There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.

There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.

That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election.

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

Politics is applesauce.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Nothing you can't spell will ever work.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.

I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.