Change in relationship between adult children and parents ..

Parents Instead of being rigid , it helps if the parents provide specific guidelines for the children.  parents while demanding the child, it also helps if the child is explained what the parents expect from the child and how the child can meet such expectations.

In most parent children relationship authority and power becomes a major influencing factor and this what spoils the bond because parents become more demanding and less understanding as the child they have controlled begins to rebel and becomes more and more independent in thoughts and action. they fail to see that this is a very natural process and instead of being part and parcel of their evolution they sulk and show their displeasure ..

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes Kalyani, I know of quite a few cases where the children found out about the detectives and left home for good...You dont know who to blame? parents too busy with their careers and children open to too many temptations being led astray.I guess knowing these facts parents try to keep tabs which most of the time fails and creates misunderstanding and mistrust ! Instead speaking to them for a few minutes instead of picking faults  would be far more productive !

Instead of setting detectives behind their children, the parents should try to be more communicative with them, just sincere and genuine interest in their lives would do. After all, it is more a matter of trust from parents that makes or breaks relationship with the children.

Communication in an amicable and loving voice will make a difference. The child should see that there is friend to correct him and guide him.

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes Kalyani, I know of quite a few cases where the children found out about the detectives and left home for good...You dont know who to blame? parents too busy with their careers and children open to too many temptations being led astray.I guess knowing these facts parents try to keep tabs which most of the time fails and creates misunderstanding and mistrust ! Instead speaking to them for a few minutes instead of picking faults  would be far more productive !

Instead of setting detectives behind their children, the parents should try to be more communicative with them, just sincere and genuine interest in their lives would do. After all, it is more a matter of trust from parents that makes or breaks relationship with the children.

It is like a vicious circle...They see the children rebelling and think the worst of them, so start looking for answers and so they get someone to follow them, they feel they are doing it to safe guard their children but it backfires and then of course it becomes even more difficult to repair the damage done ..

The more children are suppressed and encroaching the children territory, the more disastrous the results will be.

No matter how vigilant parents are, there are some very serious issues parents face when a child is growing to be an adolescent ..Since it is a first for all parents, they can only do what they feel is the best way to tackle it.As far as advise goes, it is difficult to decide whose advise to take since it is a personal and sensitive matter that one may not want to disclose.All these things make the parents stressed and sometimes they end up doing more damage than help their children , not intentionally though !

Of course. Parenting is a tight rope walking. Mistakes are bound to happen. But it's only through mistakes one can learn. On the other hand parents who refuse to learn are bound to make the family a Battle field. This is more true in the case of adolescent children.

Insecure parents cannot bring up secure children. Relations between parents and children are a matter of trust. However it is the parents who decide the quality of relationship.

Insecure parents cannot bring up secure children. Relations between parents and children are a matter of trust. However it is the parents who decide the quality of relationship.

Very true, most of the responsibility lies with the parents and if mistakes are made one should be able to accept and make amends at the right time before it is too late ..

Flexibility makes a difference. There are still believers who believe, Dandam Dasha Gunam Bhavatey. " Means using the rod is the way to treat a child to induce discipline. This belief is far from truth.

Today's children are much better informed and are capable of taking decisions. They need support and initial guidance from parents. Rest is seen as interference.

Agree with you regarding the point that today's children are more informed. But the fact remains if the parents are unaware of this fact and stick to their habits of yore, will not produce the desired results. The solution is, parents also should grow along with their children. This enables the parents to know the changing habits in the children. On the whole parents should act as a friend, guide and philosopher.

I am not at all sure whether adult children want you as their guide and philosopher because their outlook is different ...Being a friend also has its limitations. As long as you agree that their needs and their lifestyle is different, you could start from there to build a better relationship with your children, that's what is lacking with most parents, they lay down rules that they themselves may not believe in, and expect their grown children to follow it !

Today's children need direction abundantly supplemented with powerful motivation to drive them on their chosen lines & to not get diluted with other works and perform poorly. They are adept with the technological realm of life but there is a great need to imbibe a sense of sticking to one thing & prospering at the same time treating everyone with kindness and equanimity. Parents role today is to grow with their children along the lines of Science & inject their Moral, Spiritual & Motivational aspects to build a firm and secure future.

Having a Role model in the form of parents will help a lot. After  all good habits start from Home. There is no better educational institute than home. There are no better teachers than the parents.

epraneeth77 wrote:

Today's children need direction abundantly supplemented with powerful motivation to drive them on their chosen lines & to not get diluted with other works and perform poorly. They are adept with the technological realm of life but there is a great need to imbibe a sense of sticking to one thing & prospering at the same time treating everyone with kindness and equanimity. Parents role today is to grow with their children along the lines of Science & inject their Moral, Spiritual & Motivational aspects to build a firm and secure future.

What does along the lines of science mean ? please elaborate ...I agree that interaction and communication that yields positive results is helpful and essential for both since there is a chance of misunderstanding arising from both sides .Parents need not think that they are far too wise, at times our children many teach us a few things and we should have the bent of mind to accept that certain things ,they may know better than us.

Taking the things for granted as far as child upbringing by the parents is generally considered as root cause for conflicts. The parents should learn to respect the children's view after a particular stage particularly during the adolescent stage. Involvement with the children does magic. Children often expect a Pat on the shoulder.

There are different kinds of problems that a growing almost adult child faces  - social, disciplinary and educational.If there is misunderstanding between parents and if it is a one parent family then problems can aggravate , also in a joint family where there is too much authority shown by the elders.. similarly poverty too can be factor.