We all begin with the best intentions. In an effort to make sure our Jacks and Jills have a nutritious diet, we schlep to the market and spend more time and money than we want or have, selecting organic produce, grass-fed meats, and artisanal breads and cheeses. We spend an hour assembling a healthy lasagna. And, at dinner, the pronouncement comes. The world’s most ornery food critics—kids—will take one look at the plate, declare they don’t like the look of those “bits of green,” and ask for a slice of pizza. Another common scenario: You take the family out to a restaurant that does not have bright plastic chairs as its main decor and for once everyone’s hair is combed. Entrees come, and your fourteen-year-old daughter declares she is not hungry anymore. What do you do? Institute some ground rules as soon as you can.

Some kids are picky eaters from the moment they are no longer attached to bottle or breast and many worn-down parents give in. But unless you are fighting a case of malnutrition, throwing in the kitchen towel sends little ones the wrong message from the get-go. Indeed, there have been studies that show half of all two-year-olds are picky eaters, and that their preferences, or lack thereof, continue for years. It’s important to realize that a child does not necessarily dislike a dish but could be hesitant to try new things, or hasn’t tried something enough. According to recent studies, the magic number is twelve times before a kid’s palate gets used to a new taste. Or he may just be trying to exert control and test authority. Of course, she could also just happen to hate broccoli or whatever it is, and you need to substitute something nutritionally comparable.

Older kids who have been picky eaters for a long time need to be handled differently. Do not make it a power play, where you shame, cajole, or bribe. Rather, talk about how much plea sure they are missing. Here are some tips culled from the experts on winning both the battle and the war.

Smells Like Team Spirit: Get your kids involved. Have them make some of the choices for the meal or name the dish. Make them feel like they have some real say in what they eat, but without handing over all of the power to them. Cook some of the food together. Anyone who is invested in choosing or making the dish is more likely to eat it.

Practice What You Preach: In order for your child to eat healthfully, you must eat like that in front of him. Make sure he sees you eating salads, fruits, and vegetables in abundance and with great relish. Conversely, don’t let him see you gleefully polishing off an entire bag of Doritos. In this case, imitation is the worst form of flattery.

Join the Beautiful Plate Club: Every successful chef knows that one vital key to winning over a diner’s palate is to make a dish look inviting. Children and teenagers are even more visually driven and will be turned off easily if food looks scorched, mushy, or indistinct. Keep the plate looking bright, with a variety of colorful vegetables. Studies have shown brighter colors make food seem more appealing. For older kids, using fine or funky tableware might help.

Ban Membership in the Clean Plate Club: Kids should eat until they feel full and not a bite more. Despite your guilt about other people’s children starving, do the right thing—serve your kids a suitable portion size and make a donation (money or food) to your local soup kitchen or food bank.

No-Thank-You Bites Are the House Rule: It can take kids over a dozen tastes of a new food until they will actually like and eat it. Make sure your child takes one bite of the new food item each time you make it. Do not force him to eat more than a bite, as it can quickly escalate into a battle of wills. To get older kids interested, tell them what it is, where it’s from, and what restaurant serves something similar. Getting kids involved in the creation of the dish also helps them to be open to new tastes.

Get Sneaky: If you are concerned that your child is not getting enough calcium, fiber, or protein, work nutrient- rich ingredients in on the sly. For instance, if your little guy doesn’t like plain milk, whip up a calcium- rich rice pudding or a protein-laced, frosty peanut butter–banana smoothie.

Keep Snack Attacks Healthy: If your young child eats only a little of his lunch but then wants a snack, hand him some cut- up fresh fruit, mini- carrots, or cheese sticks. If you don’t have the bad stuff around, no one will demand it. Offer healthful snacks in small portions so when mealtime comes, the child is actually hungry. With older kids, you can’t really force them to eat a particular food or portion size, but you can ensure they have a myriad of healthy choices to choose from. Have a supply of airpopped popcorn, baked pita chips, dried fruit and nuts, yogurt, exotic fruits, and wholesome dips, which are great paired with sugar snap peas and carrots.

Look at the Forest, Not the Trees: Maybe little Jimmy did not get all of his vegetables today, but you know that you will be serving more to him in some regular form all week.

Take Down the “Diner Is Open” Sign: Do not make different meals for every member of the family; you are not a short- order cook. Dinner is dinner, and a child over the age of two can eat at least parts of the same meal you are making for everyone else. If you must relent, only offer a ready- made food such as low- fat cottage cheese, not something that is a treat.

FAST-FOOD NOTIONS AND DINING OUT

An American Heart Association study done in 2005 revealed that more than 20 percent of Americans said they ate out four times a week or more. Chances are, much of this is fast food. In fact, every day, almost a third of kids are eating a fast-food meal. Fast-food companies sometimes maintain there is no such thing as bad-for- you food that the danger lies in overeating. Or they claim they are committed to good nutrition and have reduced items such as trans fats and hormone-injected foods on their menus.

Many establishments have nutritional counts available to consumers. And while this is laudable, more money is spent on marketing efforts than on better ingredients and different cooking techniques to ensure a healthier menu. Fast-food companies spend $15 billion marketing to children through television commercials, product placement, and toy giveaways. The average American kid watches almost five thousand food commercials a year. So how do you fight all of their mesmerizing messaging? From the earliest age that kids can understand, tell them that French fries are cooked in oil that is used over and over. Inform them how, in order for the food to be fast and cheap, companies have to use inferior, inexpensive ingredients.

Explain how chickens live cooped up in tiny pens for just over a month before becoming chicken nuggets. The ultimate test: Bring home a burger from a fast-food place and then make your own homemade version. Have them taste the two side by side in a blind test. This will prove to them how poor tasting fast food really is.  Sometimes, there are no alternatives to fast food, such as when you’re on a road trip. Choose places that are more inherently healthy such as Subway or a seafood spot such as Red Lobster, and order the food grilled. If you have to go to a burger joint, keep portions in mind and order small. Start with a green salad and drizzle it with a minimal amount of dressing. Order grilled chicken instead of a hamburger, baked potatoes instead of French fries. Opt for low-fat yogurt rather than premium ice cream. Typically even those dining at more moderate and upscale restaurants will eat larger portions than they do at home. Be sure your kids don’t arrive at a restaurant starving (give them a protein or fi ber-rich snack beforehand), order from the adult side of the menu—kids’ menus are often junk food—and ask for dressing on the side.

SNIFFING OUT FOOD ALLERGIES

More than 11 million Americans suffer from life-threatening food allergies and these reactions result annually in more than thirty thousand trips to America’s emergency rooms and roughly two hundred deaths. Approximately 90 percent of allergies are to nuts, soy, milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, and wheat. While you can develop a food allergy at any time, babies and young children usually have a fairly quick reaction, which is why you should introduce babies to a new food one at a time, then wait three days before introducing the next new food. That way, if you see telltale hives or a rash, you know which food it is. Older kids with allergic reactions will produce a reddening of the skin, hives, vomiting, cramps, rashes, or they will feel like they can’t breathe. If you suspect your child has an allergy, have her tested. As there is currently no cure, prevention is vital, so follow these tips:

• Alert your school, camp, and your child’s friends’ parents of the allergy. Little children should have it not just written in their school medical chart but written out on a card and placed in a wallet or in their backpack.
• Teach your child how to read food labels for the offending ingredient, including vague words such as “spices” or “oils.” As of 2006, food manufacturers were required to list eight different allergens on the label, so now your child can search in an easier fashion. If it doesn’t have a label, teach your child that when in doubt, skip the food.
• When dining out, explain the situation to the waiter and have him tell the chef your child is allergic to this specifi c ingredient and nothing in the dish can be made with it or even have touched it. If you are abroad in a foreign-speaking country, bring an index card with a sentence explaining the allergy written in the foreign language and be sure the waiter shows it to the chef.
• For serious allergies, have your doctor prescribe an EpiPen, a penlike shot with epinephrine (adrenaline), to be carried by your kid at all times. If you don’t have an EpiPen and an allergy strikes, take your child to an emergency room right away.