Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing...

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender.