At times I ask myself this question - am I happy? Am I truly satisfied with my life? Or is it that there are numerous things about my life that I want to change? Do I want to have a better life style? A more good looking girlfriend? A bigger house to live? A job that pays more? A more powerful bike, may be a car to drive? There are so many changes that I look for in my everyday life which I think should bring me happiness once I realize or achieve them.

There is no turning the face away, I have to admit the fact, if I'm still in the pursuit of happiness, it implies I don't have it. Possibly things are okay and my life story is going well. Possibly I should learn to value whatever I have. I'm talking about contentment, something that I don't seem to have. That's why I am still looking for betterments and material changes in my life. Why don't I have the much sought after contentment and happiness? May be I have no idea where to find them. So where on earth am I supposed to look?

In order to know where to look for real happiness, I must also know where not to look. I have friends, really good ones. We party together and have fun. My parents are so loving, I'm lucky to have them. They grant all my wishes and fulfill all my demands for they love me a lot, for I'm all they have. They have spent a sizeable part of their hard earned money on my studies. I have everything that I need, a house, a girlfriend, a bike, a laptop, an i-pod, a cell phone and so on. Then why do I demand more? Why I do wrong things? Why I break the rules? Why I get into trouble? Why the hell I mess up with my own life? I have seen people who don't have as much as I do, yet they are happy. I've got more facility and comforts than many other people of my age, then why I'm not happier? What's wrong with me? Is it that the grass is greener on the other side? Can't be, when I look at people, I find them really happy, much happier. When I try to introspect and evaluate, it appears to me that the people who have more are often the least happy.

A serious problem with me is that I lead a life style that accentuates on bodily pleasures and the acquisition of wealth and possessions as the source of happiness. I have a peculiar concept that happiness lies within the dominance of my external situation, all that I call for in order to indulge my mind and senses in stimulation and material comfort. That's why I smoke and drink. That's why I do drugs. Probably that's why I break the rules.

It is this western culture that emphasizes that happiness can be discovered in the next purchase of the latest cell phone, or a more powerful bike, or a nicer car, or whatsoever I suppose I need. This leads me down a wrong way of life. Now where from I got this idea? Believing that this will bring me happiness, oftentimes I lead myself to much stress, anxiety, guilt and repentance. I'm constantly under the pressure that I'm questing after my material goals.

That's nothing but another form of misery, it makes me feel so small, makes me feel so poor. It gives me headaches, at times I seem to be loosing my emotional balance, I’ve become hypersensitive and aggressive, my blood pressure is high and I suffer from back pain. I tend to feel a lot insecure, like I'm loosing my own self, like I'm dying. That's certainly not the happiness I'm looking for.

It is because of this reason that people like me seem to have the least happiness. The grass is not greener on the other side, its actually the same everywhere. When I look at people, I find them happier because even at the most basic level of material pleasures, where there is the least stress, they can find the most happiness. I think if I choose to lead a plain and simple life, I can avoid stress and in that case, happiness will be easier to attain. I seem to have understood, bodily pleasures and the acquisition of wealth and possessions can’t bring happiness, they can bring a great deal of independence though. But independence for doing what? Wasting valuable time, energy and resources on unnecessary things and a frivolous life style? Partying with friends? Smoking and drinking? Taking drugs? Doing wrong things? Breaking rules? Getting into trouble? Making life a hell?

When I look at myself, I find that I'm besieged by troubles from all sides. Money has run out of my hands, I'm mentally depressed, physically crippled and further making the situation worse, burdened with a bank debt. I'm jobless, rather physically incapable of doing a job and thus have no earning source. Though there is support from the family, it fails to match my prerequisites. There seems to be a complete blackout, I don't know what to do, where to go. I feel so helpless, so much dependent. Happiness seems to be a far cry. That's because I misutilized all the independence I had. I couldn't channel it the right way for I had little control over myself.

Long ago when I was in school, I studied about 'swadheenta' and 'anadheenta'. Swadheenta is self-dependence and anadheenta is independence. There is a very thin line that separates the two terms. While both mean freedom, when we say we are independent, we are not ruled or governed by anyone. On the other hand, being self-dependent is the state of being ruled or governed by none other than the own self. While the whole world calls it independence, we the Indians call it swadheenta because we believe in adhering to the confinements and the restrictions imposed by no one else but our own self. Practicing self-control and discipline or being swadheen rather than independent is embedded into the Indian culture.

Again, when I look closely I find that independence is nothing more than a form of selfishness exhibited in my efforts to satisfy all my demands for personal pleasure. I feel that the importance I give to this can lead to other downfalls, not only concerned to my wellness from feelings of pressure and stress, as I just cited, but also in terms of downfall of my surroundings, resources, family as well as the society and culture to which I belong. As I indulge in the mad-rush to pursue the material pleasures that I'm so habituated to, or that I want to have, I tend to behave as if I want to lead a life of ease and comfort, no matter what price I pay. When I smoke a cigarette, I do it at the expense of clean air, when I consume alcohol or take drugs, I do it at the cost of food and water, in the same way, the whole lot of things that I do for my own pleasure puts my surroundings at stake. That includes my resources, my family, my society and my culture. In other words, I start to lose what I require to exist with serenity and peace of mind. Without peace of mind, I can't think of happiness.

Happiness also depends on the expectation or hope that something good is going to happen and change everything. When I think that my condition will improve, soon I'll be strong enough to start going to work and things will start falling into place, I tend to experience happiness. I keep telling myself, the worst has already happened and now only good things will see the light of the day. When that happens, my world will be different – much much better.

There are occasions in life when things do not materialize the way I expect or hope. When things don't go my way, happiness goes missing and disappointment follows. There are also situations when I go ahead and acquire something in my pursuit of happiness and end up being a lot unhappy when I face troubles pertaining to them. That really takes away my happiness but then, if there is a trouble, if something breaks down and calls for attention, shouldn't I stop right there and take care of it? Of course I should but oftentimes I'm so engaged with the numerous petty issues of my life that I get no time to stop and take a look on things that really matter. I'm simply too possessed with with the affairs of my everyday life that I hardly have any time to think about that and the result - happiness is nowhere to be found.

When I have a family, I need to take care of the requirements of the family members. I know, taking care of the demands of my loved ones will for sure bring me happiness. To be needed by them, to watch them grow, to fullfill their wishes, to see their happy faces, to love them and be loved is so full of happiness. Yet, many a time I tend to be so engrossed in other activities, knowingly or unknowingly, that I cease to pay attention to my family. Thus, instead of spending time enjoying family life and being content, I neglect them as well as myself for the profit of others, simply going from one issue to the next, trying to survive rather than live a happy life. I don't relish my life, neither do I value whatever I have for I'm constantly struggling to sustain it or have no time to value it.

In case of a container, it is the emptiness within which makes it useable. That's what makes it capable to contain. If it becomes too full, there isn't much of anything I can do with it. In the same way, my life as a human being becomes useful when I have the time to contemplate and be content. When I'm too busy, when I've no time, what shall I do with life? I remember when I was in school, about 15 years of age, I used to think that being 30 was so far away that it would take me an eternity to reach that age. So childish, isn’t it? Now that I'll reach 30 in another couple of years, when I look back to recollect the past, I realize that it did not take as long as I thought. Time actually passed much faster than I thought. Today I’m 27 and 30 seems to be so close. I notice that the busier I am, the faster time passes by, and the quicker life goes away. Life has become too full, now its time to slow down, contemplate, be content and look for the much needed happiness.

I find that village people who are not very rich, who lead a slow and plain life style are often at higher levels of happiness when compared to people like me who are excessively engaged working and building up an assortment of physical objects and ownerships to exhilarate the mind and body. I don’t visit my village very often, yet I’ve noticed that the village people seem to be so unaware of the fact that they are poor. But are they actually poor? They are happier, friendlier and more loving than people like me who live in cities. I make the best of the resources that I have. All that I need is at my disposal, a house, a girlfriend, a bike, a laptop, an i-pod, a cell phone and what not. But I lack inner contentment, I lack true happiness. I lead a life style that evolves around material things. Then who is actually poor? The villager or I? This indicates that the real happiness I'm looking for is actually within me, not outside, not in the bodily pleasures and the materialistic life style I lead. Now its time to reconnect with my own self, with who I really am. Now its time to find the inner happiness.

I seem to have learnt, real happiness can't be found in the acquisition of physical objects, prizes and possessions. Its quite natural to have a stimulus to achieve something substantial in life, like getting a better job, buying a bigger house, passing a difficult exam, achieving high targets, losing extra weight, or anything else that calls for months or years of dedicated effort. All of these can be matters of pride and happiness. But these aren't everlasting, these are just for the time being. These all come, stay with me for a short while and go away. Does it mean that I shouldn't try to achieve these things? No, I don't say that. What it means is, I shouldn't make my entire life evolve around these things.

After all, I'll retire at some point. I'm just 27 years old and I don't say its time for me to retire but I should stop for a while or atleast slow down to spend a little time taking care of things that really matter in life. My big new job will not go on everlastingly, my beautiful house will not remain beautiful forever, the very difficult exam I passed will only make way for even more difficult exams in the future, the targets I achieved at work will be surpassed by some smarter person in due time, my slim and well toned body will develop lines and wrinkles when I grow old and everything else that I've achieved after months or years of hard work will be left behind when I leave this world.

Then why be a part of this mad-rush? Why not take a break? I think I should take a break and spend time with my family which I've been neglecting for quite some time. Now that I’ve got a chance, I should make the most out of it. After all, I have every right to claim my share of happiness.

Now what does that mean? Let me get deeper into the context. It means that I'll get involved in these only for the personal advancement and maturity they help me attain, not merely for the thrill and excitement which stimulates my mind and senses. I should be fully conscious that the mental platform is shifting, I shouldn’t let that happen. I shouldn't get carried away by the glamour and opulence of material pleasures. What gives me a great feel today may not give the same thrill tomorrow, or may even get dull and boring. Tommorow I may become completely uninterested in matters in which I have special concern today.

It also means that I should not make my whole identity something that I know will change with time. I know, I don't have much to do but change, and I should accept this aspect of life for change is the law of the universe. Yet there are many things that don't change with time. My body is subject to change but my soul is not. My habits are subject to change but my character is not. My relationships are subject to change but my love is not. My time is subject to change but my identity as a man is not. Someone told me long back, a man in the true sense of the term, never changes with time.

Bhagavad Gita says, whatever happened, has happened for good. Whatever is happening, is happening for good. Whatever will happen, will happen for good. What have I lost for which I cry? What did I bring with me, which I have lost? What did I produce, which has destroyed? I did not bring anything when I was born. Whatever I have, I have received from Him. Whatever I will give, I will give to Him. I came empty handed and I will go the same way.

Whatever is mine today was somebody else’s yesterday and will be somebody else’s tomorrow for change is the law of the universe. I don't think, I have any reason to feel sad, nor do I think that material things can bring me happiness that stays, because material things don’t stay forever, they diminish with time.

The point is, to be truly happy I don't need to acquire something tangible or material. Happiness that counts on the addition of material comforts, possession of Inanimate objects or status or position is illusionary. I may get married for happiness, I may pursue a career for happiness or I may buy a house for happiness.

Then I may get divorced for happiness, I may quit my job for happiness or I may move into another house for happiness. Happiness derived from such efforts isn't long lasting and merely a self-delusion. If I need to be happy, I need to be happy right here and right now, in my present situation and in my own self. I need to find happiness within, otherwise my pursuit of happiness may never be fulfilled.

The state of mind called happiness basically depends, to a greater extent on my nature and mindset. Only by associating myself with my real identity, deeper than just my body and mind, I can attain true happiness. That way, I’ll require very little from the external world to lead a happy life. I'll find everything I require nowhere else but within myself. The latest cell phone, better job, bigger house or whatever I suppose I require, will not be required any more. I'll be able to value what I already have.

Thus, I can attain contentment without being anxious about petty issues, without worrying about material things, without concerning myself with the attainment of temporal desires, without caring about the future, and without disturbing myself with needless hopes and fears. When I'm truly happy from within, everything else that I achieve will further sum up with the happiness that I already have. The experience will be ecstatic, fulfilling and adding extra sweetness to life.

There is an age old saying - if I have a problem I can't solve, why worry about it? If I have a problem I can solve, why worry about it? The point is, if my happiness depends on matters I can't control, I'll always be worried. Therefore, in order to be happy I need to stop worrying about matters that are beyond my control, or even those within my control.

When someone says something unpleasant or harsh about me, I feel bad.

At times I get angry. But that's not the solution, I need to do more than that. I need to know myself truly, that is more important for me than to care what others say about me. When I'm connected to my true inner identity or my real self, I'll care little about fighting back or defending my honor or how others take me or what they say about me. I'll go on with my life, content with who I am and what I have, caring little about how others understand me, particularly when they don't care much to know me or empathize with my situation.

I've decided, I won't lose my state of happiness just because someone has said something bad about me. Its important to be connected with my true identity and inner self. More than anything else, that's what I need to do now.

I don't put too much of my focus on my external situation any more. I've understood that a distressful situation will not affect me and take away my happiness if I don't identify myself with it. I've understood that happiness and distress are a part and parcel of life. They come and go just like summer and winter. Today I'm facing bad times, but I know, soon good times will follow. Seasons change and so does the phenomenon called life.

Its because of this understanding that I don't worry much about my situation these days. Having left everything to Jagannath, having submitted myself to Him completely, I now stay happy, as happy as I can. I'm doing my karma, being fully content with what I have and worrying little about the result or outcome. Life seems to have undergone a big change, though I continue to be the same human being. I'm much happier today than ever.