For many parents, the teenage phase of their children is a stage that cause lot of concern and anxiety. I can understand their anxiety. The kids who were holding your hand and follow you wherever you go once not very long ago, will suddenly show a marked difference in their behaviour. If some show a calm and almost silent and shy attitude, others will show an aggressive attitude. This sudden change in their children will undoubtedly cause anxiety in any parent.
What I would like to impress upon those parents who are panic struck with sudden emergence of such changes is that they are normal and nothing to be worried about. Every child passes through this stage on entering the teenage stage.
Changes are common
Its true that the teenage phase causes a few unexpected changes in the children. The first foremost change that starts appearing in a teenager is the thought, "I want to do something on my own." And remember this is just one kind of thought among many other thoughts that swarm in to the minds of the teenagers at this stage. This shows that they started the process of cultivating their own thoughts. And exactly at this juncture, there is a possibility of clashing of the thoughts and ideas with the parents thoughts.
Why sudden change in behaviour
Teenage is the time when hormone release will take place, that makes them change their attitude and behaviour . There will be a marked difference in their way of talking with others.
These changes will stop appearing once the teenager attains 16 or17 years in some. While in some these changes will be visible even after attaining the age of 20 years.
Its said, those children who grew under the influence of overprotecting parents, will show less changes than those teenagers who always think of growing as early as possible.
Hence the need of constant observation
As the changes in teenagers are unexpected and sudden, parents are advised to keep an eye in the behavioural changes in their offsprings. Once, after seeing the changes in the teenager and you know the reason behind the changes, the anxiety in the parents will cease.
Patience Pays.
Parents will observe a sea change in their teenagers especially in the rise if intelligence levels. The values you taught them earlier will be seen in a much deeper and intensive level. Of course the values of life taught by you will not change. What the parents are expected to do at this stage is to have immense patience and trust in their children. And you are assured of good results from your children over a period of time.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
This is nothing but well known Newton's third law of motion.It can be applied to feral life also, especially to teen agers. The more the parents try to force your views, the more the teenagers will refuse to follow your orders. At this stage, it's better for the parents not to drag the issue and resort to a more convincing methods which are likely to yield results the parents want to see in their children.
What is the best possible way ?
Don't instruct the child while pointing out an erratic behaviour. Never say, " your behaviour made me to come to the conclusion, that you are a fool."
Instead say, " Its ok. That's your decision. If you go on spending your money irresponsibly, how can you manage when the real need for money arises?"
Think that you are talking with an elderly person, not with your son. The response will be in most cases positive. Even if they fail to listen to you at the first instance, they are bound to listen you next time for sure. Once this happens, next time they sure come to you for an advise.
Allow the teenagers to come up with their own ideas and in action.
The first step towards achieving this goal is to allow your children to take part in the family discussions. This paves the way for the children to take their own decisions. As a participating member in the family discussions, he will learn the art of convincing and team work. which are important for his life ahead.
As a family head, they have an opportunity got see your efforts to take a constructive decision that is suitable to all the family members. This not only gives insights in to your decision making capabilities, but also your key position in the family and the necessity of binding to your decisions.
Its not all about decision making,it is also about teach them the necessity of taking interest in family matters and when it comes to matters related to all, how important it is to take others' point of view in to consideration.
The whole essence of this is to stress on the importance of treating the children as responsible adults is to impress that how such a seemingly small gesture from the side of the parents paves way to solid and sturdy relations.
Teach your children about Rights and responsibilities.
The domain of Rights and responsibilities is a closely woven entity. Many do not understand the subtle differences between the two and the teenagers are not an exception. Fir example,they demand that they have the right to be treated as elders. your teenagers may fight for their rights. Its up to you to make them understand their responsibilities in order to treat them in par with elders.
Whenever they demand their rights, after your teenager grows up, you can remind them of their responsibilities. This way, the parents can teach the teenagers' responsibilities in an effective manner.I generally use this method whenever my teenagers demand their pocket money. While handing over the pocket money, I remind them their responsibility if they kept their room in an orderly way.
Thus linking the rights with responsibilities intelligently will avoid automatically the misunderstandings that are linked with relationships.
In a similar manner when they say that they deserve respect, parents can remind them about respecting others. And should never hear the teenagers unless the condition of respecting is fully fulfilled.
Teenagers want to prove that they too matter.
When the interactions between the parents and the teenagers increase, teenagers will start feeling that they too matter in the view of their parents. They feel that they are being taken in to consideration. This interaction will further pave way to strengthen the relations and this in turn, the teenagers will respect their parents' views.. When the teenagers ask for something from you, parents can say in no uncertain terms, what they expect from their children.By saying what the parents expect from their children, parents are indirectly reminding the children that rights and responsibilities are the two faces of the same coin.
Children will realise the link between rights and responsibilities. Once this realisation takes place, parents need not worry about their teenage children's' future.
Don't look down on children's likes.
Parents should not forget about the generation gap.This gap will show in different forms. What the later generation loves and likes may not be the same as that of the earlier generation. In this background parents should not force their own likes and dislikes on the later generation. By forcing, nothing can be achieved.It's the duty of the parents to cement the generation gap and there by avoiding undesired differences that eventually crop up.
Many teenagers develop a liking towards an activity because they are under the impression that particular habit of theirs symbolises modernity. The liking may not be a real liking. Example is to listen to music using modern music gadgets with wires plugged to their ears day in day out. this may irritate you. Another example is sticking to famous social networking sites and go on clicking on the 'likes' and gathering as many friends as possible. These are very common traits found in the new generation.
So, what you are supposed to do?
Many parents commit the mistake of reprimanding their teenage children. This is what you are not supposed to do as a parent. Criticising harshly or reprimanding is the last thing, a teenager of today takes. They take it as an attack on their personal freedom.
During the phase of teenage, the degree of 'ego' will be more in the teenagers. They will be hurt and there is a danger of turning them in to a rebel.
The same thing applies to their outfits, decisions and a plethora of habits that may upset the parents.
Employ a safe way.
What you have to do as a parent just make them know about your disliking in a tactical way.
For example, instead of directing your ire, show a pretended liking. For example, avoid comparing the good habits of your days by delivering a long lecture.
My own example.
Once, when I reached home I found my teenage boy listening to a Michel Jackson's famous number with full volume. I slowly entered my son's room and said, "that's a good piece of music. Is it Michel Jackson?"
Seing my laughing face, my son's tension was eased. He thought I would bang him left and right for his habit of listening music with full volume on. He was pleased to see my intention of showing interest towards his liking and said, Yes dad, I'm happy you too like Michel Jackson."
Then I said, " Don't you think you can enjoy Michel Jackson more if you keep the volume a bit lower"?Immediately, he reduced the volume.
From then. He never resorted to hearing music with full volume.
Don't forget even a rebel also can be tamed with an appropriate behaviour of the parents.
Create a healthy awareness about Love and romance
Many parents are under the wrong impression, that any shade of SEX should not fall on their children. This lack of awareness in the parents is leading to many unwanted consequences.
Sex is not a sin. It should not hidden under wraps.If parents can properly and intelligently inject the knowledge of sex to their teenaged children. teenagers can never go in a wrong way.
In the absence of proper awareness about sex, smoking and drugs in the teenagers, there is a danger of teenagers can take a wrong path.
Allow them to stand on their own legs
It's the wish of every parent to see their children grow up and become self- reliant as early as possible. So far so good. Question yourself if you are building a proper base on which they can stand become self- reliant. Many parents will treat their teenaged children as mere children. This trait in the parents make the teenagers as ever dependent children. They always look towards their parents for guidance. Teenagers who are ever dependent on their parents will not have individuality. This in turn damages the self esteem, which is more important for the children in the long run.
The truth is children especially teenagers always long to show their worth. They want to be recognised add a grown up person . This trend in the children should be used by the parents to make their children self - reliant. Parents should know in order make they children stand on their own legs, they should keep some weight on their shoulders.
Start with smaller jobs like getting their own school books and stationery from the neighbourhood Book stall without you. Then gradually increase the responsibilities like learning some simple food preparations. Of course for some time parents should be present while the children are cooking. And this is the time for the children to know about kitchen safety.
Once the basic things are learned, children will develop the art of self- reliance on their own. Remember children are quick grasping and creative too.I need not mention once the child knows that he has an ability to rise up to the expectations of they parents, there will not be looking back.
It goes without saying how self- reliance leads to a great boost in the child's self esteem.
I stick to the same old saying that "Patience pays.".
It's all in your hands
If you stick to the above, you will be astonished at the dividends you reap. It won't be an exaggeration if I say the magic of moulding your teenage children in to ideal children is in your own hands.