During middle age, generally personality related changes occur. It's during this period, habits like drinking, smoking and gambling will form. Owing to these bad habits, middle aged people resort to spending their valuable time in gambling dens and with friends etc. This leads to dereliction of office and family responsibilities. In order to cover up their inefficiency, become victims of anger,resentment and discontentment.They show their anger and disgust on those in the near vicinity .
In this process, they lose zeal, curiosity and intensive feelings to do anything.
It's imperative to find a solution to this malady as the above traits are seen mostly during middle age.
Physical changes.
Raman, while shaving in the morning, suddenly has seen in the mirror, a couple of grey hairs in his hair. Not satisfied, he came in to the verandah and again peeped in to the mirror. No change. Those two grey hairs are there still suddenly, Raman's mind has become turbulent.
'Am I on the threshold of old age?' .
And this turbulence will not stop here. Till yesterday your kid, who was in kindergarten , yesterday he came and said, " dad, tomorrow is the last date for my college fees." in the same way, your better half comes and complains, " why don't you stop using the computer? See how this month's power bill has swollen "
Expenditure increases in all the fronts. But your salary stopped increasing since two years. Suddenly depression invades you. And this depression makes you desperate. To escape from this suffocating dreary conditions,you resort to different kinds of bad habits that gives you a temporary solace. And one fine morning you find you were in to these habits up to the brim.
You lose your discretion.
Under these conditions you become helpless and start doubting everybody from your colleagues to your wife and children. You will be plagued by all kinds of fears. Owing to these fears you lose interest in life.
Physical and Mental conditions.
Human personality is a combination of two systems, namely Physical and Mental systems. These two systems work independently, at the same time coordination with each other. 98 percent of human personality is taken by Physical system. Only 2 percent is taken by Mental system.
Though both systems function coordinating with each other, the jobs they do are quite different. For example, except brain, every organ in the human body can be transferred to another human being. Irrespective of nationality, cast and creed, these organ transfers can be done.
Nature helps in allowing the living Human cells of one person to live in another person's body.If this aspect is understood, we can understand about the changes that take place in our body during middle age.Human cells are responsible for the changes in our body.
Human cells, irrespective of your mood and thoughts, because of their coordination with each other are making our life problem free.
Owing to the relentless functioning of the cells, from digestion of food to supplying of blood to all the organs of the body, we are able to get the fuel for functioning of the body. Obviously,we are able to lead a healthy life.
Efficiency of the cells depends on your cooperation.
Due to your irregular or bad habits, you create an impediment to the functioning of the cells. And it shows up through many forms. Premature ageing, different forms of ailments like cardiovascular disorders,liver, kidney disorders etc.
Solutions for your middle age problems are in you.
So, it all tantamount to the fact, in order to avoid middle age woes, you should cultivate healthy and a regular life style. It should be realized that middle age problems are not some thing which fall from the sky. They are your own creations. And the solutions are very much in your hand.
Social conditions.
In the above lines we have seen how, how physical and mental conditions can contribute to the middle age problems.
Now in the ensuing lines, we see social conditions too have a role to play in the middle age.
An individual's personality is defined as the sum total of physical, mental and social conditions.
Physical and mental conditions are internal. Social conditions are external. Irrespective of their locations, all the three conditions influence the individual in their own right.
Moral values, rituals and beliefs, restrictions are related to Social conditions.
An individual as a family man , as a citizen, as an employee, as a member of his own community discharges many deeds.
It is while discharging his duties and deeds, his personality surfaces up.
As long as the three influencing factors work in tandem, things work smoothly like a well oiled machine. But during middle age, individual loses the capacity of maintaining the the three conditions in Coordination. As a result, the three conditions run in disarray like three wild horses.
The origin of this malady lies in childhood.
The ability to solve a problem is imbibed from the good parenting. This is the trait which gets injected by ideal parenting . It goes without saying the ability to solve the problems learned during childhood stands in good stead, during the middle age crisis.
What's the panacea to face the Middle age crises?
You are the panacea. You only can solve the problem of Middle age crisis. Many lose heart at the slightest bit of crisis. The ability to sail through the crisis is the trait that starts in the childhood.
Let's see how.
The process of thoughts in a child starts in the womb of the mother itself. In A just born baby there will be 5 to 6 trillion brain cells. A trillion means 1000 billions.
How big a trillion is?
Suppose you were born when Jesus Christ was born. From the time of your birth if you start counting the numbers 1,2,3 ..........each number for every second, by today, that is after 2000 years you would have counted up to 62.5 billions. That means you have counted 6.25 percentage of one trillion.
So all the calculations say with how many brain cells we are born with. To put it in a simple way, we are born with a powerful thinking machine. And it's our responsibility to keep this machine always in good working condition.
Characteristics of Brain.
The brain cells as mentioned above will not increase in number as we grow. But, they become stronger as we grow and the weight of the brain increases. For example, the brain weight of a just born baby is around 150 gms. After an year, it's weight increases to 500 gms. This increase in weight of the brain is not due to increase in the brain cells, but because of growth in the size of brain cells. In a similar manner, by the time one reaches 5 years, the weight of the brain would be 1200 gms.
And this number of brain cells will remain almost until one becomes old.
From the above, it's clear , whatever qualities the brain grasps and perceives before the age of five, will remain all along the life of a person. And depending on these qualities, the concerned person's personality is defined.
An example.
We know that a few years ago there was news about a boy, who was lifted away by a few jackals in to the forests and was brought up by them until he was 12 years old. Then he was brought by a rescuing team and admitted in a hospital in Allahabad.The boy naturally imbibed all the qualities of a jackal. Like a jackal he whistles. Like a jackal he moves on all the four. Despite the efforts of the doctors, the boy could not be brought back to his original human qualities. After some time, the boy died.
From this it's evident, how strong would be the influence of childhood experiences on an individual .
If one wants to break away from those childhood influences, one has to direct all endeavors to reduce or eliminate those childhood influences.
For the same reason, it’s difficult for us to change the deficiencies and lapses in other People. Because they had a profound influence of their childhood experiences. It’s an exercise in futility to change the views of others.
Akin to this we see middle age people directing all their endeavors to change the other people’s opinions like their own kith and kin. And it will not remain here. It spreads in to the work area. Because like you, they are also influenced by their childhood influences. If you know this simple reason most of the Middle age problems will disappear. It’s mandatory to realize that the concerned person should know that there is a necessity of change in his or her attitude. In the absence of ‘Self Realization’ nothing could be changed.
Not a Cake Walk.
And this change in attitude is not a cake walk. Especially for those who are in the Middle age. The desire in them to change others dominates the desire to change themselves. They are under the false impression that others are failing in understanding them. They never bother to step in to other’s shoes and see the problem from their point of view.
In the quick changing scenario of the society, it’s not possible to find solutions from what we learned from our childhood. In these conditions, the middle age people should put an end to their dogmatic attitude. Else they will lose all their connections with the family members and the society. They become an eyesore to the people. Owing to this reason most of the middle age people resort to Self destructive methods and digging their own graves.
The solution.
Don't look towards others. Don't wait for other's validation. It's your life. The problem is your's. And if you want to really really live a life of your own and live a life free from life threatening impediments, take charge. Take control. Take the reins of life in to your own hands and shoot head. It's not only your middle age problems, any problems that you meet during your life till you breathe your last can be overcome.
Why children are taken for granted?
The answer is directly linked with "inefficient parenting". And indirectly linked with "Middle age Maladies."During middle age, parents prepare a pre- conceived plan or strategy about, " How children should behave." it goes without saying, such code of conduct is one sided. This is why, many children, though not in the early years, but surely after attaining teens, would differ with the pre conceived code of conduct authored by the parents. The more the children resist, the more the parents exert pressure on the children, using their parental authority.
Where it leads to?
A cold war surfaces.
Children who are forced to follow the code of conduct, will start showing their resentment in many ways and in many forms. They simply appear as if they are in tune with the elders' instructions, but inside, they will be looking for an opportune moment to break away from the norms stipulated by their elders. This defiance grows with the age. These are the people, after they are grown,will become an eyesore in their work place. In the bus stand. In the local trains. In the family get togethers and everywhere they are present.
Parents fail to set the example.
Another reason for middle age problems is, parents expect action from their children. In the absence of a code of conduct that' s made in accordance with realistic conditions, parents get annoyed , depressed and frustrated. All these will contribute to an unhealthy life as well as an unhealthy family atmosphere.
Instead, if the parents set an example, children of their own accord will follow religiously the code of conduct set by the parents.
Take as an example, if a father promises a holiday trip in the ensuing summer vacations and simply forgets, children also follow the suit. Promising and violating the promise will be taken as a normal thing by the children.
Another example is if a parent teaches to cultivate forgiveness and and indulges in a quarrel for a petty reason with his neighbor, children will be convinced that there is no harm if there is no connection with preaching something and not adhering to what one says.
This is how parents will lose the confidence of their children. This is how middle age parents buy problems.
Remember, these are the same children when they grow up will become chronic liars.
From this the middle aged should understand whatever wrong policies they are forcing on their children started in their own childhood will bounce back and hit them with vengeance . Once this fact is realised, the middle aged can not only solve their middle age problems, they can pave the way for good parenting.
Children are quick learners.
One of the middle age problems is due to the parents’ wrong belief about their grasping power. As I said in the above lines that a child’s grasping power starts much earlier. A child grasps and perceives right from the 4th year. Children’s minds are capable of recording their childhood experiences like a video tape. And the these recordings will be imprinted on their minds forever. If the child observes its parents, waiting for a Muhurtam or an auspicious moment to start a job, the same will be recorded in the child’s mind and it remains and extends to the remaining part of its life making it a firm believer in superstitions.
Similarly beliefs pertaining to religions and castes remain embedded in their minds forever. And due to these wrong beliefs formed in the childhood, middle aged people cannot tolerate other’s beliefs. This leads to a clash and dissatisfaction. Middle aged persons feel that nobody is realizing them. This further paves the way to mental stress.
Self Confidence gets a severe beating.
Another most important casualty during middle age is self confidence. When they observe no one is caring them and their importance is not realized in the family and friend’s circles, they get the jobs done by using other’s names.
For example, we come across with such people, who cannot extract the work from the staff in his office, use the name of his higher officer’s name and get the job done. This strategy may work for some time or for a few days. But in the long run it proves counterproductive. This a typical case of ‘Lack of Self Confidence’.
Those who lack Self Confidence give more importance to other’s opinions and views than their own views. They simply yield to others in all respects. This kind of malady reaches to such an extent, a day comes when they cannot move further without somebody’s advice. And due to lack of confidence, especially middle age people jump to wrong conclusions that they are not given importance because they do not have the money and power. Such wrong conclusions will drive them more towards self destructive thoughts.
If these people observe keenly the lives of great people, they will know the reason for their greatness is neither money nor power. It’s their ability to identify their hidden traits and utilizing them in a productive way. All of us are endowed with these inner traits. They are present in every one of us. Many especially Middle-aged people fail to notice and utilize them because of their bad childhood experiences. In their childhood, the parents of these injected the wrong beliefs like Destiny is pre determined and none can change it. These beliefs over the years will make the people resign to the fate and live a life of discontentment. This in turn makes the people especially middle aged lose their confidence and subject themselves to stress and to many life threatening ailments.
To win the appreciation and regard through Self confidence is related to one’s personality. Where as to gain power and popularity through riches and any other such means is related to the resources available from the external conditions. Many fail to realize the subtle difference between these two conditions. They think that the resources available from the external conditions are permanent. Once these external resources diminish or dwindle, the power, popularity and prosperity will go in to oblivion. Owing to this reason many strive to consolidate their power and prosperity all through their lives. In this process, they live every moment of their lives with fear and anxiety, which in turn lead to innumerable life threatening ailments.
In contrast to this if one learns to rely on their inherent and inner traits and gradually learn to master them, One can gain immense Self confidence. And we are all aware that history is replete with those people who gained prosperity and popularity in ample measures through Self confidence.
The added advantage is that ‘Self Confidence’ will neither be depleted nor dwindled. It can’t be robbed by a robber. It gains strength day by day. The commodities like a car or a refrigerator which are bought with money will lose their glitz and glamour after some time. But not the success and satisfaction derived out of your inner and inherent strengths.
Self confidence grows in small steps and phases. Especially the Self confidence gained through the mistakes grows in such a way that it remains forever with the individual. Hence the parents should know that instead of warning the child of grave consequences if the child commits a mistake and injecting fear, it is advisable to help the child in realizing that through committing mistakes one can acquire skills.
For example, learning that a glass tumbler will break through experience is one way and the learning through the advise of the elders is another way of learning. Though the glass breaks, the incident serves as an experience. It conveys the message to be careful in future. And the experience serves in building up the child’s Self confidence.
But if the parents for the fear that children would break the glasses, hiding them where they cannot reach or intimidating the children and inject fear, that fear will remain constantly in the minds of the children. And the most important Self confidence will take a big beating. These fears extend even in to their adulthood and they shirk away to do any job. For everything they look towards elders. I don’t intend to say that the children should be allowed to break all the crockery and glassware in the home. But what I want to drive home the point is parents should see and lend their helping hand in enhancing their children’s efficiency in developing , which in turn enables them to build up their Self confidence. Thus the parents will play a key role in developing their children’s overall development.
For everything big or small parents should not inject the fear of failure. This will make the children ever dependent on the parents.
We are all equipped with the necessary infrastructure in us.
It's important to realize that all of us are born with the necessary equipment necessary to build up our own personality. Our own individuality that's unique to each individual . Owing to this reason, we see children resorting to all kinds of mischief despite strictest of the curbs and restrictions. The job of the parents become easier if the children are allowed to resort to their natural mischievous deeds but under the strict supervision of the parents. Because, there is an opportunity of seeing the child's niche in its mischievous deeds. This trait will be missed if parents impose strict measures. It's a costly lapse that parents cannot afford.
A study says that the parents impose 20 discouraging messages before one encouraging message is imposed.Still the enthusiasm in a child will stay on. But if the parents impose more than 20 discouraging measures, the move will be counterproductive, the enthusiasm and the proactive qualities in a child will die.The trait of dependence on others will surface up. The quantum of Self Confidence decreases in accordance with the increase in discouragement met during childhood.
It's of no use if the parent gives millions of Rupees without Self respect. Instead if the parents provide ample opportunities to boost the self confidence in the child, the child when he grows up on his own accord will earn millions of Rupees.
But unfortunately this not happening. Majority of the parents neglect the most vital point and stress on injecting the fear and discouragement , thus pave the way for the loss of Self confidence in the child. And it's effect will remain all along the life.
Not knowing the impact of this dreadful lapse, many parents take pride in declaring that their children follow their diktats lock stock and barrel. It's a shining example of raw ignorance.
The quality of creativity cannot be cultivated with discipline. According to the studies conducted all over the world, it was revealed that a child’s creativity blooms fully with lesser degree of discipline during the childhood.
Swami Vivekananda, during his childhood was a bundle of mischievous energy. His mischief was intolerable. It doesn’t mean that discipline is not necessary and that every mischievous child will become as great as Vivekananda. It’s necessary to provide guidance that enables a child to boost his Self confidence. Over disciplinary measures and restrictions will never help in boosting a child’s Self Confidence.
Parents see with their eyes instead of their child’s eyes.
Owing to a vast difference between Children’s values and the elders’ values, there is bound to be a difference between Children’s expectations and elders’ expectations. It’s foolishness on the part of the elders to expect higher values from their children right from their childhood. Unable to get the desired results, the frustrated parents impose all kinds of restrictions under the guise of discipline. This makes the children rebel against their parents mildly in the beginning and severely after the child attains adulthood.
Middle age maladies are due to the combined action of mental condition, physical condition and childhood experiences. These people will think that the middle age problems are due to their fate and were created by others. It’s a fallacy. If the middle aged take the trouble of looking back at the above said conditions and their effects, they would be able to identify their problems. This in turn helps them in mending their ways with dedication and sincerity to make their lives happy.