All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

When you doubt, abstain.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first...

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first...