Living in the present

Let me start this article by quoting lines by the spiritual teacher Osho

"Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny--he has something to fulfill, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally--you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you. The whole intends to do something through you.

Yes my friends, this is very true!

Every object in this universe whether living or non-living has a definite purpose, a specific task assigned to him to perform. It is the deliverance of this duty given to us that defines our existence and provides meaning to our being. No person here is present without a cause.... We are all helping fulfill a greater mission!

So how can we give it our best? By being honest to ourselves and LIVING IN THE PRESENT!

It is only when you live in the present can you be fully aware of your surroundings and your purpose. Every instance... every minute second gone by in our life is IRREPLACEABLE and we must understand this to be able to concentrate on the present.

We lose precious time in our lives doing either of the two things: Brooding  about the past or being anxious about the future! And hardly in the process do we realize how many precious moments of the PRESENT we lose!

The Past! Seriously, Can you help it anymore? NO! 

If there was something really bad in your past, you need to develop the art of moving on! You should not forget... Take the lessons from it! But do not dwell upon it forever! Do not clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it makes it makes your hands full and unable to embrace the present!

The Future! Who knows the future? Who can predict the future? Nobody! Then why even bother?

The future is tomorrow. It does not exist. And we while away so much of our time thinking and acting out in our heads situations that are not even real. It is good to be cautious and plan for the future but that is where it needs to stop. 

"Wait for tomorrow, to think tomorrow's thoughts"

So what are we left with? 

The PRESENT! Yes! Now this is something that we have! That Does Exist! 

Harness the power of today! Seize the day! Take its blessing! Make something happen! Do something with your life! Be proactive! Go out and work, play, party! Anything that gives you happiness. But live in the Present!

Keep you mind and thoughts reserved only for what you are doing in the moment!

If you are eating just eat, do not think

If you are playing, just play, do not think!!

The past and future are mere illusions! The present is what there is, and all there is!

What do you get if u invert NOW?

WON!!!

If you stay in the now, you surely shall be a winner! For life is available my friends, only in the Present moment!

Sounds unique but true. Most of the successful entrepreneurs, social workers and celebrities gets angry on every next incident. You can see many people saying that "I am short-tempered." . Anger is becoming a problem for everyone in present lifestyle. But have you ever noticed anyone saying that i never become angry on anything,if yes, than you are very lucky. Well, this is not our topic of discission but to proof that anger is good at some aspects. This seems peculiar but true. Yes, sometimes being angry is good for you.

Consider your self in a condition when your friends are making fun of your parent's dressing sense and lifestyle, your younger brother or sister is shouting on you, traffic police is charging fine on you for doing nothing, somebody is placing legs on your shoulders while watching movie and many other situations. Giving smile, requesting politely , if not helping you than a warning with an angry look can do wonders.

Anger sometimes can ruin the relationships of you with others but it also defines the limits for you and your closed people. An angry look make kids aware that what they are doing is wrong and same is for the elder ones but in a different way. For these type of big kids, you have to explain a little about whatever they did, and how it is wrong.

Being angry on anything is not a psychiatric problem but it is a common characteristic of human beings. Even animals become angry so why are we afraid of it. Just notice yourself that on which situation you get angry and think why. Have you ever become uncontrolled in anger and abused someone without any reason. The people having these kind of nature are emotionally controlled but they also have a very sweet habit of accepting their mistakes and saying sorry for whatever they have done.

All the above description doesn't mean that being angry is always good and one should start getting angry on every next incident but to make one believe that getting angry is normal and one should stop worrying about it. Having some emotional control is good but very hard to achieve so accept your self the way you are with a little improvement and the improvement is that you are going to tell the one on whom you are angry that why are you angry.

It is not easy to Find the right words

There are certain times and certain situations in life when you find it difficult to say the right thing that is needed for the occasion. I remember a time when one of my close friend lost her daughter in an accident and I simply didn't know what to say? What exactly do you say to a mother who has lost her child? Can one say don't cry , things will be alright or does one say what has happened has happened ....or simply say I am so sorry about what happened ? I just sat with her because anything I said seemed too little and too shallow compared to the magnitude of her tragedy and her desolate grief. I and other friends of her also felt that the only way we could help her was by supporting her household by doing little things at her home like looking after the day-to-day needs of others by supplying food, cleaning up the kitchen and keeping an eye on the maids etc...Later of course it was easier to communicate with her and help her come to terms with her grief !

Depending on the occasion

This makes me think – it is indeed difficult sometimes to find the right words ! However it is felt that shallow or not words do carry some weight during such occasions and they do help the person get over their grief however intense it may be, but what is important is finding the right words. When one is unable to convey the right words when there are others around , I feel that it is better to meet the person who has been bereaved face to face at a later date . Let the person tell you in her/his own words what he/she is feeling and then one can respond accordingly. Many people would like to have a sympathetic listener especially when the tragedy also brings in a flood of other related problems.

For example: - when a lady loses her husband, she may have financial problems and would like to share her own fears and insecurities with someone who is genuinely interested and is ready to offer some practical advice or help in whatever manner they could. Since the problem is practical the lady would be happy to get some practical help and advice. However we have to make sure that any advice or help we offer should be carried through and not remain mere words. We need to comfort the lady as best as we can by sounding optimistic about the future. Then if you are really definite about helping her, as soon as you go home write down some practical solutions such as employment agencies , also whether she could get employment at her husband’s place of work on sympathetic grounds etc..

Making another visit to her place armed with your list and discussing it with her would also help her get over her grief to a great extent. However, if you have no solution to offer, it is still a good idea to be there and be a sounding board for her so that she has someone who is willing to listen and be a part of her difficult times. At least your words and company would bring in some hope and a glimmer of sunshine into her gloomy days. Most relationships get strengthened when they undergo such testing times .

Have a clear idea

There are some people who are never lost for words and know exactly what they need to say at the right time for the right occasion. Whereas, some others may be struggling because they don’t have a clear idea of the point they are trying to make. Some have the problem of swallowing some of those words and sentences and starting half way through , thereby making little sense.This could be due to nervousness or not being prepared or because they have cultivated such a habit when they begin their sentences they begin with a brain lock ! Most of the good ideas happen in their heads and fail to reach others. Some people have real trouble getting words out, sometimes they know what they want to say but can't say it right, So it ends up not making sense.

Many analysts feel that when you are faced with this problem, you have to take some steps to overcome this, otherwise people around you would be constantly perplexed by your speech. According to the analysts one should write down all the thoughts that pass through one's mind and read it out as clearly as possible from start to finish. This should be done whenever you find time and once the practice gets established your speech pattern too becomes much more coherent. Playing word games has been recommended by some analysts to overcome such communication problems.

Thinking before you speak and speaking wisely, can be like lighting a candle in a dark world and words have the power to change your world. Some Words are so very powerful at the most unexpected times and have such an impact on your life that you never forget them.

Finding the right time

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” — Mark Twain

Those are wise words and there are times when it is better to keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself, rather than broadcasting them for the world to hear and probably make a fool of yourself. This is especially true of leaders and people who are in high positions. They need to choose their words carefully since it gets taken seriously by those around and below them.

There is a time and place for everything and when we speak out of turn we may end up damaging our reputation or losing all that we have built over a period of time. I know of a couple who shared a great rapport but one wrong sentence and a few words spoken by the lady was the cause of this relationship falling apart. That one sentence which in itself was nothing serious, led to something else and the outcome was a rift in their relationship.

Speech is silver

1. Keep it simple and straight forward. When you find yourself tongue tied but have to respond, try to choose simple words instead of rushing into a long speech

2. There are times when words may seem futile and instead of making a wasted effort , try to analyse the situation and do what seems t be the most practical way of dealing with it.

3. Develop a knack for listening when others speak. Many a times people don’t bother to listen to others and thereby end up giving incoherent responses. No doubt that a person who has the capability to speak their mind out is appealing, but a person who doesn't have such an ego and dedicates time to listening to others is better.

4. Sometimes no matter how carefully you choose your words , it may end up being misunderstood. At such times it is better to remain silent and not make matters worse by trying to defend oneself, because the true intentions and feelings are bound to show..

5. There is a wise quote which says be true to your work, your word, your friend and your family. When our intentions are right, there is little need to worry about the impact of your words.

6. Some people love to scream and rant when they are passionate about something which simply does not help. In fact it has the opposite effect on others . There is no need to scream or yell when speaking about anything since it tends to make people uncomfortable.

7. Remaining calm and in control is very essential when you have decided to speak your mind at the time something bothers you, rather than letting your feelings brew and intensify.

8. If and when you are not comfortable with your verbal skills say for example if you have the task of facing your child’s teacher and you feel that you may not be able to convey all that you feel, write a well thought out letter . The written word can be very powerful when it is composed with care.

9. Similarly when you want to say that you are annoyed and irritated by others the feelings of disapproval should be expressed in the right manner without using offensive words. But at the same time one must convey the feelings effectively.

10. One has to get prepared to face the consequences when there is need to speak openly. Speaking your mind is a skill that has to be used in many areas of life and there will always be people who do not agree with you or even go as far as arguing and debating.

One should remember that there is no hard and fast rule about what is right and what is wrong in communication. However, what is important is to sail smoothly through different situations in life without feeling stressed or constantly worrying whether what we said was right or wrong. Remember you are the best judge!

आप के मित्र

सब को पता है की कुछ दोस्त तो आप को मोटीवेट करते हैं पर बहुत  सारे ऐसे भी होते हें जो की आप को पीछे की तरफ लेजाने के लिए सारे हतकंडे  अपनाते हैं। अगर आपके सर्किल में ऐसे मित्र हैं तो कृपया सावधान रहें।

1- इनको बोलते हैं शैतान  का वकील -  ये आप के बुरे वक्त में तो साथ होते हैं पर आप को अपने बुरे एक्सपीरियंस सुनाते  रहते हैं। यानि आप को demotivate करने का कोई मौका नहीं छोड़ते। असल में ये लोग पसिमिस्टिक टाइप होते हैं। अगर आप इनकों दूर भी नहीं कर पा  रहे तो कम से कम राय लेना तो अवश्य बंद कर दें।

2- ये होते हैं रास्ता जैम- नाह, ये नेगेटिव नहीं होते बल्कि उस्ताद होते हैं और  आप को हमेशा ऐसी राय देते हैं जो आप के हर काम को बिगड़ने में काम आये। असल में इनके पास आप को देने के लिए ढ़ेरों लॉजिक होते हैं जो की आप को ये समझाने के लिए होते हैं की आप कोई काम सही तो कर ही नहीं सकते और आप को उनकी सहायता की बहुत आवश्यकता है। याने की आप बिलकुल नाकारा हैं और  आप के बस की कुछ नहीं। ऐसे को तुरंत मित्रों की लिस्ट से दूर करना ही आप के हित में है।

5- ये होते हैं  स्कीम्बाज़ - मतलब के लिए दोस्त और नहीं तो गुडबाय, असल में कस्सर इनका भी नहीं है। अगर आप के बहुत ही सारे मित्र हैं तो कुछ तो opportunist भी होंगे ही। असल में तो असली मित्र 3-4 ही होते हैं उन्ही पर भरोसा करे आवर नेगेतिवे लोगों से तो तुरंत दूर हो जाएँ और उनको उन्ही की भाषा में समझायें। दोस्त वही अच्छे जो आप के दिल से जुड़ सकें।