“She never obeys me. She opens her mouth to tell lies only”, some mothers always complain about their kids. Before taking stick to teach them lessons of obedience and discipline just ask yourself, “Am I a good parent?” Then only you can grow good habits in your kids.
Parents are of three types
First group dreams a lot about their kids. Yet they hesitate to appreciate their kids. Second group tries to find fault always even if kid has given his best. Even if he got 99 out of 100, such parents worry about that lost 1 mark. Third group observes their kids a lot and create feasible opportunities knowing their hidden talents. Of these three types third group can be chosen as role models. While teaching kids good things and good habits, parents need to know some ‘don’ts’. Through this article, let me tell you what those 10 don’ts are and what should be accepted avoiding those don’ts.
1. Keep stick at distance
A proverb says, ‘If you have a single kid then parents punish him severely’. Punishments can be given for mistakes, but not using sticks. Kids till ten are not able to know what’s right and what’s wrong. So, it’s better to take steps to assure that kids never repeat the same mistakes again.
If he commits something wrong, ask him not to repeat it again. You can give such warning signals two or three times. Yet if he never cares your words, give him small punishments. But never take stick in your hands. Instead switch off his favourite cartoon channel or hide his favourite toy somewhere. Then tell him that he has done so, that’s why given such a punishment. Also make him understand that you are angry with his deeds, not him. Such punishments are affective than beating.
2. Two opinions – it’s a bad strategy
If father scolds a kid, mother may run towards him with comfort. It should be avoided. If any of the parents is punishing the kid the other parent should respect his action and stand with the decision instead of protesting it. Grand parents should also keep note of it. If any member supports the kid, he feels that he is right and may repeat the same mistake again. Also, a feeling that someone will stand in his side makes him fearless and he may take parents’ advices easy.
3. Feeling of guilt
Some parents punish kids and later feeling sad, may give kids chocolates and toys as gift. By this action the kid thinks that he was right and parents were wrong. But if you were really wrong, you can tell him ‘sorry’. Gifts should always be surprises. Never give him gifts for each help he gives you. Otherwise he will expect such gifts always. But if he follows some good habits under your instructions, you can give him gifts as piece of appreciation.
4. Never criticize openly
If your kid did some good activity say it to others in front of him. Such encouragements make him mind happy and he will repeat same things later. But scoldings should be given secretly. Otherwise he will lose his self respect and self confidence in mingling with those people in future. It’s better to advise him taking him away from such a situation.
5. Never impose your decisions
Those things which parents believe ‘good or best’ may not be true always, particularly in the case of kids. Never impose such decisions on your kids without waiting his reply. Instead encourage him to do so. Let him take his own time in understanding its benefits. Parents can also tell him how such decisions can improve his life or studies.
From LKG to standard 4, parents should stay along with him during his studies. Then only he learns the basic lessons well and develops interest in learning. Neglecting his primary classes and giving extra importance to his high school studies by giving extra attention and tuition will act as burden on kids. If so, kids begin to learn as per his parent’s instructions rather than his own.
6. Never call him thief
A kid may get attracted towards the colourful toy of his friend. But if he steals it and bring to home, parents should handle such situations with care. Never call him thief or give punishments. It wounds his mind and such memories may stay in his mind forever. Instead in calm words and love tell him that taking things from others without their permission is a bad deed. Ask him to give back to the person or place it back from where it has been taken. Also tell him that he is a good boy and he has done so in ignorance, so parents have no bad feeling in it. But he should have a feeling that if he repeats it again his parents may feel bad. Parents should examine kids’ bag once in three or four days. But do it without your kid’s notice. Such checkings can often help your kid to leave that bad habit forever. If you find a toy in his bag just ask him, “Is this toy given by Roy?” Kid will surely answer your question.
7. Never do everything for him
Some parents do everything for kids pre-assuming that kids are not able to do it properly. Teach him primary lessons of responsibilities when he is just 2. Such habits can be done by giving him a bowl of food and a spoon. Let him learn how to eat without anyone’s help. Slowly you can give him more tasks to do it alone, according to his age. When he reaches first standard, instruct him to put his own shoes and place them in shoe stand in the evenings. He can be given the primary lessons of keeping things in order; for example, his books, instrument box and umbrella. If such simple things are not given at younger age, they will find burden with extra responsibilities when he reaches 15 or 16.
8. Never think twice if it’s the case to show love
It’s sure all parents love their kids and they do hard work and earn money for kids’ better future. Kids will understand parents’ effort only if they show love and affection towards their kids. Without expressing their hidden love in their hearts, even if parents do 100 things for ensuring kid’s future and happiness, kids will think that parents are doing all these things for their own happiness and peace.
If he is too young hug him and give him kisses. Also take him in your lap to tell stories. Thus, bond between parent and kid grows strong and he learns primary lessons of love and affection. But such love expressions should never act as ‘license to mischiefs’. Never give false promises to your kids. If so, kids will lose belief in their parents. Also, he learns the primary lessons of breaking promises.
9. Never quarrel in front of your kids
Indifferences are common in every couple. But if they quarrel in front of their kid, it may even affect his behaviour and mental development. Parents often give gifts to kids and show his extra affection to bring him to his side during quarrels. It is not a good habit if you want him to grow as a good child. Never think for your personal preferences and benefits while dealing with such situations. Just think how your dealings can influence your kid’s thoughts. Quarrels in family may cause anxiety and depression in kids.
10. Over control is harmful
Over discipline and controls harms the parent-kid relationship and may give extra tensions to kid. Now kids have to study a lot. In addition to it, if parents put extra control kids will be tired. Instead allow him to play for an hour and to mingle with his friends and other people of society. Put controls in cartoon channels and computer games. Instead give him books to read. Allocate fixed time for these two activities and parents can enjoy themselves by doing some recreation activities along with their kids. Such activities can surely increase bond between parents and kids.