PART 16 – Life takes another U-Turn

Next day……That Tuesday! It changed Meera’s life forever. Like those cursed ‘Mangal’, it took everything from her life, even the last ray of hope which she kept aside. It was more shocking than what happened to her just two days ago. She couldn’t even realize that something went wrong with her mind and feelings. Yes, her world and imaginations restored once again with new elements and flavours she was not familiar with. Yet she had to carry on with what was going on, without letting know any…..even Hari.

“You have told several times about a girl. Is there any truth behind it Hari?”

When Abhi couldn’t resist her curiosity, she asked this question to Hari, just forgetting everything and surroundings that, not only she and Hari are present, but also Meera, Ullas and Swathi. A thunder bolt stroke Meera’s mind, but she sat hopeless. She couldn’t figure out why she can’t find the reason why her mind scares so much.

“Tell me Hari is there anyone in your mind? Or was it just a prank?” Abhi’s voice was so serious. No one in the group could point out why Abhi asked such a question without any reason, except Meera.

“Don’t you have any other job?” Hari hesitated to reply in the group.

“Tell me Hari please”, Abhi was a bit serious this time; not silly talks as before.

Ullas and Swathi looked each other and asked through actions, ‘What’s going on?’ Both were very much surprised. Meera sat quiet, but got tense inside.

It was a free hour before noon and to have a chat Hari and Ullas joined Meera and Abhi. Seeing them together, Swathi also joined the group. Meera was already in a world which she felt strange and she was not finding happiness in Hari’s presence, but she felt sad. Yet, she became a member of that chat group.

Abhi was not in a mood to leave Hari. She was well making use of her situation.

“Tell me Hari please”

“Now it’s not a joke. Abhi is serious. I think she knows something”, when Hari replied so and looked at Meera for a moment, Meera felt that she will fall down off the chair. Already she has a feeling that whole world has known her secret and everyone is looking with suspicious eyes at her. With this moment, she couldn’t handle that situation and those tense moments anymore.

‘Two days before when I told her the matter, Abhi advised me to forget everything. I accepted it too. I have given up my desire. Then why is she digging everything and asking Hari? If such feelings are for no reasons as she told, what’s the need to proceed them further? Is it not a mistake? If my heart losses its grip once again, can I recover from it? If my decision is to bring it to an end, then why should I bring more complications by knowing Hari’s heart? Is it not better to leave it that way? Is Abhi not aware of it? Why is she creating a scene in front of everyone? I just can’t understand’, Meera’s mind started swinging in different types of thoughts. She started sweating. She also feared that everyone including Hari may notice her mood change. If so, everything will go from hand. For a girl like Meera, it’s far from imaginations to let others know her feelings of mind, particularly because she has no confirmation from Hari’s side. So she opened a book and pretended writing, though she couldn’t write even a single line.
Abhi and Hari were chatting. Ullas and Swathi kept watching them and Meera was trying her level best not to let the cat out of her bag.

“OK, I am ready. But I will tell everything to Abhi”, Hari replied in a teasing mood. But Meera’s mind was burning inside.

‘Has he understood anything? Does he think I have sent Abhi to him to know the truth? If so, what will he think about me? Now ball is in his court and his decision only’, such a thought was more than what Meera could tolerate.

“How is it possible? We all are sitting together. Then how can Hari tell about his love to one person only? It’s not right.” It was none other than Swathi. Hari had to convince her a lot before she reluctantly said, “It’s Ok”.

“Then what about Ullas? Ullas…Do you have any problem if I tell about my feelings to Abhi?”

“I have no problem at all”.

“Then what about Meera? Do you want to know anything Meera?” Hari asked Meera.

“No, no”.

“Ok then Abhi. It’s lunch time now. We shall talk after meals. Ok?”

“Agreed”

When they left the place, Meera asked Abhi “Was it needed to ask him?”

“Then tell me Meera. Don’t you want to know what’s really in Hari’s mind??”

Meera asked herself. Till now, she didn’t feel so. But now, an intense desire woke up from her mind to know Hari’s mind. She was not sure if she was right or not. Yet she nodded. If she could have let it go that way saying ‘No’, things would have taken another turn. But what to do? Love is blind, heart is dumb and mind is blank, when heart goes madly in love with someone. 

“Yes”, Meera replied without thinking about its consequences.

After lunch, Hari approached them and said, “Abhi…. I am ready”

When they both sat talking at an end corner of the classroom, Meera’s heart was beating so fast. What she feared has really happened in a moment of time…..She completely lost her heart and she felt that she can’t survive without Hari. She was almost sure, Hari won’t tell it easily. Yet she was not sure, how her heart will respond after his reply. She felt as if darkness has swept the whole world around her and those smiling flowers and blossoms have gone……

Meera gripped the table. ‘Now, I can’t sit anymore. I need to lie somewhere. Otherwise I will fall’, Meera was well aware of it. Her body became weak. She wanted to run away from that situation. But it seems her feet are fixed on floor.

‘Now let it happen, whatever it may be’, Meera put her head on the table and closed her eyes.

When Abhi returned, Meera was lying.

“I don’t know what happened to Hari today. I often tease him a lot with that old story he told us that day. But today, he didn’t let out even a single word. I really don’t know why”

Meera’s mind broke into millions of pieces. A thought stuck her mind suddenly. ‘Hari knows everything. He knows everything. Abhi was so serious today that he might have thought I have send Abhi to him. So, it was his decision to accept or not. He rejected me…..he rejected me…….Now how can I look at his face? I lost everything…my dreams, my mind control….both’.  She got completely broken down. Yet she didn’t let know Abhi her feelings. Actually her troubled heart couldn’t find a way to deal with such an unpredicted situation that took place so quick.

She just smiled….In that smile, she hid everything……Later that smile became a part of her life forever. Tears became just a mirage for many years!!!

 ‘Does Abhi think I have done something wrong? Can’t a girl love someone if the other person is not feeling so? Or does Abhi still think age difference is a big problem? Or is she thinking, I have made wrong use of the friendship hand given by Hari and misinterpreted the relation in a wrong way. Otherwise why did she ask Hari in haste? Am I wrong?’ Meera got buried in infinite wandering thoughts. Truth is that she lost her confidence even to discuss her problems with Abhi. She buried everything in her mind alone. Her mind has already reached a frozen state where her tears got swept away with something Meera couldn’t find. Actually Meera couldn’t find, what has actually happened to her mind and she forgot crying in the thoughts to hide her secrets from everyone.

After classes, Hari reached Meera to say ‘Good bye’ as usual. But this time, instead of saying Good Bye, he asked Meera something.

“Meera, do you really want to know?” Hari’s voice was a bit serious.

‘What does it mean? Why did Hari say so? Is Hari saying, I played a prank with you, but I took it serious? Do his words and eyes reflect so?? If so, I lost everything’

Meera couldn’t find a reply to Hari’s words. For the first time, she felt something strange and a bit difficult to look at Hari’s face. For the first time after months, she couldn’t gather enough courage to look at Hari’s face. She feared a lot that her eyes will tell everything. So, she didn’t look straight at his face. Her mind wanted to run away from there.

“No, No I don’t want to know”, she acted as if she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. She just knocked his hand away in a teasing mood to make her acting more realistic and got out of the class. When she moved far away from him taking a long breath, Hari was still standing there thinking. But Meera could feel it easily a wall has started building up in between them.

‘Was everything my imagination?’ Meera’s mind couldn’t find an answer to it. The moment which she lost her mind control forever, she also had to face a situation which her mind forcefully has to believe, ‘Nothing was serious from Hari’s side’. Such a rejection is not easy for anyone to accept in a quick succession of surprising events, particularly at the moment when mind completely lost its control.

‘Abhi loves someone. Yet why did she fail to understand me????’

PART 17 – From springs and blossoms to thorns and confusions

Till then, her journey from dance classes to home when she walked alone in the evening was one of the most beautiful moments she cherished for. She used to think a lot about day’s happenings, enjoy the nature, setting sun and dreams a lot too. But today, it became a never-ending journey to her.

“He asked me if my mind has any block. He is willing to reveal everything if I reveal my heart’s secrets. I don’t know why he put such a condition today and you know it better, I can’t tell about Varun to anyone, even Hari”.

It was a brief conversation taken place in the afternoon between Meera and Abhi.

‘Yes I am sure Hari told so to avoid Abhi’s questions forever. Hari is 100% sure Abhi is not going to tell such a secret to him and he can escape every time, quoting the same ‘block’ tag. Yes, he understands everything. He rejected me after knowing my heart, I am sure’.

When she reached home after dance classes, it was power cut. Darkness spread everywhere. Was it just co-incidence?

That night Meera didn’t spend under stars and moon. Instead she locked her up inside the room. Instead of dreams and hopes, she wrote a poem about darkness of mind. It happened so quick that, she couldn’t even understand that she was pouring her mind on a sheet of paper. A man who has lost his desires is nothing short of a disaster. A person can loss everything not only when he losses what he dreams to possess, but also what he dreams actually. It took many years for Meera to understand this fact and this disaster followed her as her shadow even after years. Truth is that she never dared to dream anything in her life later!!!

Her mind still got stuck thinking what to do next. She had a strong feeling that Hari has doubted her. So, it’s her duty to clear those doubts. Otherwise she can’t mingle or talk with him. She wanted him, at least as a good friend in her life. For that she decided to treat him as a good friend and talk to him as nothing has happened between them. Also she decided to gain more courage and talk to him as much as she can, as a good friend. As Hari has cleared his stand, it’s her duty too, Meera thought so.

Her mind was so troubled inside that she began to think that, if she sits quiet for a while, everyone will read her mind. So, from the next day onwards she pretended to be more happy than usual. She also noticed that the following day, Hari didn’t talk to her and to diminish even the small air of doubts, from the next day on, she changed a lot…….She kept her always busy and engaged throughout the day. But when she reaches home, she tore off that pretending face and spent hours in some lonely places, staying away from everyone. With heavy heart, she used to sleep at late nights and wrote several poems as well. Again the next day morning, she wore the same smiling cap to hide her face from everyone. She became successful too, though she was breaking inside.

“Can you sing a song for us, Meera?”

Three – Meera, Hari and Abhi were sitting outside on the staircases, when Abhi requested her to sing a song. Hari was in a thoughtful mind and Meera has noticed it earlier. Meera was quite surprised with that request, as she hadn’t told anyone about her dreams except Abhi.

“Sing Meera. I too haven’t heard your voice”, Hari said calmly.

She sang two lines of a song. But it doesn’t sound good.

“I am not able to, Hari.” Meera said.

“Yes, it’s OK”, Hari was still in another world.

“The person who marries Meera is a lucky person. Isn’t it Hari? She will kill him with her love. Am I not right, Hari?”, Abhi asked.

“Yes, you are right. But there is one big problem”

“What?”

“She loves others more than anyone else can. But the problem is that she expects the same thing in return and she won’t get it”.

“But now I have stopped Hari, expecting from others. Now I know it well. Our mind will remain happy only when we expect less from others”

Neither Abhi nor Hari replied anything and after a while, when Hari left them Meera asked Abhi, “Didn’t you notice Abhi? Something is wrong with Hari, he was gloomy”.

“Ya, I noticed. May be we just felt so”

Meera did expect a positive response from Abhi. So her mind sank hearing such a cold reply.

“Meera….”

“Yes…”

“Now I have a strong feeling that you are hiding something from me. There is something which I can’t connect”

“No, nothing”

“Tell me one truth. Haven’t you ever felt that Hari has such feelings towards you???”

It was the same question Meera expected from Abhi since the moment she told the secret. But it took almost one month for Abhi to ask her that question.

“Yes Abhi, yes. That’s how my mind too…..”

A month passed by. She spent those days in smiles and laughs only. She thought that by doing so, she has won everything as she didn’t cry even for a single moment. But it became very late when she knew that it was only a fake coin fate gave her. By this time, Hari was far away from her. It was not an easy task for her to reach him too. She also couldn’t find if everything happened was for good or bad. 

“Now it’s only 6 months left. After that, I am not sure what I am going to do”, once Meera opened her mind before Abhi.

“So, now you are feeling sad. You had closeness with Hari for just one month. Yet you are feeling so. Then what about me? It has been more than 2 years”.

Meera became quiet for a moment. Then she replied, “Abhi, closeness of mind is not measured with time, but with moments. He became close to me only in a short period. But in those few days, the bond I developed with him, I can’t explain it to you. It is more than what moments of years and millenniums can give someone”.

There was a deep silence for a while and it was Meera who broke it first.

“Abhi…”

“Yes…”

“It’s not just one month Abhi…..”

“Then…..”

“It was since last year, the moment for the first time since Hari told us about his love. I don’t know how it happened. But I felt that he was talking about me……..”

Abhi didn’t reply.

“Are you angry with me that I hid it from you?”

“Not at all”

“Now I won’t hide anything. Will tell you everything”

PART 18 – Those feelings replicated back

Though she could find more time to spend with Hari, minds were moving apart. The invisible string of that unique language between the two souls got broken abruptly.

It was the last day Hari took so much freedom in her. After that day, they moved fully apart.

After meals, Hari caught Meera and made her sit near him inside classroom.

“What Hari?”

“I want to hear a song”.

Meera was so surprised, because that day, he was not at all interested in her song. Now what happened? She was sure, Hari will make her sing even if she denies several times.

“Ok, I will do”

More classmates crowded around them and they had their own requests too. It was for the first time, she got recognized as a singer among her friends, one of her hidden dreams. Yet she couldn’t feel happy. After sometime one after one, everyone left except Abhi, Swathi, Ullas and Hari.

“I am going Meera. Afternoon there is no class”, Abhi left the classroom.

“I am also coming”, Swathi too left the class with Abhi.

There were other groups in the class chatting. Meera was with Hari and Ullas.

Suddenly she couldn’t believe her eyes. Hari’s eyes were filled with tears. A deep agony arose deep inside her heart. It seemed as if Hari’s eyes were telling something.

“What happened Hari? What happened?” with worries Meera asked. With this question, tears flowed out of his eyes and he kept looking at Meera’s eyes. To hide her troubled mind, she kept asking, “What’s it? Tell me please”. Did she overreact?

“Nothing”, Hari replied. But his eyes were fixed on her. By this time, Ullas started teasing him singing a few songs and Meera sat nervous in between two males. But it was something like someone has lit her lamp of desires and dreams once again. A ray of hope! It seemed as if both are trying to convey some message to Meera. But Meera’s worrying mind couldn’t identify it.

“Do you know Meera? Swathi is really a nice girl. But she has no good friends here. So she often comes near me, tells her worries and I give her good company”

She could easily identify that it’s Hari’s trick to change the topic.  But she too cooled herself saying, “I will definitely try to give her good company. After all, I know well what the feeling of loneliness is”.

As soon as she reached home, she called Abhi and said everything. It was for the first time she talked with Abhi after gaining some confidence.

“For the past few days, I have been observing Hari so closely. It seems as if he hides something. Yes, it’s something like love. I feel so, but not in your case Meera. But someone else…..”, the next day when Abhi told her so, Meera lost her last ray of hope. Her face went gloomy. But she didn’t reply anything.

“It happened soon after Swathi left the class. Right?”

“Yes….”

Abhi didn’t ask anything else.

In the evening Meera told Abhi one thing, “Now my mind is enough strong to accept anything on earth, even the biggest earthquakes and volcanoes. It’s also easy for me to accept that Hari is in love with someone else. Yet I have decided not to. Why should I always loss my dreams for the sake of others? Now I am not at all willing so. You may believe it’s someone else. But please don’t tell so to me anymore.”

“Yes Meera, I agreed. Even if I strongly feel so, I will never tell you so. It’s my word”.

PART19 – What more worsen can happen!

“Now most of the students of our batch have changed a lot. We have become so active and those who were active earlier have become silent”

Meera was trying to engage in a conversation with Hari in the afternoon break. She just wanted to show Hari that she is happy and living a normal life. Meera laughed after saying this comment, as if she had told some joke. Hari was in a gloomy mood and she was trying to cheer him up.

“Ya, you are right. I am seeing changes in some persons here”, Hari’s words were so sharp. Meera became speechless for a moment and she got stuck in some thought. She couldn’t find a reply to it.

‘Is he saying I have changed a lot? Is so, are my assumptions true? If so, has he noticed I am purposefully acting? If so, has he noticed my changes? Is he blaming me that I have done something wrong? Is he thinking I have cheated him’, Meera’s mind filled with thousands of unsolved puzzles.

“Hari, if I ask you something will you tell me the truth?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Promise me that you will tell me the truth.”

“I can’t promise. If you want to ask something you can ask”

“That day, what happened Hari? Why were your eyes filled with tears?”

“I have told you that day itself. Some dust went inside my eyes. Also, very often my eyes fill with tears without any reason. Nothing else.”

“Can I believe it 100%? Don’t change the word later”

“Yes, 100%”, Hari’s words sound confident. Once again she lost her last hope and her mind sank once again…..

The worlds of Meera and Hari changed so quickly. Meera tried to find more time to spend with Hari, thinking that everything is going to end within a few months and her mind just wanted to be with Hari always. But Hari behaved just opposite. Earlier Hari was so interested in talking to Meera. After this single incident, Hari tried to avoid her at most. Instead he tried to make more friendship with Abhi. When Hari neglects Meera in Abhi’s presence and behaves romantically to Abhi, it hurt Meera a lot. But Abhi tried to remain close with him to know him more and give some good news to Meera. It always ended up Abhi telling her that everything is Meera’s imaginations!

To add more troubles, Meera’s mind started assuming that Hari is reading her mind very clear. But he is avoiding her to move far away from troubles that can affect both their lives. But the next moment her mind confuses in the thoughts that Hari is assuming wrong about her and that she is misinterpreting his friendship in a wrong way. In some other moments, she thinks that feelings are only from her side and Hari regards her as a good friend, nothing else. For the same reason, her mind was worried always and she never tried to reason or find out why Hari is so gloomy nowadays in her presence. But she really wanted to see smiling Hari once again. Seeing Hari in an unhappy mood, her mind wanders here and there and behaves as if it has entered some devil’s rest house.

How many moments have come and gone. Seeing troubled Hari, Meera tries to comfort him as a good friend; Abhi never misses to ask him the reason and she never cares if Meera is present with them or not. Truth is that Hari becomes gloomy mostly in Meera’s presence. Or was it Meera’s agony that reflected in Hari’s eyes? When seeing such moments, Meera assumes that Hari will reveal his mind the next moment. So, she prepares herself to say the same thing to Hari. But what to do? He denies each and every time to Abhi’s questions, giving Meera only despairs every time. Though nothing is talked about Meera, after witnessing such a rejection in front of her eyes her mind breaks to thousand times though it forgets to shed tears. It also becomes a difficult task for Meera to believe once again that nothing was there from Hari’s side and she assumed everything wrong. Her mind oscillates between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ with equal pace, without reaching any destination point or stopping somewhere.

So, after every such occasion she tries to remain happier than before as nothing is affecting her and she often feels, Hari feels sadder after seeing Meera with a smiling face, though she often assumes that it’s just her thought of mind. She was very much frightened inside.

Now Meera has forgotten those moments when Hari showed interest to talk to her. Nowadays she started complaining him. But he never gives a reply. To the worst, Hari grew closer to Abhi and he even forgets Meera’s presence. He presents her with wonderful gifts, says sweet romantic words and Abhi too replicate in return, as if to tease Hari. Meera was pretty clear, he is doing so to make her feel jealous and in true sense, she felt so though she never shows off to both. She had 100% belief in Abhi and that’s the only reason why she could tolerate it. But very often she strongly felt that Hari is taking revenge on her in this way because she rejected him! But she had no means to tell him, what’s going on in her mind and that she can’t even imagine a world with dreams of someone else.

It’s also true that she was not sure what to say if Hari expresses his feelings, because her mind has already lost that confidence to say ‘Yes’ to Hari and give him promises. Negative thoughts of Abhi have already influenced Meera a lot. But her mind was not willing to say no too. But she was often confused, ‘Am I really in love?’

Her mind equally swayed in between the thoughts that Hari is in love with her and that’s all are her mere imaginations. The moment when Hari denies it, she feels that she will die the next moment and every time she could find her cracking inside when she hides it without anyone’s notice. She just imagines for a moment what the world without Hari will be and how can she place someone else in his position.

“Meera, I have decided Hari to tell about Varun”

Meera stared at Abhi. ‘Can she do it for me?’, Meera’s find filled with gratefulness.

“Yes Meera. I have been thinking for a few days. Hari is such a close friend to me and I should tell him something before I leave. Now only a few days left. It’s the last and final attempt I can do for you.”

Meera too determined and took decision in her mind, ‘This is the last chance for Hari. Now also if he says no one is there in his mind, I should take courage to move on. It’s my promise to myself’. She 100% believed that it’s not going to happen and that Hari will definitely open his mind as soon as Abhi opens her mind.

But this time too, it proved false.

“Meera, there is no one in Hari’s mind. He is just playing prank with us. Today he gave me his clear stand and he will never change his word again”.

Did Meera’s mind hear those words? Abhi was not sure.

“Meera how many times I have told you to move on. It’s you who never believed my words. Now I have revealed my mind and he clearly stated that his mind is clear and it’s we people who annoys him saying that he is in love with someone. What else to do Meera? We can’t do anything or resist our parents. But I just thought of giving you some happiness by knowing Hari’s mind. That too went wrong. Though I have not mentioned who he is, I told Hari that there is someone in my life. He is now teasing me a lot and wants to know who he is”.

“Then?”

“He told me, it’s not necessary that I shall give him more details. He is willing to ask you or Asha and know the details. I became so angry that I left the place”.

To read its concluding part: http://www.boddunan.com/articles/miscellaneous/57-stories-a-tales/23831-an-untold-love-story-told-for-you-part-4.html

To read its first part: http://www.boddunan.com/articles/miscellaneous/57-stories-a-tales/23645-an-untold-love-story-told-for-you-part-1.html