Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times

Intolerance itself is a form of egoism, and to condemn egoism intolerantly is to share it.

For an idea ever to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

The truth is cruel, but it can be loved, and it makes free those who have loved it.

Nothing is really so poor and melancholy as art that is interested in itself and not in its subject.

Music is essentially useless, as life is: but both have an ideal extension which lends utility to its conditions.

Music is essentially useless, as life is.

An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world.