Is having a son a matter of life and death.

Mousumi Ghosh wrote:

rambabu wrote:

Mousumi Ghosh wrote:

Some people still need to undergo change in thinking - why a son is important is because Hindu customs and ritual and certain rites are only carried out by a son and hence there is still a large group of people who want baby boys and not baby girls to carry forward their so called family name and do the last rites.

 

Performing the last rights of parents is an exclusive domain for males, is nothing but a superstition. Presently, even women also performing the last rights. Thus breaking the myth.

Exactly, that is what I said people need to undergo a massive change in their thinking, girls are equally carrying out performing the last rites of their parents. But it will take time for this feeling to seep into a large group of people.

 

Yes. You said it in a general way. I quoted a particular case specifically,plaguing the society. There are a plethora of issues like this.

Performing last rights is equal to both son and daughter. Once upon a time it was believed that women will get tensed when they saw a burring body but they are now facing everything with confidence. I saw Some women who are doing the cremation duties as a business. 

Performing last rights is equal to both son and daughter. Once upon a time it was believed that women will get tensed when they saw a burring body but they are now facing everything with confidence. I saw Some women who are doing the cremation duties as a business.

A correction here for all, it is the last rites and not rights! Anyway, you are right, where once women shied away from such a spectacle as a cremation, now more and more women are seen performing the last rites of their parents. In fact, last week, there was an article in a leading Marathi daily about a group of women in rural Maharashtra who have been performing the last rites of those who have no legal heir and of the dead bodies of despondent people who are so often found lying on the streets. These women are doing it not for money or anything, but only because they feel it is their duty to do something right by the people who die lonely. A rather a noble example and a slap in the face of those who still claim that having a son is the only way to heaven.

So if change can be observed in rural areas, in cities too such change will follow suit, although it may take time.

Any change takes time before it becomes a norm, people frown at a change in the beginning. All the present societal norms were once frowned and heckled. Once the belief was that earth is flat.

I think Death and last rites are not the major concern of most of the parents; it is life that matters, the future life of their children. With the increasing humiliations against women, the human society frightens them, and the parents hope that their daughters are safe, and a few of them are inclined to think that they had a son instead of daughter. 

It all contributes to age old superstitions, which are not relevant to the ever changing world. One should go along with world.

So if change can be observed in rural areas, in cities too such change will follow suit, although it may take time.

True, it will indeed take time and education will certainly help in bringing about that change. But even in the educated people, many are still reluctant to give up the traditional beliefs.  I suspect that it is fear of letting women be more independent in taking decisions that is more at play here than the real concern for such beliefs.

Even among educated and so called evolved families you see this partiality for a male child. In our neighborhood there was a minor accdient in the nearby playground and a child got hurt , had a fractured hand . The mother was called and the first thing she said was thank god it is Smitha who got hurt and not Shreyas, my husband would kill me if anything happened to our son ....Such insensitivity coming from a mother ! I was truly disgusted by the woman's attitude !!!!!!

Very true Usha. This attitude is prevalent irrespective of urban or rural regions. It's not the place that matters. It's the mindset of the people that makes vast difference. When a girl child expresses her desire to go to school, a typical mother's answer is, ' Wht on earth yo do by going to school?' going to rule the kingdoms? After marriage you will become some another DOL . WHY should we waste our money on you? '

Even among educated and so called evolved families you see this partiality for a male child. In our neighborhood there was a minor accdient in the nearby playground and a child got hurt , had a fractured hand . The mother was called and the first thing she said was thank god it is Smitha who got hurt and not Shreyas, my husband would kill me if anything happened to our son ....Such insensitivity coming from a mother ! I was truly disgusted by the woman's attitude !!!!!!

Horrible and disgusting but true. This is a very common attitude Usha. Better schools, better clothes, even better and more nourishing food is given to sons and not the daughetrs. Daughters are made to do all the chores in the house and even dance around their brothers attending to all their needs. Result is, all of these boys grow up to insensitive and abusive males who treat their wives and other women as their slaves. This is actually the reason for domestic abuse and violence.

Thanks everyone for understanding where the problem begins from, the women themselves. The family members esp the women must teach their sons to behave and respect girls in the family. They will then behave better outside too. Most mothers behave too partial with their male children and ignore their improper attitude.

This partisan attitude is not just restricted to women. Males are not lagging behind. Even now, there are incidents of male demanding a divorce because, his wife gave birth to two female children. In this process, the man got a solid support from his own parents.

rambabu wrote:

This partisan attitude is not just restricted to women. Males are not lagging behind. Even now, there are incidents of male demanding a divorce because, his wife gave birth to two female children. In this process, the man got a solid support from his own parents.

At least the mother of this man should have known where the problem was. She should have told her son this is not a woman that decides about her future offspring.  

The problem with women in our country is that the years, read centuries, of submission and subserviance and being treated like a slave is programmed so deeply that it has now become a nature. I did a translation of a sociology paper of a particular OBC community. in that 80% women interviewed claimed that they loved and respected their husbands only if they beat them frequently. If a husband did not indulge in violence towards wife, it was seen as a sign of weakness and lack of manliness. This is quite an extreme, but isn't that what is taught to young boys? There is an ad which is being shown nowadays, 'ladke kabhi rote nahi hai.' It sums up this attitude and psychology quite nicely. but thankfully, now it is changing rapidly with the new generation.

Yes Kalyani, I too have come across such an attitude by women , where they seem to think that their men shd be loud and agressive and any softer emotion or understanding is considered weakness on their part. That ad you have written about is very relevant and I sincerely hope that the message gets across. 

The beliefs that are deeply rooted in women, made them think,, What is a man who cannot dominate his woman? This is clear indication that women are not in a position to change their mindset.

VINAYAM,( humility ) VIDHEYATA ( Submissiveness) are the hallmark of an UTTAM STREE (epitome of a virtuous woman) is carved in the rock . Thiis age old  norm of our religious texts. Can't be broken.

rambabu wrote:

The beliefs that are deeply rooted in women, made them think,, What is a man who cannot dominate his woman? This is clear indication that women are not in a position to change their mindset.

VINAYAM,( humility ) VIDHEYATA ( Submissiveness) are the hallmark of an UTTAM STREE (epitome of a virtuous woman) is carved in the rock . Thiis age old  norm of our religious texts. Can't be broken.

 

I would kike to see these qualities in all good men too, after all we should have something to prove that we respect them or at least give them equal respect. Vinayam is not made for women only.

suni51 wrote:

rambabu wrote:

The beliefs that are deeply rooted in women, made them think,, What is a man who cannot dominate his woman? This is clear indication that women are not in a position to change their mindset.

VINAYAM,( humility ) VIDHEYATA ( Submissiveness) are the hallmark of an UTTAM STREE (epitome of a virtuous woman) is carved in the rock . Thiis age old  norm of our religious texts. Can't be broken.

 

I would kike to see these qualities in all good men too, after all we should have something to prove that we respect them or at least give them equal respect. Vinayam is not made for women only.

 

That is whole problem. Our society is male oriented.