I remember an incident that happened sometime back while I was traveling by bus . A lady got in with a baby in her arms and a bag on her shoulder, seeing this a man got up and offered her his seat and she sat without even acknowledging his gesture nor even looking at him. But, as I watched her I realized that it was because of shyness and not because she was rude . She was probably overcome with his helpful gesture and felt tongue tied which made her sink within herself rather than look him in the eye and thank him. Later, in the next stop when he sat down in the opposite seat she gave him a shy half smile, which goes to show how conditioned people become so much so that even simple social graces seem a herculean task to them.

Thousands of people are paralyzed by anxiety and embarrassment in seemingly routine situations . They are unable to progress in life because of this weakness which sometimes threatens their relationships, their careers and even their health. But with ground breaking medications and treatment and coupled with psychotherapy, shyness can become a thing of the past. In fact the now generation is far from shy which is a good ,positive trend and for those who are socially shy there is always an alternative treatment ..

Some case studies

Shyness according to many researchers are more common in women rather than in men. This is partly due to the societal norms which lay down many restrictions on women especially in the Asian countries and India. No wonder then that ladies feel threatened to face people unknown to them or approach even those known to them with caution. 

In one of the instances that I had come across the Lady of the house would never sit with the family while having meals. She was a good cook and neatly laid the table and disappeared into the kitchen, and would eat a hurried meal in the kitchen after everyone had finished theirs and she had cleaned up. On probling it was learnt that at her parents house girls were not encouraged to eat with the others and her mother and herself ( she being the only daughter) had to eat in the kitchen after her father,brothers and grand parents had finished their meals.

After she got married in her husband's house she continued the same practice inspite of the children and her in laws asking her to join them during meal times. When she was asked whether she enjoyed eating alone she said she did not .One can see that she had been conditioned to such an extent that she was finding it difficult to break free from her mental bondage. But, her children as they grew up were determined to see that she joined them for meals and get over her shyness, which she eventually did after a lot of effort and some help from a psycho analyst.

There are some ladies who feel shy and tongue ted outside of their work and home atmosphere like for example according to a case study made by some analysts a librarian was calm, collected and was perfectly natural while dealing with the public that came visiting the library. But she simply was unable to speak or interact with any strangers outside of her work atmosphere..

She has no close friends, although she would love to have some. The problem is that she is unable to even greet a new person without feeling nervous. According to the analyst, she has been shy all her life but was able to open up to a few people who were part of her close circle of relatives and family. She was later cured of it through group therapy coupled with  some medications.

A few facts about shy people

1, Most shy people wish they were able to get over their shyness and be normal like other people but they are not able to do so because of some inbuilt childhood phobia.

2, According to researches conducted by some prominent psycho analysts shy people earn less than their more outgoing colleagues. This only makes them withdraw more into their shell and develop an inferiority complex about themselves.

3, There have been cases where their physical health too has suffered because they do not have the network of social support that is so important to wellness and they may also be less likely to seek medical help.Most shy people tend to keep to themselves and avoid social contact which makes them all the more prone to mental illness like depression.

4, Shy men tend o marry later than other men but so far there is no evidence to suggest that the same is the case with shy women. Shyness can be seen in both and men but due to the biological differences they handle this trait differently.

5, For some shy people , shyness goes beyond merely feeling awkward in the presence of other people. About 13 % of the population actually withdraws from daily experiences in order to avoid the social interactions they dread.

6, The social phobia or the anxiety disorder that they are suffering from is actually a mental disorder which is fairly common.

7, Social phobia can be different to different people – some people are comfortable in one on one interactions but clam up at parties and any public events. Some people avoid public events altogether. At the extreme are those people who refuse to leave home and go out shopping or for that matter anywhere they may have to interact with people or be amidst people.

8, When social phobia reaches such extreme conditions it can lead to conditions where people shut themselves in and become lonely, depressed and may further lead to substance abuse.

9, An interesting fact is that social phobia is more common among women than in men and men are more likely to seek medical help. Also men tend to feel shy where social intercations with their colleagues or members of the opposite sex are concerned unlike women who tend to feel shy in all sphere of life.

10, Therapy and medication can bring about dramatic changes in people who have been suffering from social phobia. The whole purpose of treatment is to make such people feel comfortable with themselves and those around them.

Psychotherapy and Desensitivity training

When we think about it, it seems ironical that shy people should seek help from group therapy, but this is often the first line of treatment for people who fear socializing since the need to get over the phobia. When shy people begin to feel comfortable in smaller groups that are part of the therapy sessions , they also find out that they are not the only ones who are shy and find it difficukt to mix socially. This is the firest important step in helping shy people oversome their social backwardness.

Secondly, a group therapy also brings people with similar iinterests together and this in itsef provides a stepping stone for better interactions in the future. Basically the more people interact and exchange ideas the more positive they become about life since there is no secrecy in the mind about others . Most negative thoughts come into shy people's mind ( or for that matter anyones mind ) when there is no interaction and free exchange of ideas.

Cognitive Behavioral therapy and its uses

A therapy called Cognitive  - Behavioral therapy has proved to be very helpful in curing shy people of their socail phobia.  It basically involves nothing but creating situations that the shy people find intimidating and making them face such situations in supportive and non threatening environment. They gradually overcome their fear. It is also noteworthy that most shy people are their worst critics and tend to blame themselves for every negative social outcome !

Cognitive - behavioral therapy works because it challenges the distorted outlook that many shy people develop. This helps the shy people to conquer their anxiety and begin to put their social skills to practice. Since the therapy involves oother people and also a long period of time, it dooes help at least to a certain extent. Given the kind of techniques that are involved it is almost impossible for a shy person not to benefit from it at least to some degree.It is only when the results are not satisfactorily high that the person is put on medication.

The therapy also involves sensitive handling of shy people, which is why it is so successful.Shy people are asked to mmove around on their own and get comfortable and listen to other people's conversations and asked to join some groups and strike up a conversation with members. This way by easing their way into the situation slowly they make a difficult job seem conquerable and not that tough !

Medication matters

Normally shy people are made to undergo group sessions where they have cognitive behavioral therapy as explained above , which normally helps to get rid of distorted thinking that some people have and which make them feel shy and develop a social phobia. But, when things have progressed beyond that and the person has gone into depression and has started substance abuse the only course open is to give him or her medication.

In the past decade , psychiatrists have begun treating social phobia with medications. The right type of drug for each individual depends in large part on the patient. To give an example :- We cannot call shyness a psychological disorder and there is no medication for it.However, if shyness prevents a person from functioning or is accompanied by depression or anxiety then medication proves to be helpful !

Social phobia as I already pointed out is different to different people.some people fear only specific social circumstances such as public speaking or asserting themselves with people who show authority over them. For such people anti anxiety drugs are prescribed whih]ch makes them feel relaxed and get over their phobia of meeting people.

Normally before shy people are given medication, a very careful study is made by the concerned specialist about the person's behaviral pattern and other relevant factors that determine whether he really needs to be put on medication ! Patients also run the risk of becoming dependent on medication which can lead to some other complications.

Anti depressants are extensively used while treating shy people since the drug has had impressive result with such treatments. But one should also be aware that these drugs d have some side effects like loss of sexual desire,insomnia and nausea..

 There is no magic rememdy and one has to make the best of what is there and available. In most cases shy people seek help only when things get out of hand and they are in dire need of medication. It may take months to unlearn those habits. Social phobia is also a chronic condition which requires medication in  many cases - since, unless they learn techniques to change their behavioral patterns and practice them , the old symptoms tend to come right back. This is another reason why medication is advised for most social phobia cases side by side with psychotherapy.

Conclusions

The most important thing is to take the vital first step. For many people, the biggest challenge is finding the courage to ask for help, but once they do it they are bound to benefit from it. It is also imperative that family members should take specail interest when a child ,sibling or a spouse is suffering from the phobia , by being involved and making the shy person feel comfortable and wanted.

Most shy people are extremely self conscious and tend to think that everyone is watching them and talking about them. Once they get over this fear, they will become more positive about themselves. A positive personality is able to handle any kind of situation that he or she may be exposed to !

( Image - wikimedia)