Planning for marriage is important 

Boy or girl the word marriage is full of a new feeling and kind of sensation therefore a whole planning and preparations begin to take place at mental, social and physical level. But have you ever thought that marriage is much more than a mere function where a girl goes to stay with her husband and his family and the boy finds a girl in his would be wife for whom he imagines dreams unlimited. 

Most girls think

Marriage is all about new clothes, functions, getting ready for the marriage day and preparing for that well in advance, music & dances, shopping a plenty and then leaving for hubby’s home with his parents or as the situation is. They do not think beyond this and this is more so in smaller towns and villages where girls do not know the real meaning of marriage yet. This is because there is no one who tells them the meaning of a successful married life in detail. Most women still teach their daughters about cooking and knitting and feel that this is sufficient for happily married lives of their daughters. The fact is not so, there is lot more that matters. Because girls who did not get the proper advice found an entirely different situation, when they entered the real married world. 

There cannot be two opinions about the importance of institution of marriage, which is an important chapter of adult life of a man and woman. Marriage is one of the most auspicious knots that tie a boy and girl in a life long relationship. Obviously, the boys or girls have lots of dreams and imaginations for a new married life, they dream so many plans to live together with happiness and an unknown fear as well, fear of unknown possibilities those may come shatter their dreams. 

Now the time has changed and so has changes way of life in our society, we are moving toward western culture where we have no old values for our ways of thinking where elders used to guide in certain manners although I would not suggest that every thing they taught us were right. They also left lot to know in better terms but we had a certain way to follow as per we followed through family marriages those took place while staying in combined families. We got a lot to learn from elders about how to manage a family although that could not be a just and right way but only a guideline. With changes taking place so fast that newly weds staying alone have no one to guide them and that has harmed our youngsters no end up. Their chances of sorting out problems have become limited and hence the rate of breakup is going up at such an alarming rate. 

Counseling before marriage   

The present trend of marriage where boys and girls are doing every thing regarding their marriages on their own are making it a point to take the services of marriage councilors to help them in this important matter for mental, physical and social preparedness well in advance. I feel that this should be mandatory that not only the boy and girl but also their parents should also go through the counseling process before a marriage takes place in their household.

However, the first counseling needs to be taken by boy and the girl to make sure that they fit the slot properly and this counseling should be on separate level to know about their dreams, plans and expectations from their would be partners. Later both should have a combined meeting to make every thing clear while sitting together and talking out their mind in a clear term whatsoever. This should bring every problem on surface so not to leave any doubts for a trouble free married life.

Counseling is mandatory

Marriage is one of the most important events to take place in the life of an adult, which is supposed to be forever and as our own culture says that this tie is for six further births so taking it, a little seriously is mandatory to save marriage from any untoward incidents for a precaution purpose. To be frank counseling has more significance in the light of so many other points like the different backgrounds from the boys and girls belong, the different ways of upbringing, social & family status and religious values to name a few. Now this is up to the boys and girls who have to live together as to how they adjust each other to keep their marriage intact in a cordial and happy way. 

Therefore, whether it’s an arranged or love marriage, to withstand the challenges the couple has to face in their married life with a cool head, understanding and a happy married life they must go through a proper counseling, be it by a knowledgeable family member or a professional councilor. Girls need to know about the adaptability of new atmosphere of their new homes and the new relations they would be facing there and the boys must take the responsibility to make girl confident that the place would be her own and not a strange one for her. The inmates would be like her parents and siblings. The boys have the important duty of a mediator who stands as problem solver in every condition until the new member understands every relation well and learns to handle situation well. While the parents should learn to accept girl as their daughter in place of daughter in law that would make them more comfortable as well the girl would feel far better.

Few important points

There are certain points, which appear not that big but if implicated well can produce wonderful results in good relation keeping-

A- The girls should be trained to keep a good adjustment in between their carrier and family because most girls are educated and in jobs therefore a balance in their behavior would make them perfect and favorite bride instantly. However, that certainly has nothing to do at the cost of their friends, their own personality or relations because these are also as important as their married life.  

B- Try to be as much understanding as possible and avoid ego to the point where your self-respect is not at stake. Keeping the ‘Me or I’ may harm your relations, it’s better to think in terms of ‘We and Us’ 

C- It is better to plan your domestic work so to not to have falls hopes and if you can talk about distribution of expenditure or plan your income. Also think about savings and budgeting your expenses because that will help in a big way as the saving habits make your future life safe and secures and helpful in rainy days because you never know about the jobs these days. As they say, husband and wife are like two wheels of a cart and both wheels should be in proper condition to pull the cart smoothly on the family ground. 

Counseling related to physical viewpoint

Although the age makes a big difference on this particular point but there are still number of girls and boys who feel afraid while the matter related to sexual relations come into play. There arises a need of proper counseling to tell boys and girls about the importance of most important factor of the married life about biological, physiological and physical aspects in sure and certain manner. They should be told clearly that this is not only to satiate a physical demand but important for various reasons and nothing to be afraid or shameful about it.

The social viewpoint

There is a need to tell boys and girls about social values of a marriage in certain manner because they come from different backgrounds and may differ in many ways. Girls should be told about traditional values of ‘sixteen styles of makeup for a bride’ known as Solah shringar consisting of- 

Anjana (Kohl), Maangteeka, Nath (nose ring), Haar (necklace), Bindi, Sindoor, Karn Phool (Ear rings), Mehendi, Aarsi (rings) Bangles, Bajuband (armlets), Keshapasharachana (special hair style for a bride), Kamarband ( gold wrap around waist), Payal,  Bichua the sign of a married lady, Mangteeka the ornament worn in the center of hair) Scent and bridal dresses besides the bridal makeup. The girl should know the importance of mangalsutra and sindoor and their scientific importance as well. 

Although this is not that important these days but there is no harm if girl is told about importance of fasts and rituals in a proper way from social and cultural point of views of the same. The girls and boys should know the importance of exchange of gifts on such occasions to remain in good books of the family members. The most important and crucial aspect of counseling is to make them aware about right facts well in advance so the couple gets prepared properly. 

Conclusion of the complete counseling and courtship

Counseling and courtship helps would be husband and wife to understand each other well before marriage in every respect including social, financial and cultural. This also makes them well aware of mentality of each other as well family values their rituals and lifestyle. All this helps the couple in the long run to live their life happily and without any problems.

* Note- Photos from wikipedia