Infidelity

The literal meaning of infidelity is "The action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner."

Waking up to the truth that a spouse has cheated makes one feel the world has crumbled and reduced to smithereens. Such a situation paves way to lot of uncertainty and turbulence in the family. A spouse's infidelity breaks that wall of trust and makes way to suspicions feelings rejection and may be a feeling of vengeance and revenge. It goes without saying how such situations act on the members of the family, especially children.

Why do men and women cheat

Basically, I see two reasons for infidelity. Let me ask you a fundamental question before i delve in to the details."What makes a man or a woman turn towards any thing or turn away from  anything?"

Your answer is, 'I have found all the aspects I wanted in you'. Or, 'I didn't see the aspects i wanted in you.' depending on liking a person or disliking a person.Akin to this when you  see something is missing, that once you used to have in the spouse. You feel the same when there is an absence of passion, zeal and enthusiasm in your spouse which you used to get in abundance from your spouse. Then what's the next coarse of action? You start looking elsewhere.

 The second reason is humans are never Monogamous. That is sticking to one mate. Though Both men and women are not monogamous, a male has a dominating trait of Polygamy. That is a male member looks forward to mate with more females.

In all, one can say that these two qualities that lead to infidelity can be treated as two sides of the same coin.

How men cheat and how women cheat

When it comes to cheating men and women differ in their ways of cheating. If the present partner is not attractive, men immediately look towards another woman. Where as it's not so in case of women. They try to see a sympathizer in their new mate.

Men are more inclined to have one-night stands. Women's links have a link with emotional reasons.

Its not difficult for a man to leave their partners after cheating. The basis for woman's cheating is emotional involvement. Hence they won't hesitate to leave the current partner.

Look for these signs

One cannot miss some of these signs in men and women indulged in cheating.

There will be sudden display of interest in using the medications for erectile dysfunction. An interest towards the use of birth control devices.E.g;  No body knows where the boxful of condomes disappeared.  Loss or disappearance of clothing.An extraordinary interest in doing quick changing of clothes. marks or stains in undergarments.

 In addition to the above, an extra interest in having a variety of sexual postures

Why a woman craves for another man?

Though there are no definitive reasons, there are some mention worthy reasons here.

When Amala's hubby was transferred to a new place, she could not get friends due to language problems and newness of the place. In addition to this,Ramesh, her hubby used to work for long hours. This made Amala look for company. She took the solace of an adult friends website. From here, there was no stopping of her. She found a friend who's nearby. He used to visit Amala frequently in the absence of her busy hubby. She found all the bliss in her mate which were not given by her hubby.

Reasons related to Emotions

A woman having an emotional connection with her lover due to loneliness is one of the main reasons for infidelity. She seeks a mate who's ready to offer his shoulder to place her head, rather than for mere sexual pleasure.

Evolutionary roots.

If adultery is in the genes of men, Woman pairs with a man primarily for children and subsequent protection for her children. As we see a woman of early days as a food gatherer, she invariably sleeps with a mate who provide her enough security and food too. Though some experts contradict this, one thing is certain that a woman establishes contacts with a man not just for sex only.

To draw attention

For many, flirting for drawing attention sounds silly, though its true. And we can see some cases where in,a "Flirting for fun" ending in serious extra marital relations.

To escape from turbulent times

An incident of upheaval demands for solace, especially for a woman, its true.  loss of job or a grief caused by a calamity are some of the occasions in which a woman seeks a comforting from men.

Why Men Cheat?

Can't say NO.

'Saying NO would have helped,' so think people who  advise from outside. Its easier said than done. Very less number of people will have that strong will to say NO, when a woman comes and falls in his lap.

Cheating is an Ego Booster

People with low self esteem and who are longing for success look for a way out for boosting their ego. That;s why some feel that they achieved something great by cheating their partner.

A cheaters' company makes him a cheater

Its a well known fact how the environs influence a human's actions. A man who moves or works in a company of cheaters would not allow himself to be branded as an 'Odd man out'. He longs to become a part of the crowd and he resorts to cheating his mate like his peers.

A Ploy to say "Its over."

Men, who lack guts to say 'Quits', prefer this indirect way to end a relationship. He allows himself to get caught.

The enthusiasm to peep in

Sounds silly, though a fact. Many are eager to know what another woman has got which his partner doesn't have. This happens to those men who had early marriages.

Presence of an infidel in the family

There are communities in India, where a man's worth and prestige is measured by the number of wives he has. Children who follow the elders and consider them as role models will blindly emulate their role model.

How can the cheating be averted?

The reality

Marriage doesn't mean one will not be attracted towards others and one will not fall prey to jealousy when your spouse's eyes stare towards another. They are not unnatural. Such feelings are bound to be there because we re human beings. The important thing to be kept in mind is to rise above these attractions and jealousies within your control in order to keep the sanctity of the wedlock and live a life all along savoring the marital bliss. It's not that there are no ways to escape from the jaws of infidelity.

Invest the lion's share of your time on the Altar of your marriage

Let your wedlock be the top agenda of your life. This attitude makes you and your spouse to keep everything else below marriage. Even if you are busier than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet put together, make it sure to allot the lion's share of your free time to the family.

Know what you are and draw lines.

You may be a natural extrovert. You may be a bit flamboyant.In such cases such people with such characteristics should watch out their activities and movements. They should be extra cautious not to send some wrong signals to the other party. If you are in the office avoid talking more than necessary with your opposite sex colleagues. Avoid inappropriate conversations or activities like discussing personal matters and touching the other persons without any cause.

The idea is to take preventive actions to stop any unsavory conditions in the beginning itself.

Don't hide anything from your spouse

Let your spouse be informed of everything and anything. Some people are very firm in keeping certain secrets away from their spouses. There is no business to pay heed to such wrong assumptions. Being open an straight forward saves many a marital life. If you do not lie, you need not be afraid of anything. If you lie you have to remember many things day in and day out. Maintaining secrecy will pave the path to suspicions. There is a risk of breaking that all important trust that was built over years. Leading a life sans trust on eacg other under one roof is a life full of miseries and woes.

Be aware of the prohibeted zones

It happens without your knowledge. Work spot associations are quite common. When people work for an organization, there is every scope of mingling  with both sexes of people will be there. in this process there is a chance for getting intimate. . This is where you have to be cautious. You do not that when intimacy crawled in. You do not know when the so called friendship metamorphoses into sexual intimacy.Wisdom lies in keeping away from such danger zones

 cut them off if its necessary.

We are in a society and we are bound to form associations with the people in the neighbourhood as well as with the people in our respective work spots may be in office or an outdoor survey spot. Both the spouses will be having friends of both sexes. Your wife's friends will become your friends too and vice versa.Its always better to mingle with same sex people. Some married people refrain from meeting with single friends and colleagues. When my wife's friend knocks on the door when my wife is away to market or some other place, i tell with her politely that my wife was away and ask her if she has any message to pass on to my wife.

This is aprecaution to be taken because women become more suspicious when she sees her friend is talking with her hubby. Better avoid such relat

Take your spouse in to confidence

Whenever you are caught in an irksome position like a lady colleague pushes herself and shows some unwanted interest in you, better bring such situations to your wife's notice. Its good always to involve your better half in to confidence and discuss. This act will help in avoiding misunderstandings likely to arise later

Love should be shown off

Your love towards your spouse should not be taken for granted. Whenever there is an occasion express your love with a hug or a gentle kiss. This acts like an elixir. There won't be any place for conflicts or confrontations.