These Doctors are different

No friends, I do not have doctors with PhD or doctorate in literature in my mind here but the doctors who try to save lives of patients and some of them better known as Jhola-chaap (Quacks) help die their patients sooner. I have in my mind doctors who hold genuine M.B.B.S, MD, D.M, B.A.M.S and D.H.M.S degrees. However, the best part is that we have only two types so far to tackle with, the government or private doctors, that makes it easier to handle the problem. 

Moreover, what makes all doctors same, irrespective of their status, government, private, qualified, quack, they have the same advises to follow – 'What to do and what not to do. What to eat and what not to eat’. The big chunk of advises in this category include relate to diet. Most doctors would advise you to eat or rather drink yellow split lentil (Moong Dal). If you can trust them for your life, it is better to drink/eat yellow split lentil and soup of spinach for whole of your life to stay alive and more than alive to stay fit and don’t forget to purchase the (Free) government medicines from the medical stores in front of the government hospitals. The choice is of course yours but all have to live. Most doctors have a common opinion about the best food items you like most are no good for you. You should not smoke, drink or do things of your choice. Sometimes some intelligent people with higher IQ than common patients wish to ask if they cannot do the things they like most, and then what is the fun of living a life or what for is they supposed to stay in this world.

Have you heard about this patient?

He went to a private hospital, paid fee at the counter and waited for the doctor’s call for two hours. The doctor took two full minutes to examine him while writing the prescription, using his BP instrument, stethoscope etc before calling the next patient that was also waiting for last two hours. The patient went to the medical store and and bought the medicines. Meanwhile next patient also arrived to the same medical store with prescription in his hand and saw the first one throwing his medicines in the main-hole in front of the medical store. He was surprised and could not stop himself from asking – why are you throwing your medicines in the gutter? The first patient calmly said – “Brother, I went to the doctor and paid his fee because he has to live, then came and bought medicines because the shopkeeper has to live and now throwing these medicines because I have to live” 

Have you heard of Neem-Hakeem?

If you translate a Neem-Hakeem, it will show you different results but the actual meaning of this term is a physician who does not about his profession either fully or at all. Then why and how the name came into existence? Some people think that a quack sitting under the Neem tree was the worst person to go to for your treatment. Avoid him if you wish to live a longer life. Another expert opinion says that Neem tree is considered the best friend of man for treatment in many diseases, therefore the name came into existence. However, there are different sayings on this particular subject, some of them believe that a Hakeem who is treating sitting under a Neem tree is dangerous for the life of his patients while the others belief says that a Hakeem should not sit under a Neem tree, as both of these activities are dangerous.  

My choice of a good doctor

I prefer doctors who go according to patient’s choice. Actually there is a saying in Hindi which if translated would read ‘whatever a patient wants to eat that is acceptable to doctor’ although it does not sound as good as its original Hindi version but that is what I can do best. But if I ever fell that badly sick that will need me to admit in a hospital, I would prefer the same. I know the ancient saying that read ‘Vish, Vishasya Oushdham’ that means poison is treatment for venom. The medicines used as or antivenins are nothing but poisons milked from venomous snakes. Now, should I take it as a permit to eat sweets, to reduce diabetes or to reduce fat I should go for milk, ghee and fast food? And how about the doctors with advertisements that read ‘your *** power back in fourteen days’ now, that gives me a clear idea of vital dimensions of sexual power that our kings, landlords in olden times and big saints having to deal with thousands of devotees every day enjoyed successfully. We can keep some of our today’s honorable(s) in the same category. 

What about home treatments 

This is another form of a doctor that you can never miss anywhere. Whatever the problem, you only have to speak about it and Lo- Pronto, you will be given tons of advises that you will find it hard to choose one best suitable for yourself. Ask for whatever trouble you have right from pain in the tooth to ear to knees, jaundice, Malaria, flu, TB, or even A.I.D.S. a person overhearing your problem will stand by to answer your problem. Now the choice is yours which one you find best suitable or how many of them you can afford to try out. You can count your Granny’s list of spices or Nanny’s list of domestic treatments in your diary for your ready references. And please do not forget consulting Google that is no lesser capable in matters like these. 

Doctors while traveling in a bus or train

You have no idea of power that these traveling doctors can provide you even without your having any of the problems that they treat while you are traveling. They can treat yellowness from your eyes with the help of kohl or surma their greatest great grand fathers started manufacturing in Pre-queen Victoria period and all queens, including European and Indian used calling them personally at their palaces. Now you are lucky to have them there during your journey. You should be thankful for your stars that you came across such a person with such rare formulas that everything is on sale for only Rs. ten and if you bought three items at a time, a discount of Rs ten was offered.  

Now it is your choice whether you can afford to miss this golden chance that is hard to come by in future, ever. And such formulas are not limited to surma or kohl but they can make your skin fair. They have the best dental powders to treat your teeth for pyorrhea and other gum problems, Acne problem, Pimple, allergies, itching problems and the pills for women who are unable to conceive, pills for men unable to perform their manly duties and constipation are some of the ailments they can treat with guarantee.  They can assure you to the limit that if you do not find their treatment successful you can come any time and collect your money back. Who will offer you so much for so little?

Now Doctors treating for other problems

Tantriks the witch doctors -  while talking about doctors, we should talk about witch doctors. Although they no more come in form of imaginary stereotypes like long haired, having deep wrinkles, a bag of magic bones around them but they have changed their style and mostly staying in hotels. Most of them  known as Bengali Tantriks, they know every trick of the trade. Some of them are also known as Ojha or Aghori but they live and perform their rituals in cemeteries. These people are specialists in certain problems and most of their patients are respected ladies. 

Biagi or Snake charmers – I am not sure if snake charmer is a universal community but in our country, we have number of snake charmers although the population of the community is going down due to animal activists who object to their expertise of catching snakes and use them for different purpose including selling their poison. These people are considered in treating people for snakebites although there is no scientific proof of their treatment.

God’s own doctors The Pundits and saints - This story of doctors will not be complete if I did not mention the best doctors in our country who live in temples, religious places also called saints and pundits. According to these doctors, we can get rid of all problems with the help of donation of all our costly belongings to them including whatever we earn. According to them, we should neither save money or keep it for future use because money is the mother of all evil and best used while donated, especially to temples and pundits. They have a firm belief that English medicines are nothing short of devil’s alternative therefore one should never use these medicines but must have faith in God who heals with His grace. These pundits and saints also have firm belief that no patient will ever recover without the nod of God almighty, therefore medicines have no effect whatsoever.

Conclusion

Our country is full of doctors who have no formal training or education but products of ‘factories’ who produce such doctors on Chinese basis of mass production so the product cost remains at bare minimum. These doctors can purchase such degrees for merely spending few thousands of rupees and become full-fledged doctors to practice in different towns and villages openly under the very nose of government inspectors who for their own benefit prefer to keep quiet. These doctors in case of unable to treat them properly will tell their patients who come seeking their treatment for small or big medical problems to see the bigger clinics having expert doctors with modern medicines and other facilities. And you know they even earn for their referrals as well. These doctors have a simple slogan “Go to the doctor but if the medicine does not help, go to the God almighty He is the biggest doctor.” So if one has to go to God in the end, why not do it in the beginning.