Now teenage starts at an early age of 9. Emotionally they are weak, exploding to even simple and silly things. Now parents need a little more maturity while dealing with teens because they are even willing to commit suicide or leave their home for simple things; such kids may fall easily fall in false traps too. Let me say a few things that a teenager’s parent should know to keep him within controls.
When he was an infant your full time revolved around him caring for each and every simple things. You might have spent sleepless nights when he got a simple cold or fever. You might have handled easily his small mischiefs and desires. But when he steps to teenage, your knowledge becomes inappropriate to deal with every situation. The kid has changed completed. Earlier he used to stay around you always obeying everything. But now, those small desires have changed to big ones and he disobeys your words. He begins to develop his own desires and intensions and friends influence him more than parents. He begins to stay out for long time and develops new friendships. Face book, computer or mobile – now his life begins to revolve around these three. Even for small things he begins to explode at parents. When things reach this stage, parents become confused to develop a strategy to deal with his childishness.
Exploding teens
Earlier it was told ‘exploding youth’, but now it’s the era of exploding teenagers. Teens’ minds are now filled with violence, behavioural defects and curiosity to know primary lessons of sex. They are behaving and treating elders as if they have already reached youth stage. Now we hear sexual abuse of kids who have not even completed 10th standard. When some news frequently appear in the front columns of newspapers parents and adults are asking, “What have happened to our kids?”
Earlier kids of this age used to draw moustache with pen ink. But now, they are doing activities that even adults can’t imagine. What are those factors that stimulate kids to do such activities, giving head ache to society? How can these things be neglected saying hormonal variations of teens or frailty of growing phase of kids?
Earlier teenage was 12-19 years. Now kids reach puberty at 9 or 10 and hormonal variations show an earlier impact than before. Also, kids try to make adults feel that they are no longer kids. Such things can make huge impact on family as well as society.
Each teen’s mind is an unknown continent now
If we deeply go inside a teenager’s mind, we will be surprised to know what he carries in his mind. Though he enjoys fun, friends and parties, he carries another face deep inside his mind hiding from everyone. It’s very difficult to understand a teenager’s mind. Kids are not getting a healthy parenting as before. When joint families contracted to atomic families, kids lost love, caring and security a lot. If both his parents are working, his mind acts as an isolating cell. One side of his mind is in a violent stage due to hormonal changes and the other side in a depressive mood without proper care and love. When our kids reach an outer world with this mental stage, they may fall into traps easily. Teenage is an age of attraction and only a few kids get sufficient guidance to recognize what’s good and what’s bad. Kids’ curious minds try to experiment with everything they receive and very often, such experiments may lead to bad consequences that affect their life as whole even in future.
Now social conditions have changed and his mind searches for suitable role models which are very rare nowadays. They try to imitate super heroes and mega stars of silver screen to their life, which always remain as mismatch with their real life. When they find that criminals get fast attention in front of media and society, they may choose those wrong paths to prove themselves better than all.
Our schools teach kids how to attain good marks in exams. They never see kid’s future in future perspective, how he should behave in the society, what are his duties to society etc. So, kids get nothing from school except Einstein’s theory of relativity or Pythagoras theorem. Even if he scores high, he is a total failure in life’s exam table. When schools give nothing to nourish kid’s mental development, it adversely affects kid’s brain development. Also they face difficulties in fighting against life problems and challenges with courage. In such cases they become highly sensible and appear as ‘touch-me-not’ plants.
During teens kids begin to give preference to physical appearance than before. I am not fair, I am less height – such thoughts may disturb his or her mind. Inferiority complex thus developed may affect his studies and even tempts him to go far away from his friends and dear ones.
Tigers and helicopters
Hot discussion is still going on to know which type of parenting is best for kids. Always staying with kids, giving everything they want, taking extra care always and make them incapable of doing even simple things – this parenting is known as helicopter parenting. Tiger parenting is result oriented and it gives extra pressure to kids to achieve those pre-determined targets. Both at extreme levels are bad for kids – say experts. Instead, give enough time for your kid to express everything that he carries in his mind, give him less advices and more support enabling him to fight against any difficult situation. Never make him obey to your strict instructions; enable him enough freedom and time to complete his tasks without pressure.
8 tips for better parenting
Before your kid steps into the world of teenage, parents need to take care of these basic things.
Enough time for your kids – Spending enough time with kids doesn’t implies that you should give him a lot of advices at spare time. Instead think how to use that time effectively. Kid should love your presence. Then only spending time with kids become effective. Avoid talks of his marks and grade and efforts taken by you for his studies. Stay with your kid with your heart telling his small stories and laughing with him. When kids say small things encourage his talks and clear his silly doubts too. Maintain a pleasant and friendly atmosphere at home.
Small boundaries needed – It’s not at all easy to bring discipline to his life in one day or two, as soon as he reaches teens. Instead implement primary lessons of discipline during early ages itself. Then only you can make them disciplined when he reaches 10 or 11. Put certain restrictions in the use of television and computer during early ages itself. If so, kids won’t feel burdened if you implement a little more controls when he reaches 12. Ask him to keep his possessions neat and arranged. If he practises to arrange his toys and books in an orderly manner during early ages itself, he will keep those good habits whole through his life. But never hesitate to say ‘no’ before his wrong deeds and habits at early stages itself. Friendship with controls is the best.
Never criticize his friends – Such criticisms can make huge impact on children’s minds. When he reaches teens, he becomes more close to friends than parents. He begins to get out of parents’ lap to fly in deep skies. For that good friendships are needed at this stage. Let him mingle with his friends freely to acquire new experiences. If you try to say bad about his friends, he may respond. If you feel that his friend is not good, make him understand with calm words. He will surely understand your words. Make him understand that bad friends can mislead you and make you bad, now you are a very good child to your parents.
While encountering with his love interest – Parents may respond in two ways, respond patiently or sudden burst out. Harsh words and blaming won’t prove worth as he or she is a small kid. If you are able to handle the situation with love and patience he will surely return back to his parents. Teenage is an age of frailty and give it that seriousness only. Never advise him that love is bad or it is sin. Instead tell him that now it’s the time to study and you can think about such things once your studies are completed. If parents-kids relationship is healthy, kids won’t fall in such relationships easily. Give him sexual education before he reaches teens in a language that suits his age most. Kids should be aware of their body growth and should respect it. Parents can teach them in simple words, you can even seek help from a family friend too.
Anger and violence – In intense emotional outburst, kids may often lose their self-control. They may misbehave with elders. It’s a part of their growth phase too. But it’s duty of parents to keep those things in control. If it exceeds limit you can seek the help of a counselor.
Parents should be their role models – If parents quarrel 24 hours a day what will kids learn from it? Will they learn family values or love lessons? Such conditions can retard your kid’s mental growth. So, parents keep this thing in notice.
Let them choose their dreams – Never try to impose your learning interests on kids. Instead allow them to choose their career if you want to see them attaining real success of life and education.
Give extra care to girls – A girl is given ‘woman’ status as soon as she is born. She should be aware of her body and should be able to identify good touch and bad touch at younger age itself. Train her to give self-defense and give her sexual education before she reaches teens. Mother can simply make her understand through friendly talks, how to deal with boys and elder males. She should be friendly with her mother so that she can share her feelings if she has met with sexual abuses if any. Many kids face blackmailing threats and sexual exploitations in future when they hide things from their parents. Train them to say ‘polite no’ whenever necessary. You should be aware of her friends and where she is going. Mothers should be aware of their periods. Though girls feel shy of telling such things to mother, gradually she will adjust. By this way, a deep relation is born between a mother and her child.
Make them remember always – We are with you always with full support. So, never hide any problems from us. Just reveal it to us and see what help we provide you. Such a feeling in kid’s mind can surely make parent-kid relationship healthier.