We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't...

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a...

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure...

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me...

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully...

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.