Do you think comparing kids is a healthy habit?

About the topic in discussion - On a lighter note my 3 kiids always complain me of being partial to the other and I say that since all 3 feel the same I am actually very fair ...Comparing sometimes cannot be avoided because you do it to encourage your children but how you go about it is far more important, as long as the results are positive it is alright but in general comparisons should be avoided altogether !

Comparing if done to create a competitive spirit amongst the children is Ok. And it's highly essential for the parents to let the children know your intentions. Otherwise comparison will lead to a huge damage that's irrevocable.

And then who will set the damage right ?

One who made the comparison.

By counselling techniques I hope .

Definitely NO. When the parent knew that a particular way has backfired, that parent resorts to another technique. At least thats what I do.Parenting is not giving up. It's perseverance with unlimited patience.it needs loads of courage and confidence. Of course those who cannot may go for councilling. As I have been saying all along I will never look towards some body for a job, when I myself can do with more efficiency and finesse.

Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.[/quote

I'm firm about my views on Parenting where in there is no place for Councilling. Let me tell you that i used my parenting techniques alone which gave me results beyond imagination. My techniques were used successfully not only on my children, but also on the children of my friends in my apartment whose parents after trying with your so called Technically trained councillors were vexed and approached me.
Let me tell you What all i said was all from my own experience.
A hyper active child who could not be controlled neither by the parents nor by the councillors was set right with one single art lesson. And i'm sure none of the councillors could have done even an iota better than me. That's why i claim with confidence about judging my self.

About the topic in discussion - On a lighter note my 3 kiids always complain me of being partial to the other and I say that since all 3 feel the same I am actually very fair ...Comparing sometimes cannot be avoided because you do it to encourage your children but how you go about it is far more important, as long as the results are positive it is alright but in general comparisons should be avoided altogether !

Comparing if done to create a competitive spirit amongst the children is Ok. And it's highly essential for the parents to let the children know your intentions. Otherwise comparison will lead to a huge damage that's irrevocable.

And then who will set the damage right ?

One who made the comparison.

By counselling techniques I hope .

Definitely NO. When the parent knew that a particular way has backfired, that parent resorts to another technique. At least thats what I do.Parenting is not giving up. It's perseverance with unlimited patience.it needs loads of courage and confidence. Of course those who cannot may go for councilling. As I have been saying all along I will never look towards some body for a job, when I myself can do with more efficiency and finesse.

Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.[/quote

I'm firm about my views on Parenting where in there is no place for Councilling. Let me tell you that i used my parenting techniques alone which gave me results beyond imagination. My techniques were used successfully not only on my children, but also on the children of my friends in my apartment whose parents after trying with your so called Technically trained councillors were vexed and approached me.
Let me tell you What all i said was all from my own experience.
A hyper active child who could not be controlled neither by the parents nor by the councillors was set right with one single art lesson. And i'm sure none of the councillors could have done even an iota better than me. That's why i claim with confidence about judging my self.

Somewhere inside you there is a counsellor. All the more reason you should be supportive of counselling and counsellors. Didn't the other parents trust you with their children. Sure like doctors there are both good and less good counsellors. After all there will always be very few born counsellors others will have to be taught. Both are equally important. Keep counselling.

About the topic in discussion - On a lighter note my 3 kiids always complain me of being partial to the other and I say that since all 3 feel the same I am actually very fair ...Comparing sometimes cannot be avoided because you do it to encourage your children but how you go about it is far more important, as long as the results are positive it is alright but in general comparisons should be avoided altogether !

Comparing if done to create a competitive spirit amongst the children is Ok. And it's highly essential for the parents to let the children know your intentions. Otherwise comparison will lead to a huge damage that's irrevocable.

And then who will set the damage right ?

One who made the comparison.

By counselling techniques I hope .

Definitely NO. When the parent knew that a particular way has backfired, that parent resorts to another technique. At least thats what I do.Parenting is not giving up. It's perseverance with unlimited patience.it needs loads of courage and confidence. Of course those who cannot may go for councilling. As I have been saying all along I will never look towards some body for a job, when I myself can do with more efficiency and finesse.

Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.[/quote

I'm firm about my views on Parenting where in there is no place for Councilling. Let me tell you that i used my parenting techniques alone which gave me results beyond imagination. My techniques were used successfully not only on my children, but also on the children of my friends in my apartment whose parents after trying with your so called Technically trained councillors were vexed and approached me.
Let me tell you What all i said was all from my own experience.
A hyper active child who could not be controlled neither by the parents nor by the councillors was set right with one single art lesson. And i'm sure none of the councillors could have done even an iota better than me. That's why i claim with confidence about judging my self.

Somewhere inside you there is a counsellor. All the more reason you should be supportive of counselling and counsellors. Didn't the other parents trust you with their children. Sure like doctors there are both good and less good counsellors. After all there will always be very few born counsellors others will have to be taught. Both are equally important. Keep counselling.[/quote

That there is a councillor in me is known to you? And about which I don't know?. If it is there, i will call myself as an extraordinary Parent.

Vijay wrote:
[quote]Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far. [/quote]

Taniya has vanished once again, let us hope she surfaces to least give her own views on the topic!!

Back to topic, what I feel is that there is a lot of uncertainty around as I see around me due to globalisation. we are still standing on the ground where a lot of technology is taking root and at the same time, we are clinging to old beliefs and traditions. Economically too, most parents now have a huge disposable income in their hands, something that they were not used to when they children. Teaching methods have changed drastically in school, social values have changed completely and many parents still are trying to hold on to what they were used to and the children are unaware. This leads to confusion and at times, even parents do not know how to deal with their children in many situations. Counselors are there to help during those times. Agreed they may not be experienced like many parents but they do have knowledge and we should respect and trust their efficiency and at least give them a chance. I have seen a few cases in my son's school where the counselor is quite young but she has made a lot of difference in many children's lives.

With the advent of corporate school culture, education has become nothing but a lucrative trade. We have been seeing the ways adopted by these schools which are mere empty assurances. In this background I lost faith in the term “Counseling”.
Instead, Parents should learn to peep into the child’s behioural patterns and deal accordingly. A daunting task indeed. But that’s what parenting is. I for one avoid counseling and keep it at a bay.

With the advent of corporate school culture, education has become nothing but a lucrative trade. We have been seeing the ways adopted by these schools which are mere empty assurances. In this background I lost faith in the term “Counseling”.
Instead, Parents should learn to peep into the child’s behioural patterns and deal accordingly. A daunting task indeed. But that’s what parenting is. I for one avoid counseling and keep it at a bay.

That is the case with many schools, especially the new-age tech-savvy, glamorous schools with exorbitant fees. Yet there still are many schools who are genuinely concerned about teaching children the right values. The same can be said about counselors. For educated and conscientious parents like you who read a lot and generally keep yourself updated about what goes on in life, it is not at all a problem. But there are still many uneducated parents who need to be shown the correct way of dealing with children, for such counselors are truly needed. Even many parents have a negative approach when they are asked to see a counselor, but for those who do approach them with an open mind, the results are indeed positive and consistent!

With the advent of corporate school culture, education has become nothing but a lucrative trade. We have been seeing the ways adopted by these schools which are mere empty assurances. In this background I lost faith in the term “Counseling”.
Instead, Parents should learn to peep into the child’s behioural patterns and deal accordingly. A daunting task indeed. But that’s what parenting is. I for one avoid counseling and keep it at a bay.

That is the case with many schools, especially the new-age tech-savvy, glamorous schools with exorbitant fees. Yet there still are many schools who are genuinely concerned about teaching children the right values. The same can be said about counselors. For educated and conscientious parents like you who read a lot and generally keep yourself updated about what goes on in life, it is not at all a problem. But there are still many uneducated parents who need to be shown the correct way of dealing with children, for such counselors are truly needed. Even many parents have a negative approach when they are asked to see a counselor, but for those who do approach them with an open mind, the results are indeed positive and consistent![/quote

I'm in full agreement with your view. The point i want to drive home is. after parents, Teacher is the person who is close to the student. Where the parents fail, Teacher grasps the strengths and weaknesses of the student. That's why, as Usha mentioned elsewhere in this discussion that a continuous and constant communication between the parents and the teachers would go a long way. As an effective alternative to councilling, i prefer constant interaction between the parents and the teachers. This practice is still there in some schools where these aspects are discussed in the Parent - Teacher Meets.

Vijay wrote:
[quote]Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.

Taniya has vanished once again, let us hope she surfaces to least give her own views on the topic!!

Back to topic, what I feel is that there is a lot of uncertainty around as I see around me due to globalisation. we are still standing on the ground where a lot of technology is taking root and at the same time, we are clinging to old beliefs and traditions. Economically too, most parents now have a huge disposable income in their hands, something that they were not used to when they children. Teaching methods have changed drastically in school, social values have changed completely and many parents still are trying to hold on to what they were used to and the children are unaware. This leads to confusion and at times, even parents do not know how to deal with their children in many situations. Counselors are there to help during those times. Agreed they may not be experienced like many parents but they do have knowledge and we should respect and trust their efficiency and at least give them a chance. I have seen a few cases in my son's school where the counselor is quite young but she has made a lot of difference in many children's lives.[/quote]

You have stated the need for counseling very aptly. The techniques of a by gone era cannot be applied today, because of the emergence of a large number of variables affecting the behavior of children including adults. The need for counseling always existed in our society, but was not recognized. Parents and elders would force their desired behaviors on children, who out of fear would comply. Today counselors play a supportive role and nurse back the deviants to normalcy. It is not fair to oppose these proven methods which are now coming into India in a big way. Their services are being widely availed which shows there is a demand which earlier was a latent one.

About the topic in discussion - On a lighter note my 3 kiids always complain me of being partial to the other and I say that since all 3 feel the same I am actually very fair ...Comparing sometimes cannot be avoided because you do it to encourage your children but how you go about it is far more important, as long as the results are positive it is alright but in general comparisons should be avoided altogether !

Comparing if done to create a competitive spirit amongst the children is Ok. And it's highly essential for the parents to let the children know your intentions. Otherwise comparison will lead to a huge damage that's irrevocable.

And then who will set the damage right ?

One who made the comparison.

By counselling techniques I hope .

Definitely NO. When the parent knew that a particular way has backfired, that parent resorts to another technique. At least thats what I do.Parenting is not giving up. It's perseverance with unlimited patience.it needs loads of courage and confidence. Of course those who cannot may go for councilling. As I have been saying all along I will never look towards some body for a job, when I myself can do with more efficiency and finesse.

Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.[/quote

I'm firm about my views on Parenting where in there is no place for Councilling. Let me tell you that i used my parenting techniques alone which gave me results beyond imagination. My techniques were used successfully not only on my children, but also on the children of my friends in my apartment whose parents after trying with your so called Technically trained councillors were vexed and approached me.
Let me tell you What all i said was all from my own experience.
A hyper active child who could not be controlled neither by the parents nor by the councillors was set right with one single art lesson. And i'm sure none of the councillors could have done even an iota better than me. That's why i claim with confidence about judging my self.

Somewhere inside you there is a counsellor. All the more reason you should be supportive of counselling and counsellors. Didn't the other parents trust you with their children. Sure like doctors there are both good and less good counsellors. After all there will always be very few born counsellors others will have to be taught. Both are equally important. Keep counselling.[/quote

That there is a councillor in me is known to you? And about which I don't know?. If it is there, i will call myself as an extraordinary Parent.

You sure are an extraordinary parent as you helped the children of other parents also based on the techniques developed by you. A very noble gesture. That is exactly what counselors also do with children who do not have access to gifted individuals like you. The destination is same the journey is different.

About the topic in discussion - On a lighter note my 3 kiids always complain me of being partial to the other and I say that since all 3 feel the same I am actually very fair ...Comparing sometimes cannot be avoided because you do it to encourage your children but how you go about it is far more important, as long as the results are positive it is alright but in general comparisons should be avoided altogether !

Comparing if done to create a competitive spirit amongst the children is Ok. And it's highly essential for the parents to let the children know your intentions. Otherwise comparison will lead to a huge damage that's irrevocable.

And then who will set the damage right ?

One who made the comparison.

By counselling techniques I hope .

Definitely NO. When the parent knew that a particular way has backfired, that parent resorts to another technique. At least thats what I do.Parenting is not giving up. It's perseverance with unlimited patience.it needs loads of courage and confidence. Of course those who cannot may go for councilling. As I have been saying all along I will never look towards some body for a job, when I myself can do with more efficiency and finesse.

Of course those who cannot may go for counselling -- this is what I wanted you to agree to and thanks for doing so.The techniques used by trained counsellors are acquired by undergoing degree courses and parents generally are not aware of these. Counsellors are not in competition to parents but are a support system. It is gaining popularity as people are recognizing its immense benefits. You have said that you will never look towards some body for a job,which you yourselves can do more efficiently and with more finnesse. But how do you know, when you are not a trained counsellor and what is the reference against which you are judging yourself?
With this I rest my arguments and thank you for bearing with me. If any comment of mine has hurt you I apologise as that was never the intention. I have seen many persons benefit from proper counselling and wanted to impress upon you its benefits. But you have inflexible views on it as you are seeing it as an affront to parenthood which simply is not the case.

But where has Tanya escaped by starting the thread which we two have weaved so far.[/quote

I'm firm about my views on Parenting where in there is no place for Councilling. Let me tell you that i used my parenting techniques alone which gave me results beyond imagination. My techniques were used successfully not only on my children, but also on the children of my friends in my apartment whose parents after trying with your so called Technically trained councillors were vexed and approached me.
Let me tell you What all i said was all from my own experience.
A hyper active child who could not be controlled neither by the parents nor by the councillors was set right with one single art lesson. And i'm sure none of the councillors could have done even an iota better than me. That's why i claim with confidence about judging my self.

Somewhere inside you there is a counsellor. All the more reason you should be supportive of counselling and counsellors. Didn't the other parents trust you with their children. Sure like doctors there are both good and less good counsellors. After all there will always be very few born counsellors others will have to be taught. Both are equally important. Keep counselling.[/quote

That there is a councillor in me is known to you? And about which I don't know?. If it is there, i will call myself as an extraordinary Parent.

You sure are an extraordinary parent as you helped the children of other parents also based on the techniques developed by you. A very noble gesture. That is exactly what counselors also do with children who do not have access to gifted individuals like you. The destination is same the journey is different.

Agreed. After all it's the outcome that counts..

Basically what it boils down to is , the necessity for parents to be prepared and accept responsibility when they decide to have children which is most often not the case in India or even in other parts of the world,Whereas in the western countries they have realised the need for a system where the young would be parents need to be prepared to accept responsibility so they are required to attend pre natal classes etc lo learn how to handle a child not just its physical needs but emotional as well, whereas, we have none of these even in hi fi private hospitals...So we really have the need for counsellors in schools and colleges so that the students get help when they need it...

Basically what it boils down to is , the necessity for parents to be prepared and accept responsibility when they decide to have children which is most often not the case in India or even in other parts of the world,Whereas in the western countries they have realised the need for a system where the young would be parents need to be prepared to accept responsibility so they are required to attend pre natal classes etc lo learn how to handle a child not just its physical needs but emotional as well, whereas, we have none of these even in hi fi private hospitals...So we really have the need for counsellors in schools and colleges so that the students get help when they need it...

Attending the pre natal classes by the would be parents is an excellent system which imparts an insight in to the needs of a child's physical and emotional needs. this makes the parents' job easier. We need such system in our own corporate hospitals.

With the advent of corporate school culture, education has become nothing but a lucrative trade. We have been seeing the ways adopted by these schools which are mere empty assurances. In this background I lost faith in the term “Counseling”.
Instead, Parents should learn to peep into the child’s behioural patterns and deal accordingly. A daunting task indeed. But that’s what parenting is. I for one avoid counseling and keep it at a bay.

That is the case with many schools, especially the new-age tech-savvy, glamorous schools with exorbitant fees. Yet there still are many schools who are genuinely concerned about teaching children the right values. The same can be said about counselors. For educated and conscientious parents like you who read a lot and generally keep yourself updated about what goes on in life, it is not at all a problem. But there are still many uneducated parents who need to be shown the correct way of dealing with children, for such counselors are truly needed. Even many parents have a negative approach when they are asked to see a counselor, but for those who do approach them with an open mind, the results are indeed positive and consistent![/quote

I'm in full agreement with your view. The point i want to drive home is. after parents, Teacher is the person who is close to the student. Where the parents fail, Teacher grasps the strengths and weaknesses of the student. That's why, as Usha mentioned elsewhere in this discussion that a continuous and constant communication between the parents and the teachers would go a long way. As an effective alternative to councilling, i prefer constant interaction between the parents and the teachers. This practice is still there in some schools where these aspects are discussed in the Parent - Teacher Meets.

Ideally that should be the general practice and in some schools, it is followed. But what I see is that the teachers have to teach a crowd of 70-80 students in one class and the same number in other classes. Along with it there are books to be checked, papers marked, projects assigned and provide guidance, other paperwork etc. which leaves no room for much interaction with students, leave alone give personal attention. This friday I attended an orientation programme for parents at my son's school, who is now in first standard. We were told that an extra teacher was joining this year ONLY to help check their notebooks, precisely 500 to be checked each week and my son's class only has 55 students. Imagine the situation in other schools where 80 students to 1 teacher is the general norm.

Now so far as parents are concerned, they too are not any different from teachers, they are busy with their own careers, meetings, friends etc. Who has any time to chitchat with their kids' parents? During our monthly meetings in my son's school, more than 60% parents are in a hurry to simply sign the register and push off to work. They hardly have any time to speak with the teacher! :dry: :huh:

Comparing kids or even senior persons are not healthy at all, it gives rise to jealousy and anonymity among near and dear ones.

Comparison with other children will be a big blow on the self esteem of the growing child. It goes without saying the child's growth in positive direction takes a big blow and the child becomes a cynic.

Basically what it boils down to is , the necessity for parents to be prepared and accept responsibility when they decide to have children which is most often not the case in India or even in other parts of the world,Whereas in the western countries they have realised the need for a system where the young would be parents need to be prepared to accept responsibility so they are required to attend pre natal classes etc lo learn how to handle a child not just its physical needs but emotional as well, whereas, we have none of these even in hi fi private hospitals...So we really have the need for counsellors in schools and colleges so that the students get help when they need it...

Attending the pre natal classes by the would be parents is an excellent system which imparts an insight in to the needs of a child's physical and emotional needs. this makes the parents' job easier. We need such system in our own corporate hospitals.

In fact it is needed everywhere and within easy reach of all classes of people. I feel that in the lower and poorer sections the need is much more since most of them have children without giving any thoughts about its future or whether they are able to give it a secure future.

Basically what it boils down to is , the necessity for parents to be prepared and accept responsibility when they decide to have children which is most often not the case in India or even in other parts of the world,Whereas in the western countries they have realised the need for a system where the young would be parents need to be prepared to accept responsibility so they are required to attend pre natal classes etc lo learn how to handle a child not just its physical needs but emotional as well, whereas, we have none of these even in hi fi private hospitals...So we really have the need for counsellors in schools and colleges so that the students get help when they need it...

Attending the pre natal classes by the would be parents is an excellent system which imparts an insight in to the needs of a child's physical and emotional needs. this makes the parents' job easier. We need such system in our own corporate hospitals.

In fact it is needed everywhere and within easy reach of all classes of people. I feel that in the lower and poorer sections the need is much more since most of them have children without giving any thoughts about its future or whether they are able to give it a secure future.

Yes, it's the lower strata of the society that needs most Pre natal classes . To this extent, awareness programmes should be taken up both by the voluntary organizations and the government. In AP, a voluntary organization comprising of all women organize street plays in the interior villages.

Its never a good idea to compare one kid with the other. Every kid has its own qualities and interests. Instead of comparing them with others, parents should try to motivate their kids to pursue their own interests.

Its never a good idea to compare one kid with the other. Every kid has its own qualities and interests. Instead of comparing them with others, parents should try to motivate their kids to pursue their own interests.

Before anything else, its the responsibility of the parents to observe the innate traits of the child and see that an atmosphere is created in the house so that the innate traits in the child unravel in a natural way.

no it's not good to compare kids as everyone has different qualities I never compare my kids with others but try to improve whatever qualities they have.