Changing lifestyle

Don’t you think the world is changing too fast and the way the sources of information are coming up and the lifestyle changing by the day we the parents need to update ourselves too? Yes, our children are getting wiser as there are too many sources providing them different information through the various sources available today. It’s not like the way it used to be a couple of decades back when their only source of information was either their school mates or whatever they heard within the community. 

Now their reach to internet, television providing wanted or unwanted knowledge nonstop information throughout the day makes it absolutely necessary for us to keep a close watch on our children and see to it what is good and what is unwanted for them. Now, as parent, we have added responsibilities on our hand and we don’t handle it carefully, the chances are we shall have to take the wrath in near future for being careless. Now the choice is yours how you wish to come out whether as careless ones or with flying colors.

What is expected of you?

I understand both parents have equal responsibility to look after their children but if you will excuse me for saying that a mom in our society is more responsible for keeping a watch on children as she spends a little more time than a father with their children. So, what is expected of parents especially the mom while your children are in growing stage? You have to keep a constant watch over their activities and that is not your choice but your duty, you can’t overlook it or be evasive. The need is to be extra careful that will help your child become more responsible and you’ll yourselves feel much more confident you helped build a better citizen.

You’re most important 

As a mom your role is most important for your children’s development. They need you to understand the surroundings, the society and the way to behave. They need you to understand this world in the right perceptive. You have to teach them an extraordinarily lesson on account of their relationship with this world and society. It becomes more important if your child is on the threshold of entering into her teens. That’s the time when your child begins dreaming colorfully, has his different ideas about the world, he begins to look into his future life and career. That perhaps is the time the role of parents counts most of the parents and being nearest to your child you are the one who shows him the way. You can help him develop a humanistic view and understand the society as you look at it. You can help him make a beautiful personality and develop a strong character. You can teach him about the finer points of realistic coexistence.

A mother can always teach her child to achieve his goals. She can help her ask questions and answer them. I believe it helps change both of them the mother and child both as they both understand and develop a new understanding towards each other, which is perhaps more important for upraising a quality citizen. Don’t you think when a child becomes an adult after a decade or so the mother that helped raise him feels so proud and a different person what she was a decade before? She looks at the world with a different view, a view that has a combination of pride and importance in her own achievements. It’s easy and difficult both as you have to handle your child tactfully that will need lots of technical as well personal expertise. Sometime you will have to leave him alone to let him fall down and sometimes walk besides him to save him from falling down.

I did not know it myself before but I know it now that being too protective does not help the cause of a child but makes him dependent on others. Protecting a child on occasions that he can do for himself is like making him a dependent or if you’ll allow me to say it’s like converting him into a parasite.

I think it’s better to keep a watch but interfering least is the mantra we need to learn today. The child is no more interested in our over ‘instructions’. I remember the time when my father used to keep reminding me ‘study’. I knew that was my first duty and to share a secret with you, I liked playing badminton more than reading my course books. I’m not saying course books are not important but hobbies and choices of your child are equally important. Text books are important but so are other books that he likes to read otherwise he will stop reading textbooks as well. 

Value of your child

I know I am talking about a nonsense topic because every parent knows the value of their children. I mean if it isn't the parents who else will know the value of their children? But you will excuse me for saying that the duty of a mother doesn't end with serving him food, help him finish his homework or providing him with clothes, shoes, books and pocket money. What else? You have to help him being a good future citizen, that’s what is expected from you.

You have to prepare him to face the hardships of life; you have to teach him how to discharge his duties in his future life. You have to go far ahead with him you have to walk with him, play with him, smile with him, and teach how to laugh when the situations are not favorable. There is so much to teach your child that we do not know ourselves in the initial stages but regret later for being ignorant at a later stage. You will be surprised to know I myself learned some of these when I was well past that stage when I should have known them myself. Let me repeat a mom is perhaps the best person to teach all these things to her child that help a child become a better person in his future life and you can consider your own gains as your bonus.  

Important for both of you

This time is important not only for your child but for you as well. But, are you ready for it? If you will lose this opportunity maybe you’ll lose your child. There is a popular phrase that says, “The time never comes back” perhaps it’s true in reference to parents-children relations the most. Once you miss the opportunity to handle your children properly you lose the opportunity for ever. So, try to keep your relations cordial with your children there is no alternate of that pleasant sweet tasting medicine for your child.

I hope you will not take my suggestion as if you have to work on a project leaving everything behind and run after your child to make him a good citizen. Children are part of our life and we have to take them as that. Being an independent person a mother has to see their children develop as an independent, self-confident and self-dependent person able to see at his life and this world with a wider perceptive and having a sensitive insight. 

You will have to see

A- You will have to keep in mind that being a parent you’re more than a friend of your child. If he needs your sympathy there are times when you will have to be strict as well. Your sense of discipline will give him feeling of security.

B- If you’re keeping a close look you will be able to detect bad habits instantly and a continuous communication help resolve the situation.

C- There is an interesting fact, if you will try to make them small they will try to become adult sooner than they should and that is in retaliation of your actions. So, let them be their age and treat them accordingly.

D- You should know children commit mistakes, talk to them but do not mention their mistakes directly or as if you’re being judgmental. Let them understand them by talking to their mistakes in referring to them casually. 

E- Mistakes are normal act that happen from all of us so don’t show them as if a child committed a sin that will shake his believe in himself.

F- You’ll commit a blunder if you try to protect him unnecessarily, let him face the consequences. Learning from one’s own mistakes makes a person more responsible. 

G- Have you heard your child telling you he hates you or doesn't love you? In fact it’s not you but your capacity that you can stop him from doing something he wants to do. 

H- Let me warn you if use your authority unwisely or too frequently the time will come he will stop listening to you. I don’t think you would like to go through such a situation. 

I- I repeat don’t make rules and if you do stick to them otherwise your child will stop having a faith in you.

J- Most children have some or the other fear or belief, which might not be true but if you have come to know about that never overlook that but try your best to come your child out of it. 

K- Children while in the process of growing up try experiments, they love doing new things and they learn in the process. Do not stop them unless you’re 100% sure they’re wrong. But if you find it out late and by the time they have already done something wrong, tell them pros and cons. They will be better prepared for next time.

L- I am sure most of us insert ourselves on children telling them what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear, what not to wear, why keep hair open or why not comb them in right side or left side or why put the right shoe on first and whatnot. Your kids are in learning process and they will learn doing all this on their own. Let me give you an example, I was with my grandson last year when he was almost 2 years old and one of his playschool teachers asked her to go through his wipe in the dustbin. I saw that dustbin was in other room and the door between the two rooms was locked.

I got up and opened the door so my kid went straight and threw the wipe in the bin. The teacher smiled tauntingly at me and said ‘typical Indian nana’. Then I realized what she wanted to say, actually she wanted to see how the child will react seeing the door locked. My mistake, I smiled and apologized for my mistake. We only need to help them to the extent they don’t feel helpless but if go beyond that that will make them dependent on us. They will become lazy and expect someone to come and help at every step. They will not succeed in their life as much as they should or according to your expectations and who will be responsible for that! YOU!

Conclusion

Parents are the best guides to their children during their growing process. Both parents have a role to play but mother’s role is more important rather we can call it a creative journey that she travels right from the time when she conceives a baby that she goes along with her child to the length of his adulthood. 

And when I say that I say it’s not a journey of a child but a mother invents herself from a different angle in the process. It all depends on a mom how she prepares her child and herself in the process of a journey that makes a perfect citizen. It’s in fact transformation of personalities for both of you because you see lot of changes in yourselves during this life changing journey.

Photo source - My own collection