Daughters taking up the task of cremation in their own hand

This a male dominated society. The fact, that women cannot perform last rites of her parents.

What I feel is, r an later  all things related to this issue, are bound to change

In our community , the entire family goes to the crematorium except the wife and we have some rituals to be done by the priest after which normally the eldest child boy or girl lit the pyre . But most of the time girls being a little more sensitive ask a younger brother or a cousin brother to do so . .I feel that it is more to do with conditioning which takes place in our homes and society and girls are naturally hesitant to do it.

About the issue of whether women can perm the lat rites of the parents, I am of the opinion, women should rebel. Like Triple Talaq, how women rose against this Draconian Law.

Akin to this, performing the last rites sywomen should rebel.

usha manohar wrote:

In our community , the entire family goes to the crematorium except the wife and we have some rituals to be done by the priest after which normally the eldest child boy or girl lit the pyre . But most of the time girls being a little more sensitive ask a younger brother or a cousin brother to do so . .I feel that it is more to do with conditioning which takes place in our homes and society and girls are naturally hesitant to do it.

I agree with Usha. 

Also I believe this is an issue of emotions and feelings. Let individual family decide what they want whether boy or girl...that too when different sections of society have different traditions.

In a simple way, I would like to say,a woman should notbecome the victim of male Chauvinism.

Sonch wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

In our community , the entire family goes to the crematorium except the wife and we have some rituals to be done by the priest after which normally the eldest child boy or girl lit the pyre . But most of the time girls being a little more sensitive ask a younger brother or a cousin brother to do so . .I feel that it is more to do with conditioning which takes place in our homes and society and girls are naturally hesitant to do it.

I agree with Usha. 

Also I believe this is an issue of emotions and feelings. Let individual family decide what they want whether boy or girl...that too when different sections of society have different traditions.

While I am all for the suggestion made by Shampa , the change that is happening may take place in small measures. However, there should be no restrictions placed by the society  depending on the gender , it shd be left to the individual to take any decision.

In my family there is no restriction. Still, my brothers lit the pyre of my parents and we sisters did not do so but we took part in rest of the rituals. It's okay to choose accordingly but I cannot support the system where there is no son and matured daughters request their cousin brother to lit the pyre. Why? For the deceased person, it was the daughters who were the most important relation and a third person lit the pyre is unacceptable to me. A young child ,boy or girl, must not be allowed to lit a pyre because it's a pathetic scene which may impact their future but adult daughters need to grow up and face the reality. If we believe in gender equality then we have to be mentally tough. A daughter should not demean herself for being a daughter and ask any cousin to lit which signifies that she is not worth enough to lit the pyre of her parents for whom she was the entire world.         

Very recently in a place that is quite faraway from Vizag , the eldest daughter lit the pyre,  of her father. Though there are sons, they were in Foreign Countries.

This example shows, it is a question of convenence. The rule that, A woman should not perform last rites, is mere bogus and these rules were made by male Chauvanism.

I have attended a few funerals in which the cremation was performed by daughter and no one had any objection or contrary views. Times are changing. In some communities faster than others.

Exactly. There is nothing wrong if a woman performs the last rites.

Yes, ladies are taking up the task in their hands but still the percentage is very less. I would request the daughters, especially those who do not have their own brother, must not have double standard. She in any way must not underestimate her strength. Every child has an equal right so I request every daughter to realise their ability and stand up for a cause.        

You are right. More and more women should come forward and  fight against this Draconian rule tha the women are not eligible to perform the last rites.

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

When we live in a society especially one as narrow minded as ours it is but natural for anyone especially ladies to break the norm and sand out. A lady may go ahead and perform the last rites by force but there will be repercussion later on. So , unless it becomes accepted , for the large majority it is a difficult decision to take so they let a male relative do it.

I would like to mention this point , in one of the news debates a lady was putting forth strong view points and one of the politician present was telling her , how can you being a sister , wife and a mother say this ?" AAP ko yeh Shoba nahin detha hai..this is the feudal mindset of the law makers in our country.

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

When we live in a society especially one as narrow minded as ours it is but natural for anyone especially ladies to break the norm and sand out. A lady may go ahead and perform the last rites by force but there will be repercussion later on. So , unless it becomes accepted , for the large majority it is a difficult decision to take so they let a male relative do it.

I would like to mention this point , in one of the news debates a lady was putting forth strong view points and one of the politician present was telling her , how can you being a sister , wife and a mother say this ?" AAP ko yeh Shoba nahin detha hai..this is the feudal mindset of the law makers in our country.

Totally agree Usha!!

Women empowerment has a long wait owing to these feudal mindsets and so called empowered females supporting it in the name of culture and rituals.

But I personally feel that being a daughter, sister, wife, friend and mother, it is my responsibility to be strong and beat the feudal mindset

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

Shampa , if we look around , we see that we have had many women from India who have broken free from the age old traditional beliefs right from the days of Independence. India was one of the first nations to have a lady Prime Minister . We have had many ladies in prominent positions without being bound by any shackles of blind belief   . But the vast majority of middle class wants to hold on for reasons of their own. It is that class that is normally a deterrent to any kind of new ideas and progress.

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

Shampa , if we look around , we see that we have had many women from India who have broken free from the age old traditional beliefs right from the days of Independence. India was one of the first nations to have a lady Prime Minister . We have had many ladies in prominent positions without being bound by any shackles of blind belief   . But the vast majority of middle class wants to hold on for reasons of their own. It is that class that is normally a deterrent to any kind of new ideas and progress.

You are absolutely right. The thought process of the middle class is quite threatening at times. I want to share a personal experience. Last November when I lost my brother, my niece came up and told my elder sister that she wanted to perform last rites of her father in a similar fashion as her brother would do. She said that her father never believed in gender discrimination so she would perform every rite. Instantly, everyone in the family encouraged her to do so. Both my nephew and niece are in early twenties and they completed every ritual together. I feel extremely proud of her decision while my two sisters and I did not think in that manner when we lost our parents. We too never faced any discrimination but still during that last phase we did not think like our niece did. My all the three brothers performed every rite. We participated in those rituals which were meant for us to do. 

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

Shampa , if we look around , we see that we have had many women from India who have broken free from the age old traditional beliefs right from the days of Independence. India was one of the first nations to have a lady Prime Minister . We have had many ladies in prominent positions without being bound by any shackles of blind belief   . But the vast majority of middle class wants to hold on for reasons of their own. It is that class that is normally a deterrent to any kind of new ideas and progress.

You are absolutely right. The thought process of the middle class is quite threatening at times. I want to share a personal experience. Last November when I lost my brother, my niece came up and told my elder sister that she wanted to perform last rites of her father in a similar fashion as her brother would do. She said that her father never believed in gender discrimination so she would perform every rite. Instantly, everyone in the family encouraged her to do so. Both my nephew and niece are in early twenties and they completed every ritual together. I feel extremely proud of her decision while my two sisters and I did not think in this manner when we lost our parents. We too never faced any discrimination but still during that last phase we did not think like our niece did. My all the three brothers performed every rite. We participated in those rituals which were meant for us to do. 

That is really heartening to hear. When individual efforts are made they set an example to others . Most people wait for others to lead the way rather than take the initiative .

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Arunima Singh wrote:

Religion and rituals undergo a change with the change in the socio-economic scenario of a society. Awareness and change in mindset also plays an important role. Daughters coming forward for last ritual of parents shows a change in that mindset and can be seen as a positive step towards gender equality. But any religion or rituals can not be pushed down the throat of an individual and his/her personal choice and preference does matter. So it is the choice of the individual if he/she wants to come forward and perform it. Moreover, the way it has to be done also depends on the logic and understanding of the person concerned. 

Religion and ritual should not be pushed down the throat is an ideal statement but it is still very much poignant issue in our society. The daughters should have their own choice and no custom must have the right to stop them from performing the last rites. I can't accept the thought process of the daughters who believe that just because they are daughters they do not have the right to perform last rite and they ask any other male member to do so because they do not have their own brother. This is unacceptable in the 21st century. 

Shampa , if we look around , we see that we have had many women from India who have broken free from the age old traditional beliefs right from the days of Independence. India was one of the first nations to have a lady Prime Minister . We have had many ladies in prominent positions without being bound by any shackles of blind belief   . But the vast majority of middle class wants to hold on for reasons of their own. It is that class that is normally a deterrent to any kind of new ideas and progress.

You are absolutely right. The thought process of the middle class is quite threatening at times. I want to share a personal experience. Last November when I lost my brother, my niece came up and told my elder sister that she wanted to perform last rites of her father in a similar fashion as her brother would do. She said that her father never believed in gender discrimination so she would perform every rite. Instantly, everyone in the family encouraged her to do so. Both my nephew and niece are in early twenties and they completed every ritual together. I feel extremely proud of her decision while my two sisters and I did not think in this manner when we lost our parents. We too never faced any discrimination but still during that last phase we did not think like our niece did. My all the three brothers performed every rite. We participated in those rituals which were meant for us to do. 

That is really heartening to hear. When individual efforts are made they set an example to others . Most people wait for others to lead the way rather than take the initiative .

It's indeed heartening. She has really set a good example at a very young age. Let me share another info. On Fb I watched a video which was posted by my school friend. She and her other friends were all involved in organizing the Durga Puja of their club at Jamshedpur. A journalist was interviewing some of the ladies regarding what special thought they have acquired this puja. One of them opined a significant point. She stressed on the fact that Goddesses are worshiped for getting strength, wisdom, money, education and so on. Still, women are the abused lot. Adding to it she said that the gender discrimination will end only when every mother openly suggests that her last rites must be done by her daughter.