Is an obedient child always a happy child??

I don't believe so. Children must have a say. Raising objection and opposing a viewpoint do not mean that the child is ill mannered and disobedient. I believe if a child stays in a subdued manner and always as 'yes' parents then that can be also due to an extreme fear of massive verbal scolding and physical punishment. This cannot be a  sign of happiness.

I was never a obedient daughter, whatever that may be but have shared an excellent rapport with my mother. I make it a point to call her at leat every alternate day since she lives in Bangalore. It is the same with my three children who are extremely independent in their thinking and I wouldn't have it any other way since they are my best friends and other than my mother, I turn to my children when I need some advice..

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

I guess it's just a way of bringing up kids.... everyone has their own way ...right or wtong....As long as the parents are not too strict... I think kids can be happy.... 

I was an obedient kid but I was also happy... I always felt I need to listen and athere to my parents because they knw better... I never felt the need to think otherwise... 

They also gave me enough freedom and independence... There was always a balance and a consensus in what needs to be done.

I feel that giving space and freedom of choice in any relationship makes it a beautiful bonded relationship and thrives for longer. Otherwise it suffocates and succumbs in long run.

Allowing the child to grow freely under the supervision of Parents will definitely lead to healthy relations. It happened in my children's case. We all are leading a happy and contented life.

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

At the end of the day that's what counts, how your personal equation is,with your parents and siblings. I had written about this incident earlier in another discussion, abt a mother and son living in my neighborhood. The son works in a manufacturing unit situated 20 kms from here. He was finding it difficult to commute to work since there are no direct buses and his mother wouldn't let him go on his two wheeler. He decided to look for a paying guest accommodation close to his office which led to a near battle with the mother crying and blaming him and her husband who had suggested it , while almost all the neighbors sided with him . Finally now he had to look for a small house close to his office where the mother too has gone. The father lives here and the lady keeps visiting here every two days . It is so stifling when mothers become so overbearing..

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

At the end of the day that's what counts, how your personal equation is,with your parents and siblings. I had written about this incident earlier in another discussion, abt a mother and son living in my neighborhood. The son works in a manufacturing unit situated 20 kms from here. He was finding it difficult to commute to work since there are no direct buses and his mother wouldn't let him go on his two wheeler. He decided to look for a paying guest accommodation close to his office which led to a near battle with the mother crying and blaming him and her husband who had suggested it , while almost all the neighbors sided with him . Finally now he had to look for a small house close to his office where the mother too has gone. The father lives here and the lady keeps visiting here every two days . It is so stifling when mothers become so overbearing..

Totally agree. It has got a term "Over parenting"

I just attended a workshop sometimes back. The speaker there was a Swiss. During his speech, he mirthfully commented -"In all other countries you become an adult at 21, but in India you become an adult only after your parents die". He said it on a lighter note and we all had a good laugh. But I think he had a point in the case you stated above.

Arunima Singh wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

At the end of the day that's what counts, how your personal equation is,with your parents and siblings. I had written about this incident earlier in another discussion, abt a mother and son living in my neighborhood. The son works in a manufacturing unit situated 20 kms from here. He was finding it difficult to commute to work since there are no direct buses and his mother wouldn't let him go on his two wheeler. He decided to look for a paying guest accommodation close to his office which led to a near battle with the mother crying and blaming him and her husband who had suggested it , while almost all the neighbors sided with him . Finally now he had to look for a small house close to his office where the mother too has gone. The father lives here and the lady keeps visiting here every two days . It is so stifling when mothers become so overbearing..

Totally agree. It has got a term "Over parenting"

I just attended a workshop sometimes back. The speaker there was a Swiss. During his speech, he mirthfully commented -"In all other countries you become an adult at 21, but in India you become an adult only after your parents die". He said it on a lighter note and we all had a good laugh. But I think he had a point in the case you stated above.

I agree with what the Swiss Speaker said. But,  I do not agree with the Speaker's view that in India one becomes elder after the death of the Parents. Responsibilities may come irrespective of the age.

@ rambabu. Sir, I told that it was said in a mirthful way and on a lighter note. So please do not take it as an Universal truth.

OK. But it did not look as a joke. No problems. I will not take it seriously.

Arunima Singh wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

At the end of the day that's what counts, how your personal equation is,with your parents and siblings. I had written about this incident earlier in another discussion, abt a mother and son living in my neighborhood. The son works in a manufacturing unit situated 20 kms from here. He was finding it difficult to commute to work since there are no direct buses and his mother wouldn't let him go on his two wheeler. He decided to look for a paying guest accommodation close to his office which led to a near battle with the mother crying and blaming him and her husband who had suggested it , while almost all the neighbors sided with him . Finally now he had to look for a small house close to his office where the mother too has gone. The father lives here and the lady keeps visiting here every two days . It is so stifling when mothers become so overbearing..

Totally agree. It has got a term "Over parenting"

I just attended a workshop sometimes back. The speaker there was a Swiss. During his speech, he mirthfully commented -"In all other countries you become an adult at 21, but in India you become an adult only after your parents die". He said it on a lighter note and we all had a good laugh. But I think he had a point in the case you stated above.

He definitely had a point because I see grown up children with families still have court room sessions within their home where the wife gets penalized by the parents which never happens anywhere else. Why don't the parents let the grown up children alone and be economical with their advise to be given only if asked for .

usha manohar wrote:

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

I was also not an obedient child. I was very clear about my decision and choice so there were times when I opposed my parents and guardians. So what, I was a happy child and my relationship never strained my personal equation with the family members.

At the end of the day that's what counts, how your personal equation is,with your parents and siblings. I had written about this incident earlier in another discussion, abt a mother and son living in my neighborhood. The son works in a manufacturing unit situated 20 kms from here. He was finding it difficult to commute to work since there are no direct buses and his mother wouldn't let him go on his two wheeler. He decided to look for a paying guest accommodation close to his office which led to a near battle with the mother crying and blaming him and her husband who had suggested it , while almost all the neighbors sided with him . Finally now he had to look for a small house close to his office where the mother too has gone. The father lives here and the lady keeps visiting here every two days . It is so stifling when mothers become so overbearing..

This is an example of being over protective and also of intruding into each and every affair of one's child/children. I agree  with you that it's really stifling. There is a lot of fun in giving freedom to your adult child and make them feel a responsible human being. Alas! It's not the case in many families. 

When a child, or adult child are given responsibility of doing something, they try their best to prove before their Parents that they too can do it. One should see the glint in the eyes of the child after completing the Job successfully. Of course many parents will not dare to give even a small job to their children because they fear the Child may spoil the job. This not advisable.

I would certainly prefer a happy child who is able to take his own decisions and think for himself, I try to let my son have that space most of the times, although it would be really nice if he was obedient at least occasionally, would cause me a little less grief. :) However, there is certainly a limit to how much leniency you wish to grant to your children, since if that went unchecked, a child is bound to become not just carefree and independent but also would not understand and respect the limitations of his or her behavior. So that is an aspect which also needs to be looked at.

 When it comes to Over protection of the Children,  I would  like to quote about Tantrum throwing Children.  Parents  remain silent dismissing the Tantrums as a Childish prank . Over a period the child becomes adamant and demanding. I have seen in a Mall, when the Parents refused to  buy a Doll, the child created a big scene. Poor Parents were embarrassed.  Parents should be cautious  regarding these over demanding and Tantrum throwing Children

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

I would certainly prefer a happy child who is able to take his own decisions and think for himself, I try to let my son have that space most of the times, although it would be really nice if he was obedient at least occasionally, would cause me a little less grief. :) However, there is certainly a limit to how much leniency you wish to grant to your children, since if that went unchecked, a child is bound to become not just carefree and independent but also would not understand and respect the limitations of his or her behavior. So that is an aspect which also needs to be looked at.

I would totally agree with that, we need to draw the line at times or else they become stubborn. Boys during that difficult stage between 2-6 can be very head strong .. Kalyani, ultimately it is only the parents, more so the mother who can decide what is the right way of discipling the child.

Expectation from some one to follow them without any if but is not  good. Such type of child are not obident, they are slave.

Divya wrote:

I guess it's just a way of bringing up kids.... everyone has their own way ...right or wtong....As long as the parents are not too strict... I think kids can be happy.... 

I was an obedient kid but I was also happy... I always felt I need to listen and athere to my parents because they knw better... I never felt the need to think otherwise... 

They also gave me enough freedom and independence... There was always a balance and a consensus in what needs to be done.

In my previous comment I wrote that I was not an obedient child but that does not mean I was a rebel at every point of time. Yes, at times I put forward my point of view may be at times in a very rigid manner but it always lead to a discussion sometimes cold and sometimes hot but finally all used to reach a consensus. This always impacted positively and made me happy. You accepted your parents opinion willingly and that's fine but those who abide by their parents viewpoint hesitantly due to some pressure can remain unhappy.      

Shampa Sadhya wrote:

Divya wrote:

I guess it's just a way of bringing up kids.... everyone has their own way ...right or wtong....As long as the parents are not too strict... I think kids can be happy.... 

I was an obedient kid but I was also happy... I always felt I need to listen and athere to my parents because they knw better... I never felt the need to think otherwise... 

They also gave me enough freedom and independence... There was always a balance and a consensus in what needs to be done.

In my previous comment I wrote that I was not an obedient child but that does not mean I was a rebel at every point of time. Yes, at times I put forward my point of view may be at times in a very rigid manner but it always lead to a discussion sometimes cold and sometimes hot but finally all used to reach a consensus. This always impacted positively and made me happy. You accepted your parents opinion willingly and that's fine but those who abide by their parents viewpoint hesitantly due to some pressure can remain unhappy.

Every child is obedient who agree with parents. Most of children are of rigid of attitude. But they also know that parents are their well wisher so what parents plead that agree with it.