as important as the means.  

A very intelligent cinema director picked this up, and inserted a song with the same theme.  The film, starring the Superstar Rajnikant, became such a craze throughout the State, that people of all ages enjoyed the meaning conveyed by the song.  In fact, there is always a relatively better amount of peace in most of Tamil Nadu, and one reason is that spiritualism is very widespread in the State.

We need to take spiritualism forward in terms of bringing about transformation in a larger number of people, than ever before.  Different schools of thought have now emerged and they are also doing some good work in the same direction.  For example, there is a movement called the "Art of Living" which is piloted by a famous spiritual guru. 

The same thoughts converge at some point.  Similarly, there are certain yoga centered movements which also try to bring about some transformation in people.  Ultimately peace of mind is something that money cannot buy, anywhere in the world, at any point in time.  

Only spiritualism can bring some good amount of peace of mind.  This is exactly why India is a world leader in spiritualism.  It is to India that most nations turn, to learn from spiritualism.  It is to India that many credit the world's many good things -- miracles, learning from the scriptures and so on.

For example, volumes have been written on how the Mahabharata has many great lessons on Management --- on planning, on delegation, mentoring and so on.  In fact, in some B schools, an entire paper on business ethics is devoted to many such topics, and the future managers learn all the intricacies of all that is spiritual in such great scriptures of India.

We thus need to appreciate the wide reach of spiritualism in our lives.  We need to examine how deep such influences take us.  We need to understand how spiritualism can make a vital difference to the formation of very good values in each of us.

We also need to understand how to put to good use, those values, for the common good of all, and go far beyond just rhetoric.  If the world can look to India for spiritualism, we can as well market certain things, and this is already happening.  For example, during festival times, thousands of foreigners come to Tamil Nadu and happily take part in the festivals, particularly,Pongal, which signifies the harvesting time in the month of January every year.

Our children should also learn a lot about spiritualism.  In fact, such emphasis on spiritualism can indeed help us to make our children appreciate the wider context of good values and how they need to be put into practice.  We can at least wean them away from Western influences that are basically harmful == feasting on junk food, for example.  Of course, only to the extent possible, as the environmental influences are now so big, that we cannot do much about it.

In conclusion, a lot more needs to be comprehensively written about the Indian brand of spiritualism, and how values can be shaped, very successfully, around spiritualism.  Once the books on spiritualism multiply, hopefully, there will be much more emphasis on learning of a tall order, which in turn, will multiply the good side of spiritualism, as it were.

In fact, this is an urgent priority, given the fact that India is now part of the rat race, and every Indian, is part of it, without any choice.  

Marriage is a very important social institution in India.  It is the only institution that binds our Indian society together, and also takes us forward in terms of sanctity to such a sacred institution.  However, in recent times, there have a huge tendency to go in for extra marital relationships, among all social classes and people at all economic strata of society.

What is really disturbing is the fact that this goes on without the slightest guilt.  In fact, children are born out of such bad relationships, and the future of such children is always bleak, as the second woman in the relationship is often not legally married to the man.

Worse, huge amounts of money and time is spent by either partners in satisfying their lust and their so-called needs for companionship.

Why does an extra-marital relationship happen at all?  It often happens because either of the partners does not find something they so badly want from the other life partner.  Mostly, this happens when the wife does not match the husband's expectations, and is most acute when the girl is from a semi-urban or rural area, and the husband id from a metro city.

The man would tend to think that his wife should wear the most modern clothes, and also accompany him to the pub.  This is absolutely not fine with the girl, who would rather stick to her own ways of dressing and behaving and would be quite religious, and whatever she does, she would think, would satisfy her husband in some way or the other.  

This never happens and the man starts looking at other women, mostly, from within his working circle.  Even the slightest nod from the other woman is enough to ignite the man into a new world of extra-marital relationships.

Money is also an important consideration in some marriages.  When the woman does not find her husband a good person in terms of earning potential, she turns to the other man in her close circle, and those men who have enough money exploit this weakness to the maximum, for sexual satisfaction.  However, such relationships do not last very long, for either partner becomes very bored, and starts looking for something else.  

Another dimension of the extra marital relationship pertains to dowry related problems.  When the girl sees that her husband is a greedy person, only keen on extracting the maximum money from her, she turns her attention to someone who is kind and considerate.  If this is a neighbor, irrespective of the person's marital status, a new relationship starts and ends up in bed == the urge for sex starts to show rather early in such relationships.

Extra-marital relationships are very bad in India.  If the children are grown up, such relationships can have disastrous effect on the mental make-up of children, who have very disturbing experiences.  If there are murders in the family, due to such extra-marital relationships, the entire world crumbles for such children, since they start losing parental affection for ever, and at times, when the family is rich, greedy relatives take over.  Such relatives often take care of the children, but somehow do some planning to corner away all the wealth.  This is a very common story in many cases.

Yet another effect of extra-marital relationships is the effect it has on the society.  Nothing happens without the knowledge of the society. At times, the man is blackmailed by some cunning man, who would threaten the man to disclose everything to his legal wife.  He would demand money every now and then, and such things even end up in murder.

There are a huge number of instances, when the woman teams up with her new partner in the relationship, and woes to kill her legal husband.  Such killings can have disastrous effect on the children borne out of the legal marriage, and the children grow up to become robbers or maladjusted men and women.

Extra-marital relationships can be easily avoided, if the man or woman is adjustable and accommodating in nature.  For example, in one particular case, the girl was from a very ordinary middle-class family and born and brought up in a small town.  The husband was born and brought up in Mumbai.  When she shifted to Mumbai, the girl automatically changed herself, and when she learned that her husband would like her to wear only the sleeveless blouses every day, she happily went shopping for the same with her husband and surprised him by wearing it immediately at home.

Her husband could not believe what he saw.  He immediately requested her to wear the same on every day, to the office.  She happily obliged.  She qualified herself further, took the bank examination for a promotion, and landed a good job as an officer, within just fifteen months.

At home, she learned to cook the best of vegetarian Mumbai dishes for her husband and other relatives.

The moral of the aforesaid story is simple: slight adjustments between the husband and wife, leads to better understanding, and love.  Mutual trust and love in turn, would bring happiness.  Caring and sharing is an integral part of such relationships when the partners learn to adjust to each other.

We can also adapt to such situations and the parents in particular, need to educate their sons and daughters about the need to understand their life partners, adjust to their likes and dislikes and also learn to appreciate the good points of the partner.  All this will help in the nurturing of a very good marital relationship, thus nullifying the need for any extra-marital relationships.

The role of counselors is vital too.  The slightest of disturbances in the family can be immediately brought to the notice of professional counselors, who will in turn, chip in with their professional help.  Once this happens, most marriages can work, and the extra-marital relationships can be avoided.

Those living in flats and apartments need to take further care.  Any small disturbance in marital relationships should be brought to the notice of parents on either side.  Remedial action should be immediately taken, to avoid any problem.  The role of neighbors can be crucial here.

Extra-marital relationships can cause immense harm to the family and wider society.  There is an urgent need to nip them in the mud and totally do away with them, though appropriate action.