Your Neighbors

The old saying goes that your neighbor shares and supports you during your difficult or times when you need someone most. It’s a common fact that the relations are different what these used to be until few decades back but the reasons are obvious, although nothing has gone wrong. People living in your colonies or societies are same but the main problem is the lack of availability of time due to an altogether different lifestyle. Most couples are working with a tight schedule and no one seems to be ready taking extra bit of tension even if it was for the sake of formality. However the truth today says that a neighbor is only a neighbor as long as you do not expect too much from him. 

The old was gold

There are different opinions about social values, as most social engineers would say that socialism teaches us many finer points of life and a society consists of family, neighborhood and playgroups. We learn finer points of living a good life from all three segments, which help us becoming good human, good member of society with helping nature. According to social engineers, family comes first while neighborhood and paygroups stand at equal levels which help us learning the process of art of living. However there is no denying the fact that if we have a good neighborhood half of the tensions of life vanish before these begun taking an ugly shape.

Although the changing times have brought number of changes in present day life of our society, you can see it in the behavior of people which has become more formal than compared to what it used to be. People would sit together to discuss but no one has time for social gatherings any more lie before and we have no one to blame for that. Everyone wants to live his own life taking his own priorities in consideration and some times even if you are willing to help your neighbors, probably they are not willing to accept it fearing you may ask for the same in case you are in trouble if ever. Chances are, our relations which have become more formal with neighbors will remain as formal unless the younger generation has other ideas and this statement stands truer for people living in metros particularly in multistoried buildings, colonies and societies with exceptions at old localities where walls of the houses are common and sounds reach to each other easily. 

Let me give you an example of bad neighbor

It was probably an evening of summer in 2008 while I was standing in my front yard from where I could see a child of about eight standing in his second floor balcony in the building just opposite across the road. The boy had an apple in his hand and when he tried the first bite he somehow dropped it from his hands that fell down into front yard of family staying on ground floor. A few minutes later a girl about ten years old called the boy down and her mother said some thing angrily, I did not hear the words clearly but saw the boy picked the crushed apple and took it back to his home. Later his mother told my wife that the lady on ground floor behaved too rude with the boy and asked him not to eat anything in his balcony. 

I think this ugly incident could well be avoided with little bit of commonsense and understanding even if these two families did not have cordial relations with each other. And this incident is not an exceptional one, we generally see people making mountains of molehills out of very small and avoidable matters. They find small excuses to take out their frustrations gathered over the days and weeks of over-worked situations at their workplaces. What I feel that quarreling with neighbors is not right kind of strategy but if you feel that your neighbor is not interested in having relations with you, it’s better to sideline him but quarreling has no solution of any problems. You should read behavior of your neighbors carefully before making efforts to increase terms as most of the times these turn sore even for smallest of matters. Therefore it’s better to stay neutral and keeping your terms up to hi-hello levels. 

It’s not that you have to meet with rude ones only but chances are you may find some very good neighbors even if the chances are too slim. However, you are as responsible to keep relations normal with your neighbors as expecting too much is the root cause of bad relations so you should keep your expectations to bare minimum. Treat children and parents of your neighbors with love and respect that is one important aspect of respectful relations with your neighbors, as no one wants their family members treated badly. Here are few tips, which should keep your relations with your neighbors wonderfully well-

1- Let your neighbor a feeling of assurance that you stand with them in their moments of joy and sorrow.

2- Never pose as if you are superior to your neighbor (even if you are)

3- Never mistreat your neighbor’s children but invite them to come to your home to present small gifts

4- Never talk ill about other neighbors of the society or colony that will lower your image

5- If any of your neighbors wants to involve you in ill talk about your other neighbors, tell them clearly that you do not want to indulge in such matters

6- You can plan outing with your neighbors to know each other better

7- Celebrate festivals and other functions together and never forget to initiate process of gifts associated with such occasions

8- Never interfere with personal affairs of your neighbors that will only create misunderstanding

9- You should be very careful that you are not going closer than comfort level of your neighbors; you must maintain a decent privacy level 

10- Finally, be prepared to help your neighbors out of their problems.

Conclusion of my topic

You can have good or bad experiences about your neighbors but do not think for a moment that you are the only one who faces such difficult situations. It has become a common problem today although it existed in old times also, maybe to a lesser extent. People have not changed but their lifestyle has made them too busy to find time to mix up with neighbors. If husband and wife both are working, they are too tired or busy to spare time with neighbors and smallest pf provocation may find them in bad mood. They do not see any one beyond their own family and that makes them lesser popular. The fact is, you need time to develop relations and time seems to be eluding us all. To be very frank, this is true for every other relation but we can easily blame neighbors for such things compared to our closer relations.

Greed is defined by Wikipedia as the inordinate desire to possess wealth,goods or objects of abstract value with the intention to keep it for one's self, far beyond the dictates of basic survival and comfort. It is applied to a markedly high desire for and pursuit of wealth, status and power.

Human beings are inherently both selfish and greedy. However with imparting of good moral values by the family and school teachers the individual is able to emerge from the cocoon of greed and lead a tempered life. His/her outlook broadens and the individual becomes strong enough to lead a satisfactory life in whatever earnings he/she is able to honestly generate. The moral courage of such individuals is of a very high order. Fortunately vast majority of humans belong to this group and thus there is order in society.

Greed is not restricted to only desire for more money only. It can manifest itself into many forms. Someone may covet a superior position held by a colleague. Someone may be greedy for more power. Yet someone may be greedy for an object he fancies to possess. Non fulfillment of greed leads to jealousy in most cases. It can lead to persons committing even loot and murder in extreme cases.

  
 The  USA is a fine example of greed based marketing. Greed is encouraged so that people buy and consume or hoard more. This generates huge revenues and profits for producers and marketing organizations. The high purchasing power of the US citizens is directed towards high consumptions based on their greed to eat more, buy more and enjoy more. In many financial and marketing organizations high targets are set and high fiscal and other rewards are declared for those who achieve it. Thus the greed to win these rewards is used as a motivating force. In fact the sub prime crisis in 2008 in USA was a result of corporate greed where top managers of the President levels also liberally gave loans to all and sundry without guarantees so that targets could be surpassed and they could earn hefty bonuses. USA is still struggling to come out of the resultant economic crisis. Greed is great in USA.

Greed is a universal phenomenon and is present in all cultures. Religious texts of all religions teach their followers to overcome it to lead a good and peaceful life. Yet people are ready to cheat, kill and do anything to satisfy their greed. A time comes in the life of a greedy person when he has to somehow fulfil his greed otherwse the greed will consume him.

In the Roman empire greed was associated with frog and its colour was yellow. 

Greed leads to conflicts, debates, fights, war, dacoities, thefts, commitment of sins as per religious views, immoral acts, adoption of unethical means,carrying out illegal activities and so on. Greedy executives and business persons do not have time for their families. Rich persons are all the time busy acquiring land, gold and silver, materials etc that they are creators of social conflicts. For only by denying dues to someone can a greedy person acquire more than his wants.The stock market is a perfect example of greed in action. Greed makes one buy and fear of loss makes one sell. Only when someone loses can someone gain.

Nations are also known to be greedy. Pakistan is greedy for Kashmir. It has allowed a whole terror apparatus to grow to fulfil its desire to acquire Kashmir by any means. China is greedy to possess as many energy sources worldwide and is ready to use any means to acquire them. USA is greedy to retain its number one position in the world and resorts to any means to maintain it. India is not greedy but certain class of Indians are mighty greedy like politicians, industrialists, sports persons, film stars etc. Mercifully not all of them are greedy. 

Mahatma Gandhi said many decades ago that the earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed. A very apt statement of a universal truth but flouted in the real world with impunity.The Bhagvad Geeta says hell has three gates: lust, anger and greed. Another equally effective quote is to greed, all nature is insufficient. Warren Buffet has said that we simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful. C. Forbes has said it beautifully that the man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure. Seneca says it is not the man who has little,  but he who desires more, that is poor. 

In the light of the above is it any wonder that after earning anywhere up to Rs 5-6 crores every year from IPL, BCCI and endorsements, Sreesanth could not overcome the greed to earn another Rs 40 lakhs by bowling fixed six balls. Greed makes the mighty fall in their own eyes and in many cases in the eyes of all. So one should keep away from greed as much as possible to lead a peaceful life.

Pictures from Google.

One wonders whether this concept took its birth specifically because of the modern day trend where people are only bothered about themselves and don’t give a damn about what others are doing or was it given due importance because we have progressed into a higher intellectual level altogether and need to look further than mere mental capabilities ! Either way Emotional Intelligence Quotient is gaining a lot of popularity and importance now where higher studies and career options are concerned !Recent studies indicate that emotional intelligence influences behavior in a wide range of domains including school, community, family environment and the workplace. Given the fact that EQ has the potential to increase our understanding of how individuals behave and adapt to their social environment, it has now become an important topic for study. 

What Exactly is Emotional Intelligence Quotient ?

EQ or Emotional intelligence Quotient is one’s ability to better attune oneself with inner feelings. Many people do not have emotional intelligence because they have a difficulty expressing what they feel or understanding their own feelings in the first place. This again does not reflect badly on their capacity nor does it imply that they are lacking in any way because it may be due to many factors like upbringing or a mental block, both of which can be easily overcome with some personal and clinical effort !What is important is to identify and rectify it at early stages.

According to the studies conducted by these eminent psycho analysts , the conventional intelligence Quotient which is popularly known as IQ, is far too narrow and deals only with one aspect of an individual’s personality or mental make up. But, there are wider areas within our self that needs to be tapped to make sure that we bring out our best to ensure success in what we do ! Success requires not just intelligent mind or Intelligence Quotient , which has been the yardstick for measuring intelligence, however ignoring many essential behavioral and character patterns in an individual.

EQ or Emotional Intelligence Quotient as I earlier discussed is relatively recent behavioral pattern. The concept came into prominence with Daniel Goleman's 1995 Book called 'Emotional Intelligence'. It is during the 1970’s and later years that eminent psychologists like Howard Gardner, John Jack Mayer and a few others wrote extensively about the importance of emotions and its role in shaping our personality and intelligence ! They conducted several studies all of which showed that a fine tuned EQ brings out more efficiency and performance from an individual.

How Does It Help?

The question is how Does it Help individuals more than IQ ?

Emotional Intelligence Quotient is fast becoming an important consideration in all aspects of an organization. Earlier , the stress was only on the mental ability of a person ( IQ)  whereas now all other aspects are given equal importance . Thereby EQ is finding a place and importance in fields like Human resources planning, job profiling, recruitment, interviewing and selection, management development, customer relations , customer service, etc. It is also heartening to know that EQ can be developed and nurtured so that a person who was seen as lacking in some areas now has the scope to develop them unlike in IQ which is largely hereditary and can only be developed and enhanced to a certain extent during childhood .

In the past far too much emphasis was being given on certain aspects of intelligence such as logical reasoning , understanding analogies, verbal skills etc which had to do with ones mental faculty. However, Researchers were puzzled by certain cases where , even when they had everything going for them they were unable to give out their best . This led to the conclusion - while possession of a certain level of IQ could help achieve  a significant degree of academic performance and professional and personal success, there was something missing in the equation.

Start Early

It was also noted that many people who were super brilliant with fabulous IQ scores were doing poorly in life, unable to handle relationships and generally not very happy when it came to family life . There are scores of such examples in the history of mankind. According to researchers they were wasting their potential by thinking, behaving and communicating in a way that hindered their chances to succeed simply because they were thinking with their head and trying to find theoretical solutions whereas the requirement was something far more simpler and basic. The missing link here was the EQ which had not been tapped or developed in these highly skilled individuals , who with all their brilliance were not successful in other spheres of life .

These researches have also made educationists aware of the importance of developing EQ in the early stages as the child enters school and begins interacting and socialising. Teachers and parents now realise that it is becoming increasingly important to develop a child’s EQ , at the school level itself , as it is now becoming increasingly relevant while selecting candidates for specialised courses and hiring work force . Most leading companies are looking for more than mental capabilities and brilliance in academics while hiring people and they are increasingly looking at the emotional empathy that a person has developed ,while conducting a job interview and selecting candidates...

Our Actions and Our Emotions

It is a known fact that all our actions are systematically controlled by our emotions . Human beings cannot do any action without giving it at least some thought and this is what forms the basis for EQ, since EQ is all about understanding yourself, your goals, your responses and your behavioral patterns. I feel that it is in fact a process of self analysis, where you are constantly looking into yourself to see how you are faring with regard to your relationships . It is also our capacity to understand other people who we deal with and their feelings.

We see many brilliant scientists made fun of by others at their lack of understanding where every day things are concerned. Although earlier this was considered to be the done thing for the highly intelligent people to do, now it is thought to be their poor communicative skills that is at the root of this type of behavior . So, it is all the more important to develop an all rounded personality instead of making our future citizens just intelligent , goal oriented and motivated to achieve their best !

How to Develop EQ or Emotional Intelligence ?

Since EQ is still a relatively new concept a lot more research needs to be done probing human mind and emotions and how best to utilise them ! As of now psycho analysts and researchers have put together a few concepts that help in developing the EQ. I will briefly deal with them one by one..

Knowing our Emotions - First and foremost as individuals we need to have a grip on our emotions which is not always possible.This is needs to be cultivated right from childhood. Children throwing tantrums should be made to realise that such behavior does not help them. Losing temper and flying off the handle each time things do not go their way does not help a person , instead trying to analyse the situation and see where things went wrong and taking proper steps may give positive results . Once we know our weak points and strengths we can always work on them , which will help us in the long run to become better individuals.

 Managing our own emotions - Once you learn your weak points and strong points you also need to learn how best to use it your advantage . This does not mean that you start manipulating your emotions or other people's emotions - rather trying to use it in a positive manner so that we are able to better our relationships and manage our emotions better with people within our family, at our work place and those we deal with on a daily basis. A successful career combined with the ability to manage your emotions and relationships better, definitely makes you a happier person.

 Motivating ourselves – Motivation is an important and integral part of remaining positive in life. If we have to do our best we need to set goals and motivate ourselves and achieve he targets that we set for ourselves . This is a continuous ongoing process in life and when we understand this very essential concept in life we remain positive and thereby become better people to deal with. Motivation need not always be something that is connected with money and popularity alone, it could be something very basic like losing weight, reading some good books or saving for a holiday. Every little thing has a place in life !

Having the ability to Recognise and understand other people's emotions – This ability is what makes a person stand out from the rest. It takes a lot more than just interaction to study and get to know people. We need to put ourselves in their place before reacting to any situation, only then can we truly recognise and empathise with others feelings and emotions.

Managing other people’s emotions – This happens at times when we face a situation within the family or at workplace when we are required to carefully deal with difficult people. Unless you are diplomatic and also very understanding and sensitive about issues concerning others it is not easy to manage other peoples emotions especially when it is negative. In work places, this is a necessary requirement, especially when you aspire to reach the top position and have to manage people working under you.

Conclusions

We can conclude that it is very important to teach youngsters to be responsible about their actions and also develop a healthy  respect for others actions instead of being one sided, critical or judgmental. A well developed Emotional Intelligent Quotient also focuses on positive aspects and how to turn one's emotional intelligence to one's advantage . It also focuses on building constructive thinking pattern , which facilitates the person to reach ones goal. This includes setting realistic goals, motivating oneself and also having effective leadership qualities !

To be successful in life it is important to have awareness, sensitivity to other people's feelings and one's surroundings , effective control and management of one's own emotions and those of other people as well.  All of these qualities help us during crisis and adverse situations in life. At an individual level EQ relates to academic achievement, work performance, one's ability to communicate effectively, solve everyday problems, build meaningful interpersonal relationships, and the ability to make the right decisions. This may sound like a difficult task but once you understand the concept it makes sense and you will also realise that it is the right way of doing things.

First and foremost while attaining emotional intelligence you are also becoming emotionally literate. You are not only learning and know what you’re feeling and what’s causing it rather than blaming other people or certain situations for all your misfortunes. It is ultimately taking responsibility for your actions which has to be taught right from childhood !

( image source wikimedia gallery)

Emotional Intelligence

A young author and novelist Jess C Scott says - “When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.”

Generally, most people are emotional but a professional never lets his emotions take over him on his working mood. He knows how to be emotionally intelligent to be successful. You might have seen people around you who despite being intelligent and hard working never succeed to the extent where they belong to just because they are not aware that they are not utilizing their emotional intelligence, necessary to reach to their full potential. We are living in the age of emotional quotient that has left spiritual and intelligence quotient behind.

You must learn to control your feelings

Being emotionally intelligent does not force you to be emotionally blank or have no feelings but despite being emotional and having soft feelings you should learn to overreact while dealing with complex situations. Incidentally most people lack this art and suffer in different ways for lack of this quality. It is an art to keep your feelings under control however bad a situation or you going through worst of situations. And to be frank this particular problem is not gender related but the only difference is that women generally begin to weep with tears coming out easily at a drop of a hat and men becoming angry on smallest of incidents and going out of control. 

The fact is that men and women who cannot control their emotions harm themselves professionally and on personal fronts. Need of the day is a controlled behavior without showing your weaknesses in front of others who would only take undue advantage of your abnormal emotional attitude only. I know this is not easy to change yourself overnight but you should at least show yourself doing it even if you cannot change all of a sudden.

Never decide in bad mood

Try to keep your decisions pending if you are feeling low, angry, jealous or sad because in such conditions you shall be under a different mental status where you find decision making not just or could be biased which you might regret later. As a professional you must know well that decisions taken under such circumstances lead you nowhere. Your success rate depends on your decisions so be careful how you treat such situations. 

Try to improve on your EQ

Emotional quotient is not a matter of improvement which you can do overnight, it takes lot of efforts to improve. In fact, it is way of your upbringing that is mainly responsible for your behavior and how you treat others and in turn expect others to behave with you in tensed situation. And when something unexpected happens that probably is your best time to test yourself for your emotional quotient or control your emotions in a way that serves best in your favor. Best opportunity to improve your EQ comes while you are in adverse situations.    

It is advised by most behavior councilors and management gurus to evaluate yourself for your weaker points while you are in bad moods and try to improve on your emotions, which let you down. The best option to avoid ugly scene is to avoid taking a decision while in fowl mood because that would not lead you to a happy situation. I am sure you will find yourself in a better situation to take a right decision once you cool down and think in a better way.