Group Discussion Contest JUne 19 to June 26

Members had expressed a lot of reasons and remedies.Very good.Still I think some more have to come out.Think your own and find out them.

An important cause of family break up is that institution of marriage is no longer concerned as important as a few years back. In the past, nobody would even think of breakup of marriage. Now married life is not considered so pious. Women in the past were financially more dependant on their husbands. They reconciled to their fate as junior family member. They would gladly and necessarily accept dominanceoftheir husbands. Now wives also earn and are as educated as men. They are often very proudy also. The ego of husband and wife both leads to breeak up.

Undoubtedly, women are men's equal. But men as well as women have social responsibility. A little patience will help. When husband as well as wife adjust with others at work place, there is no reason why thay cannot do at home. They should considerthat even after divorce there is no guarantee that new spouse will be better than the present one.

This is my second post regarding the discussion and in this post I am going to discuss some off-beat though important reasons for family break-ups apart from the husband wife relationship which I mentioned in my first post...

Causes or Reasons:

1) Financial Problem - One of the main causes of breaking up of Indian families is related with money and if for any reason the inflow of money decreases different kinds of family problems seem to surface in the ugly form of blaming each other for the position of the family and this in turn results in the bitterness of relations among family members and overall an atmosphere of hate and anger is created.

2) Culture of joint family - Joint families consists of husband, wife, children and husband's parents. Here differences and dissatisfaction among members is a very common phenomenon and thus an atmosphere of jealously, attitude problems and conflicts crops up resulting in breaking up of joint families and forming nuclear families. Besides, members in joint families have their own individual ideas and plans which becomes a matter of worry and awe for other members in the family.

3) Lack of patience and forgiveness - During this modern age, when husbands and wives have their own careers and earn for a living it becomes hard for them to keep a level head and within seconds matters become worse for them followed by heated conversations for even on a trifle matter due to lack of patience and forgiveness and this in the long term has its own effect in the smooth running of a family.

4) Discussing marital affairs - Yes, discussing marital affairs either by the husband with their parents or by the wife with her parents creates enough mistrust and lack of faith among the partners and things begins to widen with time and finally if this is not timely checked and controlled by the spouses the end result is divorce or family breakup.

5) Conflict among family members - Often conflict between family members arises where too many family members living and sharing the same roof. Quarrels relating to paternal property, quarrels relating to share in the property and some time the division of the same building among the brothers result in separation of families.

Remedy:

* Being a prudent family man your idea should be to analyse and identify the family problems and deal with those before they get out of your control and matters become worse. Your role play as a member of a family is important in this regard.

* Try to do activities together including each member of the family. I simply don't mean that you need to move out with them to movies and amusement parks and thereby spend a huge sum of money but simple things like having the dinner together at night does a lot in building a foundation of a good family spirit.

* Always do things that are good for the whole family rather than only thinking your own selfish benefits and letting the other members to suffer from pain and agony which they might face in their day to day lives.

* Control your anger and try to find a solution to family disputes in a cool manner by clearing your doubts through discussions and communications with other fellow members in the family.

* Give time to your near and dear ones including your wife, children, your ageing parents and brothers and sisters. When you give them your time and concentration equally on every member it surely helps in building a good bond and zeal among the family members....
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Guys this is my second post and please stay tuned for my upcoming and final post which will be dealing with some more causes of family breakups which we see in our day to day lives and the remedy for the same!!!

At the risk of instigating a riot of sorts, the general opinion in this discussion seems very men oriented.

Let me be very clear here, I am not saying that women are the saints in every situation. I have no doubt that they play as much a role as the man in a breakup (it takes two to tango after all!) But just to make this discussion more active...

Why is it that the general opinion is that the family breaks up because the wife can't adjust with the husband's family?

Dear Pallavi

You are right I think all new wives are the main reason for this things. They are not able to adjust herself in between family.

Many family facing same problem and at the lost family breaks.

Come on guys the family breaks up is not mainly because of the ladies alone. It is mainly due to misunderstanding and a lack of patience which leads to these kinds of stuffs. First of all the elderly people must think that the person who has joined the family is also a human being and not a slave and treat them like a human being. If you find any wrong in their attitude talk to them in person and make them understand the values of the other members and what they expect.

Why are the new wives always responsible!? Don't you think the husband has some responsibility in the matter? Considering that the wife has left everything familiar and has come to a completely new environment, the least the husband can do is to help her adjust. In fact, you could even argue that the husband is responsible for the discord and eventual break up (if that is the case) because he didn't care enough to take the time to help his wife and other family members adjust to each other.

Today also I heard a family break up case of one of my collegue.Reason is simple.She is not coming back.Why? No answer!!!

What shows this friends???

Two factors which are mostly responsible for break up in families are 1) lack of time to devote between the members (2) lack of understanding between same. Due to hectic activity one doesn't find himself to give some time to other member in the family which results in lack of understanding between the both and finally results in break up. Another important reason could be hiding of facts from each other. This happens in most cases that members usually try to hide facts from other and when the other member comes to knew about the same, it ends in family break up.

Remedies:

Devote enough time for other members.
Try to understand the feelings of other members.
Without knowing the facts and figures, do not come to conclusion.
Try to love members as much as you love yourself.

Today also I heard a family break up case of one of my collegue.Reason is simple.She is not coming back.Why? No answer!!!

What shows this friends???

You've only heard the husband's side of the story. The wife might have some very valid reasons for why she feels she can't return. As a person on the outside looking in, who are we to pass judgment on her actions without knowing the whole situation.

At the risk of instigating a riot of sorts, the general opinion in this discussion seems very men oriented.

Let me be very clear here, I am not saying that women are the saints in every situation. I have no doubt that they play as much a role as the man in a breakup (it takes two to tango after all!) But just to make this discussion more active...

Why is it that the general opinion is that the family breaks up because the wife can't adjust with the husband's family?

I agree that woman is not always responsible for break up. In fact, she comes to her in law's house as a new comer. It is responsibility of all especially her husband to help he getting adjusted to new environment. She knows that she is to be part of the new household and she should also try to adjust.

In fact, such issues surface everywhere. The non adjusting new wife is like students in first year facing ragging. The new wife should be helped and not ragged. A new employee in an office also faces similar problems.

Better understanding and spirit of mutual regard and love can solve all issues and prevent family break.

the concept of breaking between family where parents are involved is old. these days the parents and the children dont break the relation . parents know what the children wants. if they feel that the child and his wife should spend time seperatly then they are free to. mostly the issue is a wife and husband dont corprate with each other and this result in seperation where the child has lost his family or you can say the family broked into 2 pieces. hence in my point of view is relation breaking is only the break up of husband and wife.

this shows that the husband didnt tried his best to bring her. the reason behind she leaving the place has not been solve. she needs her husband to understand her. i feel in husband an wife .when husband is in anger the wife should try to cool it and when wife is then husband should.

Friends, as I promised earlier, I am back with a fresh post in the present group discussion and in this post I am going to bring out some other relevant points that are responsible for family breakups and in a way try to suggest some important remedies for the same.

Causes or reasons:

1) Dowry - There has been numerous cases of inhuman harassment caused to the parents of the bride in the matter of dowry recently in our country. The very question of dowry creates ill feeling between the two parties, that is, the bride's parents and the bridegroom's parents or the in-laws and indirectly results in breaking up of relation between husbands and wives and in turn a family.

2) Early marriages - In our Indian societies, the very practice of early marriage is also a reason of family breakup because in this case both the parties involved ( husband and wife ) are immature or teens and cannot handle most of the pressures involved in married lives and hence they opt for divorce and separation.

3) Family issues - If one of the partners want to live together with parents while contrary to this the other dreams for a nuclear family of her own then again a question of breaking relation crops up in the minds of the partners.

4) Family background - Much depends upon the surroundings in which both the partners are brought up or raised when it comes the question of raising their children. Facts and statistics prove that both the parents want to raise the children in the same way in which they themselves brought up and in a way a cloudy situation crops up between the partners and very often results in the breaking up of a family relation.

5) Lack of personal care - According to a recent survey, it has been revealed that partners after their marriage tends to become to casual when it comes about mentioning their beauty and fashion stature and in a way they don't find their partners as appealing attractive as before and their relation takes an ugly shape in the future.

6) Culture - Culture too plays an important role. Suppose a wife is brought up in a culture where women can independently choose a carrier for them and contrary to this the husband is brought up in a culture where independent carrier for women is not allowed. So tensions and confusion builds up and it becomes very messy and beyond recoverable.

7) Pressure of married life - Finally, responsibilities of married and
settled lives often creates enough pressure on the newly married couples and very often then not they yield to circumstances simply because they think they are not ready to bear those or ready for it at that point of their lives.

Remedies:

** Dowry system should be discouraged by the young people of the present generation and when there will be no temptation of dowry such unpleasant relationship will not grow up between partners.

** Premature marriage or marriage during the teens should be avoided as far as possible and marriage should be done at a time when one thinks that he/she could take up the challenges of married lives.

** Expectations from your partners are good but at the same time it is also good to keep in mind not to go for too higher expectations from your partners and at the same time be prepared to accept any such possibilities when your expectations are not fulfilled from your partner.

** Try to appreciate each others jobs and duties in your day to day lives as this will surely help to build a good rapport with your partner.

** Give enough time and space to your partner so that he/she could zeal with your mentality and surroundings and can finally understand the kind of person you are.

** Act like a mature person and be prepared to explore the challenges and responsibilities of married life. In the beginning you will face difficulties but believe me at the end you are going to reap huge benefits if only you do so.

I think at the time of Anger it very difficult to manage yourself to control and if it happen then good.

The non adjusting new wife is like students in first year facing ragging. The new wife should be helped and not ragged.

This is a good analogy! And like ragging, though everyone knows it's wrong and people advocate putting an end to it, there will always be those few seniors who feel its their right to rag.

No relationship is going to be perfect all the time. There will be times when you're angry and stressed. The point for couples to remember is that its just for that moment of time.

Parents and kids fight all the time. Yet they are still close, even after all those years of fighting. Personally, I believe its because there is always that understanding that nothing can truly break their relationship. A few moments of anger cannot outweigh what we know will be years of love. Just because there is no blood relationship, doesn't mean the same principle can't apply to a husband and wife.

Yes,
as a human being men will have complaints against women and viceversa.So we have to look the common situations and their remedies.

I think at the time of Anger it very difficult to manage yourself to control and if it happen then good.

Anger is a strong feeling that cannot be controlled instantly. But if there is goodwill and mutual understanding, this is a small issue. This is more a question of the newly wedded wife getting adjusted in new environment. Once she feels home in new family, petty quarrels and angry outbursts do not matter. She would have faced all this in her father's home as well.

Anger is relative.If one speaks in angry the other hearing it also will feel angry.So he/she will rise the sound.So it will go on increasing.If first man control it it will be under control through out.