Marriage is beginning of a new life

Marriage means of lot of fun, wonderful parties, dances, lots of fun, in fact that is what a marriage stands for in northern India. The functions go on with all ceremonial gaieties for couple of days and for weeks in some cases until the time to depart comes. Yes, it all ends amidst tears the moment marriage functions finish and time of departure for the bridal arrives, in the very early morning hours in most cases. A new journey of a bride begins a real journey that changes her life within moments. 

The journey that decides the future of a newly married girl packed with uncertainties of life. A bride begins her life with various questions along with an unknown happiness, anxiety, and fear sort of mixed feelings. I cannot imagine the mixed feeling of expectancy and unknown and strange sense of expectancy of things to come for the girl. I am not a woman but can only imagine the feelings of a newly married bride especially if it is an arranged marriage and bride does not know her husband properly. What I feel that most girls do ponder about how to mix up with her in-laws and impress them with her behavior and mannerism. Although it sounds easy but a tough task in practical life to adjust with a different atmosphere in most cases compared to what they were used to until this day. However, most girls understand the importance of adjustment these days and do it successfully with little bit of adjustment, love and lot of tactful behavior.

Three magic mantra of adjustments

The problem, if we call it a problem to start with is nothing new and has been there ever since the institute of marriage came into existence. The problem looks more challenging for brides who are educated and in job, financially self-dependent and care for their personal breathing space. The case becomes a little more complicated if the marriage happens to be n inter-cast one because in such cases different social and traditional differences also play their roles. 

However, the fact remains that every reasonable bride wants to keep relations cordial and normal to adjust with her new family. She dreams to have a lovely well-knit family where everyone cares for each other and a happy married life with her husband. She knows that all she needs is to adjust with love and care to keep her future life full of happiness. As the experienced persons suggest that there are three perfect ways to keep relationship strong with in-laws and live in perfect loving and caring atmosphere without ever creating an ugly scene to regret. Let me explain them for brides to be soon-

Your first step - love and respect for all 

We all have heard about the old saying ‘Your first impression makes a deep impression for ever’ irrespective of religion you belong to or class the average Indian family turns into an orthodox, traditional unit as far welcoming a bride into the household matters. Even your husband would prefer you to be a favorite of his mom, dad, sisters and other members of the family. He can afford to let others share your time if that makes his family members happy and that perhaps the best strategy for a new bride to take everyone in her magic of love. That will certainly enhance your enjoyment of family atmosphere if you shall become a favorite ‘Bahu’ of your new family. This will make your husband proud of you and you shall see it in his behavior as well.

Your second step – Live in their hearts

It is better to learn all about your future home, every thing like habits of family members, their way of life, dress code, their traditions, their expectations, life style, personality of different family members whoso ever matters, their eating habits, in short everything that counts, well in advance before your marriage. Your would be husband can provide you important information about every thing that you should know, this would help you a lot to adjust in your family faster than it normally takes if you do not know it before your marriage. You shall be able to adjust easily because you know the important information that you should know to win over your new family members with ease. It would be better if you can add few innovative ideas to make relations far better than your in-laws had expected from you, a surefire way to be favorite of them all.

The third step – Praise for your new relations

No, while I say praise, I do not mean that you become a sycophant but be positive and respectful, find plus points of your new family members and highlight them with all politeness in the world, another perfect step that will help you to their way to good books of your new family members. After all relationship is all about love, care and respect for each other. Possibly, you had had opportunities to go to your future home before marriage and understand the atmosphere; I think this is your time to utilize that information while you have come to stay here forever.

I think the best way to win over the hearts of new relatives is to leave behind unnecessary formalities to develop cordial relations with your new relatives, you will see to your surprise that they are as eager to mix up with you and give you as much respect and love. I also suggest you to give up some of your old lifestyles if you have to cope with your new family in totality. If you feel your new family trusts in old traditions of feet touching the traditional way of seeking blessings of elders, do not hesitate to do so, in fact you would find to your surprise that you are loving the traditional ways yourself. If your new family loves to see you in traditional dresses, do it for the happiness of family members. 

Be a darling of the house

If your family believes in traditional ways of worshipping, going to temples regularly try it out for a change. You never know that may have a soothing effect on you as well and you may begin to like the idea, after all, it’s all about faith and love that matters. You can offer to help them in cooking, maybe they refuse your offer in the beginning as most traditional families prefer not to involve newly married brides into kitchen affairs up to certain time limit and not before traditional ‘kitchen ceremony’ that takes about a month or more before a bride is allowed to enter into kitchen. 

However, a smile on your face, willing to help everyone, trying to learn family traditions and your willingness to be a part of family would make your work easy and you shall become favorite of the household within no time. Treating your elders with proper respect is one of the most important factors worth flowing religiously. While you tell them that, you loved the way you are being treated in the house and you liked the gifts presented by different family members you are going to become an instant ‘Ladli Bahu’ attracting lot more love and care you ever expected. You should know that first week after marriage is most crucial in relation building efforts, take full advantage, do something special to make them happy, that would help you get the status of ‘one of the most loved one’ for rest of your life. Make all family members your fan with your all out effort. 

The other side

If we have three magic mantras to make relations wonderful and lovely, we also have three reasons to mar the relations, which have not yet developed fully. A newly married bride should stay away from the activities, which she knows would make her relations sour. For instance if you are a working woman and in a senior position in charge or a crucial person who takes decisions in official matters but you cannot do that as a newly married bride in your new home, not in the beginning unless you settle yourself well. Let us give those three reasons, which may create bad impression-

Live life as you like

Yes, you have every right to live as per your own likings but not at the cost of your future married life, I mean you shall have to make some compromises at initial stages at least. You should be careful to impose your taste of food on other family members unless you know family food habits fully well. You can add your choices gradually to make it part of menu. If you prefer to eat in bedroom sitting in front of TV watching your favorite programs, sleep until late hours, late outing, hold your horses for a while and give it a thorough rethinking. If you are from a different religion, you need to be more careful because you shall have to take extra care to be a part of your new family.

You come from a different background

You should not make your past lifestyle, wealthy family background, your fat salary cheque, your successful career a point to show off your superiority. You certainly should not look down at traditional lifestyle of your new family if you do not believe in such things. Everyone has right to live his own life in his own style. Your attempt to separate from the new family along with your husband would not be appreciated by your new family but make you unpopular instantly. You know marriage is not a husband-wife relation in our country but a relation between two families therefore more you become part of your new family better your relations become. You loose your love from your new family as soon as you forget your traditions of living together with love and affection.

Prejudice attitude

If you make your entry into the new family with a certain prejudiced mental state toward your Parents in-law, you have lost half the battle because that is sure sign of disaster that would follow. You should be extra careful if you come from a different religion as that makes matters worse, you should rather take every thing normally and try to adjust as much as possible. Pay them as much respect as possible that is your passport to happy married life. Never try to make your husband a stranger in his own family because that would not help you in long run, everyone needs a family to share blues and reds in life.

There are certain ways a new bride can become a queen of the household if she tries following points -

1- Try to follow family traditions, occasions, birthdays, festivals etc and participate in celebrations with as much zeal as you used to do it in your own family before marriage. If your new family needs your assistance, never hesitate to provide it. Try to create occasion so that two families get together once in a while that certainly helps create a cordial relations between two families. Try to make a reasonable adjustment in between your career, family and friends to keep your relations balanced.

2- Smiles, respect of elders and love to all are key to your success of keeping relations wonderfully well.

3- Respect for all relatives of your husband’s family would make you an instant favorite of everyone. Remember jealousy, anger and doubts are main enemies of your happy married life.

4- No one has doubts about equal status of women compared to their male counterparts but that does not allow you to act too aggressive and behave rudely. Being dominant would not make you popular but you will loose your importance soon.

5- There is no harm being self-starter but while in a family it’s better to attempt combined with the help of other members when needed, it would bring better results more so while family interests are involved. It’s better to act, as member of a joint team that would save you from embarrassment in case of failure as well would give you immense satisfaction on completion of a satisfactory job. 

6- Share your joy and sorrow with other family members.

7- Forget about bad memories of your past life to live in present. Past is no more part of your life so why allow it to ruin your present and future! The sour memories of past reflect on your face which only add to problems. Negative feelings make bad vibes while positive attitude stands out to make you an instant success. Try to resolve problems existing in between family members but know your limits.

8- Try to explore all about members of your new family like their education background, their achievements etc, (Please do not act like a detective though) they would love to see that you take proper interest in them. If they speak a different language, try to learn it as soon as possible. Your knowledge about your family members would help you know their interests and taste which is good way to win their hearts. Likewise, tell them as much about yourself as much you wish to share, this should help develop better relations.  

9- Do not forget other junior members of the family while trying to make your elder relatives happy. The juniors play a vital role in keeping relations normal beside their care is part of your duty as an important family member.

Conclusion

I hope I covered every aspect a newly bride should know and adapt to become a real ‘Bahu Rani’ more of a ‘Rani the queen’ than a ‘Bahu the bride’ you must try some innovative ways of your own to become favorite of one and all and have a wonderful married life. 

Photos from wikipedia