If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

On leadership

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.