There are quite a few words in the English language which create confusion and can be used to create jokes and also serve as an effective literary tool: pun. Below are a few jokes belonging to this category.
Hari: As you have normal sight, I guess you could see everything on my site.
Jack: Yes, But I do not have any site, leave alone normal or abnormal.
Tom: Hey Mohan, please stop by the market, I will buy a card. Mohan: Ok sure I can stop and you buy the card, but how can I buy the market? Tina: Sita, didn’t you teach English yesterday? I thought that you taught English yesterday. Sita: Yes, I always think in English as it is a good way to improve our English skills.. Lata: Be stationary Shyam, I will go and buy you something from the stationery shop. Shyam: Sure, but How do I convert myself into stationery?? Prasad: Hey, My wife is asking me to alter the position of the altar. Should I proceed? John: Why? It will be difficult to find the word in the dictionary next time.. X: The sea is before my home. You can easily see it. Y: But, how is it possible, the C comes before A and B. Z: Yes, and we cannot see letters, can we? Tina: Would you like to be a bee in your next birth? Nita: No, it would be better to be a living being than just an alphabet “B”. Teacher: Students, please take a peek at the peak of the Mountain. Ramu: Madam, I will not be able to climb a mountain to take it. Can that be found elsewhere? Instructor: Please give your weight and wait here. Student: But, I am not a shopkeeper to have 2 weights.
Husband: Please put on the light. I willl have some light breakfast. Wife: Yes, I will put on the light but, I am sorry, there is no light or dark breakfast; only one type of breakfast and that is idli.
Five things you should not say in Chatrooms
Cam to cam?
You are so 'kewl'!Frandship?
Any hot girl for a cool dude here?
Any beautiful girl for a private chat?
Last 5 Things to do on a Weekend.
2) Watch Blue. Surely will give you the blues, if in case you didn't experience any.
3) Get a DVD of Deshdrohi. If u think you didn't get enough f KRK " The Mega Superstar ".
4) Looking at a girl's Album pics whom u've added randomly on FB or by mistake ends up being tagged with your friend.
5) Last but not the least MTV Chat room. Who doesn't like some fraanshippin? Seriously people. Get a life. :|
5 things not do do in a funeral
4 Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
3 When no one is looking, slip plastic vampire teeth it the mouth of dead body and shout april fooooooooooool
2 walking around saying everyone "the one who died didn't like u" .
1 if widow is hot don't go and say her" ur dead husband wanted me to marry u after his death"
5 ways to be a loser of the community :
2] Make 3 fake profiles that act as your back-up once you get banned from either one.
3] Starting an anti-Mod thread and mis-spelling the mod's name.
4] TyPinG lYk tHIs, or in any other way which might seem retarded.
5] Trying to pwn the mods.
5 things NOT to say in a funeral :
2] "When do you think Jane'll be ready to date again???"
3] "I am Death. ...... Just kidding."
4] "Is this a bad time to ask for the 3.50 $ you owed me???"
5] "Gina was a lovely woman; an all-rounder; a workaholic in her profession, a caring mother for her kids, strong in her mind and a prostitute in bed."
5 things you won't find correct on Google/ 5 things you won't find by Googling.
-> Who is Rohit Verma dating?
Um...par yeh jaanna kisko hai? :|
-> What is the formula to become a MTV Hero Honda Roadie?
-> What do you mean by Webbism?
things not to joke out with a policeman
2 Can u hold this fine receipt i need to finish my bear before i drive
3 Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at railway station staff?
4 I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer
5 Its not my fault i was on high speed because my gun got stuck between brakes
5 things not to say to abhinav
2 punterbaaz sucks
3 u suck
4 abhi 9 baje hnai kya
5 jelo said u r her best brother ever
Five things you should not say to your girlfriend
You talk too much.
I miss my Ex
You are so slow!
Your sister is so pretty.
5 ways you can get more acquainted with a mod :
2] Keep reporting lame threads and abusive spamming members to them.
3] Keep appreciating mods and saying I Miss You in their scrapbooks. [Ahem Darwin might remember a certain someone]
4] Try writing silly gay poems in attempts to flirt with them. [CoughabhinavCough]
5] Guiding other member's to the community path of righteousness [Can get you a post as a mod too ]
5 things i ask u not to ask ur pregnant wife
2 Do you think baby will come before monday night t20 match
3 This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from ekta kapoors show
five usual answer after proposong girl
2.i dnt believe in dis talks..concentrate ni ur studies..[though she is getting pass by chitting nly]
3.Really still idnt kne ur nature....[need a differnt posed photos kya??]
4.hu..u took dis time to tell dis even....[oMG]
5. laughing widout talking..[like one resembles like joker]
5 things not to do when you find a vampire.
1.sing the song Bhooth hoon Main
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2.Nice accessories huh?where did yu buy from?
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3.Take a video and send it to RGV
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4.go check the feet
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5.invite for a coffee.
Five best uses of Time travel !!
1) For a money minded/poor guy:- Moving to the day of result of lottery to know the winning number
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2) For a scientist:- Moving to the day, when Einstein and newton discovered something, and stealing their work and name it on his own. Chalo history mein naam to aayega issi bahaane
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3) For a student:- Just skipping his/her exams and results day
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4) For Police:- Moving in future to check out the illegal activities so that either they could win a medal for that by stopping ir or just catch the victim predictably to earn some extra money AKA RISHWAT
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5) Best use for a Married guy:- Go back to his wedding day and stop the disaster from happening
Five things so you should not say on a date
How can someone eat so much!
The waiter looks so handsome.
Stop eating and say something.
Choori,kaatein se nai khaana aata hai.Haath se kha lu?
5 thngs u'll find in all saas bahu serials...
* their alwayzz remain a vamp choti bahu
* the elder son dies nd again comes back frm nowhere nd dies again nd again comes
* a lot of advertisement in between... so tat the serial can b stretched for a long time
* Ekta Kapoor as the director or producer
Five things to do on lazy sunday !!
1)Try picking your nose and show it to others :|
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2) Start blank calling random unknown people and be ready to get hit back
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3) Pure din ke liye har line ke aage kuch words laga do. Like --' Khatiya mein'. So it turns out be KHATIYA MEIN
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4) Watch India TV and curse your date of birth for that
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5) Last but not least,Call Nasa, that you saw an Alien. And when they ask where, tell them India TV :|
5 Fabulous Things To Do Before You Die
1.Invent Something
We live in a fast paced society where gadgets exist for virtually every task – but occasionally you find that nothing exists to do exactly what you want to do. Instead of ranting and raving, why not try your hand at inventing it? ust remember, as soon as you have completed your invention, patent it and give it a truly awesome name. Who knows, you may even get rich off the idea.
2.Stay In The Best Suite
This is something you have to do at least once in your life. Save up some money and book a night at the poshest hotel in your city – and book the most expensive suite. While you are there make sure you saved enough cash to tip well and to enjoy all of the benefits of the hotel – like fabulous food, massages, pool, and spa. There is nothing grander than waking up in a magnificent penthouse suite with a hangover. Just remember, if you steal the bathrobes you may find an unexpected bill turning up on your credit card the following month.
3. Fly A Plane
4. Go To A Film Premiere
This one is an easy task for most people living in Mumbai, but not so easy for people in other states and countries. But it is worth the airfare to get to a premiere if you can afford it.
5. Join A Flash Mob
Flash mobs have become a worldwide phenomena in which a large group of unrelated people all converge in one place, perform an unusual action for a short time, and disburse again.
Five cool things that every youngistaan should have.
2. A cool ray-ban avatar shades.
3. A sony PSP.
4. A branded item of APPLE
5. Hero honda Karizma
things to do during examination ,if you don't know anything...
2.keep asking "sir,whats the time now?
3.sir,i need a help ..can you please tell me what is this?
4.take a nap
5.or say may i go to the loo?
5 Things To Do With A PC When You Have No Internet
2. Delete programs you don’t use.
3. Unplug your PC, take the cover off and clean out the dust
4. Write your next blog post.Write to a text file and save it and format it when connection is on.
5.Write down your logins and passwords for all your sites, blogs, email accounts, Adsense, affiliate programs, where you purchased your domain names, etc. All that information is the key to your business.
5 things U should say to Osama 2 jack him up!
2. Mere paas kasab hai tere paas kya hai.
3. Chal bata hafeez culprit hai ya nahi....warna media walo ko bata dunga ki tu gay hai.
4. Osama uncle 1 aad bombs do na.
5. Kya yeh sach hai ki apka beta aapko MC BC ki gaali de ke ghar se bhaag gaya tha....?
PS: DHIKCIAW!
5 thngs u should do b4 goin into a gang war
* call dharam paaji ( kyunki apne toh apne hote hi hai )
* call krish ( yeh bas jinko udh udh ke marne ka shaukh hai unke liye )
* call prosenjit - a tollywood actor ( kyunki yeh jab koi gadi ko laath marta hai....woh
* call KRK or Rakhi Sawant ( inko toh log dekh kar hi bhaag jaayenge )
Five unusual stuffs usually done after drinking !!
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1) Found sleeping on toilet seat of either home or public toilet.
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2) Found dancing and talking with invisible personalities.
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3) Turned as the biggest SAINT in the world who is always right.
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4) Crying out for a dead cockroach and laughing out on a funeral just in mirage that the dead person is his/her wife/husband
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5) Last but not least, person doing all or any of the stuff, found in Asylum for rest of his life
Things you should do to become a daily soap actress
1)Apply oodles of glycerine on your face on DAILY basis
2)Stop going to the gym,you dont need to be ultra sexy to be a tv actress.
3)Experiment with colors...for example,with a blue colored saaree,use chrome yellow eye shadow and silver lipstick...n likewise...
4)Try to say same lines/words twice-thrice-....or n-number of times
5)Stand in front of a mirror and make weird faces and talk to yourself.
5 things himesh rashammiya will do 5 years from now...
1.selling caps in da market
2.as a RJ...
3.SELLING FISHES [OHHHHHH HUSSURRR LELO LELO TAZE TAZE FISHES]
4.or sitting vella at home shouting mereko chaiyee ke tere ghar mein roti kapda ho
5.become a wig maker...
five things not to do while driving
1.Reading for the exam.
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2.changing clothes if you are late to office.
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3.putting makeup (girls) and Shaving ( boys)
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4.using orkut while driving.
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5.Prepare a video for Mishmash..
5 things u should do in an examination hall
* be their before time (else exam se pehle desk main formulas likh nahi paoge )
* wear trouser or shirts wid hidden pockets ( nahi toh chit rakhne main dikkat koga )
* pehle se hi apne baaju waale ke saath settin kar lo
* frequently go to the toilet ( waha pe chits...books kuch na kuch zaroor milenge )
* never follow the first 4 rulezzz ( else u'll get rustigated frm ur skul or coll )
Five things which every man say to girl while doing Sex
1)Seriously,You are so beautiful from deep.
2)Please try to breath through your nose.
3)Terko majaa brabar aa rah hai naa.
4)WTH is this Cross here.
5)Please do it little bit fast.. pleaseeeeeeeeee
Five things not to say to Fantastic Five's host
1)You always gives five points...why not four...six..Sadde teen..Poone char
2)kya aap fifth class fail hai
3)If Ayushmann is fantastic VJ then what abt Rhea.?..Is she fantasy?
4)Hey,Whats your sixth point or you forget to say it?
5)Who is permanent VJ of this show?
Five things which is impossible for MTV people
1)MTV appoint Devarshi as host of Roadie.
2)Bumpy is on Dieting
3)Raghu can't used Comb/Shampoo/Mehandi/Sarso ka tel even if he wish.
4)MTV Webmaster reveals his precious identity.
5)MTV is going to make a new show GAYVILLA
5 things a mom doesn't wants to listen:
1. Mom i am gay.....but therez a girl i like called Kutribai.
2. Mom i saw daddy's Judwaa today.
3. Why did papa on the phone said to me ''darling mujhe e-mail kiya karo, meri biwi mera mobile trace karti hai''
4. Mom how much do you love me? Do you love me enough that you wouldn't beat me if i say that i just burned your saree while ironing it.
5. Mom maine bhaag kar shadi kar li hai
Five weird but possible way to die !!
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1) Accidentally fallen and drowned into a big hump of liquid cement and not to be seen by anyone :|
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2) SAW style. Ripping of the body parts both public and private ones
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3) Freezing yourself in a big ice cube just for the sake of Guinness book of records but forgot to call any of the officials for that :|
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4) Indian style. Walking on street, suddenly a big pot hits you from the top. Later on found that, a woman threw her dustbin from the top. :|
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5) Last but not least. Death because of laughing or tickling. Haste haste mar jaaye saste
5 thngs normally asked/told by the seniors durin ragging period ... wid answers
* laugh as a sine curve ( mereko trigonometry nahi aata )
* propose tat gal ( aap bolo toh main saari ladkiyo ko propose kar du... )
* look at the third button of ur shirt ( sir tie hai ... 3rd button dikh nahi raha hai )
* kisi bhi ladki ke saath nahi ghumega tu ( sir, m not a gay like u )
5 celebrities who will never get married
1. Salman Khan (some technical problem)
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2.Tabu (age Problem)
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3.Nauman Seth(Though he is not celebrity) because he is No-Man
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4.Darwin(our community celebrity)
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5.KRK ( his dream is that till he dont reach to the heights of Big B he wont marry)
P.S: hope you all liked this.
Cheers !!!
My Nephew- Sister's son, Ajay had a visit to us on diwali vacation. That night he came to me & we this is what followed.
Smart Ajay: Uncle, can I ask you a riddle?
Me: OK
Smart Ajay: How was the rat able to fly?
Me ( ponders for a while) : Uhmm...Don't know..Why don't you tell me?
Smart Ajay: Because it ate Lite Biscuits.
Me: Oh! ( I don't watch too many advertisements anyway)
Smart Ajay: How was the snake able to fly?
Me: (Smiling triumphantly): Because it ate the Parle lite Biscuits?
Smart Ajay: ( Shaking her dead in dismay) Nooo! Because it ate the rat.
Me : Oh Ok! ( That was easy, I should have guessed. Silly me)
Smart Ajay: Ok, now guess how was the eagle able to fly?
Me: That's easy, because it ate the snake?
Smart Ajay: ( Laughing) Wrong again! It flew because it had wings!
Me: .............................( Stumped)....
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