Change in relationship between adult children and parents ..

For parents the joy of seeing their offspring grow before them is akin to the sapling emerging out of the seed sown by them  and blossom in to a lively plant. It’s an experience beyond words.

In the case of parents while basking in the joy of their children growth, forget to grow themselves. As a result, the children outgrow their parents physically and mentally with the time. And this further leads to cropping up of conflicts of attitudes between the parents and the children.

 It’s desirable to grow for the parents do grow along with the children to avoid the Generation Gap, which is the root cause for all conflicts between Parents and children.

I feel that for many parents peer pressure coming from neighbors, relatives and friends also plays a great role in determining their own interactions with their children..They often compare their children with other children and end up making themselves miserable...

When children grow and enter teens, they need less protection and supervision. At this stage, they need be taken more as friends. 

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani wrote:

When children grow and enter teens, they need less protection and supervision. At this syage, they need be taken more as friends. 

 

Absolutely. This is the need and basis for avoiding conflicts like Generation Gap.

Many parents tend to cling on to their children rather than letting them go and enjoy their freedom and explore the world for themselves >parents probably feel that they may lose the respect and love of their child if he is out of their sight which is a very wrong assumption.The more you set them free the better understanding you are able to have with them..

The fear of the parents that they lose their children is unfounded and baseless. It's better to dispel the fears and act constructively .

Parents should be practical and also do some analysis about their own younger days and the problems they might have faced while dealing with their parents and their own behavior with their parents. Also, never take what you underwent as a yardstick since circumstances  may have been vastly different . 

I feel, Parents should not think that Parenting is just providing education and attend to other necessities.. As you said, analyzing the character and their orientation, likes and dislikes of their children will go a long way. Many parents think that children are incapable of expressing their needs. This is anything but truth. They should know about Child prodigies

Time has changed. Technology has developed with a fast pace. Speed has become the law of life and it has great influence on the thoughts and lifestyle of the growing generation. In several occasions parents find it difficult to understand their children’s psychology. Adjustment to tune with time is essential to continue smooth relations with least conflicts.

Parents should learn to adopt to  the changing times. They should avoid dogmatism and force their children to their age old beliefs.  Wisdom lies in falling in line with the ever changing times. Accordingly their grown up children should be treated like friends.

To avoid these misunderstanding you just have to be your son/daughter friend. First be friend then if you get time then become parent.....

A good advise indeed. This goes a long way in consolidating the Parent-Child relationship.

There is a verse in Sanskrit that I read in high school, which says you have to take care of kids in this manner -

 fulfill demands till age 3;  control them , guard them and punish them till age 5; but once they are 16 years old; you must treat them as friends..

although I don't agree with the control and punishment bit which may go out of hand at times ! What it essentially tells us is that you need to change your approach and method while dealing with your adult children.

Contro,  restrictions never yield the desired results. If the children are subjected to  restrictions especially the grown up children are bound to  become rebels.

It is true that in many successful families, an intimate friendship prevails between parents and children. Things become easy when they have open mind and have nothing to hide. When their minds vibrate in same frequency, all problems vanish. 

Wise parents are not rigid.  Rather they are flexible. Parents being rigid and commanding will prove counter productive.

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes. Being  inquisitive and seeing every moment of the children with suspicion will build a wall between the  Parents and the children. In such conditions children will weave lies to  evade the parents.

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes Kalyani, I know of quite a few cases where the children found out about the detectives and left home for good...You dont know who to blame? parents too busy with their careers and children open to too many temptations being led astray.I guess knowing these facts parents try to keep tabs which most of the time fails and creates misunderstanding and mistrust ! Instead speaking to them for a few minutes instead of picking faults  would be far more productive !