What is our role in making others happy?  What can we do to make everyone around us, happy to the extent possible?

These are some very basic questions, and it is quite easy to find out answers to them, based on our life experiences.  We can indeed make a big difference by making others happy.

The first and most important thing that we need to understand is that merely giving money to someone does not make him or her happy.  Much would depend on our intent, and the purpose, the larger emotional issues that surround such giving.  

For instance, it is quite easy to collect a lot of used clothes and give it to the neighboring orphanage.  However, what will really make them happy is to offer our services to coach a student preparing for the public examination, free of cost, in mathematics.  This is sometimes done in some places.  One has the see the happiness of those who receive such free coaching.  

Similarly a word of praise for the servant maid and then a cup of hot coffee given to her, makes her so happy.  She will never relish the coffee if one were to pick holes in whatever work she does.  

Similarly, subordinates do not respect bosses who merely dole out merit payments -- the annual rewards for hard work --- and deny promotion.  The bosses need to understand that recognition and achievement make a person more happy than anything else.  The professionally managed organizations know this very well.  For example, they organize monthly Kaizen awards and these are distributed in huge functions, where everyone claps for every single award received.  The entire function is captured on video, and the photographs are uploaded on the company website.  Imagine the happiness of his family members in understanding that their father has been rewarded for some good work by the organization concerned.  These are some things that make people very happy.

It is positively not just motivation, particularly the kind of which is normally understood in organizations.  It is a different ball game, that spreads happiness very much wide and reaches a very big cross section of people.

In the very small town I live at the moment, the district collector had attended a wedding some months ago, and was aghast to find irregular parking of vehicles and the huge traffic jams that followed.  He went back to his office, and the next thing he ordered was the widening of roads on both sides, and the removal of all encroachments.  He had the guts to nullify the political opposition to his initiative.  What really matters is the happiness that comes when such action is really taken.

Today, the roads are much wider, they have been relaid and the traffic is now much faster than ever before.  Not a single day passes, when the district collector is praised by a large number of people.  Some two decades ago, a series of severe action taken by one district collector, brought about huge changes in a town called Tiruchirapalli, a big town in Central Tamil Nadu.  We should learn from such examples. . 

Secondly, we can chip in with some inquiries about the welfare of children, their higher education and so on. Even  strangers feel happy when we talk matters close to their heart.  In Government hospitals, for example, a little bit of guidance as to where one can get the medicines or the medical tests done, is something that makes people happy.  We just need to understand the range of facilities available.

Thirdly, as far as happiness is concerned, we need to explore ways in which this can be done. By building on existing cultural practices, for example, it can be done to some extent.  In Tamil Nadu, in each of the temples there is a big annual festival, where the religious practices mesh so well with religious activities.  The elders have found out a mechanism to keep everyone happy during such occasions.  A huge amount of money is collected from every one who is rich, and smaller donations from every one.  With this money, a fairly good amount of "prasad" is distributed to every single person who visits the temple that particular day, and in the afternoon, there is community feeding.

In certain places, in the evening, some cultural program is organized, so that the people who come from far off places spend their time usefully and then go back to their places the next day morning.  

The trick is to enlarge the scope of these cultural and religious practices.  

Fourthly, while it is true that what makes a person happy differs from person to person.man craves to make money, in whatever way he can.  He then needs a very peaceful ecosystem in which this can be done.  Some wise men and women have understood the importance of the physical environment, for man to seek this peace, in pursuit of his or her happiness.

Several public places are simply decorated with trees and plants of a huge kind, and this makes anyone happy.  In particular, one has to witness the reality of this in beautiful towns like Pollachi near Coimbatore, or in Bangalore, which possibly has such excellent places.  It is quite true that gardens can offer the human mind, some solace and happiness.

The yoga and the art of living movements, are doing an excellent job of spreading the happiness moments.  It is also true that when the mind becomes calm, people are very happy.  There is a big constructive proof of this happening in the real world.  We all need to be alive of these kinds of alternatives to make as many people, happy as possible.  Certain cheaper versions of yoga, where the persons concerned do not have to spend so much, are also available and we need to help people to be able to access these channels too.

It should be noted that what is happiness to someone is not to someone else.  We all need to be aware of the numerous ways in which happiness can be spread.  When this is done, we can add life to our years, instead of years to our life, and that of others.

'Should I' or 'Not', the self assessing question, an ,argument which presents an antagonist with two or more alternatives, but is equally conclusive against him which he chooses. This is a dictionary framed definition of dilemma, I just call it the war of thoughts. To our knowledge, dilemma is not only a vexatious alternative or predicament , it is letting oneself stand at the edge of a disquiet state that stands straight at the mid of two direction and makes it difficult to determine what course to pursue, to the human brain. It is more than a natural circumstance or condition of being at any given time, well most of the human Mind engaged in human activity has a tough time overcoming this complex state.it is an act of nature, created in a way that obnoxiously repeats itself time and again. It emboldens the situation, brings the individual to a place where on he can think to move forward. Dilemma, is just a thought that begins at the tip of any decision and further leads to overthinking in the mature grey part, with the least intention to halt until reached the extreme end, fronting a crisis , which has no reason to stop or untire the thought process. It could be effective when a person holds himself back from minutes of case scenarios failing to come up with an answer, lies in dilemma before commencing the act.

It might occur to you why am I talking about dilemma, everybody is just a part and victim of the idea. Well though it looks easy, sounds easy, its complication range slayed. This socially infectious state of things, uncertainty dominating its way out has been a rough side to all our lives some day or the other.

I would just like to put forward how this little word that sometimes people fail to recognize hold the maximum importance.

I am talking about that lady, you seem to know from everywhere. A little rare in a country like ours but definitely exists. Yes,I am talking about that woman who likes to earn for herself, believes in equality, lives an independent life with high faring boundaries. The one who has never really been cared of and grew up in no time with all those poverty around, unresolved parents around. Yes that lot. Let me name her 'she' , which would probably make her feel a little dear and owned.

She was around thirty with a job she fought everyday to secure, a rented house , a broken heart and some friends who signed off as soon as she left her office building. And so I forgot to mention, the new little aspect of her life she just got to this morning. As usual, she got dressed, checked her hair, did her bed and was about to leave when she just felt her head hit hard and before she realised she had flooded the place with her vomit. She took that day off. And eventually found her pregnancy test came out positive. She was struck with a blow and a sudden numbness she failed to realize the feeling she was overthrown with. She sat, felt clueless and kept her mind to her thought on what to do next.

She was on the way to become a mother. She was left muddled, was she supposed to let him know? Would that make him come back? Probably no. He isn't leaving his wife anytime soon and every time she picked her cell up, dialed his number, she teared her cheeks. She just needed somebody to say out loud what would be her next step. She keeps thinking about all the pros and cons, the net results darkens. She fights her inner questions but couldn't figure out a way.

Premarital intercourse in a country like India, a little beyond our thoughts. She has grown up watching 'Kya kehna' but never did she know she would land up in 'Priya's' role. It looked so comforting and well settled in the big screen then why was it such a hazy picture that blocked her head! Being gravid at any age, was a social sin. It wasn't her say, but she knew the facts. She grew weak on her knees, she needed a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on to. She wanted to depend. She was scared, maybe she wasn't really strong to fight her worries. To bear the consequence of her immaturity and the intimacy she shared with her boss boomeranged right on her head. Living in a place where the people care, they intrude in others business like a birthright. How can this be an unfavourable situation? Having conceived a new life was a boon not a bane, it is that purest form of creation which is authentic and pellucid to its core. But the irony lies here, had she been married, entered her socially allotted role, she could run in the house with grace and a smile but it just overturwhen she was denied her socially allotted role. Who was to be blamed?

Here starts the inequality she scorned, she had been trapped to what she detested her whole life. This is a time when our little word plays the role. She has to now go through a double Mind situation. She would be abhored by her family who could have been her root support, rejected by the society and finally forced herself to believe, she has no grip to hold on to. She is disillusioned and coming to a conclusion makes her go through a series of embarrassment, guilt, and disgrace to herself. She believes her purpose of living ends right here and then she lands on the footing where her inner conscience tells her to dishonour the breeding child. For any woman at any instance to be able to hold a child is considered blessing, born with good luck and the dishonouring of which is an inevitable sin. It equals to taking ones own life. Where does she stand? Abort the pumping heart in her womb? Just to make her chances of surviving bright or take the challenge to be a mother, bring up the soul, go against the world, stand rootless on her own.

She has to fight her own dilemmas and eventually everyone does. It is just a matter of moment that complicates or untangles her life. It is with the belief she was born she needs to walk with, put a foot forward, take a decision that she can respect in the long run, breathe freely with no place of regrets.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the poor and the marginalized are suffering the most.  There is indeed an economy of the poor, that helps them access goods and services at economic rates, and in installments too.  However, all this is never an indication of the very poor state of economic affairs.  Ninety percent of breadwinners of such households being habitual drunkards.  Worse, these bad role models always beat their wives in the presence of their children.

Yet, there is something that stands out as unique among such classes.  A few of them do take to petty crimes to make a living.  Servant maids have been reported to have stolen properly from houses that provide them employment and food.  

But these events are more of an exception than the rule.  I have seen poor in Bihar, in Andhra Pradesh, In New Delhi and in Gujarat, and in my own State of Tamil Nadu.  They positively, have something unique about them.  They care for each other and are more open to trying out new ideas, which is contrary to what we think.  They have a tremendous ability of managing uncertainty and living lives that are even difficult to fathom.  

Nevertheless, the "bottom of the pyramid" a new phrase coined by the world-famous Strategic Management expert, the late Pro. C. K. Prahalad coined the term about them as a big class and that they have huge lessons to offer to the world, in basic human relations. 

 Firstly, innovation is the name of the game with this class.  Small capitalists emerge from within this group.  They do not care that they do not make more money or huge money.  But they make money that keeps them happy, and also save for their future, and this is exactly what they need at any point in time.

Evidence of this can be seen in how they market small quantities of different items, in particular, food items.  The so-called "mixture" as it is called in Tamil, is a evening time snack,  The trick that the bottom of the pyramid has now put into operation, is to pack them and a huge number of similar snacks --- all made of palm oil supplied through Government-run ration shops -- in very small packets, priced at just one or two rupees apiece.  Guess who are the huge consumers of this brand of small pack snacks?

Witness brisk sales --- often up to two thousand rupees on any single evening -- at some petty shop adjacent to a Government-run TASMAC shop, that sells liquor, literally everywhere in Tamil Nadu. Well, it is a very unique kind of public-private partnership!!!

The ladies who get the snacks done in their houses, run a small but thriving cottage industry, with monthly profits of around ten thousand rupees, all in cash, and far away from the eyes of the IT department! Similarly, there is another snack, the small "samosa", that is currently priced at rupees three apiece in all retail outlets, in Tamil Nadu and in the neighboring States as well.  This gets done locally, transport cost is zero, marketing costs are zero, the retail guy gets his cut, and the manufacturer has an unwritten Memorandum of understanding with at least two hundred retail shops within a three kilometer radius, in most small towns.

Guess what?  The small "samosa" manufacturer reportedly has a profit of at least one thousand rupees per day.  He emerges as a medium capitalist with the least of investment, and the least of worries of big time marketing.  Most distribution is done on cycles or the inevitable TVS mopeds.  

Innovation at its best, to say the least;  The poor consume them, and the owner also makes donations to the local temple festival, he even knows customers by name and so on.  So much for Customer Relationship Management!

The poor also have their own version of small eateries, where the caring and sharing is huge.  In fact, news about blood needed for any critical operation in the Government hospital or even private hospital is passed on quickly, in such places and donors line up the next minute. 

When road accidents happen, it is always seen that it is the poor who offer immediate help and even take the injured to hospitals, in auto rickshaws, even when the rich zip around in their fancy imported cars!

In the smaller towns, the cinema halls have lost their charm.  However the lower middle class gather at these places to just keep in touch, have three hours of what they call "no worry" experience.  They exchange pleasantries, they gather information about any development in their friends circle and so on.  

Secondly, the poor also have superb social lives.  To imagine that they quarrel among themselves, is to miss the wood for the trees.  They do quarrel at times.  However, they do get together in times of need and they respect each other, far more than the rich or the upper middle classes do.  To beat costs, they have their own methods.  

In most villages and small towns, it is extremely common to find the entire family members sleeping in the open cots and in terraces.  In summer, they pour a lot of water on terraces after 6 PM to make the surfaces a bit cool.  They then relax and go to bed.  

In fact, the traditional houses have a huge veranda, right in front of the house, that lets in natural breeze.  Many people gather there to talk and share ideas in the evening.  

Thirdly, they help each other to develop.  It is a very common fact that most of casual and contract labor are drawn  from villages. The industries in the suburbs of metro cities regularly employ them, and the employment is mostly through referrals.  The men refer those who are seriously interested, and those who do not have bad habits.  This helps them to get a good name with their employers, too.

Fourthly, in shared autos and in the mini buses that often to go places that the regular buses do not go, there is a huge amount of caring and sharing.  The enormous amount of money that changes hands has to be seen to be believed.  

I have seen many mini buses where the conductor keeps on asking personal questions, and tends to stop the bus very near residences of regular customers.  Information on farm produce and the latest market rates get shared very quickly.  The door to door sales of vegetables, at relatively cheaper prices gets sold, through the mini buses.  

We can learn a lot from such exchange of information.  The marketing experts need to understand down-to-earth marketing, only in mini buses.

At the Government hospitals, food brought from houses gets shared, even among strangers.  Since their means are always limited, the food is not of a great variety.  Yet, the bonding is perfect.

Life is not and will never be, only about money.  In the wider scheme of things, if we learn human relations from the poor and the marginalized, we can pass on good lessons to our children.  We can understand many facets of life in the process. 

Certain things are uniquely Indian: gossip is one of them.  As Indians, we are highly sensitive when we gossip.  We are very happy to indulge in any sort of gossip, and this goes on even in the best of urban centers like Mumbai, in offices, homes, on streets, in buses, in trains and just about everywhere.

In Mumbai, gossip is famously about most of the big film stars of the Hindi film industry, most of whom live there.  Although Marathi is the main language of Maharashtra, no one even thinks big about the Marathi movies or their actors.  A huge amount of gossip is all about the Hindi film actors, and the ways in which they conduct their personal lives.

Gossip, of course, is not confined to the urban centers.  Even the country's best English channels on television, give a huge amount of importance to gossip involving celebrities.  It does seem to become, or has already become, a national obsession.

In reality, gossip is nothing but a huge waste of time.  It does not do any good to either those who indulge in gossip, or to those whose names are at the center of the gossip itself.

In offices, if the boss happens to be a male ( more often than not, this happens) and he happens to be somewhat close to one female subordinate,  all hell brakes loose.  Gossip centers around how close they are, and how they meet.  If the woman involved is married, it even becomes worse.  Gossip then assumes dangerous forms. like for instance, when the gossip reaches the ears of the husband of the woman involved.

He either takes in the stride, as he would have immense faith in her, or simply take it as deeply offensive.  Most marital disputes often take place in such cases.  The best way for any gossip to die a natural death is for the boss to keep a safe distance, and maintain  a strict boss subordinate relationship, but only that.

Any attempt by the man to have a soft corner for the woman, as if sometimes happens when the boss finds that is she is more kind and considerate than his own wife, will invite a huge amount of gossip.  In small towns and semi-urban areas, just one meeting in a private place, by the man and woman, even if were just a meeting, would send gossip to dizzy heights. 

The starting point of all such big gossip is the perceived or real intimacy between the boss and subordinate.  In the case of the woman, she should be even more careful, and not have any feelings towards the boss, even if she some reason to have them.

This author has seen such gossip in big organizations. Literally every single individual, even those at very senior levels, would gossip about the so-called closeness between the boss and his married female subordinate and, in booze parties, it would become worse.  There will be no-holds barred kind of gossip, and sometimes, very cheap one at that.  If the boss and the subordinate were to belong to some other site or department, the gossip will even become personal, and some cunning subordinates only chip to settle personal scores.

Gossip in offices can be easily nullified if the bosses take strict action, or if the CEO practices a good deal of communication with his staff at various levels.  A very strict warning will work wonders.  A good reprimand, in private, of those indulging in gossip, will also put an end to the menace.  If the boss has proof of the gossip, the task would become that much easier.

In society, the gossip about single women who are divorced or are widowed, is the worst form of gossip,  It is really shocking to find that society does not take kindly to such women talking even the minimum with a neighbor, or taking part in some functions of neighbors, to which she is duly invited to.  More often than not, women relatives of the family literally frown upon the presence of the woman, and even innocent inquiries or mere exchange of pleasantries are even mistaken.  Gossip then takes over, making life miserable for such women.

In advanced countries like USA, one is given to understand that the status of single women is very good.  She is treated with respect, and if she is a professional ( most women are), there is absolutely no problem.  However, in India, many women, are merely graduates.

In fact, the remarriage of women is encouraged in some communities in India.  This is a very healthy trend, not merely to put an end to gossip, but in the larger interest of the woman, who would then have the safety of a good social institution.

Gossip about film stars in buses and trains, is always termed as " time pass".  Really?

We tend to forget that our heroes and heroines are just human and, as human as we are.  In fact, the ignorance of this fact, by the so-called stars, of either gender, is the cause of most misery in their personal lives.  It is all a problem of their egos. 

Society would do well to put an end to gossip about film stars.  In public, it is disgusting to note the hugely deplorable levels to which such gossip goes and, the age group of such gossip.

This author has seen even children, as young as ten years old, gossip about film stars, based on some information they normally see on television, or get to read about in the local magazines.  A huge amount of time is spent on such gossip, particularly on weekends.

Parents should keep a watch on such gossip and try to put an end to it, in whatever manner they deem fit.  It is interesting to note that when the man and the woman are both professionals, they tend to spend huge amounts of time, on nurturing special talents of their children in singing, dancing, painting, sports and games and so on.  This is extremely good, and gossip is virtually absent in such families.  The children lead very good socially relevant lives, and do some social work as well.  Of course, their parents do everything to make them understand the values of hard work, discipline, respect to others and so on.  

It is very much in our hands to handle and manage gossip,  We should all agree and understand that gossip will take us nowhere.  Instead, we could enroll in some humor club, and get to laugh a lot.  Or to debate a lot among friends and relatives.  

Gossip management requires a high level of maturity, and we better acquire this, as soon as possible.