PART 20 – Meera made some strong decisions

Now Meera’s mind stood somewhere and she was able to take some decisions of her own. ‘If Hari is OK and nothing is there in his mind, is it not wise I too move away with my life’
She sat beneath the stars at midnight and strongly took some decisions. But after that her mind got some peace.

“Now I have decided to move on Abhi”, Meera said with a calm mind to Abhi the next day. Now her mind was almost clear and she had decided to leave everything to destiny and give time a chance to change and recover her. “Yesterday it took quite a long time to come to this decision. I could feel that my mind is aching. It felt so strange to me, as it happened after many months I felt pain in my heart. But after my mind came to this strong decision, I felt light and peace of mind after many months. It’s the right decision. I could have done it earlier. Now even if Hari comes near me and tells so, I will strongly tell him, ‘I have never felt so even for a single moment’. I have changed my decision to reveal everything to Hari”.

“Don’t take such a decision so fast Meera…..”

Why did Abhi revise her normal talks? Meera was not sure about it and a bit surprised too. But Meera was strongly determined in her mind about her decisions and believed that her mind is in her control right now.

One week gone without any happenings.

“I have started teasing him. Just wait what I can do now. “

Meera didn’t notice what Abhi was saying.

“Meera, I want to tell you something”

Meera and Abhi were on a usual shopping on a holiday.

“Meera, nowadays I feel that Hari feels troubled and sad in your presence”

“Abhi, what else do you want to purchase? It seems it will rain today”

“Meera I am telling you something.”

“I have already told you, it’s a closed chapter”.

“No Meera. Till now I didn’t even feel any doubt. But I have noticed a few times, he is watching you when we both didn’t notice him. He is really troubled a lot Meera, in his mind. But he is not courageous to express his feelings. That’s the problem.”

“At least now you believed me. It’s enough for me”, Meera broke down once again and she was almost on tears.

“Now you really look like a lover”

Meera didn’t reply to her.

“Till now, I strongly believed that it was Swathi. That’s the reason why whenever you positively tell about him, I discouraged you. I did so only because I don’t want to see you completely broken down someday knowing the truth.”

Meera couldn’t believe her ears.

“So till now, you have assuming that…..”, she couldn’t finish her words.

“Yes Meera. I promised you that day. That’s the reason why I never expressed my doubts later”.

“Unbelievable….. Unbelievable”.

“How cunningly he fooled me, Meera. How many times I have asked him? How easily he made me believe! Just wait and see I am going to teach him a lesson.”

“No Abhi, no. If he has decided to move on, why should we? Leave it”.

When they returned back after shopping it was raining heavily.

“Do you remember Abhi? That day when I told you about Hari, it was heavily raining like this”

“Yes I remember. Everything is repeating”

“Meera, please don’t feel it bad. Nothing is there in our hands. I always advise you because I want to see you happy and not lose yourself in someone who doesn’t love you at all”.

PART 21: At last Hari tells something

Though she told Abhi that she doesn’t want to know anything, the word told by Abhi has given her a new life, that’s the truth. Her mind felt light, free of thoughts nowadays and she started preparations for final exam that is only one month away.

“How many times you both have asked me, what it is. Ok today, I will tell everything”

Unexpectedly when Hari told Meera and Abhi so, Meera lost her heart beat for a moment.

“I don’t want to know Hari”, what Meera told was just justifiable. She has already started building a new world without Hari, though she dreamt in mind, Hari will definitely return some day in future.

Hari was very much surprised hearing such a confident Meera. Or was he scared that ball is not in his court now? Meera could feel Hari’s scared mind for a moment.

“No no, I am going to tell you right now”. He came and sat near Abhi. Meera felt like dizziness and her heart started trembling once again. One thing was sure, Meera’s mind was not courage enough to hear whatever he say.

Meera was sitting near Abhi and she couldn’t hear what the conversation is going on between Hari and Abhi. As she felt uncomfortable, she concentrated on completing her notes though she kept her ears sharp. She could hear only a few wordings, “Like any boy I too felt that I need a girlfriend at college. So my friend showed me a girl and I tried. I was not serious at all. But very late, I realized that it became serious. Now I don’t know what to do. Abhi tell me please, what should I do now?”

The whole world revolved around Meera and stood before her and exploded. For a moment she felt that she was sitting in some unknown dark planet with unfamiliar things around. Sitting there, her mind wept a lot.

“Meera are you listening?”

Hari’s words brought her back to present world.

“Yes”

‘Thousand thoughts sprinkle from her mind like droplets of rain. What is he saying? He started everything for fun? But what did I thought? Such things are common in college life. But I never dreamt Hari would play such a dirty game with me. Doesn’t he know my character? I am not like normal girls. It was better he had not told it’, Meera’s mind wept and it was not easy for her to accept it.

‘What have I thought about him? But he? Is he thinking that I made it serious’, Meera couldn’t control her feelings. Same was the case of Abhi too.

“Abhi, tell me please what should I do now?” Hari asked Abhi.

Meera was sure, Hari is opening his mind before her and that whatever he told was right.

“Meera, you tell me. What should I do now?”

Meera sat quiet. Suddenly Manu came near Hari to ask something. In that moment, Meera left the place.

In the evening while Meera and Abhi went to college library, after some time, Hari and Ullas reached there. As it was not usual, Meera felt that they purposefully came there. Hari was really in a distressed mood. But Meera didn’t really care him.

“What happened Hari? Why you look so distressed?”, Abhi asked him.

“Till now there was no problem. The moment I stepped in, I feel troubled”, replied Hari and sat on a chair.

“Then why did you came here, Hari?”, Meera burst out. It was for the first time she talked so loud to Hari.

“You both never believe me. You never believe my words”

“That’s what happens if someone lies so much. Even if he tells truth no one believes him”, Meera was sure her words will hurt Hari a lot. Yet she was not willing to loss at least this moment.

“Abhi, I want to reach home earlier. Just take books fast”.

Abhi was trying to comfort Hari, but Meera stood still. Suddenly Hari’s mood changed and he looked happy.

“Now see me. Am I not happy?”

Meera’s mind got confused. What happened a few moments ago, her mind failed to recollect, though it was as usual. Meera didn’t wait for Abhi and she left library. Very soon Abhi followed her.

When they reached bus stop, Abhi failed to identify what’s going on in Meera’s mind. Meera laughed aloud and aloud. It was exactly the same moment when Abhi could identify how Meera smiled before her sorrows that took place in her life for the past 6 or 7 months.

“How could you laugh Meera?”

“It’s called walking without rope. It happened so unexpected. That’s why my mind plays so. After some moments it will become normal. Don’t worry Darling”.

“Who knows what each person carries in his mind. At each moment he says something that’s not easy to connect”.

“I think it’s common for all boys. They start everything for fun. When it becomes serious, they just leave it. They never think what’s going on in girl’s mind. All decisions are also taken by them. Girls don’t play any part here. I am sure, that friend was Ullas. Just see, I saw them as good friends and what trick they played on me”.

“If it is another lie told by Hari? Already he has lied thousand times”, Abhi tried to cool Meera.

“No Abhi, it was not a lie. I know it”.

“I have told several times, if he doesn’t care you, why should you Meera? Do you think I never noticed Hari avoiding you and you become mood off? I often see you sitting somewhere alone in deep thoughts. But after sometime, you sit in the group where Hari is as if nothing has happened”

“Because I thought he will understand me someday and will return back. Also I never thought Hari to be a third person. If someone of our family do some mistake, do we leave them?”

PART 22: The Final Days at College

Abhi didn’t expect much from Varun. But she really longed to hear a word from Varun that he loved her. She was going through the worst days of her life and parting was really painful for her. But for Meera, already she was living in some strange world where physical presence of a person has nothing to do with her life. Abhi couldn’t get a positive word from Varun, nor did she expect it. But Varun hurt her a lot stating that he has never felt for her. And that he avoided her when he realized that Abhi was falling for him. It was more than what Abhi could tolerate. When they shook hands saying that they were just friends, Abhi was silently crying inside. But she lost the last ray of hope! Yes, here too boy took the decision, not the girl, though both were equally responsible.

“Meera, we two are worrying that we will part with them. But, what about we two? We too, will choose two different destinations and move ahead leaving everything behind. Don’t you feel sad to part from me?”

“Actually I don’t feel we are to part. We both are so close to each other that I never bother our physical parting. Same is the case of Hari and this college too. I really don’t feel so. Now I feel it’s better we both didn’t express our feelings for each other. Still he is a good friend of mine and I can talk and mingle with him freely. Otherwise it may not possible for me. The day we express each other, the friendship bond will be broken. It’s better to keep promises without promises and wait for the moment till my marriage. I am patient enough. Hoping it’s the case with him too. Now also what can we do if everything is revealed? Nothing, except waiting. Now I can introduce him to my friends or family as ‘my friend’. I think it’s the better choice. I am sure he won’t forget me and will take a strong decision at the right moment. He can’t leave me I am 100% sure about it. He can definitely read my mind too. Till then let me enjoy our friendship”.

“Meera still now you are in a dream world. It’s not going to happen. If Hari really wants you he would have given you a word. Please Meera come out of the dream world. He is not meant for you. Otherwise everything would have gone smooth. You at least told him something. What did you get in return?”

Meera’s mind goes to vacuum and her mind goes silent whenever Abhi fills her mind with negative thoughts and brainwash her.

Yet everyday as usual, she comforted herself stating it’s a test of time and one day will come when she proves Abhi was wrong.

Yes two days back, Meera purposefully asked Hari to spare half an hour for her. She also felt the need to say something before she leaves college. She just told him, though everyone feels that Meera is a happy girl, that’s not the case. She has a few problems and all happened due to a silly decision she took overnight. She even told that she has lost her tears and it’s not easy for her to recover from the shock she has received as a part of her bad decision. Yet, Hari was not in a mood to ask about him nor was he interested. For the same thing Meera concluded her talks thinking that, ‘At least I expressed something’. She felt that it’s Hari’s revenge as she was not willing to hear his mind a few days back!!!

The farewell day arrived.

For Abhi, it’s that scary day she has been fearing of, since the past two three years. But for Meera, it’s simply a day as usual.

“Hari, I am angry with you”, when Hari reached classroom that day, Meera went near him and told so. Actually she was hiding her sadness over a special thing.

“Please don’t make me mood off in the early morning Meera”

“Really I am angry with you. Yet it’s OK, actually I didn’t expect it yesterday”.

“What’s it Meera?”

“It’s OK, I am telling you.”

“What?”

“Just try to remember”

“So, there is something. I thought it’s your usual talk” Hari kept thinking.

“No problem it’s OK. Show me your hands”, Meera opened a small bag and put some sweets inside Hari’s hands. “Yesterday it was my birthday. Last time you called me to greet, remember? So I thought perhaps this time you will …….”

“Really sorry Meera, I forgot”

“Please don’t say sorry. It’s OK. Actually I didn’t expect your call yesterday. So I didn’t feel sad. If we don’t expect, we don’t feel sad too. Is it not the same thing you advise me everytime?”

Suddenly Hari’s face faded.

“It’s Ok Hari. Cheer up” and Meera left the place.

Meera had already pre-decided, even if Hari ignores her on the farewell day, she won’t care it and she would talk to him as a good friend. She assumed that at least this day Hari won’t play such games at her and won’t take excuses to keep her away. But Hari purposefully avoided her the whole day. It was more than every extreme Meera could tolerate. So, in the afternoon leaving all those pretentions, she sat silent with Abhi for a while. She could easily read what’s going in Abhi’s mind.    

Now it’s the moment of parting…..

Though she was mood off, when she approached Hari to say the final good bye, she wore the same smiling cap once again for the last time. But this time she felt as if she is unconscious.

“Hari, this day too you avoided me. You didn’t talk to me at least a single word”.

“I also think the same. But today morning itself you made me mood off. Also, when I talk to other friends of the class, time just passes by and I never get time to talk to you.”

“It’s always better to find time ourselves rather than blaming the time. Look at me, I find time to talk with each one of the class, because I really desire so. If our mind really desires, time will definitely come that way.”

“Meera, let us go”, Abhi reached there in a haste.

“Ya, like this,” Hari said –“Whenever we two start talking someone will come in between”

Meera (To Abhi): I will come, just 5 minutes.

Abhi said good bye to both and left the classroom. Suddenly Meera could feel a sad air just crept in. She was preparing to control her feelings to herself. She has never seen Ullas in such a bad mood; same was the case of Hari.

“What happened to you both?”

Both didn’t reply anything.

“Hari will you call me once in a while?”

“Ya, definitely. Once in three or four months. Then only it has some value. For instance, if I call you regularly for the next two months and later call after 6 months, then you will complaint always. So is it not better to call so once in every three or four months, at a regular break?”

“Ullas, are you hearing? Hari is using the same weapon against me. He is repeating the same dialogues that I have told him a few days earlier”, Meera tried to bring some cheer to the atmosphere, “Ullas, what happened to you? Actually what happened to you both?”

Both kept silent.

“I have a good medicine to cheer you both”, Meera caught hold of Ullas’ hands and put some sweets inside it. She did the same with Hari too and told the last words, “Till now I don’t feel that our college days have ended and we are parting. Then why should I feel sad? So, I am not going say good bye to both as usual”.

When she walked the college steps for the last time, she just turned once. She just wanted to tell a word to Hari or to just smile at him. Hari was still standing there like a statue. His eyes were fixed in the ground. Seeing this, she didn’t call him. She turned and walked. She turned back repeatedly three or four times. Hari was still standing there looking downwards as a wax statue.

When she reached bus stop Abhi was still there. There was a good sign of rain. Meera’s mind too reciprocated it the same way.

“At least I gave you one word. But think about Hari. Till now he doesn’t know about you Meera. How much his heart might me aching now when you just left him without knowing him anything!” Abhi told these words, as if she read Meera’s mind.

“Who said Hari knows nothing. He knows everything”

It has already started raining. It was something like fresh news to Abhi.

“What are you saying Meera? Hari knows you……”, Abhi was struggling to complete her words.

“If not why should I feel tension when you talk to him in my presence? Do you know how much my heart pains when he rejects me every time? I was sure if he has something in his mind he can definitely sense my mood chances, otherwise definitely not. Can you imagine what thoughts are going on in my mind every time he rejects it? It seems as if he purposefully rejects me.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me Meera? I have done a big mistake, really a big mistake.” Abhi was restless while telling so.

“Haven’t I told you? I have told you several times, but you never understood”….. said Meera desperately.

PART 23: Days after college

It was bit surprising. But Meera got a job in a far away from her place, soon after exam results. Meera too desired for a change. So she decided to join it. Abhi went to join a computer diploma course while Hari decided to complete journalism at Mumbai. Ullas too, left Bangalore to join MBA.

When she got the job, the first person she informed was Hari. But about Hari’s admission, she got to know from other friends.

“Is he still angry with me? Is his mind not filled taking revenge on me?”

Even the day before Hari left Bangalore, he didn’t call Meera. She came to know about it from Ullas and called Hari at night. She scolded him a lot and Hari kept hearing.

“Meera this month I made too many phone calls and my mother scolds me too much. That’s the only reason why I didn’t call you”.

“Hari, you can call other friends of our class except me. Right? You always advise me, never expect anything from others, never expect. I have added one more sentence to your quote. Never expect anything from others in return. But we should be able to give more than what others expect from us. Ok Hari, good bye”.

At the right moment, she lost the complete grip over Hari and the feeling of uncertainty with unfilled decisions was not easy for Meera to carry on. She took a piece of paper to pour her heart into it.

But next month Hari called Meera and gave her his new mobile number. She too joined her job and soon as she reached there she called Hari and gave her new number.

Though marriage proposals were going on at Meera’s home, it was postponed for the next four years due to some problems in her horoscope. It was something like a new life to Meera. But she was not sure, the extended life of 4 years, can it bring some surprise packages to her life, or is it only an extension of ‘death sentence’. Yet she decided in her mind, to continue the relationship for the next 4 years within the barriers of friendship. She was 100% sure Hari will return back one day.

In the new world, she made some new friends; Prasad – a poet at her office who was a bit philosophic too and Krishna – an orphan with whom she shared all her secrets. She shared unique friendship relationships with both. While Krishna belonged to world of people with physical feelings of sadness and happiness, Prasad belonged to the same world where Meera lives, entirely different from physical world. Meera carried both with ease. She too lived in a poetic world. Like many friendship relations, Krishna forgot Meera when she got married. Though Meera didn’t expect so from Krishna, she accepted the fact. Her relationship with Hari continued only through those phone calls, once a month or 6 weeks when Hari comes home.

Abhi’s marriage happened the following year. At the last moment too, she dreamt for Varun’s return that never happened. Varun too got married after two years, surprisingly a love marriage that shocked Meera a lot.

PART 24: After Four Years

She waited for Hari for long 5 years. She spent each and every moment of her life thinking of him only. She couldn’t enjoy the world around her. But Hari didn’t return!!! Yes Abhi was right. Hari had moved on, though Meera was still in that magic world waiting for him. It was only at that moment when Meera realized ‘Yes, Abhi was right not me’.

At the end of two years, Hari gave her a birthday present. It was a birthday card, “Happy birthday My sister….”

Meera wondered what prompted Hari to take such a harsh step. Perhaps she might be the only lover in the world who received such a ‘terrifying’ birthday gift. She was almost unconscious when she received the gift. Yet as it’s told, love is blind she ignored it believing that Hari will return. 

She might have turned down more than 200 proposals waiting for Hari. She even told her younger sister about Hari, asking for her support. But she didn’t. Not only that, she informed her mother about Hari. Each time Meera found strange reasons to deny a proposal and at one moment, she couldn’t find any reason at all. It was that moment when her mother told her she knows everything about Hari. She was even willing to talk to Hari about the matter. But at that moment Meera took the hard decision of her life, “No! No need for my mother to beg before anyone”.

What Meera did was absolutely right. Through some calls, she had informed Hari that her marriage may be fixed soon. But she didn’t get any positive calls from Hari. Even Abhi tried the same thing for Meera, to get the same reply.

“Abhi I made the biggest mistake in my life by waiting for him. If he has no place for me in my heart, then why should I? Will I remain happy by marrying such a person? I lost almost 6 years and all my happiness and enjoyments of my early 20s thinking about this person only. Already my parents are worried about me. I have decided, now I will move on. My mind has reached all the sorrows of life beyond extremes. Now it can withstand anything that can happen. Let everything happen whatever it is, whether good or bad.”

“Never say so Meera, you are a nice girl. You will get all happiness on earth. I am sure about it.”

Even Meera was not sure how her mind accepted a new person to her life so quickly. Unexpectedly the new person gave her all happiness, she has always longed too and what she expected from Hari. She forgot Hari very soon. May be it’s a human mind and its ability to accept new things. Or it may be Meera’s will power to overcome the situation. But she made it! On the day of her marriage, like any bride, she was the most happy girl on earth.

After 4 years Hari too got married. Hari called her to invite her family to his wedding. But Meera purposefully avoided it. Since her marriage she talks only a little about Hari to Abhi. She continued so after Hari’s marriage too. Hari tried to maintain relationship after her marriage as a good friend, but Meera didn't. She moved far away from him purposefully. After all who will prefer the shadows of past memories to fall on future path…..

“Abhi, earlier I thought if you love and find someone, you should marry that person only. Otherwise it’s not possible to live happily with someone else. But now I feel, it was better love happened once in my life and that broke too. At least now, I know how to love the person whom I marry. At least Hari taught me how to love someone. It’s true only a person who has lost a love can find it from someone else and treasure it most. It’s that particular moment only when she starts loving that ‘precious love’ sincerely…..”

It was during one of those happy days of her life when she told Abhi so.

PART 25: The new beginning

Meera woke up from her memories. It’s already 2 pm. She took her mobile and sent an sms to Abhi, to meet her in the evening at the sea shore.

The sun is about to set.

“Abhi, yesterday I wanted to tell you a happy news, but forgot. We are expecting a child.”

“Really? Congratulations! So………”

“Yes. Perhaps a child can heal all my wounds and restore all my happiness once again. Hoping it will be a new beginning”

“I too really wish so. I have never met an unlucky person like you in my life. But our events always rotate Meera. Nothing is stable on earth, nor is our bad days. I have read your mind more than anyone else in this world. Now it’s your time Meera. Go and purchase your life and dreams at any cost.”

“Now also, I never feel I have done a wrong thing by letting it go. It was not meant for me, as you have told…. I have tried my level from my side. So I have no regrets at all. Throughout my life I won’t regret it all.”
“Yes, it is. I know. Meera, please don’t feel bad towards me that I hid the matter from you for many years. It lasted only 2 months or so. It was destiny nothing else.” 

“Do you know I often think I am really an unlucky person. So it was better that Hari didn’t accept this unlucky person to his life. After all we always want our loved ones to stay happy always, in our presence or not. Till now I dreamt that he is living happy in some part of the world away from this unlucky person’s shadows. I have always prayed to God to give him a good life. But ……”

“I know it well. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything about it. I advise him often to get married again. But he never listen my words. ”.

“I thought at least he……...That’s why I have always avoided the functions, get-togethers etc. Forget it.  Till now he doesn’t know what really happened between us and how we fell apart. And he didn’t even understand how I spent those five and a half years and waited for him patiently, with full belief in him that he will return. The cruel game of fate!!! May be it was right! And now……” Meera stopped in the middle and look at the roaring tides that’s frightening her. ‘Perhaps a new beginning…….’

The dusk is so beautiful right now, as she is always. Sun has already said good bye; but after giving a new hope of a morning break as usual. Dusk is smiling. Yes, promise of a better tomorrow.

Yes, many things are still in mind….

Those happy moments…

Those sad moments…

Those sharing moments…..

Those new lessons which love gave her…..

The moment when heart accepted the fact that a love bond can definitely form between two persons…..and that too irrespective of age, social or religious indifferences……

That….heart breaking moment when heart has to forcefully believe that whom it treasured close to heart was not really so or not meant to be….

That ….. heart breaking is the biggest pain of earth…..

That …… a heart can forget everything on earth, even himself when it falls in love with a single person among 1000 crores of people who exist on earth…… really an amazing truth!!!!

“He was not meant for me, as you told. Yet I treasure some simple moments when he taught me real lessons of life, those last days at campus life, the moments which I felt someone is there for me, those excursion days, those carings and above all, that particular song he likes most. They are all special things for me and its fragrance won’t loss, though its colours may fade with time. Yet everything has a perfect timing. Sand falling inside mussels’ shell won’t always convert to pearls, but only those with perfect time. Time is very important. If it’s gone out of our hands, then we need to wait for time’s convenience and not ours. Lost is lost and let me move forward with the new dawn break. Now also I have no regrets over the past…..Ok see you later.”

Love is like a stem of rose thorn…
More strong you hold it, it will hurt you more…..
But if you set it free, you won't be hurt anymore
And set you free as well……
Only the pain till then stays there……
And it will definietly fade though won't fully dissappear….

A BIG THANK YOU TO SPARE TIME TO READ.

To read its first part: http://www.boddunan.com/articles/miscellaneous/57-stories-a-tales/23645-an-untold-love-story-told-for-you-part-1.html

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